FabGuys.com forum: New jokes

By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

If M&Ms go to university, do they become smarties?

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

A fella I went to school with 35 years ago got in touch to complain about the time I put glue on his pen.

He still can't let it go.

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

Ok… let’s go!! …

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was

excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,

“I'll serve you, but don't start anything.”

L3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green

Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones

.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't -

I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. 'But why,' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One

of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named “Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)....A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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By *ovesex52TV/TS
over a year ago

nearby

Most excellent sir!!

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

"Most excellent sir!!

Thank you

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By *orwichscotMan
over a year ago

Livingston

Thank you. They did make me laugh, and I needed that tonight x.

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By *arriBtmMan
over a year ago

Warrington

Great start to the day lol cheers

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By *hubsloverMan
over a year ago

East/west sussex

"Ok… let’s go!! …

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was

excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,

“I'll serve you, but don't start anything.”

L3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green

Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones

.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't -

I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One

This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)....A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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By *andysomersetTV/TS
over a year ago

Frome

Made me chuckle, thanks

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By *rTongueTasticMan
over a year ago

Close_To_Chichester

there are some good ones in there OP..

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By *asmeen 123TV/TS
over a year ago

Stoke on trent.

Are you enjoying your self

OP?

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

If I ordered an axe from overseas and had it shipped,

I would have a foreign axe sent.

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By *suckcoxMan
over a year ago

Luton

Lol. I don't know why. But they seem funnier if you read them in Frank Carson's voice.lol

Young ones won't have a clue who I mean. Lol

It's the way i tell em.

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

3 sisters - Ann, Jan and Fanny. All 3 had big feet. Ann was a size 9, Jan was a size 10 and Fanny was a size 13. Ann and Jan go on a double date. Amazed, one of the boys say, 'god u 2 have got big feet'. Ann replies, 'u think they're big, u should see our Fanny's, they're massive

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

A Corkman when stopped by the Customs at Holyhead was found to be carrying two big bags of telephones. 'Could you explain what these are to be used for?' asked a Customs official. 'Certainly', said the Corkman. 'I've just got a job with the London Symphony Orchestra and they told me to bring two sacks of phones with me when I was coming to England'.

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By *orkie21Man
over a year ago

york

"Ok… let’s go!! …

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was

excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,

“I'll serve you, but don't start anything.”

L3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green

Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones

.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't -

I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One

This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)....A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Brilliantly done! Made me chuckle

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By *iBobOxonMan
over a year ago

Thame/Aylesbury

‘I stand corrected’ Said the man in orthopaedic shoes.

Things were very hard when I was a child, my parents were dwarves, and there were times when they really struggled to put food on the table.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was cycling along the pavement when I knocked over a pair of Siamese twins. They were beside themselves with anger.

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By *amera man 5Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Two gay cowboys, first one says “yup” second one says “yep” ( Bernard Manning, remember him?)

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

Definition of "First World Poor" . . .

You have a £500 iPhone and a £1000 laptop so you can go online to internet banking to find out how much overdrawn you are!

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By *dmirerbelfastMan
over a year ago

belfast

"Definition of "First World Poor" . . .

You have a £500 iPhone and a £1000 laptop so you can go online to internet banking to find out how much overdrawn you are!"

Great craic! Keep em coming

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

so while on holiday in Sweden i went into a pharmacy for some deodorant. the pharmacist in his thick accent asked will that be ball or aerosol ?

No ! i said in shock it's for my armpits

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

My wife thinks she may have married the wrong person.

Mind you she has got a point because I only went in the church to mend the font..

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

'Follow the written instructions and you can't get lost in the building,' said the security man to Sean Flynn freshly up from the country and looking around a major Dublin store for the first time.

Awe-struck, young Flynn made his way around the building. But, all too soon, he returned, slightly dejected, to the security man.

'Look,' said Sean, 'I've tried my best. The door marked 'Push' I pushed. The door marked 'Pull' I pulled. But when I got to the big door that said 'Lift' -I couldn't get it off the floor!'

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

I'm currently reading a book called 'There's a hole in my bucket!'

By Lee King.

