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Thoughts on expressing ethnic preferences

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By *dstefi OP   Man
3 weeks ago

Solihull

To me when people say "no dogs no Irish, sorry just my preference" (or insert aversion of choice here) it seems slightly superfluous and telegraphing something about you. I mean you can easily ignore overtures from people who aren't for you, and block them if they get pushy.

Why bother even mentioning it unless you're blowing the world's smallest dogwhistle?

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By *eedsbearmanMan
3 weeks ago

Leeds

Birds of a feather flock together

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By *awihMan
3 weeks ago

Aldershot


"To me when people say "no dogs no Irish, sorry just my preference" (or insert aversion of choice here) it seems slightly superfluous and telegraphing something about you. I mean you can easily ignore overtures from people who aren't for you, and block them if they get pushy.

Why bother even mentioning it unless you're blowing the world's smallest dogwhistle?"

I can understand “no dogs” for some people, for me it would be “no cats” as I have an allergy. Not as bad now as it used to be, but going into a place where a car lived would cause puffy eyes and trouble breathing for me.

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By *ildwestheroMan
3 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

We probably all have slight ethnic preferences though could hardly believe anyone would say no Irish. Having said that I did once read a Welsh guy's profile [not on this site] that said No English.

Loads of other no-no's are more understandable like no smokers or no very fat or very thin guys.

No dogs? Often a sign in food shops, cafes, pubs etc. However would you want a rottweiler growling at you whilst you fucked his master, or some nasty little poodle yapping whilst your were sucking her owner?

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By *ookingaroundMan
3 weeks ago

Bristol


"To me when people say "no dogs no Irish, sorry just my preference" (or insert aversion of choice here) it seems slightly superfluous and telegraphing something about you. I mean you can easily ignore overtures from people who aren't for you, and block them if they get pushy.

Why bother even mentioning it unless you're blowing the world's smallest dogwhistle?"

I think when it comes to aesthetics, any preference is legitimate as geometry is important to many people for attraction.

When you are assuming a particular personality type based on ethnicity or sexuality you are displaying a stereotype bias which I would question very strongly as no large group has such a homogenous way of being and if you use that as a filter, I would, and have argued very strongly you are showing baseless bigotry.

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By *dstefi OP   Man
3 weeks ago

Solihull

Oh yeah, I'm not saying that stuff like common cultural touchpoints are irrelevant. We tend to prefer people like ourselves. We have things in common.

I just look at the "sorry, just my preference" profiles and think "what's motivating you even to state that?"

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By *lumber4uMan
3 weeks ago

BROADSTAIRS


"

I just look at the "sorry, just my preference" profiles and think "what's motivating you even to state that?""

I think often people are terrified if they don't apologise for having a preference they'll be labeled racist/phobic. Quite silly really as we're entitled to like what we like, or indeed don't like.

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By *dstefi OP   Man
3 weeks ago

Solihull


"

I just look at the "sorry, just my preference" profiles and think "what's motivating you even to state that?"

I think often people are terrified if they don't apologise for having a preference they'll be labeled racist/phobic. Quite silly really as we're entitled to like what we like, or indeed don't like."

I just think it doesn't need saying. We all have preferences and are completely entitled to ignore those we don't fancy, be that ethnicity, body shape, orientation/identity whatever. Just ignore. No need to telegraph to the world what you are.

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By *dambi00Man
3 weeks ago

Leicestershire

Doesn’t really bother me, I do find it funny however when people have stuff like “no Asians, no blacks” or “white only”, but then still end up messaging me asking to meet.

We do all have preferences though, I don’t go for Middle Eastern men as I like older men, and they tend to remind me of my dad and uncles. Not something I want to be reminded of when I’m having sex 😝

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By *aySub99Man
3 weeks ago

Northampton

I just block those I'm not into instead of expressing anything, it's much easier than dealing with some moron who tried to make it into something it isn't

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By *allingkenMan
3 weeks ago

Blackburn

I don't take it personally. If someone's preference isn't Asian then it isn't, no harm, no foul. We can still be civil and polite to each other.

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By *SAOFMan
3 weeks ago

Work/Play in London, live in Kent

Stating an ethnic preference is just inappropriate.

