Have you ever thought how safe your secret life on here might be in reality?
I dressed in secret for years, then as the internet took off found I wasn’t alone, then after chatting progressed to meeting TV/CDs as an admirer, then dressing with other girls, then progressed to meeting men. Boy was I paranoid about it, kept it all very separate, a life of reading Robert Ludlum, John Le Carre, Eric Ambler, and others I thought my tradecraft was good! Everything was hidden, people I met extremely unlikely to be in my social circle, meet at work, or even live too close, and well hidden at home.
When I met my future wife I fessed up about the dressing after she made some hints about wanting to “try it with a tranny”. Much fun ensued. In fact it took some of the pleasure of the double life out of it when it became compulsory. But, in the main it was discreet still, although if any of her friends ever expressed an interest in then, then she'd take great delight in exposing me, “Still want him in his lingerie and makeup? He’s got more high heels and better lingerie than I do!”, but only to those she knew would be mortified.
Fast forward to the marriage breakup, my mother and sister delighted in engaging in arguments with her, throwing her epic adultery in her face, I had remained faithful the entire marriage, wish I hadn’t bothered now, but she’d been at it at such a rate you could knock out half the male population with an HU postcode. After one particularly nasty volley she hit back, “What about your precious Son? His nasty little dressing up habit? He's a tranny!”
Now I thought that was uncalled for, a tad nasty. My mother looks at my sister, my sister looks at my mother, I’m sat there wanting to be swallowed up by a sinkhole or vaporised by a thunderbolt, ideally both. The ex is looking triumphant, my sister cracked first, she burst out laughing, that set my mother off, she recovers, “Oh, that! We’ve known about that for years, good God we were surprised he married a women, if you hadn’t spawned we’d have insisted on having you tested before the marriage in case he was pulling a fast one”, gay marriage was still illegal then, “We’ve always known, who do you think used to launder his stash, then put it back without him noticing? Plus, to be honest, you're not a patch on those girls he used to date, there were some real stunners in there, a couple made this one look ugly”, my sister used to be a model, “and frankly they all showed him more love and compassion than you’ve ever shown him. He tried to come out once, I wish I hadn’t made such a fuss now, it would have spared him this nastiness meeting you”, she then went on at length to compare the girls I’d met, names, locations, dates, and detailed descriptions, long lurid descriptions especially one very sexy girl who really opened my eyes, mouth, legs, mind, and more. She picked out the ones she thought were pretty, which were best suited to me, which ones had put a spring in my step, and which particular she’d have picked for a “daughter in law””. I’m not sure who was most surprised, the ex that her super-bomb turned out to be a damp squib, or me that my mother knew the lot, in great detail, in far too much detail. That she'd cracked my security, my carefully laid deception and misdirection plans, everything, and I never had a clue. Plus her choice almost matched my own. I was a bit miffed I’d felt I’d had to hide it, when in reality she would have accepted it after a few good crying sessions over what the neighbours would say, she’ll never be a grandma, despite my sister producing, and explaining to my stepdad that the tall leggy hot girl I was dating, that he was lusting over, had a bigger dick than he'd got, and didn’t keep it in her bedside table, but in her panties.
You can laugh, I do. Back then I felt my life was over. But now I’m relieved. The removal of the pressure, and being free of my ex is wonderful. My only regret is I can’t go back in time and commit to relationships with girls who did actually care for me and my own insecurities and fears stopped me from being happy.
Anyone else had things come to a crashing halt? When all your carefully concealed secrets turned out to be known by one and all? |
