FabGuys.com forum: Barebackery, organic buggery or rawdogging; thoughts!

By *SAOF OP Man
3 weeks ago

Work/Play in London, live in Kent

Sex is fun isn’t it? Or at least it should be. And I think gay sex - being free from the possibility of procreation - whether that be that a purpose or a risk - is uniquely an act of pure joy and shared experience.

Then along come the 1980’s. The entire population learned to associate sex and HIV/AIDS, sex and illness, sex and death. But in reality it was not any sex; it was gay sex. Straights seroconverted too but at much lower rates whereas practically every “AIDS Victim” one saw was a gay or bi man. (Or a haemophilic but it wasn’t his fault was it?) An entire generation grew up totally believing that gay men were as likely as not to die of AIDS; to die of sex; to die from cum.

I am of that generation. I came out late - even to myself. The fear of HIV was I am sure an element in my internalised sublimation of my desires, a sequestration of gayness. When I did come out I was still afraid. And so were friends and relatives. My mother was as delicate as a 70+ Catholic matron can be whilst giving a birds-and-the-bees talk to her (36-year-old) baby boy. “You will look after yourself won’t you?” It was a short sentence with a long history and we both knew what she meant.

I did look after myself. Whilst I plunged head long into Growlr, Squirt, Grindr and Scruff, I did so packing rubber. No hookup was complete without a condom. I could not have even dreamed of bearback sex then.

Then I found my partner. After some time he and I agreed to play with each other without a condom. It felt different and it felt safe but it also felt scary. After a few years we were an old married couple and we were still not using condoms - but by now we were not using condoms for Christmas and Birthdays! We spiced things up; we invited others in, we opened things - and we bought condoms again.

Our openness changed to playing apart. Condoms were still ever present. As part of his grocery shopping trips the supply of rubber in the bathroom cabinet got restocked occasionally - with the odd comment of surprise that it was needed so soon! (Then later there was another supply, in my work bag and that got replenished more often as I remember).

Condom-free sex was not an option. But then it was. I heard of this new form of witchcraft - Truvada it was called. I resisted it. Yes it could protect you against HIV but there were all those other infections. Yes it meant you could not get the big one but you’d have explaining to do at home! And if it were sensible it would be available on the NHS and it needs all that testing for kidneys and liver so it can’t be all that safe. Even when the NHS introduced the trials, it was not at my local sex-health service so that was that.

One of my regular co-tops started PrEP. We met a guy on a Saturday morning. I was taken aback when I put a condom on and my mate didn’t. The bottom didn’t bat an eyelid. Afterwards I asked my mate and he said he was “in the trial”. I will admit I was wary of meeting him again for a while. But I did use that while to study.

I learned that it really was not a trial of efficacy anymore. The efficacy question had an answer. It was safe. It was effective. It worked. The trial was an assessment of adverse impacts if anything but perhaps more so a trial of the appetite of healthcare commissioners to pay. It is also cheaper to pay for a lifetime of PrEP than a year of HIV care.

The results were in. Truvada worked - and was even slightly more effective than condoms at HIV prevention given its non-reliance on “remembering whilst hard”! (We all know that thinking is tough when all the blood has rushed to the other head.)

I decided to ask the clinic on my next visit - as I had moved by then it was available. I got a “no”; or at least a “not for you”. My dodgy non-dense bones meant no Truvada for me. In my brain I could begin to break the associative link. In my work bag however, condoms still took their place by the lube.

Move on three years. I was now living apart from my husband, a long slow split, speeding up. Protecting him was no long a thing as birthdays and Christmases were marked by cards alone!

At a testing appointment, the nurse asked me about PrEP. She told me there was a clinic that specialised in complex cases and my osteoporosis counted. So I went along.

Truvada was off patent but Descovy wasn’t. I understood that was safer if you had bone health so I thought that would be the likely option. Instead I came out with generic Truvada in a 2-1-1 basis and a request form for a DEXA.

Then I took two pills before meeting a regular. I knew he was on PrEP and I was ready. And then I discovered I wasn’t. I wrapped up. Two more false starts. My brain needed time to accept. The home-brain still clung to that link liven if my forebrain was elsewhere in the though journey.

One of my friends invited me to a cruise bar. I took two pills as I left work. My friend said 7 but no sign at 8. I realised he was unlikely to arrive. I did not want the evening to go to waste so I stopped waiting at the bar and took a walk about. A stunning guy in his late 50’s was also walking about. I prayed he was a bottom and the sky-faery was listening.

We kissed for a bit and then he lay over a fuck bench. I instinctively reached for a condom. He waved it away saying he’d prefer I not. I suddenly realised I did not have to - I was PrEPped. I also had no history with this man and I knew I wanted to experience barrier-free sex in a casual setting. My brain’s fear centre finally gave way to my logical centre and it was in.

