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Xmas advice asked

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By *tokerY2O OP   Man
3 weeks ago

Bournemouth

So this is not my normal type of comment or post.

Through circumstances unexpected and beyond my control I'm now hosting Xmas day for my (very small) family (elderly parent and unmarried sibling).

As soon as I found out I'd thrown myself into making sure everything will be nice. I've decorated, planned meals planned games etc.

Spoke to my family today and the attitude was 'let just get it over with as no one wants to spend time with each other longer than they have to'.

I've spiralled a little bit thinking why am I bothering putting myself under this pressure when no-one cares.

I've cut myself off from my family for the most part as they are energy vampires but couldn't refuse hosting duties for a number of reasons.

Yes I know I should be grateful before anyone says, but can anyone offer advice on how I keep it together and not snap back at ungrateful relatives on the day?

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By *orchlightMan
3 weeks ago

Chippenham

Just chill and enjoy it yourself and hopefully they will enjoy it too. Don’t put yourself under pressure, invite them to help in meal preparation and washing up.

Just relax and try to enjoy the day? It’s just one day after all.

Best of luck, hope all goes well. X

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By *our-slaveMan
3 weeks ago

nottingham

Due to the effort you’ve made, I’m sure they’ll relax and enjoy the day very much.

Well done for doing what you’ve done for your family.

My opinion is that the day will go well and maybe it will help your family to get on with each other better.

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By *oodsman2Man
3 weeks ago

Neath

They won't help preparing or cleaning up. However after they had their fill sit back relax in the knowledge you tried. If they don't enjoy let them host next time

Merry xmas

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By *tokerY2O OP   Man
3 weeks ago

Bournemouth

Thanx guys any advice on dealing with someone who will deliberately trying to push my buttons to get a reaction?

They like pushing me until I snap then I become the 'problem' while they smugly gloat.

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By *oosterladMan
3 weeks ago

ipswich

Sounds a bit like a trip to the dentist to me. When I go and it gets bad I think about nice things like daffodils and bulbs i've planted coming up in the garden next spring to distract myself. Its seen me through three two hour sessions of root canal treatment on one tooth recently.

Prepare food far in advance before they arrive to cut stress make it nice for them, do your duty and you've done your best and will feel good about it then treat yourself afterwards.

Hope you have a happy christmas.

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By *lex65ukMan
3 weeks ago

Battle/Bexhill

Hope it turns out better than you expect and it's a pleasant surprise for you...lots of prosecco helps!

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By *angtMan
3 weeks ago

Wednesfield /Wolverhampton

It’s 24 hours at the most. In all likelihood far less than that.

Turn your buttons off. You know they’re going to be pressing them, so don’t rise to the bait. Whatever they say or do smile nicely and answer pleasantly and politely. Kill them with kindness. It will be easier to do if you don’t drink much alcohol.

You will feel far better on Boxing Day if you do get through the day without rising to the arguments.

Hope it all goes well, much love to you and yours.

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By *edMan
3 weeks ago

South Wales

It’s very commendable that you are trying to make such an effort for these people. It can seem like a thankless task. But I know from my own experiences that I never look forward to events like this but I usually always end up really enjoying myself. I’m sure your lot will have a blast. 👍🏼

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By *ubberFunkerMan
3 weeks ago

London- Margate +M2 corridor

Sounds like you've been guilt tripped into hosting your family for Christmas.

Thankfully I finally ditched my toxic siblings a decade ago. Christmas is now a delightfully peaceful time of year, sprinkled with favourites from F&M, a box of lychees & single malts by the fire.

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By *lder bottomMan
3 weeks ago

Stockport


"Thanx guys any advice on dealing with someone who will deliberately trying to push my buttons to get a reaction?

They like pushing me until I snap then I become the 'problem' while they smugly gloat. "

Just bite your tongue. Then get voodoo dolls to relieve your stress.

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
3 weeks ago

Bedford

[Removed by poster at 22/12/24 23:01:57]

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By *rMagicFingersMan
3 weeks ago

Bournemouth


"It will be easier to do if you don’t drink much alcohol."

