FabGuys.com forum: Jokes?

By *astenotime OP Man
49 weeks ago

Gedling

Been a while since we had some fun posts.

I'll start...

A married couple went to a hotel to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary and as she was posing in the mirror, she said

Do you remember our honeymoon, when I stood in front of the mirror, what did you think?

He said I wanted to suck your tits dry and fuck you stupid.

She said

And what do you think now.

He said

Looks like it worked.

😂

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By *ildwestheroMan
49 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

A woman, in a black skirt, bent over to pick something up in the garden. Her husband rudely quipped "when you do that your arse looks exactly the same as the barbecue over there. Can hardly tell them apart" The woman said nothing.

Later that night, when they were in bed he started to get frisky, but she said "forget it it. I'm hardly going to fire up my barbecue for one tiny chipolata"

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By *excessMan
49 weeks ago

Sleaford

Husband says to his wife

I don't know why you watch these cooking shows, you never get any better.

So why do you watch porn she replies!!

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By *oose1Man
49 weeks ago

doncaster

I was watching porn with my wife , s d admiring the shaved pussy

I said to wife why don’t you shave cunt ,

I woke up in the morning with a bald head

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

My girlfriend has asked me to get her a new Dipstick for her Car.

She said the old one doesn't reach the oil.

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By *ildwestheroMan
49 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

A mother knocks on her son's bedroom door and asks "Are you ready for church?"

"No" he shouts back "I don't want to go. One: everyone there hates me and two: I hate everyone there"

His mother replies "Don't be silly. You've got to go. One: You're 47 not 7. And two: you're the vicar!"

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

So this fella knocked on my door this morning and asked where I get my energy from?

I said: "Mostly from food and sunlight".

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

A dung beetle walks into a bar and says.. "Is this stool taken?"

I know it's a shit joke!

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

Dr: tell my about your average night?

Me: well, they wear Armour....

Dr: no I meant at bedtime!

Me: oh! ....they probably take it off!

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By *rianishardMan
49 weeks ago

Cambridge

"Been a while since we had some fun posts.

I'll start...

A married couple went to a hotel to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary and as she was posing in the mirror, she said

Do you remember our honeymoon, when I stood in front of the mirror, what did you think?

He said I wanted to suck your tits dry and fuck you stupid.

She said

And what do you think now.

He said

Looks like it worked.

😂

Love it 🤣🤣🤣

Great to see some humour x

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By *astenotime OP Man
49 weeks ago

Gedling

Saw my friend Bertha on the bus with a Tampax behind her ear.

"Hey Bertha" , I said, " did you realize you've got a Tampax behind your ear?"

" Fucking hell" , she said, " Wheres me fag?"

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By *ickSeekerMan
49 weeks ago

Canterbury

Friend says to man: 'you do look very unhappy, you should drown your sorrows'

Man replies: 'I've tried many a time but my wife is a damn good swimmer, the bitch!'

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

I often wonder what it would be like being married to an idiot.

I mentioned this to the wife and she said "You get used to it!!..

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By *noggrMan
49 weeks ago

Bournemouth

"A dung beetle walks into a bar and says.. "Is this stool taken?"

I know it's a shit joke!"

It made me laugh! 😁

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By *ello 1000Man
49 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

A very good friend of mine has had to leave his job , he worked for The RAC , but the stress , pressure and anxiety got too much for him

Every time he got a call out he thought he was heading to a breakdown

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By *ustinaTV/TS
49 weeks ago

cardiff

I'm buying my wife a prosthetic leg for Christmas....its not her main present just a stocking filler.

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By *etterbiggerMan
49 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

A couple in their 80s go to the Dr

We've been trying for a family for nearly 60 years and have had no luck. Do you think we have a problem.

The Dr thinks bless em, I need to put their minds at rest.

Ok we need to do some tests. Starting with you Mr Smith. He gives him a little plastic pot. Come back in two weeks with a sperm sample in here. We can test it.

They come back two weeks later with the pot

Ah good did you get a sample

Well no Dr

I tried with my right hand

I tried with my left

My wife took her teeth out and she had a go

No matter what we tried we couldn't get the lid off this little plastic pot

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By *astenotime OP Man
49 weeks ago

Gedling

Went to the doctor and asked him if my nose looked like the shape of a trumpet,

He said yes, I said I thought so. My brother's nose is the shape of a trombone.