Some people like Indian guys. Some people don’t. What sexually excites you is valid for you but you don’t need to tell us in your profile as to do so can only make someone else feel bad.

If you only like Hispanic guys and a Scandinavian messages you, just say “I don’t think we match” or “not what I am looking for”, and not I hate “Scandies”.

Those who say “it’s just my preference” may just have a preference. But they may also be racist and using preference as cover.

Saying things like I fancy “Chinese because they are good at maths” may sound like it’s positive but you have just upset every oriental kid who can’t add up. Saying you like BBC might just be a dagger for a black guy with a less than schlongy schlong.

Stereotypes form in all our brains. Keep them there. Don’t type text linking attributes to races - positive or negative - except of course all Irish guys are hung, handsome and humorous.

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By *allingkenMan
3 weeks ago

Blackburn


"Stating an ethnic preference is just inappropriate.

Some people like Indian guys. Some people don’t. What sexually excites you is valid for you but you don’t need to tell us in your profile as to do so can only make someone else feel bad.

If you only like Hispanic guys and a Scandinavian messages you, just say “I don’t think we match” or “not what I am looking for”, and not I hate “Scandies”.

Those who say “it’s just my preference” may just have a preference. But they may also be racist and using preference as cover.

Saying things like I fancy “Chinese because they are good at maths” may sound like it’s positive but you have just upset every oriental kid who can’t add up. Saying you like BBC might just be a dagger for a black guy with a less than schlongy schlong.

Stereotypes form in all our brains. Keep them there. Don’t type text linking attributes to races - positive or negative - except of course all Irish guys are hung, handsome and humorous. "

I'd rather someone just be open about their preferences so less time is wasted.

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By *awihMan
2 weeks ago

Aldershot


"I just think it doesn't need saying. We all have preferences and are completely entitled to ignore those we don't fancy, be that ethnicity, body shape, orientation/identity whatever. Just ignore. No need to telegraph to the world what you are."

I would disagree with you on that. By stating what our preferences are either way, people who view our profiles know in advance what we are or are not looking for and if they fall outside our preferences, then they are less likely to try and make contact and either get no reply (which annoys some people), or get a rejection message (which can either knock their confidence or worse if they have mental health issues).

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By *xxkinkycoupleCouple (MM)
2 weeks ago

Alcester

Like everyone else, I have general biases / preferences / likes / dislikes.

However, there have been exceptions to these ‘rules’ over the years, meaning I now avoid ruling out too much upfront

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By *yzantineMan
2 weeks ago

Offshore now, ignore pistcode

I really think we should hear the view from some of our ethnic friends about how they feel rather than us second guessing.

I’d be really interested to hear their viewpoint.

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By *opster77Man
2 weeks ago

Wantage

[Removed by poster at 24/08/25 03:48:59]

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By *treyu500Man
2 weeks ago

Australia

I don't see a problem with it tbh. Yeh, they might be advertising that they're racist or maybe they're just open and honest about their preferences.

It saves their time and other guys time if they say they prefer black, latino or Asian guys for example.

And that last point matters. Because from my experience, anyone who isn't white can have a preference for a particular race and nobody bats and eyelid. But, when the opposite happens, their preferences are assumed to be racially driven and not purely a sexual preference that we do not choose.

I know a guy and his profile said "no rice, no spice", meaning he had a preference for other races. Now, where he's from, that language is meant as a joke and I'm quite sure most people would see it as such because that's the culture. But, over here those statements are not well received which is understandable. I explained to him why he should change it.

There's nicer ways to identify your preferences. But, he's free to do what he wants.

I was the kind of guy that just ignored messages from guys I wasn't interested in.

Initially, I used to write back and tell them I wasn't interested because they were "not my type" or we were into different things.

But nowadays, due to the amount of backlash and abuse I received from being open and honest, I just block everyone now. It's easier to be less sensitive to their feelings unfortunately due to the culture of apps and websites like this. I found it quite difficult at first.

For example - if a young guy, bi-curious, sends me a bunch of pics (I didn't ask) and I see I'm not into him. If, I just block him, it probably really bad for his self esteem, particularly when he's being very vulnerable by trying to explore sex with a man. He's risking being "outed", in his mind.