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By *ay12345123Man
over a year ago

Nottingham

Lol

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

Just when I’m losing faith in society I see a little old lady smile and give up her seat for a pregnant man with a beard

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

When I was a kid, we lived on a very poor council estate.

If anyone paid their rent two weeks in succession, the Police would call to see where they got the money from.

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

I was driving down the road this morning when I suddenly disappeared into a portion of sour cream and chive.

I didn't see the dip in the road

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By *ames TownMan
over a year ago

Bingley

Most bald men still carry a comb - They just cant part with it . Ill get my coat .

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

I've been off work all week because my pet cow is sick.

My boss thinks I'm milking it.

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By *onybluenails OP Man
over a year ago

Crawley

When i was young I got hit by a car .

The driver came over and said, "What's your name? I'll tell your mum and dad."

"What for?" I replied. "They already know what I'm called".

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By (user no longer on site)
15 weeks ago

I was in a lift with a woman with big boob's..

She said " can you press 1"?

Now I'm up in court

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By (user no longer on site)
15 weeks ago

A friend of mine did a degree in sound engineering.

He got a 1. 2. 1. 2.

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By *uvfeetluvcock2Man
15 weeks ago

Sunningdale

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By (user no longer on site)
15 weeks ago

"Ok… let’s go!! …

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was

excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,

“I'll serve you, but don't start anything.”

L3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green

Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones

.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't -

I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One

This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)....A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Wahey, love it

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By *onybluenails OP Man
15 weeks ago

Crawley

I saw a lady playing a large musical instrument in an Irish pub last night.

Harpist?

No, she was perfectly sober.

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By (user no longer on site)
15 weeks ago

Genesis:

..God said ' let there be light"...

Who was he talking to?

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By *ossmanTV/TS
15 weeks ago

Coalville

... himself obviously!

I have my most intelligent conversations with myself..

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By *angtMan
15 weeks ago

Wednesfield /Wolverhampton

When are the new jokes being posted on here?

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By *dibearMan
15 weeks ago

Edinburgh

"A Corkman when stopped by the Customs at Holyhead was found to be carrying two big bags of telephones. 'Could you explain what these are to be used for?' asked a Customs official. 'Certainly', said the Corkman. 'I've just got a job with the London Symphony Orchestra and they told me to bring two sacks of phones with me when I was coming to England'."

Did you hear about the Cork man who drowned…?

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By *onybluenails OP Man
15 weeks ago

Crawley

Little Johnny walks up to his dad somewhat upset and says Daddy Susie and I have been playing doctors and nurses and I have noticed that she is missing something.

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By *ogwhammerMan
15 weeks ago

Rainham KENT

What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?….

…Attire 😉

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By *onybluenails OP Man
15 weeks ago

Crawley

An elderly lady was bracing herself at the railing of a cruise ship, clutching her hat tightly as the wind whipped around her. A gentleman approached, his face filled with concern.

“Pardon me, madam, but I must tell you, your dress is blowing up in this strong wind,” he said politely.

“Yes, I’m aware,” she replied, her grip still firm on her hat. “I need both hands to hold on to it.”

“But, madam,” the gentleman continued, a hint of urgency in his voice, “you’re not wearing anything under your dress, and your privates are exposed!”

The lady glanced down and then back up at him with a twinkle in her eye. “Sir,” she said with a smile, “anything you see down there is 90 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!

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By *eepeter4Man
15 weeks ago

Bournemouth

"An elderly lady was bracing herself at the railing of a cruise ship, clutching her hat tightly as the wind whipped around her. A gentleman approached, his face filled with concern.

“Pardon me, madam, but I must tell you, your dress is blowing up in this strong wind,” he said politely.

“Yes, I’m aware,” she replied, her grip still firm on her hat. “I need both hands to hold on to it.”

“But, madam,” the gentleman continued, a hint of urgency in his voice, “you’re not wearing anything under your dress, and your privates are exposed!”

The lady glanced down and then back up at him with a twinkle in her eye. “Sir,” she said with a smile, “anything you see down there is 90 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
I have heard a similar joke like that before but the lady was on the seafront at Blackpool

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By *onybluenails OP Man
15 weeks ago

Crawley

Old fella in a nursing home asks his nurse "How many times does 92 go into 24?" She says "I don't know ".

