FabGuys.com forum: Jokes?

By *anmanners OP Man
2 weeks ago

Notts

Been a while since we had some fun posts.

I'll start...

A married couple went to a hotel to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary and as she was posing in the mirror, she said

Do you remember our honeymoon, when I stood in front of the mirror, what did you think?

He said I wanted to suck your tits dry and fuck you stupid.

She said

And what do you think now.

He said

Looks like it worked.

😂

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By *ildwestheroMan
2 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

A woman, in a black skirt, bent over to pick something up in the garden. Her husband rudely quipped "when you do that your arse looks exactly the same as the barbecue over there. Can hardly tell them apart" The woman said nothing.

Later that night, when they were in bed he started to get frisky, but she said "forget it it. I'm hardly going to fire up my barbecue for one tiny chipolata"

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By *excessMan
2 weeks ago

Sleaford

Husband says to his wife

I don't know why you watch these cooking shows, you never get any better.

So why do you watch porn she replies!!

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By *oose1Man
2 weeks ago

doncaster

I was watching porn with my wife , s d admiring the shaved pussy

I said to wife why don’t you shave cunt ,

I woke up in the morning with a bald head

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By *onybluenailsMan
2 weeks ago

horsham

My girlfriend has asked me to get her a new Dipstick for her Car.

She said the old one doesn't reach the oil.

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By *ildwestheroMan
2 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

A mother knocks on her son's bedroom door and asks "Are you ready for church?"

"No" he shouts back "I don't want to go. One: everyone there hates me and two: I hate everyone there"

His mother replies "Don't be silly. You've got to go. One: You're 47 not 7. And two: you're the vicar!"

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By *onybluenailsMan
2 weeks ago

horsham

So this fella knocked on my door this morning and asked where I get my energy from?

I said: "Mostly from food and sunlight".

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By *h22cdTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Ferndown

A dung beetle walks into a bar and says.. "Is this stool taken?"

I know it's a shit joke!

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By *onybluenailsMan
2 weeks ago

horsham

Dr: tell my about your average night?

Me: well, they wear Armour....

Dr: no I meant at bedtime!

Me: oh! ....they probably take it off!

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By *rianishardMan
2 weeks ago

Cambridge

"Been a while since we had some fun posts.

I'll start...

A married couple went to a hotel to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary and as she was posing in the mirror, she said

Do you remember our honeymoon, when I stood in front of the mirror, what did you think?

He said I wanted to suck your tits dry and fuck you stupid.

She said

And what do you think now.

He said

Looks like it worked.

😂

Love it 🤣🤣🤣

Great to see some humour x

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By *anmanners OP Man
2 weeks ago

Notts

Saw my friend Bertha on the bus with a Tampax behind her ear.

"Hey Bertha" , I said, " did you realize you've got a Tampax behind your ear?"

" Fucking hell" , she said, " Wheres me fag?"

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By *ickSeekerMan
2 weeks ago

Canterbury

Friend says to man: 'you do look very unhappy, you should drown your sorrows'

Man replies: 'I've tried many a time but my wife is a damn good swimmer, the bitch!'

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By *onybluenailsMan
2 weeks ago

horsham

I often wonder what it would be like being married to an idiot.

I mentioned this to the wife and she said "You get used to it!!..

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By *noggrMan
2 weeks ago

New Forest

"A dung beetle walks into a bar and says.. "Is this stool taken?"

I know it's a shit joke!"

It made me laugh! 😁

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By *ello 1000Man
2 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

A very good friend of mine has had to leave his job , he worked for The RAC , but the stress , pressure and anxiety got too much for him

Every time he got a call out he thought he was heading to a breakdown

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By *ustinaTV/TS
2 weeks ago

cardiff

I'm buying my wife a prosthetic leg for Christmas....its not her main present just a stocking filler.

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By *etterbiggerMan
2 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

A couple in their 80s go to the Dr

We've been trying for a family for nearly 60 years and have had no luck. Do you think we have a problem.

The Dr thinks bless em, I need to put their minds at rest.

Ok we need to do some tests. Starting with you Mr Smith. He gives him a little plastic pot. Come back in two weeks with a sperm sample in here. We can test it.

They come back two weeks later with the pot

Ah good did you get a sample

Well no Dr

I tried with my right hand

I tried with my left

My wife took her teeth out and she had a go

No matter what we tried we couldn't get the lid off this little plastic pot

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By *anmanners OP Man
2 weeks ago

Notts

Went to the doctor and asked him if my nose looked like the shape of a trumpet,

He said yes, I said I thought so. My brother's nose is the shape of a trombone.

Dr says, he had a women in last week with a mouth the shape of a mouth organ.

I said ,

Ah, that must be ......Our Monica

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By *onybluenailsMan
2 weeks ago

horsham

I went to the doctors and dropped my trousers to reveal I was wearing cling film underpants.

He told me “I can clearly see your nuts”.

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By *anmanners OP Man
2 weeks ago

Notts

I was on a flight to USA a few years ago.

The hostess asked the man next to me if he'd like some of their TWA coffee.

No, he said, I'd like some of your TWA T

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By *onybluenailsMan
2 weeks ago

horsham

Did you know that milk is the fastest flowing liquid on earth? It’s true!

It’s pasteurized before you know it.

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By *ildwestheroMan
2 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

A strange looking bloke, carrying a wad of leaflets, knocked on my door.

"I'm a Jehovah's Witness" he said

"Wrong address" I replied "You obviously need the Magistrates Court. It's that big Victorian building at the end of the road"

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By *onybluenailsMan
2 weeks ago

horsham

So I went up to the bar and said " 4 pints of lager, 2 pints of beer, 2 pints of cider, 3 gin and tonics, 2 vodka and s, 4 bags of cheese and onion crisps and 2 bags of salted peanuts please."

Barmaid said "Would you like a tray?"

I said "Don't you think I've got enough to carry?"

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By *leepflowerMan
3 days ago

Leek

I went for a job interview at Evri. I said ‘Sorry I’m late, I went to the wrong address’ and they made me regional manager.

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By *onybluenailsMan
3 days ago

horsham

I was invited to join the neighbourhood watch scheme. I said does it involve keeping a lookout for possible burglars. They said no, this is a poor area, we only have one watch and each household borrows it for a day.

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By *ildwestheroMan
3 days ago

Llandrindod Wells

An Evri driver looked hot and bothered.

"Would you like a cold drink?" I asked

"Yes pleased he replied

So I got a bottle of pop out of the fridge and threw it in the hedge three doors away.

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