Yes, this was going to be my advice. Try to minimise your booze intake. Not easy on Christmas Day, I know. And if you ply the others with drink they may well fall asleep after the big meal and you'll be able to entertain yourself while they snore away.

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By *lasgow verse 60s guyMan
3 weeks ago

Glasgow

Don't let them get to you. Prepare as much as you can in advance, limit the amount of booze you, and they, drink and make sure there are plenty of nibbles etc. Remember it is only a few hours, comments about your home can be answered with "well I like it that way" and move the conversation on.

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By *lder bottomMan
3 weeks ago

Stockport

Tell them you're ill and cancel.

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
3 weeks ago

Bedford

So two things

One you have risen to the occasion two it's now down to them.

I true believe you have done your best if all concerned can't appreciate the effort you have put in then shame on them.

The world needs people like you be strong xxx

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By *hroatLadWellsMan
3 weeks ago

camden

There really is a lot of flu, Covid and all other sort of nasties going around and like me you might be sneezing away and going through wads of Kleenex (not in a good way).

It's a bit irresponsible to get together indoors with a group, some of who might be vulnerable.

Why not protect your loved ones and suggest waiting just 3 months until the Spring Solstice and get together to celebrate?

You really don't have to go through this and who knows, some of them might be thoroughly delighted to be able to stay home ...

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By *ylonAlisonTV/TS
3 weeks ago

BURY

Just sit down and enjoy another glass of wine or a G&T

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By *artyanna16TV/TS
3 weeks ago

oldham

I for one recognised my own family dynamics as equally toxic and interminable many years ago , and similarly broke all ties, i think its an enormous sacrfice , wholly thankless unless theres a breakthrough, and the thing is , " whomever suggested," lets just get through it " meaning , it seems we couldnt give a fuck at least we wont have the responsibilty (i could he reading this entirely wrong though ,because at least they acknowledge its unique challenges, if it comes on top, i think , i would ensure that this is a one off , alternatives as host location will be reqd in future. and if all else fails , ship em off after dinner but before evening film ! Ill be logging in and if you d like to vent , ill be all ears! Unless cock is being proffered , then ill be all arsexxx

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By *lamMan
3 weeks ago

Merthyr-Tydfil

So I read today on my town facebook page that someone was looking for their grandparents after losing contact many years ago following a row. Sadly they were both dead according to the thread- lesson there somewhere...

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By *b20Man
3 weeks ago

Glasgow


"Thanx guys any advice on dealing with someone who will deliberately trying to push my buttons to get a reaction?

They like pushing me until I snap then I become the 'problem' while they smugly gloat. "

If it's not an essential relationship then just stay away from them

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By *artyanna16TV/TS
3 weeks ago

oldham

You know , there are ways and means to deal with that , firstly is question the validity of every snife remark, "really, why do you say such a thing, ,confront , why is that important to you to say right now? Im glad you got that off your chest, have you ever considered after dinner speaker as a job? If so so save it till after dinner!"" And yet here we are, hanging on your every word, and being disappointed , as usual.

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

Your family appear to be toxic narcissists - very complex types of people using emotional manipulation to make you feel obliged to them.

It is abusive.

You are under no obligation to host Christmas for them this year or ever. But the guilt of not complying with what they want can be overwhelming.

It won’t be easy this time to say no and is indeed probably too late.

So provide them with the Christmas you have arranged and try to set your mind to thinking “right, they’ve had their Christmas now I owe them nothing and will have my own Christmas next year”.

It took me years to take back control of my life from the obligations and expectations of my family, but over time the sense of freedom and relief is incredible.

Your life is yours - it belongs to you amd no one else

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By *terag5581Man
3 weeks ago

Stirling


"Thanx guys any advice on dealing with someone who will deliberately trying to push my buttons to get a reaction?

They like pushing me until I snap then I become the 'problem' while they smugly gloat. "

Just rise above it for the short time they will be there .

It will annoy them you're not rising to the bait as I'm sure you've experienced idiots on here who try to wind you up

And if they are that selfish and judgemental might be your 2025 resolution to cut ties, we don't owe anybody anything

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By *reme1Man
3 weeks ago

dursley

Tell em to fuck off? I’ve not hosted mine forever because all they did was moan and criticise when I did!..be grateful or do one?

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