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"And why do you say that?? " Because the site has changed very little in many years. It's also mainly free to use Look at the sections for areas. They could definitely be changed and many have suggested it. | |||
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"We can never have enough, especially when we talking about our mental well-being.. Also the more we post on this forum the more we can begin expressing how we feel. Please carry on….. Thank you for yours?? Take care. Regards. Sin xxxxxxxxx" I've posted quite a few bits of advise on mental health in different forum threads - particularly the ones about sexual health. Many of the sexual health clinics provide some free mental health counselling over the phone or in person and do not require you to hand over personal information. I have used it myself. You can talk to them about anything - it doesn't have to be related to sexuality etc. many guys have pm'ed me for links or advise on the topic. I don't think a forum dedicated to mental health is necessary or would it get much traffic. What would be useful, particularly as it's mens mental health month would be links to free services, help lines etc. Just like the links to sexual health advice on government websites which stops the endless fear mongering posts about sti's and the misinformation. The last thing we need are people on here acting like psychologists in the forums lol. Links to these things should be here Imo. | |||
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"I look at this thread and consider it to be a fairly good example of why it's generally a misguided idea, if you have genuine/serious mental health problems, to discuss them in a public online forum. Even well-intentioned people can offer up inappropriate, unhelpful or even harmful advice, not to mention those with bad intentions! "Yep. Totally agree. Providing links to resources, help lines and accurate information would be far more appropriate. Listening to each other and sharing stories is great (within reason). But, it's potentially very dangerous for people to be giving out personal opinions and advise or for a vulnerable person to share too much personal information. Have a look at the other thread. | |||
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"Would like to start a forum for guys wanting to post or want to talk about issues around their mental health. There is a post on Sexual Health. Can the site set up a separate section on help, advise and a forum for us to talk about Mental issues?…….. Your thoughts and opinions welcome. Sin xxxxxxxxxx" Don’t you think over exposure to social media is the root cause of a large proportion of mental health issues anyway? I don’t see how encouraging more social media use is going to help? | |||
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"I’m being referred for a mental health assessment x had problems all my life x just ignored them x but think that I could be bipolar x my father was diagnosed with that x 😃👍😘 xx" hope you're not relying on the NHS it's shit | |||
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"Probably best to seek professional advice on the topic rather than a site like this." Very well said. | |||
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"I look at this thread and consider it to be a fairly good example of why it's generally a misguided idea, if you have genuine/serious mental health problems, to discuss them in a public online forum. Even well-intentioned people can offer up inappropriate, unhelpful or even harmful advice, not to mention those with bad intentions! "Very well said, Woody. | |||
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" … I think often sexual behaviours are a symptom of depression… " And here’s a prime example. 😶 | |||
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"… Its this site and the people on it that is not good for your mental health… " And another. 😬 | |||
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"… Its this site and the people on it that is not good for your mental health… And another. 😬" I actually tend to agree a little. it's not good for SOME people's mental health lol. Lots of guys post stuff on the forums to get approval from other guys to confirm their delusions and live in denial. Like the one about "becoming bisexual" because of an "accidental" encounter in a public toilet. As if they caught a dose of liking cock like a flu and it's not simply a natural part of their sexual identity. Not a very healthy delusion to be reinforcing but it's a forum on a website for anonymous hookups. A pinch of fucking salt please lol. Like I said earlier. Maybe fabguys could provide links to mental health providers, chat lines and other resources (like sexual health). Let the website users make adult decisions about their own well-being. Theres no onus on fab to provide a platform specifically for mental health. It's nonsensical and potentially quite dangerous for vulnerable people. There was a few posts in the other "mental health" thread that I'm surprised we're not taken down. Excuse me while I go get advise from my mechanic about my upcoming heart surgery.  | |||
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"… Excuse me while I go get advise from my mechanic about my upcoming heart surgery. … "Oh, he’s brilliant. He knows everything. He’s my lifestyle guru too. His feng shui decluttered me entirely. And the things he made me do with his wrench… | |||
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"I have complex PTSD… " Get over it! ( x ) | |||
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"surely there are enough web sites already dealing with mental health" Exactly! | |||
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Don't see a problem with having a place for it, if its not for you you don't need to chat.