But, I suppose that's his issue to deal with. It's the best way to rationalise it imo. We didn't create the culture on these apps. And, I can't change it alone. I can only spend so much mental energy taking random strangers feelings into consideration.

What I do know is that these apps are a huge blow to many men's mental health and self esteem. It's very cruel and cold at times.

So if someone identifed they have a racial preference and you assume they're racist, I think that's also a you problem. At least you can choose to avoid them and not waste your time or theirs. Which is probably the point of why they wrote it in the first place. I don't see racial preference as being any different to prefering men to women, old guys to young guys, fat guys to slim guys, blue eyes to brown, bald to hairy.

We don't have much choice in the matter. We just like what we like. A gay man isn't sexist because he doesn't like women. It would be wrong to assume he is .

I wouldn't be skinny phobic if I preferred fat guys.

People need to develop thicker skin and stop trying to find ways to be a victim.

That just my two cents on it, based on many years of dealing with this kinda stuff.

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By *anDadBodMan
2 weeks ago

Speke

if anything it will just stop those they don’t want to meet messaging them in the first place, that’s assuming the person has gone out of their way to read the profile first of course.

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By *ndrew40Man
2 weeks ago

hartlebury

Personal choice. So great idea to say who you don’t want to message

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By *ewBrumBiMan
2 weeks ago

Birmingham B15

Why does OP have 35-70 and no smokers on their profile?

Are they ageist? I'm just asking questions!

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By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

Preference is a personal choice. Nothing wrong with that.

It is good to state your preference to prevent wasting time and letting others know what you like so we can make a good informed decision.

For example, my partner is sexually attracted mainly to Asian guys and he has several regular gay Asian sex buddies. As for me I am sexually attracted mainly to Caucasian guys and I don't usually have group sex with my partner and his Asian boyfriends unless if I like his Asian boyfriends.

This is a personal sexual attraction and preference, nothing racist about it because we love all races but for sexual attraction and relationship, it has to be a personal preference, choice and likes.

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By *dstefi OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Solihull


"Why does OP have 35-70 and no smokers on their profile?

Are they ageist? I'm just asking questions!"

Yep! Totally. I don't want people my kids' age. Feels wrong and too much generation gap. 70+ and with a few rare exceptions there's also the generational difference and performance issues.

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By *ranford cruiserTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Heathrow


"To me when people say "no dogs no Irish, sorry just my preference" (or insert aversion of choice here) it seems slightly superfluous and telegraphing something about you. I mean you can easily ignore overtures from people who aren't for you, and block them if they get pushy.

Why bother even mentioning it unless you're blowing the world's smallest dogwhistle?"
there use to be a pub back in the 70s that had a sign in the window no blacks no Indians that was in Southall near Heathrow lol also said no Irish I believe that was when the area was a nice area today its a shit tip

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By *aggerHammerMan
2 weeks ago

Dagenham

I have met most ethnicities out there I think except maybe an Aboriginal Australian. I have had some great times with all. Obviously there are wrong ones in all races and creeds. If you come across a wrong or pushy one you simply block. 1 bad apple does not spoil the barrel.

And by the way a Pakistani nearly always will accept the term Paki, as long as it is not an Indian using it. As told to me by lots of my Pakistani meets

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By *aggerHammerMan
2 weeks ago

Dagenham


"there use to be a pub back in the 70s that had a sign in the window no blacks no Indians that was in Southall near Heathrow lol also said no Irish I believe that was when the area was a nice area today its a shit tip "

When my Father 1st came to this Country in 1951 he was met with signs in loads of establishments

No Blacks

No Dogs

No Irish

There is now over 1,000,000 🇮🇪☘ live, working and paying taxes here.

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By *dambi00Man
2 weeks ago

Leicestershire


"

And by the way a Pakistani nearly always will accept the term Paki, as long as it is not an Indian using it. As told to me by lots of my Pakistani meets"

This isn’t true, just because the very small number of Pakistani guys you’ve met have accepted it, doesn’t mean every Pakistani guy will “nearly always accept the term Paki”.