It was incredible. The physical sensation was not hugely different. But the psychological impact just landed differently. I felt so much more at one with him. I felt present in the sex like never before. He could tell I was into this - half of Deptford probably could hear - I was living my best life. Inevitably I came sooner than I’d have liked and as I shot deep inside him it felt almost spiritual. Those gay-gods heard my prayer that evening in a bottom on a bench down the stairs at The Lord Clyde. My new friend had obviously enjoyed himself though I doubt he had nearly as much as I had.

He walked off with a donation of my DNA. I walked off a changed man.

I left him down stairs - I needed a stiff drink. As I went up to the bar I spotted my mate there nearly two hours late!

We chatted and I told him my news. He was pissed it had not been him but I suspect the anonymity helped. That being said, half an hour later I was balls deep in my mate, and yes that was minus the condom.

I lay on my bed alone that night. I knew something had changed. I realised years of fear had melted away. That chap will never know what gift he gave me. I think a raw load was poor payment for the joy he occasioned.

That was the start of my bareback life. I still regularly carried condoms; I still regularly used them. I updated my profiles and it got some feedback. Some guys were open to play who had not been before. Some guys still had a preference for play with a condom. Others cut me off. They only played wrapped and only with guys who always played wrapped. Each to their own. I won’t join the raw-is-law contingent but I have played with them. I will miss out on the safe-only-with-safe-onlys but that’s so less common now.

A few months after that explosive orgasm in I had been on 2-1-1 and was able to manage it well but I noticed that I was probably taking more than I could have - two 2-1-1 session in a week is more medicine even than the daily dosing. My second sex health appointment in the complex cases clinic saw me change to TTSS and the doctor was very understanding. He was almost of an age with me - he early, I late 40’s. He commented that once you get over the psychological hurdle things change. For me the floodgates opened!

I contrived to play - wrapped and raw were about as common. Guys who had always wrapped in previous meets were now on PrEP too and slowly the ratio tipped to raw meets being more common.

Then my DEXA results came in. Better than expected. With the experience of the previous few years - and that trial in particular - I was now considered safe for daily dosing. All the better as I did not have to plan like 2-1-1 and did not have to track the calendar - spontaneity broke out!

I had a few months where sex was often raw and exciting - like anytime you find the new in the old. Being skin-on-skin was a freshness in the stale thing.

For a while I risk-balanced internally. Initially I played raw with regulars but with new guys I gloved-up. Then I relaxed the rules - I relaxed in myself - and condoms were for parties or saunas but not 1:1’s, even where the guy was a new friend - or temporary acquaintance! Next I realised the same guys I saw at different groups and parties were pretty much regulars and after about six months I abandoned my preference for latex even in bathhouses and cruise bars.

Now I am free to play how I want to. Free because of the medicine. But freer because my mind has uncaged my soul. The emotional impact is definitely on the side of raw sex. That is my preference. That is what I do.

There is something about having sex in as gay natural a way as possible. The way our ancestral uncles had sex for centuries. It links us back in to our tribe. Some say the physical sensation is different but I personally don’t notice that - maybe it is true for others.

For me another advantage is the spontaneity - I don’t need to carry a condom and that has caused missed connections and lost opportunities in the past but no more. I was having slightly more sex but by the gay-gods the sex I was having was better!

There is also a cum thing. For many of us our cum was a dangerous substance. The vector of infection, a signifier of potential illness - even death. For those growing up in the 80’s cum was something to be contained, something of which we were reticent, something about which in effect we felt shame. Cum was something you bagged up and threw away.

PrEP has freed me of this fear and shame - this latent form of internalised autohomophobia. If sex is decoupled from HIV-fear, I am decoupled from cum-stigma. Cum is not now a disposable to be managed but a gift to be shared. Men seek to take it from me as much as I seek to donate it to them, deep in them.

I will never say no to sex just because the bottom wants a barrier. My strong preference is to breed a guy. But if I fancy a chap and I want to play I’ll wrap up if he prefers.

But two things about that. Lots of bottoms think it is their top’s choice. It really should be anyone’s choice but I’ll admit that I’ll never choose to bag-up of my own volition.

I am sure I have sprayed the guts of guys who would really have preferred I used a rubber but were to sub to tell me. If you are one of those guys and find me beating down on you raw do tell me. I won’t bite - unless you ask me to!

The second thing is that I am being asked less and less frequently. I was asked to put one on around new year’s and was slightly taken aback - I thought back and it was probably 9 months previously that I had been asked to do so. The community has moved on from barrier protection.

