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"To me when people say "no dogs no Irish, sorry just my preference" (or insert aversion of choice here) it seems slightly superfluous and telegraphing something about you. I mean you can easily ignore overtures from people who aren't for you, and block them if they get pushy. Why bother even mentioning it unless you're blowing the world's smallest dogwhistle?" I can understand “no dogs” for some people, for me it would be “no cats” as I have an allergy. Not as bad now as it used to be, but going into a place where a car lived would cause puffy eyes and trouble breathing for me. | |||
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"To me when people say "no dogs no Irish, sorry just my preference" (or insert aversion of choice here) it seems slightly superfluous and telegraphing something about you. I mean you can easily ignore overtures from people who aren't for you, and block them if they get pushy. Why bother even mentioning it unless you're blowing the world's smallest dogwhistle?" I think when it comes to aesthetics, any preference is legitimate as geometry is important to many people for attraction. When you are assuming a particular personality type based on ethnicity or sexuality you are displaying a stereotype bias which I would question very strongly as no large group has such a homogenous way of being and if you use that as a filter, I would, and have argued very strongly you are showing baseless bigotry. | |||
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" I just look at the "sorry, just my preference" profiles and think "what's motivating you even to state that?"" I think often people are terrified if they don't apologise for having a preference they'll be labeled racist/phobic. Quite silly really as we're entitled to like what we like, or indeed don't like. | |||
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" I just look at the "sorry, just my preference" profiles and think "what's motivating you even to state that?" I think often people are terrified if they don't apologise for having a preference they'll be labeled racist/phobic. Quite silly really as we're entitled to like what we like, or indeed don't like." I just think it doesn't need saying. We all have preferences and are completely entitled to ignore those we don't fancy, be that ethnicity, body shape, orientation/identity whatever. Just ignore. No need to telegraph to the world what you are. | |||
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"Stating an ethnic preference is just inappropriate. Some people like Indian guys. Some people don’t. What sexually excites you is valid for you but you don’t need to tell us in your profile as to do so can only make someone else feel bad. If you only like Hispanic guys and a Scandinavian messages you, just say “I don’t think we match” or “not what I am looking for”, and not I hate “Scandies”. Those who say “it’s just my preference” may just have a preference. But they may also be racist and using preference as cover. Saying things like I fancy “Chinese because they are good at maths” may sound like it’s positive but you have just upset every oriental kid who can’t add up. Saying you like BBC might just be a dagger for a black guy with a less than schlongy schlong. Stereotypes form in all our brains. Keep them there. Don’t type text linking attributes to races - positive or negative - except of course all Irish guys are hung, handsome and humorous. " I'd rather someone just be open about their preferences so less time is wasted. | |||
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"I just think it doesn't need saying. We all have preferences and are completely entitled to ignore those we don't fancy, be that ethnicity, body shape, orientation/identity whatever. Just ignore. No need to telegraph to the world what you are." I would disagree with you on that. By stating what our preferences are either way, people who view our profiles know in advance what we are or are not looking for and if they fall outside our preferences, then they are less likely to try and make contact and either get no reply (which annoys some people), or get a rejection message (which can either knock their confidence or worse if they have mental health issues). | |||
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"Why does OP have 35-70 and no smokers on their profile? Are they ageist? I'm just asking questions!" Yep! Totally. I don't want people my kids' age. Feels wrong and too much generation gap. 70+ and with a few rare exceptions there's also the generational difference and performance issues. | |||
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"To me when people say "no dogs no Irish, sorry just my preference" (or insert aversion of choice here) it seems slightly superfluous and telegraphing something about you. I mean you can easily ignore overtures from people who aren't for you, and block them if they get pushy. Why bother even mentioning it unless you're blowing the world's smallest dogwhistle?" there use to be a pub back in the 70s that had a sign in the window no blacks no Indians that was in Southall near Heathrow lol also said no Irish I believe that was when the area was a nice area today its a shit tip | |||
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"there use to be a pub back in the 70s that had a sign in the window no blacks no Indians that was in Southall near Heathrow lol also said no Irish I believe that was when the area was a nice area today its a shit tip " When my Father 1st came to this Country in 1951 he was met with signs in loads of establishments No Blacks No Dogs No Irish There is now over 1,000,000 🇮🇪☘ live, working and paying taxes here. | |||