Dr says, he had a women in last week with a mouth the shape of a mouth organ.

I said ,

Ah, that must be ......Our Monica

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

I went to the doctors and dropped my trousers to reveal I was wearing cling film underpants.

He told me “I can clearly see your nuts”.

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By *astenotime OP Man
49 weeks ago

Gedling

I was on a flight to USA a few years ago.

The hostess asked the man next to me if he'd like some of their TWA coffee.

No, he said, I'd like some of your TWA T

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

Did you know that milk is the fastest flowing liquid on earth? It’s true!

It’s pasteurized before you know it.

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By *ildwestheroMan
49 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

A strange looking bloke, carrying a wad of leaflets, knocked on my door.

"I'm a Jehovah's Witness" he said

"Wrong address" I replied "You obviously need the Magistrates Court. It's that big Victorian building at the end of the road"

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

So I went up to the bar and said " 4 pints of lager, 2 pints of beer, 2 pints of cider, 3 gin and tonics, 2 vodka and s, 4 bags of cheese and onion crisps and 2 bags of salted peanuts please."

Barmaid said "Would you like a tray?"

I said "Don't you think I've got enough to carry?"

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By *leepflowerMan
47 weeks ago

Leek

I went for a job interview at Evri. I said ‘Sorry I’m late, I went to the wrong address’ and they made me regional manager.

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By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

I was invited to join the neighbourhood watch scheme. I said does it involve keeping a lookout for possible burglars. They said no, this is a poor area, we only have one watch and each household borrows it for a day.

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By *ildwestheroMan
47 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

An Evri driver looked hot and bothered.

"Would you like a cold drink?" I asked

"Yes pleased he replied

So I got a bottle of pop out of the fridge and threw it in the hedge three doors away.

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

Crawley

My ex-girlfriend said we can work on my bladder problem together.

I said, There is no wee...

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By *ildwestheroMan
3 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

Used to think I was a pretty good driver until the other day. My Satnav said "I 200 yards pull over into the layby and let me out!"

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By *ocky30Man
3 weeks ago

Wellingborough

The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town. One day he was walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

"Miss Fitzgerald," he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"

"Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very d*unk. When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realised that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the reverend wound up on top of Mrs Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oi Mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub."

The reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps."

The landlord nodded and said, "Oh well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish."

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By *uffolkman22Man
3 weeks ago

lavenham

Two guys in a pub getting d*unk

The older guy loudly says

I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER !

The younger guy replies GO HOME DAD YOU ARE DRUNK 😂

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By *hubbyGinger76Man
3 weeks ago

Halesowen

I'm really good at playing Operation. I'm fact I heard my wife telling one of her friends I never even touch the sides

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By *oannacd70TV/TS
3 weeks ago

worcester

Chinese inventor of digital cameras died recently rip zoom in

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By *ornyguy911Man
3 weeks ago

harrogate

Remember fellas when discussing where you'd like to be buried with the missus.

Balls deep in her sister is not what she wants to hear

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By *ackupaccMan
3 weeks ago

Bradford

How does a ginger hi-5

They clap

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By *andy XXXMan
3 weeks ago

Staveley

Why wasn't jesus born in Bradford?

Couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin

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By *ackupaccMan
3 weeks ago

Bradford

"Why wasn't jesus born in Bradford?

Couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin "

Bet he found 72 of them

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By *ildwestheroMan
3 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

Shepherds won't be allowed to work their dogs on Monday because it's a ban Collie day.

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By *entlad365Man
4 days ago

Dartford

What do you call a half Iranian half Russian firefighter?

Amir panikova

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By *reddy1510Man
4 days ago

Preston

My mate invited me over for a Pirate Orgy

I asked him “what is a Pirate Orgy”?

He replied “cum as you aarrgggh”

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By *raggahboyMan
3 days ago

stoke

Older couple in bed. Wife says you no longer nibble my ear like U used to! He says How the hell can I my teeth are in the bathroom!

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By *xxkinkycoupleCouple (MM)
3 days ago

Alcester

My wife was really mad about the neighbor sunbathing nude outside.

Personally, I’m on the fence.

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By *xxkinkycoupleCouple (MM)
3 days ago

Alcester

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilise one egg?

Because they won’t stop to ask for directions.

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By *etshavefun91Man
3 days ago

What’s long, hard and full of semen….

A submarine

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