In truth I am not the only one that sees a condom as a barrier. Designed as a barrier to sperm and infection it is also a barrier to energy and to affection, to spontaneous fun and to an unbridled ownership of gay sexuality.

The reliance on barrier methods for safer sex is now historic I’d argue. Chemo-prevention via PrEP is nearly ubiquitous in the community of the promiscuous - a community of which I am desperately trying to keep up with my membership. Even among occasional gay-sexers, 2-1-1 dosing has freed men to be men without condoms and to be safer.

Doxy-PEP has extended chemopreventative infection management to the bacterials. Wider usage of vaccinations has helped reduce the risks of viruses. All in all we have seen a sea-change in how men can protect themselves.

And this has led to a change in how we speak. I used to hear guys talk about … and see profiles where they wrote about … safe vs raw. Both words can be found still but not in opposition to each other. Safe used to mean condoms. Now that is no longer how we speak. We have even seen in acedemic circles the rise of phrases like barriered-sex and barrier-free sex and both being regarded as forms of safer sex.

I will say I always opt for safer sex and I protect my safety with PrEP and Doxy, supplemented by regular testing and honest dialog! That often brought about a need to explain. That need is no long prevalent. The guys who move in the circles I move in - and by that I mean the guys who use apps and sites for hook-ups in the South East - have got the message. Explanations are no longer needed.

There are still guys who block me as a result of my choices. I am big enough and old enough and ugly enough to have a skin thick enough to not care.

So now I am an early 50’s single ethical top slutty gay man who lives in a post-HIV-fear mindset. My sex health is great and that includes my sexual-mental health as much as my sexual-physical health. I have more fun and more freedom. I don’t choose to judge those who make different choices than I have made and I choose not to accept the judgement of those who would judge mine.

I have been having much less sex than I’d like of late because of some other health issues but I am very keen to address them and get back to living pain-free and yes to get back on the scene, back out there … back _in_ there.

Sex is wonderful - wrapped or raw. I wish we all having more of it however we choose to have it. So if you read this far, I hope you have found something interesting to think about, something to help review, reevaluate, reset or reconfirm your mindset. I have been on a journey and I love where I have ended up. Your journey may take you different places but let’s all be friends and have fun along our respective ways.

And yes bearbacking a bear of a man is so on my dance card this week!

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By *aturistnudeMan
3 weeks ago

West Kirby Wirral

Wonderful thanks for sharing being on prEP has made thing's much more enjoyable for me as i can feel everything especially feeling a fire skin roll back and forth and lovely warmth too as it goes in and out and touches my prostate and feelings the hot cum too beautiful

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By *aturistnudeMan
3 weeks ago

West Kirby Wirral

And enjoying hands free Cummings is devine

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By *tmboiMan
3 weeks ago

Chichester

Great post xx

Thanks for sharing your journey with prep and doxy, one which many of us experienced!

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By *unwithuMan
3 weeks ago

Manchester

Fabulous post. I took the decision to go onto Prep but have been highly selective regarding who I will be raw with. But I don’t rule it out anymore for the same reasons you mention.

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By *appyman8989Man
3 weeks ago

south shropshire

I’m only daily descovey I love being filled with cum

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By *eepRider3333Man
2 weeks ago

Kings Lynn

Such a wonderful well put together the story of your journey being a gay man living through the HIV years

Love that you found someone who trusted you and same back when the time was right you threw away the whole packet because you were now doing BB Raw sex so personal and natural with your partner who became husband

An open marriage to meet others

Sorry the whole journey didn’t go as you planned it and had sexual parasites

But nothing got in the way of Raw hot BB sex with a man’s Ass to CUM in and leave him a little bit of DNA

I agree total BB Raw sex feels natural and the times I’ve had a man inside me Raw and CUMED in felt right so right love feeling full satisfying

So all you who are fucking other men BB keep giving your seed away

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By *arky1958Man
2 weeks ago

Waltham Cross

Thank you for your post. I loved reading it. I have always enjoyed being fucked bareback and feeling of hot cum inside me.

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By *erscumdumpMan
2 weeks ago

Watford & Worth Matravers

Great post. Resonates here for sure.

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By *uyNorthantsMan
2 weeks ago

playa Del Ingles

ASAOF what a fantastic read, as a guy born in the 70’s this resonates around the absolute fear of gay sex and the mixed feelings that stigma generated in a young man realising he was in-fact gay! The freedom medical science and pharmaceutical advancements has had for our community, and like you me and many others on our PrEP journey. Thank you for sharing your story in such a descriptive, vivid, raw and real way, well done, fantastic writing

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By *ierubforfunMan
2 weeks ago

Rushden

Well that was quite the read

It is strange that we all come into this arena at different stages of our lives.