The word has bad history, especially here when brown people were targeted and called “pakis”, the “paki bashing”, etc. I’m not even Pakistani but I was called that growing up. You do not speak for Pakistani people so you cannot claim that they’d nearly always accept it.

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By *iBJcoastMan
2 weeks ago

North Shields

I prefer not to tell people too much about details of my preferences like that because you can't tell if they are just lying. Easier to just ignore the ones who don't meet your requirements

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By *dstefi OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Solihull


"I think I've meandered a little"

Worth it though, that's a pretty intelligent and thorough dissection of the current situation.

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By *lexieMan
2 weeks ago

Just north of Southampton


"I don't see a problem with it tbh. Yeh, they might be advertising that they're racist or maybe they're just open and honest about their preferences.

It saves their time and other guys time if they say they prefer black, latino or Asian guys for example.

And that last point matters. Because from my experience, anyone who isn't white can have a preference for a particular race and nobody bats and eyelid. But, when the opposite happens, their preferences are assumed to be racially driven and not purely a sexual preference that we do not choose.

I know a guy and his profile said "no rice, no spice", meaning he had a preference for other races. Now, where he's from, that language is meant as a joke and I'm quite sure most people would see it as such because that's the culture. But, over here those statements are not well received which is understandable. I explained to him why he should change it.

There's nicer ways to identify your preferences. But, he's free to do what he wants.

I was the kind of guy that just ignored messages from guys I wasn't interested in.

Initially, I used to write back and tell them I wasn't interested because they were "not my type" or we were into different things.

But nowadays, due to the amount of backlash and abuse I received from being open and honest, I just block everyone now. It's easier to be less sensitive to their feelings unfortunately due to the culture of apps and websites like this. I found it quite difficult at first.

For example - if a young guy, bi-curious, sends me a bunch of pics (I didn't ask) and I see I'm not into him. If, I just block him, it probably really bad for his self esteem, particularly when he's being very vulnerable by trying to explore sex with a man. He's risking being "outed", in his mind.

But, I suppose that's his issue to deal with. It's the best way to rationalise it imo. We didn't create the culture on these apps. And, I can't change it alone. I can only spend so much mental energy taking random strangers feelings into consideration.

What I do know is that these apps are a huge blow to many men's mental health and self esteem. It's very cruel and cold at times.

So if someone identifed they have a racial preference and you assume they're racist, I think that's also a you problem. At least you can choose to avoid them and not waste your time or theirs. Which is probably the point of why they wrote it in the first place. I don't see racial preference as being any different to prefering men to women, old guys to young guys, fat guys to slim guys, blue eyes to brown, bald to hairy.

We don't have much choice in the matter. We just like what we like. A gay man isn't sexist because he doesn't like women. It would be wrong to assume he is .

I wouldn't be skinny phobic if I preferred fat guys.

People need to develop thicker skin and stop trying to find ways to be a victim.

That just my two cents on it, based on many years of dealing with this kinda stuff. "

Blimey... two cents worth! More like the twenty dollar version... is there a hard cover edition?

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By *im le2Man
2 weeks ago

aylestone leic

I'm sorry but I just want sex and not bothered who gives it to me. We are all the same in the dark . And when they have a mouthful of cock you can't hear there accent.

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By *andomguy321Man
2 weeks ago

reading


"To me when people say "no dogs no Irish, sorry just my preference" (or insert aversion of choice here) it seems slightly superfluous and telegraphing something about you. I mean you can easily ignore overtures from people who aren't for you, and block them if they get pushy.

Why bother even mentioning it unless you're blowing the world's smallest dogwhistle?"

I think Fabguys would take a dim view of anyone stating a preference for dogs on their profile

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By *dstefi OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Solihull


"I think Fabguys would take a dim view of anyone stating a preference for dogs on their profile "

Yeah it was a metaphor. I mean what people usually state is "no Blacks or Asians, just my preference" but didn't want to lead off with that.

