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"Can only agree too many so called tops who are really bottom only .. Due to health issues I'm bottom only since having a stroke, I was top only before but now find it hard enough on here to connect without having to decipher what guy's really want.. Just be honest makes life so much better " Absolutely, honesty is best  | |||
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"Some guys may have changed preference and not updated their profile. Whilst top vs bottom is commonly in relation to anal, some guys identify as 'top' for oral if they only receive a blow job and do not give them. Usually them not ticking the anal box amongst their interests helps filter that out. Amongst my gay friends the standard joke when someone says versatile is met by laughter and a chorus of "bottom !". Some guys have a preconception about total bottoms and will only meet with a versatile guy for various reasons even if in the mood to top so saying they are versatile is often used by bottoms to avoid being pigeonholed. If you are 100% bottom then you will probably find you are limited to 'tops' as many genuinely versatile guys will prefer to 'flip-flop' taking a turn as top and bottom. " Thank you for your timecand good points. Just tge honesty of what we like is important. Nobody wants to disappoint anyone as a good meet is not just about what type of sex you end up having but also that connection of minds too even if you never speak a word. It is for me anyway. The opposite attract works much better in my case but of course can be different for others. | |||
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"I don't mean to offend or start a war of words for sure, just a genuine question. As a bottom guy I know what I like and clearly state it. I have come across so many profiles of 'top' guys who when you read their verifications is clear that most of the time have meets where they bottomed. To some extend I can undetstand if it was oral only but in most cases it is not. Also when you message after a few messages it becomes obvious they like to bottom as much as you do even though their profile says are top and in one particular case it said 100% top only. I only choose to meet top guys not just because it is what I like bit I also don't want to be a disappointment to anyone who would prefer a bit more vetsatility. Yes labels don't matter as such but when looking for compatible counterparts perhaps they do a little. Why not say you are at least versatile. Anyway, just my opinion and as I said no offence to anyone and good luck to all, whatever you do and enjoy. " I find that most guys I contact actually want to take and not give anal | |||
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"If you want fucking and the other guy is happy to fuck you, does it matter how he labels himself? That said I'm not sure why anyone would call themselves a top if they prefer being fucked. I suppose tastes change and some guys don't understand what the terminology means." You may be right as someone did ask me what the terms neant. However for a meet I personally like that clear distinction but that's just me and could be different for others. | |||
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"I I find that most guys I contact actually want to take and not give anal " There are more bottoms than tops on all the sites, seems once guys discover how good it feels being fucked they are converted (I was 100% top when younger) We need to start saying how awful it is to put them off  | |||
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"I I find that most guys I contact actually want to take and not give anal There are more bottoms than tops on all the sites, seems once guys discover how good it feels being fucked they are converted (I was 100% top when younger) We need to start saying how awful it is to put them off "It's a chicken and egg situation | |||
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"I think it’s best to be just open and honest with each other." Agree and that is all I was saying really | |||
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"I had an unsavoury message about this. True to form some people can't help themselves even though I said it was my opinion and genuine question and no offence meant to anyone. I let it go but if it happens again I will have to report it. Friendly DMs are fine but nobody likes nastiness. " I have a theory that this site is infiltrated by homophobes who's objective is to divide and conquer. There are also profiles that I suspect are the same person as they always jump in to defend or fuel the opinion of particular other profiles. | |||
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"I had an unsavoury message about this. True to form some people can't help themselves even though I said it was my opinion and genuine question and no offence meant to anyone. I let it go but if it happens again I will have to report it. Friendly DMs are fine but nobody likes nastiness. I have a theory that this site is infiltrated by homophobes who's objective is to divide and conquer. There are also profiles that I suspect are the same person as they always jump in to defend or fuel the opinion of particular other profiles." Don't really use the forums much so I don't kmow. You would expect that people can just express their opinions in an appropriate manner | |||
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haters will always hate, unemotionally click the report button in the message, block them and get on with your day  | |||