They only thing is people taking advantage of the situation and trying to get meets out of it and it ending badly.
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"I’m being referred for a mental health assessment x had problems all my life x just ignored them x but think that I could be bipolar x my father was diagnosed with that x 😃👍😘 xx hope you're not relying on the NHS it's shit " Fact they will send you to a phycologist if your luck who will looked down their nose at you in th3 assessment, ask you to tell them why people in your life *ucked you over. When all is said and done they will say we will make a review and never get back to you. The GP will just load you with a dose of the happy pills , you will probably go through them all and you will be walking about like a zombie for the foreseeable. The support they claim does nothing is all in name to look like they are interested the odd chance you will get a decent dr but not all of them bother. | |||
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"This is not the place. Mental health issues need proper assessment and care. You cannot give the guys who log on this website that kind of authority on this subject. Seriously. As someone has already said, public online interactions usually make mental health issues worse... And many people already share their feelings way too muchand make themselves vulnerable to abuse. " Completely agree! | |||
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"I use the site to detract from my mental health - its a pleasant escape " Same here. But it's also stupid. I keep running away from myself and I keep coming back to the same mess. Why not face the pain and the pleasure together? | |||
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"I think this site has lost it's way. At one time it was used to quickly find a partner for casual sex, now it just seems like a forum to witter on about a variety of subjects." It says on your profile that you can accommodate. Most men here can't. Like me, there are doing something behind someone else's back. So it's casual but it's also something else. It's good to look at it. | |||
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"I use the site to detract from my mental health - its a pleasant escape Same here. But it's also stupid. I keep running away from myself and I keep coming back to the same mess. Why not face the pain and the pleasure together? " It's not stupid whatsoever, but With all due respect - "together" in my opinion should mostly be with a counsellor or psychologist that you have a rapport with. "Running away from myself" could mean many things but I'll assume you mean your sexuality. I talked to a free counselling service over the phone years ago and "came out" to my family a few weeks later. To finally say the things that had rattled around in my head out loud to another person (the counsellor) was incredibly freeing - I literally felt lighter. Sometimes when we carry something with us for a long time, we forget how tough the burden of carrying it is, until we finally set it down. Then I stopped seeing the counsellor as I didn't think I needed it anymore. And that worked for a few years. But, I still had all that trauma, anger, sense of loss from growing up in a homophobic environment that I presumed would just go away (and some of it did). But, the sadness, the burden started the come back. So I went to see a professional again and, in a nutshell, I found a place to put those feelings and experiences inside me. They will always be a part of me, but they don't control me or dictate my behaviour anymore. By all means, talking on here might help someone a little for some minor stuff. But, it's like putting a band aid on a bullet wound most of the time. Theres dozens of free services out there to get you started. It's all confidential. I still think a mental health forum would be more harm that good. Links to resources is all that should be provided by fab. Actually, fab wont care either way now that I think about it lol  . | |||
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" It's not stupid whatsoever, but With all due respect - "together" in my opinion should mostly be with a counsellor or psychologist that you have a rapport with. "Running away from myself" could mean many things but I'll assume you mean your sexuality. ...I still think a mental health forum would be more harm that good. Links to resources is all that should be provided by fab. Actually, fab wont care either way now that I think about it lol . "I agree. Fab won't care and I don't want them to - that's not their role. Therefore I am opposed to having a mental health forum. It would be an abomination on a site like this. My point is we can do it for ourselves by talking to one another. All the professionals are there too, if one needs them. When I say "running away from myself" I don't think it refers to my being seen as gay. That hasn't been an issue for 40 years. | |||
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"Personally, I don't think there is any such thing as mental health or mental illness. There is just thought getting itself caught up in a mess. When it labels itself as ill it invents an image of wellness and chases after the image. But the chasing after any image is the real illness." this is exactly why a person should seek professional help rather than listen to people in a chatroom. | |||