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By *ildwestheroMan
2 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

We all have preferences and are not compelled to meet people just because they are available. I don't want to have sex with women so does that make me a misogynist, prejudiced against women? Three of my closest friends happen to be women. Also don't fancy men in women's clothing. Suppose that makes me transphobic/crossdressingphobic! I think as long as we don't say anything nasty with prejudicial overtones I cannot see anything wrong in stating your preferences

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By *ust clareTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Settlewick,West Coast of Yorkshire


"I think I've meandered a little

Worth it though, that's a pretty intelligent and thorough dissection of the current situation. "

My whole post has been deleted, I'd love to know why as it was a perfectly reasonable,well thought out post ?

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By *dstefi OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Solihull


"I think I've meandered a little

Worth it though, that's a pretty intelligent and thorough dissection of the current situation.

My whole post has been deleted, I'd love to know why as it was a perfectly reasonable,well thought out post ?"

I was going to ask you where it went? Figured you'd pulled it but there was no placeholder "message deleted" post in its place.

I can't see any reason why mods would have yanked it as there was nothing inflammatory in it at all.

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By *tokerY2OMan
2 weeks ago

Bournemouth

A simple analogy.

I like cheese but I dont like camembert is an acceptable statement.

I like cheese but I dont like French cheese isn't acceptable (as you obviously haven't tried all French cheese)

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By *dambi00Man
2 weeks ago

Leicestershire


"I think I've meandered a little

Worth it though, that's a pretty intelligent and thorough dissection of the current situation.

My whole post has been deleted, I'd love to know why as it was a perfectly reasonable,well thought out post ?"

Have noticed the admins remove a few of my posts too, without any reasoning, very strange indeed

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By *innianMan
2 weeks ago

Thurso

[Removed by poster at 24/08/25 13:07:03]

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By *dstefi OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Solihull


"I think I've meandered a little

Worth it though, that's a pretty intelligent and thorough dissection of the current situation.

My whole post has been deleted, I'd love to know why as it was a perfectly reasonable,well thought out post ?

Have noticed the admins remove a few of my posts too, without any reasoning, very strange indeed "

Yet some fairly vile stuff stays up. I don't expect mods to police every little thing but Clare's post wasn't contentious or malicious at all.

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By *innianMan
2 weeks ago

Thurso


"I don't see a problem with it tbh. Yeh, they might be advertising that they're racist or maybe they're just open and honest about their preferences.

It saves their time and other guys time if they say they prefer black, latino or Asian guys for example.

And that last point matters. Because from my experience, anyone who isn't white can have a preference for a particular race and nobody bats and eyelid. But, when the opposite happens, their preferences are assumed to be racially driven and not purely a sexual preference that we do not choose.

I know a guy and his profile said "no rice, no spice", meaning he had a preference for other races. Now, where he's from, that language is meant as a joke and I'm quite sure most people would see it as such because that's the culture. But, over here those statements are not well received which is understandable. I explained to him why he should change it.

There's nicer ways to identify your preferences. But, he's free to do what he wants.

I was the kind of guy that just ignored messages from guys I wasn't interested in.

Initially, I used to write back and tell them I wasn't interested because they were "not my type" or we were into different things.

But nowadays, due to the amount of backlash and abuse I received from being open and honest, I just block everyone now. It's easier to be less sensitive to their feelings unfortunately due to the culture of apps and websites like this. I found it quite difficult at first.

For example - if a young guy, bi-curious, sends me a bunch of pics (I didn't ask) and I see I'm not into him. If, I just block him, it probably really bad for his self esteem, particularly when he's being very vulnerable by trying to explore sex with a man. He's risking being "outed", in his mind.

But, I suppose that's his issue to deal with. It's the best way to rationalise it imo. We didn't create the culture on these apps. And, I can't change it alone. I can only spend so much mental energy taking random strangers feelings into consideration.

What I do know is that these apps are a huge blow to many men's mental health and self esteem. It's very cruel and cold at times.

So if someone identifed they have a racial preference and you assume they're racist, I think that's also a you problem. At least you can choose to avoid them and not waste your time or theirs. Which is probably the point of why they wrote it in the first place. I don't see racial preference as being any different to prefering men to women, old guys to young guys, fat guys to slim guys, blue eyes to brown, bald to hairy.

We don't have much choice in the matter. We just like what we like. A gay man isn't sexist because he doesn't like women. It would be wrong to assume he is .