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"Here’s a question for the bottom only guys (not being rude or disrespectful - just interested) If a fellow bottom is into running and arse play, would you meet? When it comes to anal, I’d much rather bottom, as u can’t always guarantee I’ll perform as top… if the mood is right I’m happy to, but I find it easier just to say bottom. However, if things aren’t working down there, I’d happily rim and play with a hole to the cows come home… and then promptly rim the cows! For me personally, happy to have fun without full fucking, so interested to see what others view is" I don't know about others but it is not just the physical and whether you go all they . It is often about the 'mental' bit too I suppose. He top, me bottom and all the posibilities it brings | |||
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"Here’s a question for the bottom only guys (not being rude or disrespectful - just interested) If a fellow bottom is into running and arse play, would you meet? When it comes to anal, I’d much rather bottom, as u can’t always guarantee I’ll perform as top… if the mood is right I’m happy to, but I find it easier just to say bottom. However, if things aren’t working down there, I’d happily rim and play with a hole to the cows come home… and then promptly rim the cows! For me personally, happy to have fun without full fucking, so interested to see what others view is" Not for me, the whole point of bottoming is to have the prostate massaged by a cock A finger or toy cannot achieve the same result no matter how realistic, even a guy using strap on doesn't have the same rythym and passion a top transmits when using his cock. There is also a psychological, animalistic and sexual chemistry element to being penetrated by the actual penis of another man. | |||
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"In my own, personal experience, I have found that to be the case with a lot of guys who claim to be versatile. When you actually engage in a conversation with them it becomes clear, they are in fact bottom. " Quite true but obviously not everyone. | |||
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" Not for me, the whole point of bottoming is to have the prostate massaged by a cock A finger or toy cannot achieve the same result no matter how realistic, even a guy using strap on doesn't have the same rythym and passion a top transmits when using his cock. There is also a psychological, animalistic and sexual chemistry element to being penetrated by the actual penis of another man. " Fully agree with you on toys there, if it’s not real, then not a fan- and think you’ve summed up why well. | |||
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"If you want fucking and the other guy is happy to fuck you, does it matter how he labels himself? That said I'm not sure why anyone would call themselves a top if they prefer being fucked. I suppose tastes change and some guys don't understand what the terminology means." I class myself as a confused top - why because anal I only give and never receive however prefer to be sucked than sucking, love rimming both ways and am very sub. Happy for anyone to do an analysis and advise what I actually am! | |||
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"Am totally top like sucking but not really wanting to get fucked. " Some may suggest that might not be totally top. If meeting a bottom only guy they may or may not want that doing to them. Honesty and communication is the key I suppose. Keep enjoying what you like | |||
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"Yeah it’s annoying, speaking to top guys and then they ask if I’ll fuck their arse, like no? I’m a bottom, as stated on my profile " The sort of thing that prompted my thread really as I fod not quite understand it. It almost feels as they want to hide the fact that are not really top but at best versatile and that puzzles me. | |||
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"I’m a top but on a first meet like oral only as need to decide if I want to fuck them. I like connection chemistry as fucking is a very intimate thing for me to do " I agree and as a bottom I don't expect it all the time. Do you mean mutual oral as that might feel more of a verse activity to some but a bottom guy might actually like that. Some might only expect to give oral to a top guy | |||
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"I have met bottoms who will perform oral only even when you met them several times and make excuses when suggest fucking which is equally frustrating. " I think that's why thete is an oral category and then can clarify in text whether mutual or one way. To me bottom means you do both just not necessarily all the time. Just my opinion of course | |||
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"I will happily perform mutual oral as a top I really enjoy it " Sute and that is great as long as they know and you don't assume they want it. Lots will want it, some may not. | |||
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"I find it to be a minefield if going by labels alone. I tend to look towards Top but Versatile profiles can also be good. I get frustrated by profiles that indicate they are top leaning but once I start talking to them it becomes clear they actually just want to suck my cock, which is something I'm not really into" People should be honest in their profile and communication if the label does not quite fit. Everyone is different and that's great but I get confused when I see it says top and the only comments on profile, status or even in messages suggest otherwise. I feel as if I aam likely to be a disappointment to them and probably they to me. | |||
