FabGuys.com forum: Jokes #3

By *rTongueTastic OP Man
over a year ago

Close_To_Chichester

A Blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, 'Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?' She replied, 'The can said for best results apply 2 coat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wasn't sure what to wear for

my first premature ejaculation support meeting so i just came in my pants

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When does sadam hussain have his breakfast?

When tariq haziz

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My girlfriend is a porn star

She will kill me if she finds out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?" "Well," replied the man, "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman sitting in her livingroom when hwr husband walks in with a duck under his arm. "This is the pig Iv'e been fucking" he admits. "That's not a pig, it's a duck" his wife says.

"I'm talking to the duck" he says !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some swine has stolen my willy warmer off the washing line. I don't mind losing the warmer but I'd like the 20 clothes pegs back!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm looking for a Church.. It must have wide doors... ..

I want to take my car in for a service

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mate got sacked from the sperm bank.

He was caught drinking on the job

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By *ottomTFguyMan
over a year ago

Telford

Man walks into a cafe and reads the sandwich menu….

Bacon £2

Sausage £2

Bacon and sausage £3

Bacon and egg £2.60

Wank £5

The guy asks the sexy looking woman behind the counter “are you the woman who does the wanks for a fiver?”

“Yes” she replies

“Well then go and wash your hands, I want a bacon sandwich!”

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By *ameyCoolMan
over a year ago

West Byfleet. Woking,

"Man walks into a cafe and reads the sandwich menu….

Bacon £2

Sausage £2

Bacon and sausage £3

Bacon and egg £2.60

Wank £5

The guy asks the sexy looking woman behind the counter “are you the woman who does the wanks for a fiver?”

“Yes” she replies

“Well then go and wash your hands, I want a bacon sandwich!”

Lmfho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When does sadam hussain have his breakfast?

When tariq haziz"
Topical...

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By *my-ColetteTV/TS
over a year ago

Luton

I upset my Jehovah Witness brother-in-law yesterday, he tried telling me a knock-knock joke and I just ignored it.

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By *my-ColetteTV/TS
over a year ago

Luton

Two eggs getting boiled in a pot…

One egg says to the other…

"I’ve got a giant crack!"

the other replies…"stop teasing,

I’m not even hard yet!’

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By *my-ColetteTV/TS
over a year ago

Luton

I met a dutch guy with inflatable shoes while in Amsterdam last month, I’ve just phoned his house to take him on a date but unfortunately he’s popped his clogs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big huge fat woman in a bar stood up and said: if anyone can guess my weight you can have me fir the whole night.

One guy shouted 29 stone ya fat bugger!

Thats near enough she said and come here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Asked dentist for price on tooth extraction. He said £500 . I said that seems a lot , and is there a cheaper way. He said £250 , without anaesthetic. I said that still seems expensive and what is the the cheapest way. He said, in the back yard with the Saturday lad and a pair of pliers £10 . I said brilliant, can I book the wife in this weekend

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By *ovesex52TV/TS
over a year ago

nearby

Two blondes were chatting and one said “ I had to get a pregnancy test yesterday “!! The other replied “ Oh God, were the questions very hard “?????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A blonde walking along the canal. She sees another blonde on the opposite side.

Scuse me babe, how do I get on to the other side.

The other blonde thinks for a minute

You are on the other side babe

Oh yeah I am aren't I, thanks babe

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By *ristolsbMan
over a year ago

Bedminster, Bristol

A ship carrying 50,000 tons of red paint has just crashed into a shop carrying 40,000 tons of purple paint. Coastguards say there are no injuries but both crews crews are marooned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said to my mate "Have you got any films of your gorgeous wife starring in porn"?

"Certainly not" he said.

"Would you like to buy some"? I said.

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By *enardeMan
over a year ago

Barnsley

"Asked dentist for price on tooth extraction. He said £500 . I said that seems a lot , and is there a cheaper way. He said £250 , without anaesthetic. I said that still seems expensive and what is the the cheapest way. He said, in the back yard with the Saturday lad and a pair of pliers £10 . I said brilliant, can I book the wife in this weekend "

Lmfao x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I asked the Blackpool landlady.." I'd like to stay here".