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But that’s how I deal with things x I’m all for people being able to express their views and needs and ideas though | |||
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" this is exactly why a person should seek professional help rather than listen to people in a chatroom." But you'll have sex with those same people. What's the difference? | |||
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"...for me this is a form of dealing with my mental health ... if I’m feeling low I know I can find someone to fuck or be fucked by someone and I feel much better again
"I come at it from a different direction. (No pun intended.) Being a man, I am looking for sex all the time. But when I am feeling positive and confident the experience is a hell of a lot better than when I am feeling bored or lonely. | |||
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"I think this site has lost it's way. At one time it was used to quickly find a partner for casual sex, now it just seems like a forum to witter on about a variety of subjects." You seem to be confusing the site with the forum, which is just a feature of the site (to be used, or not). The wittering can't lead to a withering of the site as a whole. However, such wittering can definitely have a withering effect on vulnerable people! | |||
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"I think this site has lost it's way. At one time it was used to quickly find a partner for casual sex, now it just seems like a forum to witter on about a variety of subjects. It says on your profile that you can accommodate. Most men here can't. Like me, there are doing something behind someone else's back. So it's casual but it's also something else. It's good to look at it. " This is an example of confusing actual facts with what is just going on in someone's head: he can't possibly know that "most men here can't" and it's simply wrong to assume that others' reasons are the same as his own 
BTW, I feel that "wittering" can be a harmful/beneficial process  | |||
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"I think this site has lost it's way. At one time it was used to quickly find a partner for casual sex, now it just seems like a forum to witter on about a variety of subjects." So - you’ve come into the Forum section of the site - specifically into the site feedback section where there is a discussion about mental health - in order to post somewhat belligerently that people are using the Forum to discuss different subjects… 🙄 Why aren’t you investing your time “to quickly find a partner for casual sex”..? What’s actually preventing you from finding a partner for casual sex..? Why are you participating in the Forum if you don’t support that aspect of the site..? Of all the people very honestly raising their mental health issues above, you’re the poster who has set off my warning flags. | |||
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"Personally, I don't think there is any such thing as mental health or mental illness. There is just thought getting itself caught up in a mess. When it labels itself as ill it invents an image of wellness and chases after the image. But the chasing after any image is the real illness." There are people who think the earth is flat. Just thinking something doesn’t make your opinion corrrect. | |||
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"I think this site has lost it's way. At one time it was used to quickly find a partner for casual sex, now it just seems like a forum to witter on about a variety of subjects." Nah, the vast majority of the site comes nowhere near the forums. I wonder if your feeling is borne of you spending more and more time on the forums, and assuming that is what everyone does when the truth is most people don’t. | |||
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"Personally, I don't think there is any such thing as mental health or mental illness. There is just thought getting itself caught up in a mess. When it labels itself as ill it invents an image of wellness and chases after the image. But the chasing after any image is the real illness." What about back problems? Just your spine getting itself in a mess? Spleen ruptured? It’s just got itself in a mess… I hurt my back a few years back when I was in the army, a physio gave me some exercises which really helped however every now and then it plays up so I do those same stretches which help massively… About the same time I hurt my back, I also suffered quite a bit of mental trauma, I ignored it for over 20 years and it just got worse, however, a counsellor gave me some mental exercises to do, and guess what? It helped no end! And when it’s flaring up, I do those same exercises and they help… It would have been easier if you’d have just said “I know absolutely nothing about MH issues so I’ll not say anything”… | |||
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"There are people who think the earth is flat. Just thinking something doesn’t make your opinion correct." That's really what I am saying. Thinking that you are a victim of anxiety and depression is just as much an opinion as anything else. To me, it makes far more sense to look at it and work out where these labels are coming from. Most people won't do that: they want quick answers. But the questions are much more revealing when no opinions at all are allowed to enter the arena of enquiry. | |||