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" And by the way a Pakistani nearly always will accept the term Paki, as long as it is not an Indian using it. As told to me by lots of my Pakistani meets" This isn’t true, just because the very small number of Pakistani guys you’ve met have accepted it, doesn’t mean every Pakistani guy will “nearly always accept the term Paki”. The word has bad history, especially here when brown people were targeted and called “pakis”, the “paki bashing”, etc. I’m not even Pakistani but I was called that growing up. You do not speak for Pakistani people so you cannot claim that they’d nearly always accept it. | |||
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"I think I've meandered a little" Worth it though, that's a pretty intelligent and thorough dissection of the current situation. | |||
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"I don't see a problem with it tbh. Yeh, they might be advertising that they're racist or maybe they're just open and honest about their preferences. It saves their time and other guys time if they say they prefer black, latino or Asian guys for example. And that last point matters. Because from my experience, anyone who isn't white can have a preference for a particular race and nobody bats and eyelid. But, when the opposite happens, their preferences are assumed to be racially driven and not purely a sexual preference that we do not choose. I know a guy and his profile said "no rice, no spice", meaning he had a preference for other races. Now, where he's from, that language is meant as a joke and I'm quite sure most people would see it as such because that's the culture. But, over here those statements are not well received which is understandable. I explained to him why he should change it. There's nicer ways to identify your preferences. But, he's free to do what he wants. I was the kind of guy that just ignored messages from guys I wasn't interested in. Initially, I used to write back and tell them I wasn't interested because they were "not my type" or we were into different things. But nowadays, due to the amount of backlash and abuse I received from being open and honest, I just block everyone now. It's easier to be less sensitive to their feelings unfortunately due to the culture of apps and websites like this. I found it quite difficult at first. For example - if a young guy, bi-curious, sends me a bunch of pics (I didn't ask) and I see I'm not into him. If, I just block him, it probably really bad for his self esteem, particularly when he's being very vulnerable by trying to explore sex with a man. He's risking being "outed", in his mind. But, I suppose that's his issue to deal with. It's the best way to rationalise it imo. We didn't create the culture on these apps. And, I can't change it alone. I can only spend so much mental energy taking random strangers feelings into consideration. What I do know is that these apps are a huge blow to many men's mental health and self esteem. It's very cruel and cold at times. So if someone identifed they have a racial preference and you assume they're racist, I think that's also a you problem. At least you can choose to avoid them and not waste your time or theirs. Which is probably the point of why they wrote it in the first place. I don't see racial preference as being any different to prefering men to women, old guys to young guys, fat guys to slim guys, blue eyes to brown, bald to hairy. We don't have much choice in the matter. We just like what we like. A gay man isn't sexist because he doesn't like women. It would be wrong to assume he is ![]() Blimey... two cents worth! More like the twenty dollar version... is there a hard cover edition? ![]() | |||
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"To me when people say "no dogs no Irish, sorry just my preference" (or insert aversion of choice here) it seems slightly superfluous and telegraphing something about you. I mean you can easily ignore overtures from people who aren't for you, and block them if they get pushy. Why bother even mentioning it unless you're blowing the world's smallest dogwhistle?" I think Fabguys would take a dim view of anyone stating a preference for dogs on their profile | |||
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"I think Fabguys would take a dim view of anyone stating a preference for dogs on their profile " Yeah it was a metaphor. I mean what people usually state is "no Blacks or Asians, just my preference" but didn't want to lead off with that. | |||
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"I think I've meandered a little Worth it though, that's a pretty intelligent and thorough dissection of the current situation. " My whole post has been deleted, I'd love to know why as it was a perfectly reasonable,well thought out post ? | |||
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"I think I've meandered a little Worth it though, that's a pretty intelligent and thorough dissection of the current situation. My whole post has been deleted, I'd love to know why as it was a perfectly reasonable,well thought out post ?" I was going to ask you where it went? Figured you'd pulled it but there was no placeholder "message deleted" post in its place. I can't see any reason why mods would have yanked it as there was nothing inflammatory in it at all. | |||