She said " fine - stay there"

and slammed the door

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

John Travolta was taken to hospital over the weekend suspected of having Covid..

Turned out it was just Saturday night fever .

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By *rm_navMan
over a year ago

WATFORD

"Two blondes were chatting and one said “ I had to get a pregnancy test yesterday “!! The other replied “ Oh God, were the questions very hard “?????"

Blonde goes to the doctor. "Miss, you are three months pregnant.." "Are you sure it's mine?"

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By *rm_navMan
over a year ago

WATFORD

Brunette leaning on a lampost next to a crossroads, saying "ninety six...ninety six...ninety six ..." Blonde comes tottering up on her heels and asks what's she's doing. "Oh, it's a new game. Great fun..." "Can I play?!" "Sure, just go and stand in the middle of the road there and say ninety six.." So she totters into the middle of the road and start going "Ninety six... Ninety six ." Wham!! Great big truck crashes right into the blonde and sweeps her away... The brunette goes "Ninety seven, ninety seven..."

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Most people know Karl Marx, but not many people know that his sister invented the starting pistol her name was Onya.

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Two gay men having a passionate sex weekend

One guy says to the other

"Damn we need to get some food in, whatever you do don't wank yourself off till I get back".

"Ok" replied his lover.

2 hours later he comes home and walks into the bedroom, and there's spunk all over the ceiling.

" I thought I told you NOT to wank off till I got back" he said.

His lover said

" i didn't, I just rolled over and farted.

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Paddy was so happy when his wife got pregnant. But 9 months later he left her, she went into labour while he was a Conservative

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Bumped into my mate Dave, this morning, bless him he's only got one arm, I asked him "where you off to then"

He said "I'm gonna change a light bulb "

I laughed and said " ain't that gonna be a bit difficult "

He said " no ya silly cunt I've still got the receipt "

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Three robbers break into a bank, and when they open the safe, all that's there are boxes.

One robber opens a box and it's full of pots of yogurt,

" there's no money guys but at least we get something to eat".

So they fill their stomachs and leave.

Following day headline in the paper reads

Worlds largest sperm bank raided

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A ship carrying 50,000 tons of red paint has just crashed into a shop carrying 40,000 tons of purple paint. Coastguards say there are no injuries but both crews crews are marooned."

In other news...

a concrete mixer has crashed into a prison security van..

the police are looking for 6 hardened criminals

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do elephants have 4 feet?

Because 6 inches isn't godd enough...ba doom che

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What happened when jesus went to mount olive?

Popeye kicked the fuck out him

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By *ameyCoolMan
over a year ago

West Byfleet. Woking,

"Two gay men having a passionate sex weekend

One guy says to the other

"Damn we need to get some food in, whatever you do don't wank yourself off till I get back".

"Ok" replied his lover.

2 hours later he comes home and walks into the bedroom, and there's spunk all over the ceiling.

" I thought I told you NOT to wank off till I got back" he said.

His lover said

" i didn't, I just rolled over and farted."

Lmfho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Easiest way to burn 2000 calories ...

don't turn the oven off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will glass coffins be popular ?

remains to be seen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A ship carrying 50,000 tons of red paint has just crashed into a shop carrying 40,000 tons of purple paint. Coastguards say there are no injuries but both crews crews are marooned.

In other news...

a concrete mixer has crashed into a prison security van..

the police are looking for 6 hardened criminals

In other news...

police can confirm a man died today falling into a giant vat of coffee....

a spokesman said "at least it was instant"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Captain kirk has three ear's!!!

A left era, a right ear and a final frontier ??

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By *my-ColetteTV/TS
over a year ago

Luton

Gay guy walks into a butchers, sees a huge salami and thinks oooh that'll do!

He orders it and to his horror the buther starts to slice it for him.

He shouts at the butcher....

"What do think I am, a fucking slot machine!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t deter your teenage son from masturbating

It’s good practice for when he gets married

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Because of lockdown I've been experimenting with food today I made a soup combining laxative with alphabet soup, I'm calling it letter rip

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Which Spice girl can still get petrol?

