FabGuys.com forum: Mid/late Thirties: too late to turn things around?

By *avid_glasgow OP Man
23 hours ago

Glasgow

Hey all,

I’m 36 and lately I’ve been feeling pretty rough about where I’m at in life. I have a full-time job, but I only just get by financially, and I’m still living with my parents. I’m not out to them because they’re not accepting, so I’ve had to stay very discreet for peace of mind.

I’ve never had a long-term relationship, and most of the attention I get online tends to come from much older guys. That, plus how I’ve been feeling about my body, makes me wonder if I’m not ageing well or just not in great shape generally.

I guess I’m wondering: have I missed the boat? Is 36 too late to pull things together, find love, or even just feel good about how I look? Be honest—do people ever manage to ‘bring it back’ at this age?

Would really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been in a similar place or who has some perspective. Thanks.

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By *lasgow verse 60s guyMan
23 hours ago

Glasgow

No it is never too late. Focus on one thing at a time and work on that. Love will find you when you are ready to be found

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By *dstefiTV/TS
23 hours ago

Solihull

It's bloody tough trying to have a life on your own on the typical unskilled/semi-skilled wage these days. I feel for you. Were I not married with a wife who earns £40k I'd struggle too on my £28k salary. They maybe sound decent enough numbers and combined we do trundle along OK although don't live extravagantly. But neither of us could have anything like the life w have on just one wage.

As regards the physical aspect, you're never past it (unless you have some unfortunate debilitating illness). I just recently switched jobs to one that's very physically demanding (I manually shift and lift around a couple of tonnes of product every day as well as doing a lot of mentally exacting office work) and if I can hack that at 62, anyone can. I'm probably in the best shape I've been since my twenties and still improving. Imagine getting paid to do better exercise than any gym membership can offer.

None of which constitutes any sort of useful advice on getting out of the rut. But more just to say, it can be done.

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By *avid_glasgow OP Man
23 hours ago

Glasgow

I think one thing at a time would help: trying to fix everything is getting me nowhere

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By *avid_glasgow OP Man
22 hours ago

Glasgow

Thanks though, interesting to hear other perspectives and whats worked for you x

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By *onamebiguy99Man
22 hours ago

Buxton

Wish i was 36 and single! Definitely not too late and nothing wrong with your body

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By *ig dancer guyMan
22 hours ago

Nottingham

Im in a very similar situation to you so I know 100% how you feel, though im pretty sure my parents do know about my (its pretty obvious)

I have recently started to try to turn things around too.

For the moment im focusing on losing weight and getting to the gym to try and improve my self image.

I agree with what others have said about taking it one thing at a time, its far too difficult to try it all at once.

Try to keep up the faith and dont lose hope, you'll get there.

If its any consolation, you're in far better physical shape than me

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By *avid_glasgow OP Man
22 hours ago

Glasgow

"Wish i was 36 and single! Definitely not too late and nothing wrong with your body "

Thanks man, I just wonder that even if I get my shit together is it diminishing returns: guess I'm overthinking it

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By *avid_glasgow OP Man
21 hours ago

Glasgow

"Im in a very similar situation to you so I know 100% how you feel, though im pretty sure my parents do know about my (its pretty obvious)

I have recently started to try to turn things around too.

For the moment im focusing on losing weight and getting to the gym to try and improve my self image.

I agree with what others have said about taking it one thing at a time, its far too difficult to try it all at once.

Try to keep up the faith and dont lose hope, you'll get there.

If its any consolation, you're in far better physical shape than me"

Thanks for your reply!

It's a case with me that mum and dad probably know but *never say. And we're talking no girlfriend ever lol but it also means you can't talk about dates or heartbreak or just making plans. Plus they're homophobic about famous gays or whatever. I've had private suggestions I need to make more gay friends and that would help.

One thing at a time seems to be the answer: thanks.

Big hugs, and lots of luck with your own journey: I appreciate you taking the time to chat

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By *ilke500Man
21 hours ago

edinburgh

I feel so sorry for younger people today who don’t seem to have the same opportunities that my generation had. The ability to have social mobility and have their own place to live and create a family. These days so many of my friends children are in the same position as the OP. Even working full time they struggle to get on in life unless their parents can afford to help out financially.

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By *avid_glasgow OP Man
20 hours ago

Glasgow

"I feel so sorry for younger people today who don’t seem to have the same opportunities that my generation had. The ability to have social mobility and have their own place to live and create a family. These days so many of my friends children are in the same position as the OP. Even working full time they struggle to get on in life unless their parents can afford to help out financially."

It's the delayed gratification part: right, you become financially independent but you're also forty+ when youth is practically everything. Also makes you risk averse/caught in a loop

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
20 hours ago

Bristol

36 is absolutely not too late.

Changing your physical appearance (getting in to good shape) is %100 achievable well in to your 60s... It's just up to you to do it.

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By *ob8469Man
20 hours ago

Glasgow

Far from an expert in any of this but maybe just a couple of things to think about.

First, 36 is absolutely not too old to think about changing your life. But the change has to come from you more than from people around you. Sometimes it’s as if a little switch goes off in your head and you know it’s time to make changes.

(And at 36 you have decades in front of you still. But they’ll also pass quicker and quicker. Sad, but true)

Second, I’d say one thing to consider is - nobody has it together. Nobody. Everyone is winging it in different ways, even those who you might look at and imagine have everything sorted. Don’t make your goal what others have. Figure out what you want, and then think about how you get to it.

Third, when you get into a little bit of a patch where life feels like it’s not in the gear you expected it to be, it’ll pass. I know this from experience.