He says "Meet me tonight & we will find out"

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By *hubsloverMan
9 weeks ago

East/west sussex

"3 sisters - Ann, Jan and Fanny. All 3 had big feet. Ann was a size 9, Jan was a size 10 and Fanny was a size 13. Ann and Jan go on a double date. Amazed, one of the boys say, 'god u 2 have got big feet'. Ann replies, 'u think they're big, u should see our Fanny's, they're massive"

Ha ha ha that’s brilliant

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By *hubsloverMan
8 weeks ago

East/west sussex

Why can’t you let a politician on a plane?

Because he’ll keep trying to destroy the other wing.

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By *onybluenails OP Man
8 weeks ago

Crawley

Ok, not happy.

Just been into TESCO’s and it was nuts, yet again they had no toilet paper at all.

Reluctantly i headed to the checkout and ask if they had any more and they said firmly “NO” almost to the point of being rude !!!!

Walking back to the toilet with my trousers and pants around my ankles was a walk i never want to have to do again.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

What do we want

"Hearing aids".

When do we want 'em

"Hearing aids"

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By *hubsloverMan
8 weeks ago

East/west sussex

Women’s Dictionary

1: yes = no

2: no =yes

3: We need to talk to each other = take a seat and just listen

4: Do whatever you like = try to Do something but you know you’ll get fked after

5: how much do you love me? = I have done something wrong wanna tell you

6: getting ready in 2 minutes = enjoy your two hours break

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By *angtMan
8 weeks ago

Wednesfield /Wolverhampton

"Women’s Dictionary

1: yes = no

2: no =yes

3: We need to talk to each other = take a seat and just listen

4: Do whatever you like = try to Do something but you know you’ll get fked after

5: how much do you love me? = I have done something wrong wanna tell you

6: getting ready in 2 minutes = enjoy your two hours break "

You forgot ‘fine’ which means everything is anything but fine, but I’m not going to tell you what’s pissed me off most, and if you can’t work it out you’re deep in the shit.

You also forgot that when you ask what’s wrong and get the answer ‘nothing’ usually accompanied by furious cleaning and dusting. It means pretty much the same as ‘fine’

🤷

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By *onybluenails OP Man
8 weeks ago

Crawley

I saw a fit looking Girl busking earlier today.

She had a great voice, and an even better pair of legs, emphasised by the short leather skirt she was wearing.

"Any Requests"..??? She asked the watching crowd.

"Your Thong," I replied with a Wink.

Everyone in the crowd gasped in Horror, and the girl slapped me hard across the face.

It's tough being an Elton John fan with a Lisp.

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By *hubsloverMan
8 weeks ago

East/west sussex

"Women’s Dictionary

1: yes = no

2: no =yes

3: We need to talk to each other = take a seat and just listen

4: Do whatever you like = try to Do something but you know you’ll get fked after

5: how much do you love me? = I have done something wrong wanna tell you

6: getting ready in 2 minutes = enjoy your two hours break

You forgot ‘fine’ which means everything is anything but fine, but I’m not going to tell you what’s pissed me off most, and if you can’t work it out you’re deep in the shit.

You also forgot that when you ask what’s wrong and get the answer ‘nothing’ usually accompanied by furious cleaning and dusting. It means pretty much the same as ‘fine’

🤷"

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By *onybluenails OP Man
8 weeks ago

Crawley

Son: Dad, did you take me on holiday when I was young?

Me: You went with me but came back with your mum

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By *hubsloverMan
8 weeks ago

East/west sussex

The guy asks his friend

If a leopard follows you what you gonna do?

He replies: I climb a tree

Then he asks: if he climbs on the tree too then what?

He replies : I carry on with climbing to get the highest branch with one hand and wrap the other arm around the trunk

Again he asks : if the leopards climbs up there too then what ?

He replies : he might leave me alone if you stfu

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By *onybluenails OP Man
8 weeks ago

Crawley

A mother-in-law called round to her daughter's house one day to find her son-in-law furiously packing his suitcase.

He was very angry and his mother-in-law said to him,

"What's the matter Eric, why are you furiously packing your suitcase like that?"