Gerri can

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By *i omaghMan
over a year ago

omagh

"What happened when jesus went to mount olive?

Popeye kicked the fuck out him"

Actually laughed aloid at this one ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 tampons go past each other, who talks first ?

No one they are both stuck up cunts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you get a gay man to fuck a woman?

-shit in her cunt!

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By *ichey6Man
over a year ago

aberdeen

What is Greta Thunberg's favourite country? Mad at gas car.

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

You see a man riding a bike in some woods....

Do you walk by?, or ask the bike if she's enjoying it

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By *ameyCoolMan
over a year ago

West Byfleet. Woking,

"You see a man riding a bike in some woods....

Do you walk by?, or ask the bike if she's enjoying it

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Wife says to her husband

" My gynecologist says I can't have sex for two weeks"

Husband replies

" what did your dentist say?? "

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

If you think about it flavoured lube is basically meat seasoning

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Its nice to have friends, I've just been told....

I'm not saying you need a pubes trimmer, but everytime you get an erection, it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

Said to the wife go get your coat .she said oh we going out . I said no but I am and I'm turning the heating off

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

Guy in disco says to fit blonde would you like to dance ? She says no I don't dance with men I'm a lesbian guy says what's a lesbian. Blonde says see that girl over there in a mini skirt I'd like to kiss her cunt guy says fuck I think I'm a lesbian to .

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

Went to doctor he said what's the problem I said I'm having trouble pronouncing words beginning with F & T doctors said well you can't say fairer than that

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By *ttmcdguyTV/TS
over a year ago

I said to the wife

Why do you bother wearing a bra you aint got nothing to put in it !

She said you wear pants dont ya

I asked her wtf do you spend all the house keeping money on

She said turn sideways and look in a mirror ya fat c#$t

I said to her shall we try changing positions tonight

Ok she said you stand next to the ironing board and ill slob on the sofa and fart

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I work in a factory making chess piece I'm on knights tonight

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

How many Scottish men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

The other 23 are making a forum on fabguys, complaining about it being British made, blaming the brexiteers, making it political and then blaming the Torys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Redhead goes to the doctor.

Doctor, everywhere I touch on my body really, really hurts.

She touches various parts of her body. Her knee, her elbow, her cheek, her nose, her boob. Each time she yells out in pain.

Doctor asks “did you used to be blonde?”

“Yes, how did you know?’

‘You’ve broken your finger”

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Redhead goes to the doctor.

Doctor, everywhere I touch on my body really, really hurts.

She touches various parts of her body. Her knee, her elbow, her cheek, her nose, her boob. Each time she yells out in pain.

Doctor asks “did you used to be blonde?”

“Yes, how did you know?’

‘You’ve broken your finger”

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By *ameyCoolMan
over a year ago

West Byfleet. Woking,

"Redhead goes to the doctor.

Doctor, everywhere I touch on my body really, really hurts.

She touches various parts of her body. Her knee, her elbow, her cheek, her nose, her boob. Each time she yells out in pain.

Doctor asks “did you used to be blonde?”

“Yes, how did you know?’

‘You’ve broken your finger”

Just spat my tea out now

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

[Removed by poster at 30/10/21 23:48:04]

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

A child spits out food.

Mum says "Hey, whatever goes into your mouth you swallow "

Dad raises his eyebrows

Mum " shut the fuck up"

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By *exualCumeleonMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"How many Scottish men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

The other 23 are making a forum on fabguys, complaining about it being British made, blaming the brexiteers, making it political and then blaming the Torys

Tru Story

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Last night I fell asleep reading old magazines

This morning I woke up with back issues

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Its been a bit of a strange day today, first I found a hat full of money, then I was chased by an angry guy with a guitar

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By *addy7x6Man
over a year ago

High Wycombe

An Aussie guy is walking along outback when he sees a sheila sitting on a gate.

“G'day sheila!" he calls to her - "D'yer fuck?"

"Naw, but you've talked me into it, you sweet-tongued bastard!" she replies.

