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Those struggling with sexuality

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

More and more forum posts are ,if reading between the lines, men struggling with their sexual or gender orientation. Possibly the biggest aspect is self acceptance of who you are. One user who I must applaud used the term pansexual which is a great term to describe one self. The premise of this post is this - to try run counter to who you are like being a gay man living a straight life and not wanting to be gay and promising yourself one last hook up or being a secret cross dresser out of the eyes of those who will judge, just accept yourself first and then work out the more pragmatic aspects later. If you run counter to who you are you do risk your mental health being affected. We are all not in a position to come out as LGBT etc but if you can quietly accept it in yourself you are halfway to taking a lot of the weight off your shoulders xx

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By *ammiTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Inverness

Lovely post xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have always known I was gay. Accepting it early on was a different matter. I tried to conform and all it did was hurt me and those close to me. I went on the gay scene. Made friends had a bit of fun on the way. I came to accept myself. I didn't come out of the closet in some grand camp way. I sort of evolved. I was, am still me but the gay me. I met the love of my life 28 years ago we are still together and happy. We moved to the middle of a small village. We fit in. We join in. We are included and respected. Years ago there was a book, How to be a happy homosexual. I never read it, I don't need to. Be yourself to be happy. Be happy in the now. If you are constantly looking to the past. If you are constant looking to a better future. Then you can never be truly happy. It works for me

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By *isaAndNicoleTransTV/TS
over a year ago

Southport / Ellesmere Port

I'm trans and I'm also gay, go figure that one out. That's hard work, gay guys aren't interested, bi guys are. Got a wonderful trans girl I'm in a relationship now, guess I'm androsexual, a love of cock, not interested in female bits.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm trans and I'm also gay, go figure that one out. That's hard work, gay guys aren't interested, bi guys are. Got a wonderful trans girl I'm in a relationship now, guess I'm androsexual, a love of cock, not interested in female bits. "

You sound comfortable x

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By *eniCDTV/TS
over a year ago

Bury

I don't keep cross-dressing a secret because I don't accept myself.

I keep cross-dressing secret because skinheads with knives don't accept myself.

I'm not devaluing your original point but it's a lot more complex for many people than just coming out with who they are. My family, closest friends and every long term girlfriend I have ever had have known but I don't make it public for personal safety and professional reasons.

I would say I accept who I am, and I would encourage others to accept who they are and be open about it with people you trust (or with serious partners who have a right to know). If you love someone you want them to be happy no matter what. Family are easy, they have to love you. Friends, only those you trust absolutely. Partners, if you are not being yourself in a relationship and holding something back it WILL affect the relationship at some point.

Be honest and true but be careful would be my advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've no idea what I am and not really interested in giving it a name, but I hate that I feel the need to do it in secret.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't keep cross-dressing a secret because I don't accept myself.

I keep cross-dressing secret because skinheads with knives don't accept myself.

I'm not devaluing your original point but it's a lot more complex for many people than just coming out with who they are. My family, closest friends and every long term girlfriend I have ever had have known but I don't make it public for personal safety and professional reasons.

I would say I accept who I am, and I would encourage others to accept who they are and be open about it with people you trust (or with serious partners who have a right to know). If you love someone you want them to be happy no matter what. Family are easy, they have to love you. Friends, only those you trust absolutely. Partners, if you are not being yourself in a relationship and holding something back it WILL affect the relationship at some point.

Be honest and true but be careful would be my advice"

That doesn't take away from the post at all. It's a good point. I'm speaking of quietly accepting ourselves in our own heads

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've no idea what I am and not really interested in giving it a name, but I hate that I feel the need to do it in secret."