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"Speaking as a top.. people keep saying there are more bottoms than tops.. I struggle to find anyone to meet so I don’t think that’s true. I do like mutual oral so I tend to say I’m vers top.. but this does also seem to lead to me getting messages asking if I want to be fucked.. which I don’t. I actually don’t think some people understand what top/bottom actually are or what it means to be top/bottom.. maybe we should change the language? To give / receive " Not easy to encapsulate everything in a single label, I agree. That is part of the profile content and prior communication. What I am not keen is withholding what you actually like so that you can have a meet and then have the embarassment of asked to do something that is not your natural go to. Just to give it context, in a meet with a supposedly total top and after messaging of what each wanted, within minutes it was obvious his focus was on giving oral and trying to bottom apparrently for the first time to see what it was like. That does not say top to me and naturally the meet did not go well even though he was a very nice guy. Honesty is important. | |||
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"A clue is often in their selection of Profile pictures. All cock pics showing what's on offer probably more likely a top. All bum pics probably a bottom? " Perhaps, so much easier if told the truth though. What's the big deal? | |||
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"Top = I might be too but more likely at best versatile Versatile = mostly bottom but don’t want to put off tops Bottom = disappointed 95% of the time" | |||
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"I thought versatile meant bottom on here anyway.... "You may have a point there …. Lol | |||
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"Just to confuse everyone even more I used to class myself as Vers but changed it to bottom believing that is my preference. Whilst this is true, I never commit to sex before meeting someone but only go there if the foreplay is so good that sex becomes a natural progression. If it goes that far then I’m just as likely to top if that’s the way it happens to swing. Make of that what you will !! "That is fair enough and why not but a nut of that could be shared in conversation or profile in advance so potential meets are aware | |||
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"I’ve read a comment on here before that the bi guy started to only meet gay guys for this reason Have to say most tops seem to want topping and 90 odd percent of versatile are clearly bottom I get so fed up of chatting and looking for opportunities to meet then getting messages like,”I can’t wait for you to fuck me.”" Go figure  | |||
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"I don’t label myself as I only want my cock sucked. " Not fo me to say but if that was me for example, I would put oral as the role and clarify in the writing that only like to receive oral. Easy. The point is that some people leave things deliberately gray | |||
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"I've tried everything in my role and profile on here. Most of the messages I get are still from bottoms asking me to fuck them. I don't think I can make things any clearer x" You can't do more than that. They must think they have the power of turning someone | |||
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"In my own, personal experience, I have found that to be the case with a lot of guys who claim to be versatile. When you actually engage in a conversation with them it becomes clear, they are in fact bottom. " This⬆️ | |||
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"In my own, personal experience, I have found that to be the case with a lot of guys who claim to be versatile. When you actually engage in a conversation with them it becomes clear, they are in fact bottom. " And likewise there are guys on here who claim to be bottom who turn out actually to be oral only. Nothing wrong with that as I’m Side. Perhaps the Oral label needs a giver or receiver indication? | |||
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"In my own, personal experience, I have found that to be the case with a lot of guys who claim to be versatile. When you actually engage in a conversation with them it becomes clear, they are in fact bottom. And likewise there are guys on here who claim to be bottom who turn out actually to be oral only. Nothing wrong with that as I’m Side. Perhaps the Oral label needs a giver or receiver indication?" Personally I am not sure the labels can change as there are so many combinations. What is needed for people to be honest and share that additional clarification in their profile if they feel happy doing so. It's not that difficult really. | |||
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"I don't meet tops as they are too similar to myself in what they want i class myself as top as opposed to versitile as I never ever take cock anally, I will wank a nice cock in lingerie and occassionally suck one I never let anybody cum in my mouth as I hate the taste of spunk. But I do love to cum in thd othet guys mouth, over his face or down his throat. I have never cum up a guys arse while fucking him. So big question is do I qualify as a proper top lkke I claim? " as far as im concerned you area Top | |||