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

[Removed by poster at 31/10/21 06:32:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just been to doctors and said I'm having problems with my hearing. Doctors said what is your symptoms. I replied they yellow cartoon caritors called Bart homer and marge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the best part about having sex with a Transvestite?

Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just started work on I new job making chess sets I'm on nights tonight

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

Man walks into a pub there's a dead giraffe laying on the floor he says to barman who left that lieing there barman says its not a lion it's a giraffe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The grand old duke of York he had 10000 men....and now he cant walk

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

Irish lad measuring a pipe standing pipe up pipe kept falling down mate said lay it down and measure it Irish lad says I want the hight not the length

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By *ttmcdguyTV/TS
over a year ago

Blind bloke walks into a bar

The bear said ill have eeerrrrrrmmmm

Pint of larger

Barman said why the big pause

Im a bear

Barman looked at the horse next to the bear and said why the long face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So there is a fly on a blade of grass by a riverbank thinking, if this grass drops by three inches i will be in the spray of the water and it will cool me down.

In the river there is a fish thinking if that fly drops down i can jump out and eat it.

On the river there is a bear thinking if thst fly drops the fish will jump and i will eat the fish.

There is a hunter thinking if the fly drops etc etc and i will shoot the bear.

There is a mouse on the riverbank thinking fly, fish, bear, hunter will drop his cheese sandwich and i will eat the cheese.

There is a cat watching all this etc etc, i will eat the mouse.

It happens!

Fly drops

Fish gets fly

Bear gets fish

Hunter gets bear

Mouse gets cheese

Cat goes for mouse, misses falls into river and drowns.

And the moral is...

Whenever a fly goes down three inches a pussy is in mortal danger

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Two friends open up a fish restaurant,with a difference, they build a massive tank and fill it with live fish, etc.. customers can choose which fish that they would like to eat, they take it out the tank and cook the fish so that it's fresh, one of the friends finds this squid that looks really unusual, it has what looks like a hairy lip, is mild green in colour, and it becomes the star attraction in the tank, everyone who comes to the restaurant falls in love with this unusual looking squid.& the restaurant is a roaring success.

Its that popular they get a top chef called Yo Face, and he brings his Swedish friend with him called Yo Hands to help in the restaurant and to wash all the pots and dishes.

Now one day a man comes in demanding, that he wants squid for his lunch, & the restauranters try to persuade him not to because everyone has fallen in love with the unusual looking squid, but he's adamant he wants the squid.

So reluctantly they take the squid out the tank and give him to Yo Face, but he bursts out crying because he loves the squid, and refuses to kill the animal, so they ask Yo Hands to.... he raises the knife to do the deed, but he to can't kill the squid.

The moral of this story is ....

Yo Hands that does dishes can be as soft as Yo Face, with a mild green, hairy lip squid.

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By *hakermaker73Man
over a year ago

Essex / London

what do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Been having a problem with nuisance calls lately.

The latest ones all seem to say the same thing

" You said you'd be home from the pub 3 hours ago".

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Mary sent her husband Paddy a text one cold winters morning

"Windows Frozen "

He sends a text back

'Pour warm water on'

A few minutes later she replied

'computer is totally fucked now'.

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By *ummerukMan
over a year ago

cheam

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type

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By *rTongueTastic OP Man
over a year ago

Close_To_Chichester

"Mary sent her husband Paddy a text one cold winters morning

"Windows Frozen "

He sends a text back

'Pour warm water on'

A few minutes later she replied

'computer is totally fucked now'.

PMPL & LMAO

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Little lad accidentally killed a honey bee.

His parents said that he'd have no honey for a week.

A few months later he accidentally killed a butterfly.

His parents said no butter for a month.

His mum then killed a cockroach

Little lad says to his dad

" Do you want to tell her or should I?"

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By *ameyCoolMan
over a year ago

West Byfleet. Woking,

"Mary sent her husband Paddy a text one cold winters morning

"Windows Frozen "

He sends a text back

'Pour warm water on'

A few minutes later she replied

'computer is totally fucked now'.