Nothing shameful in what you do,that I can say

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By *antsbibottomMan
over a year ago

Farnborough

I don't feel any shame about who I am or my sexuality but as a bisexual married man it's not that simple to come out. I love my wife and don't want to lose her even if that means I have to keep my bi side secret. Yes, I'd much prefer to be open about it but I know she would struggle to accept it and there's a good chance our marriage would come apart if I told her. Of course it would have been better if I had told her when we first met but at that time I was much more straight and also had difficulty accepting my bi side. Now I would probably go about it differently or even just have relationships with men, but my priority is my marriage rather than my sexual urges. A lot easier to be gay than bi, I think.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't feel any shame about who I am or my sexuality but as a bisexual married man it's not that simple to come out. I love my wife and don't want to lose her even if that means I have to keep my bi side secret. Yes, I'd much prefer to be open about it but I know she would struggle to accept it and there's a good chance our marriage would come apart if I told her. Of course it would have been better if I had told her when we first met but at that time I was much more straight and also had difficulty accepting my bi side. Now I would probably go about it differently or even just have relationships with men, but my priority is my marriage rather than my sexual urges. A lot easier to be gay than bi, I think."

Absolutely get your point. Im saying though you do not have to come out at all but just quietly accept who you are to yourself, thats the crux of my point. Just being good with who you are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for starting this thread.

I am soon 50 years old, I am married with family, yet have been sexually active with males throughout my life.

I have huge regret and shame for not being string enough when young to say no to marriage. I have lost count of the times I have thought to myself, that I will no longer have desires about sex with males and no longer seek out and partake in sex with males. Of course, such thoughts were futile and I always, always, succumbed to my carnal instincts.

My mental health has been a real struggle. The shame and pain of hurting my loved ones balanced against the frustration and unnatural denial of my true self.

I am who I am, and I have made the bed I now lie in. What lies ahead? More struggle, more mental anguish, and as much sex with men as I can get away with.

I am not proud of who I have become. I am grateful for the opportunity to share my soul with likeminded folk here on this site and other similar sites.

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By *enardeMan
over a year ago

Barnsley


"

Thanks for starting this thread.

I am soon 50 years old, I am married with family, yet have been sexually active with males throughout my life.

I read this and thought how poignant it was

It’s such a pity for you that you feel your mental health is affected

I can only hope that you talk to some lgbt group who can help you to accept the two aspects of your life

Best wishes x

I have huge regret and shame for not being string enough when young to say no to marriage. I have lost count of the times I have thought to myself, that I will no longer have desires about sex with males and no longer seek out and partake in sex with males. Of course, such thoughts were futile and I always, always, succumbed to my carnal instincts.

My mental health has been a real struggle. The shame and pain of hurting my loved ones balanced against the frustration and unnatural denial of my true self.

I am who I am, and I have made the bed I now lie in. What lies ahead? More struggle, more mental anguish, and as much sex with men as I can get away with.

I am not proud of who I have become. I am grateful for the opportunity to share my soul with likeminded folk here on this site and other similar sites."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Thanks for starting this thread.

I am soon 50 years old, I am married with family, yet have been sexually active with males throughout my life.

I have huge regret and shame for not being string enough when young to say no to marriage. I have lost count of the times I have thought to myself, that I will no longer have desires about sex with males and no longer seek out and partake in sex with males. Of course, such thoughts were futile and I always, always, succumbed to my carnal instincts.

My mental health has been a real struggle. The shame and pain of hurting my loved ones balanced against the frustration and unnatural denial of my true self.

I am who I am, and I have made the bed I now lie in. What lies ahead? More struggle, more mental anguish, and as much sex with men as I can get away with.

I am not proud of who I have become. I am grateful for the opportunity to share my soul with likeminded folk here on this site and other similar sites."

Thanks for that honesty. There is that internal struggle I was talking about, you try to reconcile the straight and gay side (for want of better terms). Just for your sanity I would think about is the mental anguish worth it, there is no bed you have made, thats a construct . You have got options and there would be painful decisions. Just promise me you go easy on yourself

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By *enardeMan
over a year ago

Barnsley

Years I go on a training course before LGBT etc we were informed there were four categories

Straight, gay, bi and men who have sex with men

As a heterosexual guy I didn’t get the latter

As life went on in their fifties both first and second wife’s completely lost interest in sex

The knock backs were hard and eventually I gave up trying and became a heavy madturbatir to ease the sexual stress

That wasn’t enough

I left the first wife and re married to find six years later the same predicament occurred

