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Daft funny dad jokes

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By *usicmanxxx OP   Man
over a year ago

skem

I woke up laughing this morning

Must have slept funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I woke up laughing this morning

Must have slept funny "

Yes. More from you

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By *usicmanxxx OP   Man
over a year ago

skem

Whats worse than find a maggot in your Apple

Half a maggot

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

Help wanted: i'm trying to locate a kitchen utensil from the internet, that scrapes off potato skin. Can you please keep your eyes peeled for me..?

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By *andomguy321Man
34 weeks ago

reading

My mate's never forgiven me for putting super-glue on one of his darts

He just can't let it go

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

When I arrived at the Ghost train ride at the funfair, the queue was very long and we had to wait ages! They only had a skeleton staff

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
34 weeks ago

Bedford

I wouldn't say my wife is fat but wherever I go I'm near her xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

My old Dad who received a disability benefit managed to get into ten Discos free of charge. Next time when he tried to get in he was refused free entry. The bouncer explained, you've only got a ten dance allowance.

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

The first written record of a motorcycle came in the Bible, when Jesus rode into Nazareth on his triumph

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By *ickSeekerMan
25 weeks ago

Canterbury

- Does your wife scream loudly when she reaches an orgasm?

- Yes, I can hear her all the way at the pub!

🍻

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a really

beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself: 'Wow, she's

so gorgeous she must be an off-duty flight attendant. But which airline

does she work for?'

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan:

'Love to fly and it shows?'

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself:

'Damn, she doesn't work for Delta.'

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again,

'Something special in the air?'

She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and

scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: 'Smooth as Silk.'

This time the woman turned on him, 'What the f**k do you want?'

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said 'Ahhhhh, Ryanair!!!"

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By *ottom 54Man
25 weeks ago

Causeway

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By *laingreedyMan
25 weeks ago

Chelmsford


"Whats worse than find a maggot in your Apple

Half a maggot "

No maggot … you can never be sure !

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
25 weeks ago

Bedford

Three balloons in bed mummy daddy and baby balloon. Baby balloon in the middle was feeling a bit squashed so he undone his knot and let some air out, still not comfortable ,so he undone his mummy's knot and let some air out, alas still feeling squashed he turned to daddy balloon and let some air out, finally comfortable he went to sleep. In the morning daddy balloon said to his son ,son I need to have a word about what you done last night as your mum and I are not happy about it .baby balloon looked upset and started crying say I haven't done anything wrong ,Daddy balloon said well son you let me down you let your mum down and worst of all you let yourself down .xx

Okay I'll get my coat x

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By *hinkTwinkMan
25 weeks ago

Crewe

Two fish in tank.

One says to the other "You drive and I'll man the guns"

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

Half naked man running down a hospital corridor with a nurse in pursuit with a pan of boiling water. Doctor calls to the nurse saying

" I said prick his boil"

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

A man was playing Darts in the Pub.

The Mother Superior from the nearby Nunnery was sitting at the Bar having a Pint and talking to the Landlord.

The Dart Player threw the first dart....THUD!

The Scorer called out: "Twenty!"

The second dart landed in Double Top....THUD!

"Eighty!" came the shout from the Scorer.

In went the third dart, hit the wire, bounced off the wire, hit the Mother Superior and killed her.

"One Nun dead and Eighty!"

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By *laingreedyMan
25 weeks ago

Chelmsford

What’s the difference between light and hard …

You can sleep with the light on.

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By *evanianMan
25 weeks ago

Flintshire

"What goes in pink and hard and comes out wet and sticky?"

"Bubble gum of course!" 😅

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

We were so poor when I was young, I once had my birthday party at the local launderette. The highlight was playing Pass the Persil.

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By *dnmartinMan
22 weeks ago

Hounslow

Who was the most bloodthirsty antelope in history?

Vlad the Impala

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By *dnmartinMan
22 weeks ago

Hounslow

Google Assistant on my phone kept calling me Shirley.

Then I realised I had left it on Airplane mode

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By *entlad365Man
22 weeks ago

Dartford

What cheese do you use yo hide a horse? Mascapone

How do Welsh people eat there cheese? Caerphilly

What cheese do you entice a bear from a tree? Camerbert

Did you hear about the explosion at the French cheese factory? De brie was everywhere

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By *ildwestheroMan
22 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

A vicar, an iman and a rabbit go into a clinic to donate blood.

The clinician says to the rabbit "What blood group are you?"

The rabbit replies "I think I'm a type O"

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By (user no longer on site)
22 weeks ago

Horse walks into a Bar,

Barmen says "why the long face"

Hehehe!

Its the way I tell'em

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By *reddy1510Man
22 weeks ago

preston

I’ve applied for a job in a mirror factory; it’s something I could see myself doing

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

Crawley

Husband sat in his room throwing darts at a picture of his wife...Not a single one hit the target.

Wife called out from another room, “What are you doing?”

Husband, “Missing you”

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By *entlad365Man
3 weeks ago

Dartford

I was going to make haggis today but I didn't have the stomach for it. It probably would have tasted offal anyway

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By *skfirstMan
3 weeks ago

Kidderminster

Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?

(Disclaimer...no offence to any dyslexic peeps on here )

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

Crawley

Who the hell is letting off fireworks ??, its bloody September, my poor dog is hiding under the Christmas tree

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By *excessMan
3 weeks ago

Sleaford

Gay couple in the car

One turns to his partner and says.

Can you smell cum?

He replies Yeah sorry I farted!

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

Crawley

Last week I was helping my partially deaf Nan move home, and I kept on finding wads of money pushed down the backs of chairs and stuffed into rolled up socks.

When I asked her why she’d done this she said that her financial adviser had told her that she should put her savings into socks and chairs..

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