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"It would have been easier if you’d have just said “I know absolutely nothing about MH issues so I’ll not say anything”… " Sir, I have a brain like you. So I know enough about it and how it can turn upon itself, all the mental tricks it can play. Why does it have to be either health or sickness, wellness or illness? First just to look at it without any judgement is far more important. | |||
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"There are people who think the earth is flat. Just thinking something doesn’t make your opinion correct. That's really what I am saying. Thinking that you are a victim of anxiety and depression is just as much an opinion as anything else. To me, it makes far more sense to look at it and work out where these labels are coming from. Most people won't do that: they want quick answers. But the questions are much more revealing when no opinions at all are allowed to enter the arena of enquiry. " Anxiety is not a medical condition in the vast majority of cases, that is true. (Although there are extreme cases where it is) Depression however absolutely is. There are empirical and documented physiological symptoms, chemical changes in the brain which relate to depression. I am sorry that you don’t understand this, when you were growing up it was very much a case of stif upper lip and just sort yourself out and I am sorry that in your later years you are not managing to understand and cope with the changes in medical science. It is always difficult to alter your mindset from one which has been entrenched over a number of years, but none of that removes the simple fact that mental health is real, mental illnesses are real and whilst I think we are in the opening stages of trying to deal with them, and we are maybe guilty on more than one occasion of throwing the baby out with the bathwater in our responses to mental illness, your suggestion they aren’t real simply does not reflect the empirical evidence. | |||
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"... Depression however absolutely is. There are empirical and documented physiological symptoms, chemical changes in the brain which relate to depression. " I know all about that. Clinical depression is a most terrible thing. But most people who say they are depressed are not clinically depressed. So they are accepting a very strange label for themselves. And. also, the brain itself may be intelligent enough to bring about its own changes, not relying on chemicals. | |||
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"... Depression however absolutely is. There are empirical and documented physiological symptoms, chemical changes in the brain which relate to depression. I know all about that. Clinical depression is a most terrible thing. But most people who say they are depressed are not clinically depressed. So they are accepting a very strange label for themselves. And. also, the brain itself may be intelligent enough to bring about its own changes, not relying on chemicals. " The chemicals I am talking about are the ones the brain and the body produces in response to stimuli. So you have admitted that there is mental illness, you yourself spoke about clinical depression. Is your point that you think many people who just need to give themselves a bit of a shake are hiding behind mental illness because it makes it easier to put the responsibility onto others? | |||
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"Is your point that you think many people who just need to give themselves a bit of a shake are hiding behind mental illness because it makes it easier to put the responsibility onto others?" Yes, perhaps to some extent that is what is going on. But I would not call it 'a bit of a shake'. I am asking only that we look at it together carefully and slowly, find out what is really going on within ourselves. If we are just attempting to change things for the better, then we miss the beauty of the reality of the illness in our chase for the cure. So I question the whole concept of mental illness. Whose mind is it? | |||
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"Is your point that you think many people who just need to give themselves a bit of a shake are hiding behind mental illness because it makes it easier to put the responsibility onto others? Yes, perhaps to some extent that is what is going on. But I would not call it 'a bit of a shake'. I am asking only that we look at it together carefully and slowly, find out what is really going on within ourselves. If we are just attempting to change things for the better, then we miss the beauty of the reality of the illness in our chase for the cure. So I question the whole concept of mental illness. Whose mind is it? " I think there is absolutely something in what you are saying in many contexts. But you could say the same for physical illness but we seem happy to try to cure them. A good example is ADHD, I know many people who live with it (I am in engineering) and some have learned to just be who they are, and learned that makes some things hard and other things very effective. It’s individual and it’s not right to say all with ADHD share commonality. It appears that there are different types of brain schema, and we are at the very early stages of figuring out what that actually looks like, and some brains are wired in one way and others are wired in other ways. Many of the symptoms of that present as other conditions, Autism is a great example where the vast majority of (often self identifying) autism sufferers are very functional, just a bit different to others. But there are some, a small number for whom life is basically unsustainable without outside intervention. So I would argue then that these mental illnesses are illnesses. It’s a brain condition that makes living impossible. But we call the Cold an illness. We can live with it, but we would rather not. Why don’t we just accept the beauty of our bodies? I think it’s the same argument. | |||