I don’t want an affair with a woman it’s too complex

I’m fed up of masturbating

I don’t want to begin resenting my wife

I dropped on this site and after months plucked up courage to meet

That has led to quite a few meets

Some quite unsatisfactory some good and one short lived great

I’m not remotely sexually attracted to guys

If really randy I will blow a cock

I like quick no mess meets where I blow my load and go

I find even these meets difficult to get turned on it’s more of a mechanical release

It’s odd that I feel I remorse as I simply saw this as a means to maintain my marriage with minimising risk

Of course when Randy I want to try things but when not randy I’m not interested at all

So I think I am a man who has sex withmen... crossfressers and tv’s esp if I can

I’m sure there are lots of guys on here the same who categorisemeets as simply, cock fun.

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By *ull bi for funMan
over a year ago

hull

Its also a bit of a quandary when applying for loans, passports and jobs when you reach the sexuallity section as well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Years I go on a training course before LGBT etc we were informed there were four categories

Straight, gay, bi and men who have sex with men

As a heterosexual guy I didn’t get the latter

As life went on in their fifties both first and second wife’s completely lost interest in sex

The knock backs were hard and eventually I gave up trying and became a heavy madturbatir to ease the sexual stress

That wasn’t enough

I left the first wife and re married to find six years later the same predicament occurred

I don’t want an affair with a woman it’s too complex

I’m fed up of masturbating

I don’t want to begin resenting my wife

I dropped on this site and after months plucked up courage to meet

That has led to quite a few meets

Some quite unsatisfactory some good and one short lived great

I’m not remotely sexually attracted to guys

If really randy I will blow a cock

I like quick no mess meets where I blow my load and go

I find even these meets difficult to get turned on it’s more of a mechanical release

It’s odd that I feel I remorse as I simply saw this as a means to maintain my marriage with minimising risk

Of course when Randy I want to try things but when not randy I’m not interested at all

So I think I am a man who has sex withmen... crossfressers and tv’s esp if I can

I’m sure there are lots of guys on here the same who categorisemeets as simply, cock fun."

Cheers for that, thats an education for me on the topic, I was pretty blind to it but that gives me a useful insight

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Its also a bit of a quandary when applying for loans, passports and jobs when you reach the sexuallity section as well. "

Can be the same with divorce, selling the house and marriage guidance...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a great, common-sense thread! Simple and practical. There will always be those who struggle with who they are, I did when I was younger, although times were very different. Linking with like-minded people was not so easy, yet finding someone was not impossible.

Who we are sexually is part of our whole person, how we deal with it depends very much on our circumstances and those we love.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I identify as pansexual, and it's been a part of me for some time, and I am here now to explore and satisfy the part of me that enjoys sexual desires with men.

I am fortunate enough to have supportive partner, and we are ethically non monogamous, so everyone is fully informed of that early on

I think the stigma for men on being bi (and even gay) is harder than it is for women, as well as society saying only have one partner, and you have to choose, is why people struggle with their sexuality.

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By *dhollieTV/TS
over a year ago

colne

I’m bisexual and comfortable with it , I like boys and girls but quite often my role changes depending on who I’m with , when it comes to ladies i enjoy being in charge bit dom and if it suits can be rough too , with guys I prefer to be more sub but not totally I enjoy taking control too now and then so I guess the Dom sub thing would be about 50/50 with other dressers or with a trans lady I’m very much versatile and it comes down to what role they see themselves as to where I would be happy to be x

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By *illingVicMan
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

I find labelling myself to be a word-intensive process as I always have to explain it to people in real life. I suppose the best is to say “I’m bisexual but not biromantic” - that is, I don’t find men attractive but I like cock. I’m also submissive and my primary fetish interest is power exchange and play involving non-consent scenes.

I’m totally “out” about my gender preference, just not the kink aspect (I’d say about 60% of my friends and family know that part). I’m not ashamed of it, at all, some would just be disturbed by it.

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By *xtop2000Man
over a year ago

Oxford

I think it's important to remember that lots of people have struggles even if they appear to have it made. The straight family man isn't immune from mental health challenges, or unreasonable expectations from others. We need to be kind to ourselves and to others, no matter how we or they identify.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it's important to remember that lots of people have struggles even if they appear to have it made. The straight family man isn't immune from mental health challenges, or unreasonable expectations from others. We need to be kind to ourselves and to others, no matter how we or they identify."

