I think this is just so commonplace amongst men of a certain age and I'm only surprised there hasn't, so far, been other responses.
From another recent thread, I'm saddened that some people seem to find such situations incomprehensible and are only too quick to pigeon-hole people as if sexuality was a constant and everyone equally capable of dealing with society's impositions, regardless of personalities and, by definition, unique personal circumstances. Whilst we've certainly come a long way when it comes to acceptance and understanding, it doesn't always feel that way and, ironically, sometimes the prejudice nowadays is within our own ranks.
For my part, I am clear in my mind that I have always been gay. My instinctive attraction to other males, to the almost total exclusion of females, far preceeded my sexual awakening but when that did dawn it was unequivocal where my interests lay.
I reached my teenage years in the early 1970s, when homosexuality in the media was an object of ridicule. To a formative mind, that contempt seemed to pervade all aspects of life and was a cause of shame and bullying. Something that until just a few years earlier had been illegal was not about to be readily countenanced by anyone in my social sphere. Information and advice was nowhere to be seen - to a teenager and then a young man, what it was to be gay was simply invisible and unquantifiable.
Expectations of dating girls and marriage were the only constant and that's hard to challenge when you have so little life experience and, unlike today, so little information. So it was that I fell in line and duly married. She was my first and only girlfriend. I did love her and even now when she is my ex-wife, I still do. But something so fundamental to who you are simply can't be 'pretended away'. When ultimately, many years later, I did experience sex with a man, I went on to meet men with whom I discovered a much more profound love. That's not to disrespect my ex-wife, merely to acknowledge the truth of my sexuality.
I always supported my wife and family after I came out and separated. I'm lucky - my wife is still my best friend and my grown up children have been unfailingly supportive - a tangible example of how much society has changed. Beyond the initial surprise/shock, everything has been conducted with civility and love. No arguments. No bitterness. Not all men are as fortunate, I know.
The relief that came from being honest with people was palpable. I'm less anxious and more fulfilled than I ever was before but more important than that, I'm happier and, crucially, that's what my ex-wife and children wanted for me too.
Taking steps like those described aren't undertaken lightly. It's not a whim or a passing fancy. It's serious stuff and it's not for everyone who find themself similarly conflicted. Everyone is different, but we all owe it to ourselves to live the best life we can - however we decide to define it.
I'm not a bi man, so apologies for arguably hijacking this thread, but in reality I think it's mere semantics. |