My interest in men or should I say cock was probably about 4 years ago, it was around the same time as mini me was not performing, not getting or staying hard, frustrating my missus and myself to the point where we are still together but there is no intimacy of any kind.

Porn started to change from boy girl to imagining being the girl and sucking on those big cocks and being shared by groups of guys. To pure gay sex especially group, wanting to be restrained and blindfolded then fucked for hours by strangers I would have no idea who they were.

Eventually I joined fab and one day met a guy a lot younger than me and he invited me over to suck him, which I did and loved it, I was going to spit but instead I swallowed.

I don’t have many opportunities to meet and can never accommodate but I have met a few people over the years.

My first couple were in Kent, I was travelling down to visit family and called in on the way. I was luckily restrained too which I loved and then they put hold ups and knickers on me making me feel like a very naughty girl, although I was not fucked by them, I was sort of spit roasted having a hard cock in my mouth and a selection of vibrators and dildos worked into my greedy ass.

I will point out that I am neither a TV or CD (other electronic devices are available at curry’s) but I am not offended by someone wanting to dress me up and fuck me

Since then I have been penetrated by men, although I am still getting used to it, I absolutely love sucking on a big hard cock, but do not require or even desire my cock being sucked.

Sorry I am going off track, getting back to your initial post, I have been done raw by guys who have said that they are on prep which I am happy to do, I only bottom.

I have had no sex with the missus for years, she may be doing things herself, I would not know and I would not blame her, she, hopefully, has no idea what I get up to, even though I try to tell myself I am not cheating as long as I am not meeting with other women.

It is wrong, I know, I don’t know if it is just a phase, I certainly don’t want any form of relationship or attachment to any man, I just really love big erect cocks and cum

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By *erscumdumpMan
2 weeks ago

Watford & Worth Matravers

"Well that was quite the read

It is strange that we all come into this arena at different stages of our lives.

Eventually I joined fab and one day met a guy a lot younger than me and he invited me over to suck him, which I did and loved it, I was going to spit but instead I swallowed.

I don’t have many opportunities to meet and can never accommodate but I have met a few people over the years.

I will point out that I am neither a TV or CD (other electronic devices are available at curry’s) but I am not offended by someone wanting to dress me up and fuck me

Since then I have been penetrated by men, although I am still getting used to it, I absolutely love sucking on a big hard cock, but do not require or even desire my cock being sucked.

Sorry I am going off track, getting back to your initial post, I have been done raw by guys who have said that they are on prep which I am happy to do, I only bottom.

It is wrong, I know, I don’t know if it is just a phase, I certainly don’t want any form of relationship or attachment to any man, I just really love big erect cocks and cum"

You are playing with fire, reliant on trusting that your top is telling the truth is insane. Get yourself to a clinic and get yourself on prep.

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By *SAOF OP Man
2 weeks ago

Work/Play in London, live in Kent

"Well that was quite the read

It is strange that we all come into this arena at different stages of our lives.

Eventually I joined fab and one day met a guy a lot younger than me and he invited me over to suck him, which I did and loved it, I was going to spit but instead I swallowed.

I don’t have many opportunities to meet and can never accommodate but I have met a few people over the years.

I will point out that I am neither a TV or CD (other electronic devices are available at curry’s) but I am not offended by someone wanting to dress me up and fuck me

Since then I have been penetrated by men, although I am still getting used to it, I absolutely love sucking on a big hard cock, but do not require or even desire my cock being sucked.

Sorry I am going off track, getting back to your initial post, I have been done raw by guys who have said that they are on prep which I am happy to do, I only bottom.

It is wrong, I know, I don’t know if it is just a phase, I certainly don’t want any form of relationship or attachment to any man, I just really love big erect cocks and cum"

Thanks to all those who commented nice things here and to those who reached out in direct messages either for the nice things you wrote or to the small number who wrote that I was a denigrate, a whore or a plague vector for giving me the chance to rise above it!

I like being a degenerate, if I were a whore I should have built up a few thousand in a nest egg by now but I seem to have mislaid it of if I had, and if you think me a vector you sort of missed the point. #PrEP #DoxyPEP

@TieRubforFun. I would note that playing with guys who are on PrEP means you are playing with someone who cannot give you HIV because he can’t get it. But you only have his word he is on the drug and even about what is status is. I would suggest for your peace of mind you get yourself on PrEP and then you can take it - sounds like the 2-1-1 dosing scheme would work - and you don’t knave to worry what the other guy’s status is.

The great thing about being a prepster is that you are prepared. And it does not matter if you fuck raw or get fucked raw by a positive man, a negative man, some one on PrEP, someone on TaP, someone with a high viral load, some one undetectable, a truth sayer or a liar. If you take control, you are protected. And as a bonus you are protecting the guys or girls you play with.

Good luck with it all.

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