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"Would like to start a forum for guys wanting to post or want to talk about issues around their mental health. There is a post on Sexual Health. Can the site set up a separate section on help, advise and a forum for us to talk about Mental issues?…….. Your thoughts and opinions welcome. Tbh although I understand the sentiment, and mental health help should be paramount for gay/ bi men I don’t think this is the place for it. In my opinion there are too many predators etc who may prey on anyone expressing mental health problems Sin xxxxxxxxxx" | |||
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"I think there is absolutely something in what you are saying in many contexts. But you could say the same for physical illness but we seem happy to try to cure them. A good example is ADHD, I know many people who live with it (I am in engineering) and some have learned to just be who they are, and learned that makes some things hard and other things very effective. It’s individual and it’s not right to say all with ADHD share commonality. It appears that there are different types of brain schema, and we are at the very early stages of figuring out what that actually looks like, and some brains are wired in one way and others are wired in other ways. Many of the symptoms of that present as other conditions, Autism is a great example where the vast majority of (often self identifying) autism sufferers are very functional, just a bit different to others. But there are some, a small number for whom life is basically unsustainable without outside intervention. So I would argue then that these mental illnesses are illnesses. It’s a brain condition that makes living impossible. But we call the Cold an illness. We can live with it, but we would rather not. Why don’t we just accept the beauty of our bodies? I think it’s the same argument. " For most of our physical ailments we have been clever enough as a species to find the answers. Probably eventually we shall get them all sorted. But with the brain it is different. Look at the terrible things that are happening in Gaza. These things are not brought about by autistic people or by people with ADHD. They are the sane ones. | |||
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"I think there is absolutely something in what you are saying in many contexts. But you could say the same for physical illness but we seem happy to try to cure them. A good example is ADHD, I know many people who live with it (I am in engineering) and some have learned to just be who they are, and learned that makes some things hard and other things very effective. It’s individual and it’s not right to say all with ADHD share commonality. It appears that there are different types of brain schema, and we are at the very early stages of figuring out what that actually looks like, and some brains are wired in one way and others are wired in other ways. Many of the symptoms of that present as other conditions, Autism is a great example where the vast majority of (often self identifying) autism sufferers are very functional, just a bit different to others. But there are some, a small number for whom life is basically unsustainable without outside intervention. So I would argue then that these mental illnesses are illnesses. It’s a brain condition that makes living impossible. But we call the Cold an illness. We can live with it, but we would rather not. Why don’t we just accept the beauty of our bodies? I think it’s the same argument. For most of our physical ailments we have been clever enough as a species to find the answers. Probably eventually we shall get them all sorted. But with the brain it is different. Look at the terrible things that are happening in Gaza. These things are not brought about by autistic people or by people with ADHD. They are the sane ones. " I don’t think you are making a logical point. You first suggest that physical illnesses are legitimately called illnesses because we have found cures. That is not a coherent argument at all for two reasons, firstly there are many (the cold is an example) we have no cures for and secondly, an incurable illness is still an illness. Your second point that people without mental illness can also do bad things is incoherent on a number of levels. Firstly no one is suggesting that only mentally ill people do bad things. Secondly it’s wrong to think that just because you are mentally ill, you will do bad things. Thirdly we have no idea if the nutters in Israel and Palestine are mentally ill or not. I see what you are trying to say, but it feels a little closer to wishful thinking than anything evidence based. | |||
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" I don’t think you are making a logical point. " I am just exploring. I don't have any opinions about all this. What's the state of our own minds right now? Are they healthy, sick or something else? | |||
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