Eric said,

"Why am I angry? Why am I packing my suitcase? ,

The reason is, I emailed your daughter, my WIFE Evelyn, to tell her that I will be coming home a day earlier from my fishing trip only to find her upstairs, naked in our marital bed with our neighbour, Roy McGauley."

Mother-in-law,

"Don't be too hasty, there is probably a good reason, I will go and ask her and find out what it is."

Ten minutes later the Mother-in-law is back downstairs.

"I told you that there is probably a good reason. "

Eric,

"Well, what is it?"

Mother-in-law,

"She never got your email. "

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By *ickSeekerMan
8 weeks ago

Canterbury

Acclaimed Yiddish musician, composer and lyricist Abraham Salomon takes a toilet break in the middle of a recital. Coming back on to the stage, an overexcited fan frantically asks him:

'Hey Abe, do you know your schlong is peeping out of your flies?'

Abe: 'Ma'am, do I know it!? I wrote it!'

🎼🎹

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By *iBobOxonMan
8 weeks ago

Thame/Aylesbury

Ha ha ha that’s brilliant "

An oldie but goodie, always makes me chuckle

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By *iBobOxonMan
8 weeks ago

Thame/Aylesbury

I had a very difficult childhood, both of my parents were dwarves and they really struggled to put food on the table.

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By *onybluenails OP Man
8 weeks ago

Crawley

I put a rude picture in between the pages of a brochure for Paris, whoever picks it up will get more than an Eiffel.

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By *ade60Man
8 weeks ago

Workington

Thanks for these; i like a laff first thing in the morning (usually, i just look down at my penis; I can't really call it a 'cock.' lol)

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By *ootsockMan
8 weeks ago

Earl's Court, London

Ha ha ha that’s brilliant

An oldie but goodie, always makes me chuckle"

Also works well with boys' names where the 3rd one is Dick or Willie.

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By *entlad365Man
2 weeks ago

Dartford

Why couldn't the Empire find the Rebel Base in Star Wars?

They were looking in Alderaan places

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

When God said " let there be light"...

Who was he talking to ?

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By *ichey6Man
1 week ago

aberdeen

The head of entertainment at the BBC?

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

"Doctor I think I'm a moth"...

" You don't need me,you need a psychiatrist "...

I know but I was passing and saw your light on

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By *allaseyguyMan
1 week ago

Northampton

Excellent

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By *onybluenails OP Man
1 week ago

Crawley

THOUGHT OF THE DAY!

I was eating my Chinese tonight and it made me think! There's thousand of Chinese restaurants and takeaways all over this country which means there are loads of Chinese people! But how many Chinese funerals have you seen? I've never seen one! So what are they doing with them? Then looking at my sweet and sour chicken balls.....I'm thinking chicken don't have balls that f*cking big

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By *hubarb75Man
1 week ago

Chelmsford

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Because Ken came in a different box.

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By *onybluenails OP Man
7 days ago

Crawley

This morning I woke up in a clown costume.

I must have slept funny.

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By *elenaCDTV/TS
7 days ago

In the sticks Somerset

Been trans since conception, spent the first nine months as a man trapped in a woman's body!

Crossdresser friend went for a job with Apple, Turned her down said sha was non-binary.

She decided to adopt a baby instead, haven't seen her for a while ever since she's become a transparent!

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By *ichey6Man
7 days ago

aberdeen

Nigel Farage walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of bitter...

Only for the barman to pour it over his head....

'Why did you do that' asks Nigel...

'You never asked how you wanted it' replies the barman.

'But I wanted it in a glass' croaks Nigel.

'You ain't getting it, that's democracy' says the barman....

😭

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By *oycasebriskMan
7 days ago

Market Rasen

Why do Americans take a gun fishing?

In case they come across a school.

A Priest and a Rabbi run out of a burning building

Priest: What about the children?!

Rabbi: F*ck the children!!

Priest: Do you think we have time?

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By *ubguy2023Man
7 days ago

hyde

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I supect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you imbecile. Somebody took our tent."

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By *etterbiggerMan
7 days ago

Scunthorpe

Every hand you shake has had a dick in it.

More of a thought for the day. Funny though. I bet in formal situations now when someone wants to shake your hand you can't get the mental picture out of your head

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