But you can’t change everything at once. Sounds like some things you might have to work around as well as try to change directly. So, pick one or two aspects at a time. Work on your health if you can. Is there something you can think about in terms of your work that could help you financially be a little better off? Enough to get you started somewhere on your own where you can have space.

Or start with something even smaller. It doesn’t matter which it is, just have a think and you’ll make the decision.

Hope you find a path that works for you.

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By *avid_glasgow OP Man
11 hours ago

Glasgow

"36 is absolutely not too late.

Changing your physical appearance (getting in to good shape) is %100 achievable well in to your 60s... It's just up to you to do it."

Id a cool private reply which said how you can look in the mirror til you find something positive you like and hold onto that. I think that will help motivate me with the gym etc

Looking at your profile reminds me too that it's possible to completely transform how you look which is cool: what I'm aiming for is pretty modest by comparison

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By *avid_glasgow OP Man
11 hours ago

Glasgow

"Far from an expert in any of this but maybe just a couple of things to think about.

(And at 36 you have decades in front of you still. But they’ll also pass quicker and quicker. Sad, but true)

Third, when you get into a little bit of a patch where life feels like it’s not in the gear you expected it to be, it’ll pass. I know this from experience.

Or start with something even smaller. It doesn’t matter which it is, just have a think and you’ll make the decision.

Hope you find a path that works for you.

Thanks Rob, yeah totally that nicely summarises what I've been hearing which is focusing on small and manageable things and it'll take some work thinking what I'm actually looking for. Thanks for replying too xx

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By *fourjMan
10 hours ago

Here, there or somewhere nearish March

I have often thought that thirty-six is the perfect age for a man. In general he still has his hair and all the bits work. My father was also very homophobic, until I came out to him (when I was older than you and still married) and he suddenly became a great advocate! It’s easy to create monsters from people we’ve never met, but that can change when it’s someone we know and love.

I know the number of homeless gay young men shows my experience is not universal so I wouldn’t advocate coming out in every situation, but if you ever find yourself in the position to do so you might be surprised at how much load that can take from your shoulders and other things may well start to fall into place. Good luck.

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By *anmannersMan
10 hours ago

Notts

I understand you are feeling low hence the thread.

Looking at your profile, I see nothing wrong.

Sexy and fine body.

All our bodies change as we age. It's meat for some so nothing wrong.

I didn't settle with someone until I was 32 but it's a loving open relationship.

What I do say is that your verifications are very positive, so believe in that. They wouldn't bother writing it if it wasn't meant, I'm sure.

Good luck. Life is difficult and we live in difficult but much freer times.

Let me know how you get on x

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By *avid_glasgow OP Man
3 hours ago

Glasgow

"I have often thought that thirty-six is the perfect age for a man. In general he still has his hair and all the bits work. My father was also very homophobic, until I came out to him (when I was older than you and still married) and he suddenly became a great advocate! It’s easy to create monsters from people we’ve never met, but that can change when it’s someone we know and love.

Its helped that I decided to not be in the closet at work but I'll take that on board for home. You too, thanks x

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By *avid_glasgow OP Man
3 hours ago

Glasgow

"I understand you are feeling low hence the thread.

Looking at your profile, I see nothing wrong.

Sexy and fine body.

All our bodies change as we age. It's meat for some so nothing wrong.

I didn't settle with someone until I was 32 but it's a loving open relationship.

What I do say is that your verifications are very positive, so believe in that. They wouldn't bother writing it if it wasn't meant, I'm sure.

Good luck. Life is difficult and we live in difficult but much freer times.

Let me know how you get on x"

That's true: I've taken the nice verifications for granted so guess they'd a good time. If I could let go of wishing I was in a relationship right now I might loosen up a bit. Thanks, you too x

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By *our-slaveMan
3 hours ago

nottingham

Nowhere near too late. In my mid forties, I lost 4 stones in 4 months. In my mid fifties I left my job and started a web design business. Then I went on a photo lighting course and started a photography business to run alongside the web design business.

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By *or one nught onlyMan
3 hours ago

dundee

If you’re looking for a relationship on here , you are definitely barking up the wrong tree , as you’ll see , even with profiles who are replying , a lot are married / partnered, so please don’t waste your time on those types. They are no good for you

Single and mingle , but only with the singles ( or try so called dating apps ). Can still go about your business without anyone knowing your sexual preferences.

Keeping in shape can be a daunting task , if you don’t know where to start , or have the drive to do it. Mentally overcoming that issue, can be done with the right attitude.

Small changes , have big effects in time.

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By *avid_glasgow OP Man
1 hour ago

Glasgow

"Nowhere near too late. In my mid forties, I lost 4 stones in 4 months. In my mid fifties I left my job and started a web design business. Then I went on a photo lighting course and started a photography business to run alongside the web design business."

The weight thing definitely gets me down: lost it before and then lost momentum because I was looking for external validation and frankly noone gave a fuck lol

The job ive got is boring admin/customer service in a call centre so there are probably guys out there in the same boat that it feels like groundhog day. Inspiring that you broke out those ruts: thanks for your comment

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By *avid_glasgow OP Man
1 hour ago

Glasgow

"If you’re looking for a relationship on here , you are definitely barking up the wrong tree , as you’ll see , even with profiles who are replying , a lot are married / partnered, so please don’t waste your time on those types. They are no good for you

Single and mingle , but only with the singles ( or try so called dating apps ). Can still go about your business without anyone knowing your sexual preferences.

Keeping in shape can be a daunting task , if you don’t know where to start , or have the drive to do it. Mentally overcoming that issue, can be done with the right attitude.

Small changes , have big effects in time. "

Thanks man. Yeah I've fell for guys who are both already in relationships with other people and guys who are emotionally unavailable and both are a dead end.

Small changes is definitely a theme: thanks for your take x

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