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"I think I've meandered a little Worth it though, that's a pretty intelligent and thorough dissection of the current situation. My whole post has been deleted, I'd love to know why as it was a perfectly reasonable,well thought out post ?" Have noticed the admins remove a few of my posts too, without any reasoning, very strange indeed | |||
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"I think I've meandered a little Worth it though, that's a pretty intelligent and thorough dissection of the current situation. My whole post has been deleted, I'd love to know why as it was a perfectly reasonable,well thought out post ? Have noticed the admins remove a few of my posts too, without any reasoning, very strange indeed " Yet some fairly vile stuff stays up. I don't expect mods to police every little thing but Clare's post wasn't contentious or malicious at all. | |||
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"I don't see a problem with it tbh. Yeh, they might be advertising that they're racist or maybe they're just open and honest about their preferences. It saves their time and other guys time if they say they prefer black, latino or Asian guys for example. And that last point matters. Because from my experience, anyone who isn't white can have a preference for a particular race and nobody bats and eyelid. But, when the opposite happens, their preferences are assumed to be racially driven and not purely a sexual preference that we do not choose. I know a guy and his profile said "no rice, no spice", meaning he had a preference for other races. Now, where he's from, that language is meant as a joke and I'm quite sure most people would see it as such because that's the culture. But, over here those statements are not well received which is understandable. I explained to him why he should change it. There's nicer ways to identify your preferences. But, he's free to do what he wants. I was the kind of guy that just ignored messages from guys I wasn't interested in. Initially, I used to write back and tell them I wasn't interested because they were "not my type" or we were into different things. But nowadays, due to the amount of backlash and abuse I received from being open and honest, I just block everyone now. It's easier to be less sensitive to their feelings unfortunately due to the culture of apps and websites like this. I found it quite difficult at first. For example - if a young guy, bi-curious, sends me a bunch of pics (I didn't ask) and I see I'm not into him. If, I just block him, it probably really bad for his self esteem, particularly when he's being very vulnerable by trying to explore sex with a man. He's risking being "outed", in his mind. But, I suppose that's his issue to deal with. It's the best way to rationalise it imo. We didn't create the culture on these apps. And, I can't change it alone. I can only spend so much mental energy taking random strangers feelings into consideration. What I do know is that these apps are a huge blow to many men's mental health and self esteem. It's very cruel and cold at times. So if someone identifed they have a racial preference and you assume they're racist, I think that's also a you problem. At least you can choose to avoid them and not waste your time or theirs. Which is probably the point of why they wrote it in the first place. I don't see racial preference as being any different to prefering men to women, old guys to young guys, fat guys to slim guys, blue eyes to brown, bald to hairy. We don't have much choice in the matter. We just like what we like. A gay man isn't sexist because he doesn't like women. It would be wrong to assume he is ![]() ![]() War and Peace is shorter ![]() | |||
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"I think I've meandered a little Worth it though, that's a pretty intelligent and thorough dissection of the current situation. My whole post has been deleted, I'd love to know why as it was a perfectly reasonable,well thought out post ? Have noticed the admins remove a few of my posts too, without any reasoning, very strange indeed Yet some fairly vile stuff stays up. I don't expect mods to police every little thing but Clare's post wasn't contentious or malicious at all." In times of trouble, truth is always the first casualty | |||
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"there use to be a pub back in the 70s that had a sign in the window no blacks no Indians that was in Southall near Heathrow lol also said no Irish I believe that was when the area was a nice area today its a shit tip When my Father 1st came to this Country in 1951 he was met with signs in loads of establishments No Blacks No Dogs No Irish There is now over 1,000,000 🇮🇪☘ live, working and paying taxes here." There's well more than that. The UK has more Irish and Irish descendants than Ireland has citizens. It's funny how things change. It was the same with America - they didn't want the Irish, but we helped build a lot of their infrastructure in the past 200 years. I think we're statistically the most educated country in the world at the moment with about 54% of adults over 25 having atleast a degree. We're now enticed to emigrate by foreign governments - it's partly how I ended up in Australia. Plus being Irish helps to attract others for "fun" ![]() | |||
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"In general I’m not that attracted sexually to Asian men, but there have been exceptions - however that doesn’t mean that I hate or discriminate against them. Unfortunately some people will conflate the two and see them as the same thing when they are not." Well said. To state you have a preference is fine. | |||
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