PMPL & LMAO

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By *andy biMan
over a year ago

Greenford

"My girlfriend is a porn star

She will kill me if she finds out

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By *torytellerMan
over a year ago

tamworth

Guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder !. Orders a " pint for me and a brandy for Tiny" ?.

Barman asks " why do you call him Tiny?"

" because he's my newt "

Take your time .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bloke goes into a pub and orders a pint of bitter and a bag of cheese and onion crisps

"I'm sorry we have no cheese and onion crisps" says the barmaid.

"In that case I will have a bag of smokey bacon" he says

He then drank his pint and put the bag of smokey bacon crisps on his head, and goes to walk out the door

"Excuse me" said the barmaid "I have to ask, why have you put the smokey bacon crisps on your head?"

"Because you had no cheese and onion" said the man, and walked out

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

" I WANT YOUUUU, YOU WANT MEEE, LET'S GET TOGETHER AND BE FUCK BUDDIES"

or whatever that purple dinosaur is bloody singing about

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

When Spider-man shoots a sticky substance over someone he's amazing

Yet when I do it I'm a pervert

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

6 year old kid looking at his mums I.D card

Sex : F

Kid bursts out laughing.

Mum asks "what's so funny?"

Kid replied " I can't believe that your so bad at sex they gave you an F"

Dad died from laughing.

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By *egginzboyMan
over a year ago

Rugeley

Farmer Giles had a herd of 400 cows and 3 bulls

One night last year we had gale force winds that reached 93 mph and the farmer noticed that every single cow had blown over in the wind but all 3 bulls remained standing

The farmer went across and asked the bulls how have you 3 remained upright when the cows all got blown over ?

One of the bulls looked up and said...well Mr Giles thats easy...

We bulls wobble but we don't fall down

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

[Removed by poster at 10/11/21 21:13:55]

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

[Removed by poster at 10/11/21 21:15:02]

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

English guy on hol in Wales hes busting for piss . Stop welsh guy and ask please can you tell me where to find a urinal. welsh guy says well I know hu Jones hu davis tel tell you what pop in paper shop end of street they might know its next to the piss house

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By *imberly_4uTV/TS
over a year ago

Newquay

A termite walks into a pub & asks for the bar tender.........

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By *ildwestheroMan
over a year ago

Llandrindod Wells

David Beckham goes into Santa's Grotto and Santa asks him what he would like for Christmas.

Beckham replies "I'd like to revive my football career and play for a premier club again"

Santa "You've got to be reasonable and ask for sensible things"

Beckham "Okay how about reviving my wife's singing career"

Santa "what football club did you have in mind?"

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By *rTongueTastic OP Man
over a year ago

Close_To_Chichester

"6 year old kid looking at his mums I.D card

Sex : F

Kid bursts out laughing.

Mum asks "what's so funny?"

Kid replied " I can't believe that your so bad at sex they gave you an F"

Dad died from laughing."

.. very good..

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Told a fuckbuddie I liked it rough.... he took me to Scotland

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Went and got Gucci tattooed on my scrotum this morning

I've always wanted a designer bag

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

OK EVERYBODY.....

You put your left arm in,

You put your left are out,

You put your left are in.

And you shake it all about

Welcome to your first fisting lesson...

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By *ristolsbMan
over a year ago

Bedminster, Bristol

"Man walks into a cafe and reads the sandwich menu….

Bacon £2

Sausage £2

Bacon and sausage £3

Bacon and egg £2.60

Wank £5

The guy asks the sexy looking woman behind the counter “are you the woman who does the wanks for a fiver?”

“Yes” she replies

“Well then go and wash your hands, I want a bacon sandwich!”

Real life version of that one. A mate went across the road from work to pick up two bacon sandwiches. The fat middle aged woman in the shop puts two sandwiches on the counter unwrapped and asks "is one of these for Joe?" (the boss). My mate nods, she picks up the top bread from one, stuffs it down her skirt, rubs it into her minge and puts it back, saying "That one's for Joe. I fuckin hate him".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Q. What's the difference between an egg and a wank

A. You can beat an egg but you can't beat a wank.

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By *nthony 500Man
over a year ago

north Manchester area

Just been stung by a bee

Yeah £4 for a jar of honey

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By *igsWalesMan
over a year ago

colwyn bay

I was walking down the local High Street yesterday.