I wouldn't be skinny phobic if I preferred fat guys.

People need to develop thicker skin and stop trying to find ways to be a victim.

That just my two cents on it, based on many years of dealing with this kinda stuff.

Blimey... two cents worth! More like the twenty dollar version... is there a hard cover edition? "

War and Peace is shorter

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By *ust clareTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Settlewick,West Coast of Yorkshire


"I think I've meandered a little

Worth it though, that's a pretty intelligent and thorough dissection of the current situation.

My whole post has been deleted, I'd love to know why as it was a perfectly reasonable,well thought out post ?

Have noticed the admins remove a few of my posts too, without any reasoning, very strange indeed

Yet some fairly vile stuff stays up. I don't expect mods to police every little thing but Clare's post wasn't contentious or malicious at all."

In times of trouble, truth is always the first casualty

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By *dstefi OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Solihull

Well yeah and I could understand a possible Reform government cracking down on something like that but this is admin on a gay/bi sex site, not a fascist state. Really no idea why it got disappeared.

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By *treyu500Man
2 weeks ago

Australia


"there use to be a pub back in the 70s that had a sign in the window no blacks no Indians that was in Southall near Heathrow lol also said no Irish I believe that was when the area was a nice area today its a shit tip

When my Father 1st came to this Country in 1951 he was met with signs in loads of establishments

No Blacks

No Dogs

No Irish

There is now over 1,000,000 🇮🇪☘ live, working and paying taxes here."

There's well more than that. The UK has more Irish and Irish descendants than Ireland has citizens.

It's funny how things change. It was the same with America - they didn't want the Irish, but we helped build a lot of their infrastructure in the past 200 years.

I think we're statistically the most educated country in the world at the moment with about 54% of adults over 25 having atleast a degree.

We're now enticed to emigrate by foreign governments - it's partly how I ended up in Australia.

Plus being Irish helps to attract others for "fun" .

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By *dstefi OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Solihull

When I lived in Ireland (2003-2008) one of our local bars had a big canvassed music area out back. They billed it as Rodgers' Craic in The Back. The name always tickled me (and it was indeed great craic)

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By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

It is always good to be truthful.

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By *moothsexMan
2 weeks ago

Ryde

I have my preferences but I never put them - the biggest turn off for me is people who put it in negative terms as a list of no this, no that. I’ve had great experiences with people out side of my age range, ethnicity preferences and body type.

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By *lasgow verse 60s guyMan
2 weeks ago

Glasgow

I really don't care about anyone's ethnicity. If the guy appeals to me he could come from Mars for all I care. Any genuine allergies to animals are a different matter but you don't need to broadcast them. If in doubt arrange a sauna meet

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By *ountainMan
2 weeks ago

ipswich

Is it the look or the attitude of the person that were talking about?

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By *itherMan
2 weeks ago

Leeds

One guy did express an interest in 'four legged friends'. Now that is a step too far.

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By *ottom4justtopsMan
2 weeks ago

West Yorks

It is a fact that ethnic groups are as diverse as all of us. Whilst of course people have preferences of all sorts, how that is presented should and does matter. A little exchange of messages, pics or what ever else can confirm whether someone could be a potential match or not in my opinion. That apllies to all sorts of things and not just someone's ethic background.

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By *cunnySucker69Man
2 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

I will meet anyone who is clean and likes what I like doing

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By *arcus BezzantMan
2 weeks ago

North Ayrshire

I like Oriental guys, but I don't say so on my profile as, living in the West of Scotland there are very few of them anyway, perhaps if I lived in London I would. (Or Singapore)

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By *awihMan
2 weeks ago

Aldershot

In general I’m not that attracted sexually to Asian men, but there have been exceptions - however that doesn’t mean that I hate or discriminate against them. Unfortunately some people will conflate the two and see them as the same thing when they are not.

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By *allingkenMan
2 weeks ago

Blackburn


"In general I’m not that attracted sexually to Asian men, but there have been exceptions - however that doesn’t mean that I hate or discriminate against them. Unfortunately some people will conflate the two and see them as the same thing when they are not."

Well said. To state you have a preference is fine.

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