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"*sigh* Another of these threads with heaven knows how much whinging from sexually frustrated people. I know a lot of good bottoms on here who have no problem finding tops. I know a lot of good tops on here who have no problem finding bottoms. I know a lot of good versatile men on here who have no problem getting offers from both. So FabGuys and its capture audience isn’t ultimately the problem. It isn’t full of bottoms only. It isn’t all skewed against you. Guidance 1: Top/bottom Active/passive Dom/sub The terms are not interchangeable and have very different perspectives. Too many people use terms they don’t really understand and don’t check with their interlocutors that they are talking the same language. Guidance 2: If you actually think that a liking for sucking cock in some way makes a man more a bottom (there are at least two users above who seem to allude to this), then you are in Cloudcuckooland. " The point most people were making is that some choose to reveal their true preferences way down the line rather than be upfront. None of these labels are black and white and definitions can be widely intetpreted and mine or yours is not any better than anybody's else I am sure. It is about sharing enough information to avoid a mismatch without making it all too presceptive and clinical either. Putting top in your profile but asking a bottom guy if will top you in your second or so message is not quite right, is it? Anyway, everyone is entitled to their opinions. | |||
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" …. The point most people were making is that some choose to reveal their true preferences way down the line rather than be upfront. None of these labels are black and white and definitions can be widely intetpreted and mine or yours is not any better than anybody's else I am sure. It is about sharing enough information to avoid a mismatch without making it all too presceptive and clinical either. Putting top in your profile but asking a bottom guy if will top you in your second or so message is not quite right, is it? Anyway, everyone is entitled to their opinions… " Everyone is indeed entitled to their opinions, and you opened a Forum thread which thus invites others to give theirs, so don’t get all scratchy when people do exactly that. We all know that people online don’t read profiles properly, can’t fill in their own profile properly, etc etc. Much of this culture has to be taken as read. Do you commonly feel people are hiding their true preferences from you and are not being upfront..? I’ve never felt this. But I don’t look at profiles thinking “Oh, I must fuck him!” or “Oh, he must fuck me!” I also didn’t fixate on anal sex as a non-negotiable. I look at profiles and think “Oh, he’s sexy - let’s interact and see where it goes.” In the course of such interactions, you are sometimes very surprised by who is interested to fuck/be fucked and so it’s best never to make assumptions. Much of this is crystallised by the dynamics of your interaction. A lot of people have genuinely different sexual instincts with different types of people. Even men who are mostly top or mostly bottom can have different instincts with some. Is it impossible some people are suggesting scenarios they know will not go anywhere just to put you off? ie Instead of saying, “Now I’ve seen your pictures, I’m not interested” or something very honest, they propose a sexual situation they know you will reject? | |||
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" …. The point most people were making is that some choose to reveal their true preferences way down the line rather than be upfront. None of these labels are black and white and definitions can be widely intetpreted and mine or yours is not any better than anybody's else I am sure. It is about sharing enough information to avoid a mismatch without making it all too presceptive and clinical either. Putting top in your profile but asking a bottom guy if will top you in your second or so message is not quite right, is it? Anyway, everyone is entitled to their opinions… Everyone is indeed entitled to their opinions, and you opened a Forum thread which thus invites others to give theirs, so don’t get all scratchy when people do exactly that. We all know that people online don’t read profiles properly, can’t fill in their own profile properly, etc etc. Much of this culture has to be taken as read. Do you commonly feel people are hiding their true preferences from you and are not being upfront..? I’ve never felt this. But I don’t look at profiles thinking “Oh, I must fuck him!” or “Oh, he must fuck me!” I also didn’t fixate on anal sex as a non-negotiable. I look at profiles and think “Oh, he’s sexy - let’s interact and see where it goes.” In the course of such interactions, you are sometimes very surprised by who is interested to fuck/be fucked and so it’s best never to make assumptions. Much of this is crystallised by the dynamics of your interaction. A lot of people have genuinely different sexual instincts with different types of people. Even men who are mostly top or mostly bottom can have different instincts with some. Is it impossible some people are suggesting scenarios they know will not go anywhere just to put you off? ie Instead of saying, “Now I’ve seen your pictures, I’m not interested” or something very honest, they propose a sexual situation they know you will reject? " All I can say is that I have seen nobody else on this thread at all get 'scratchy' and I am very grateful to them for contributing, whatever their opinion. Thank you for your insight too, of course. It's all helpful for a relatively newbie on here. | |||
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