I was looking in a shop window when i was struck in the head by a 2 pinter of milk.

5 minutes later i was walking past Sainsbury's i was hit by a yoghurt, quickly followed by a pate of butter!

I thought,,,, how dairy.

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By *ttmcdguyTV/TS
over a year ago

Just joined the fisting society

I’m not really into fisting just widening my friends ring

1st rule of fisting society is we don’t talk about it

2nd rule is cut your nails

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By *loffus69Man
over a year ago

West Clacton.

A masochist and a sadist get wed, on the first night she says beat me beat me, he replied,,No.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Schrodinger's cat walked into a bar, and didn't.

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Let's try a little experiment...

First read this ...

Times, three, this, read, me, made, twat, this...

Ok now say it out loud...times,three,this,read,me,made,twat,this

Good ...Now backwards ....

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By *rucewayne1stMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

English man, Scottish man & Irish man buy a pub together, and they decide to change its name

English guy say " Let's call it the Queens Head"

The other two say it's two common.

The Scottish guy says " let's call it the Queens body"

But that to is a no go .

So the Irish guy says " we should call it the Queens legs".

After a bit of research they can find no other pub called that so go with the idea.

A few days later a police officer is walking by, early one morning and there's a d*unk, outside of the pub,

He asks " Hello sir, what are you doing out here?"

The d*unk replies " I'm waiting for the Queens legs to open ,so I can get a drink".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the similarity between a woman and a frying pan?...They both have to be hot before you put the meat in. What's the difference between a fridge and a fanny?...A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I call my best mate shagger.

She doesn't like it!!

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By *ilbo bagginsMan
over a year ago

St Helens

"A ship carrying 50,000 tons of red paint has just crashed into a shop carrying 40,000 tons of purple paint. Coastguards say there are no injuries but both crews crews are marooned.

In other news...

a concrete mixer has crashed into a prison security van..

the police are looking for 6 hardened criminals

In other news...

police can confirm a man died today falling into a giant vat of coffee....

a spokesman said "at least it was instant"

In other news...

Police have confirmed that the man that fell from the rooftop nightclub was definitely not a bouncer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s long & thin, covered in skin red in parts & goes in tarts…..

Rhubarb

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

horley

Me: I read a book where you eat a curry and then make love in lots of different ways.

My friend: Wow! That’s great. What’s it called?

Me: The Korma sutra

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By *etterbiggerMan
3 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

Paddy and Mick walking through a forest.

They come across a sign saying tree fellers wanted

Ah say paddy, tis a shame there's only two of us

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By *enri du lacMan
3 weeks ago

Coventry

As a French teacher, when it comes to language learning I advocate the immersion method.

If any student fucks around in my class I threaten to drown the bastard.

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By *opster77Man
3 weeks ago

Wantage

"What's the best part about having sex with a Transvestite?

Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.

Absolutely PMSL!

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By *rownriverMan
2 weeks ago

horley

🤣 A chemist walks into his shop and sees a man leaning against the wall.

“What’s wrong with him?” he asks his assistant.

“He came in for cough syrup,” the assistant explains. “But I couldn’t find any, so I sold him some laxatives instead.”

“What?! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!” the chemist says, horrified.

The assistant replies, “Of course you can… look at him — he’s terrified

to cough!”

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By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and a Welshman are shipwrecked on an desert island and find a magic lamp, they give it a polish and the Welshman wishes for home and..

pufff!...he vanishes. The Scotsman says the same and pufff he's gone too!

The Irishman, left alone, says..."Well bejaysus if it's not miserable here on me own by meself...I wish dat Dai and Jock were right here now by me sides! ...... and pufff!....😂

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By *rownriverMan
2 weeks ago

horley

Over the years Shirley Bassey has invested thousands of pounds in dried grass. She has certainly been a "hay big spender".

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