Spoke eloquently as always x

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By *23abc!Man
2 weeks ago

Anglesey

I struggle with guilt. I’m married, have been for years. Have the perfect family life on the outside, but my sexual desires are making things difficult. I come from a community that was quite narrow minded when I was growing up in the 80s and 90s. Being gay was frowned upon and I took the path that I thought was the correct one, but that was only to please others. I long for having my own new life, but just don’t know how to go about it. Pushing 50 I’m just seeing life passing me by. Having no living relatives for support or help and friends that don’t live close, I’m not sure where I’d go. I’ve looked online for support groups or help but haven’t come across any that help men like me. I’m finding that it is starting to affect me.

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By *ishop666Man
2 weeks ago

ls19

Happy to enjoy both

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By *ridayguyMan
2 weeks ago

Cheshire

lovely to be able to talk about stuff like this but a shame when you see posts taken down or people who posted, belittled for trying to chat about their feelings.. he wasn't trying to put anybody down, just talking about his sexuality..

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By *treyu500Man
2 weeks ago

wickow

I had no sex education. The only references I had to male/male sex were adults talking about pedos, reports in the paper etc.

So when I started being attracted to boy/men shortly after I was attracted to girls I was very confused.

I convinced myself it was a phase and then when I realised the phase wasn't ending - I learned new ways to suppress or ignore my bisexuality and really began to blame myself for the attraction I had no control over. Long story short I needed help to actually figure it all out which I did over the phone for free with a counsellor that worked for a sexual health clinic. It was the best decision of my life to send that initial email.

I highly advise seeking some help for anyone who struggles with their sexuality. It's judgement free, it not easy and sometimes you feel worse before you feel better. But it will change your life forever in a positive way. We get one life. Live it the way you want to

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By *oxleyMan
2 weeks ago

Wetherby

Always had feelings from teens.

Wanked to gay stuff occasionally.

Only got my first opportunity for proper gay sex in my 50’s.

Happily married, no sex for years at home.

Plenty elsewhere without any guilt.

As you say - One Life - Live It !!!!

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By *ridayguyMan
2 weeks ago

Cheshire

I wish, made a few connections, see where the new year blows me X

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By *illgossardTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Abergavenny

Gosh, I read stuff here furtively. Sadly I can't read it properly. But wow, some great stuff to try to understand.

I've lost a few people to (that thing) never knew why they did.. maybe they shared our pain.

I enjoy being Jill. But I have to pay, stress subterfuge,lies, deception.

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By *treyu500Man
2 weeks ago

wickow


"I struggle with guilt. I’m married, have been for years. Have the perfect family life on the outside, but my sexual desires are making things difficult. I come from a community that was quite narrow minded when I was growing up in the 80s and 90s. Being gay was frowned upon and I took the path that I thought was the correct one, but that was only to please others. I long for having my own new life, but just don’t know how to go about it. Pushing 50 I’m just seeing life passing me by. Having no living relatives for support or help and friends that don’t live close, I’m not sure where I’d go. I’ve looked online for support groups or help but haven’t come across any that help men like me. I’m finding that it is starting to affect me. "

When I started counselling - my counselor said that your exact situation was so common that they had to hold group sessions to keep up with demand. My FWB is 57 with a wife and 2 kids. He came out at age 50. They fully support him and love him. The first step is to just go to a counsellor buddy. I found one that specifically health with LGBT issues, an actual gay man because I didn't want to feel judged and I thought he would understand my struggles better. But, now that I understand therapy process better, it really doesn't matter who I go to. Although I will say that finding a counsellor you feel a bit of a connection with is important.

Go on Google buddy. Look up psychologists - they list their specialities. Have a think about it. One step at a time. You can try over the phone at first if it's easier

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By *ridayguyMan
2 weeks ago

Cheshire

there are loads of mens health's forums out there, you don't have to have ill health or be embarrassed to access them..X

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By *23abc!Man
2 weeks ago

Anglesey

Thank you mate

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