FabGuys.com forum: anybody got any safe jokes 4 work that you don't have to explain, not funny if you have to explain.?

By *ridayguy OP Man
1 week ago

Cheshire

some of the jokes on here are fucking hilarious, however, anyone got any safe jokes for work

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By *ridayguy OP Man
1 week ago

Cheshire

difference between snow men and snow women, snowballs.. - bit christmassy but wouldn't X

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By *ridayguy OP Man
1 week ago

Cheshire

my pension

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By *d seekerMan
1 week ago

Skelmersdale

I've been comparing prices of compost and peat online, it turns out there isn't mulch in it.

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By *ewBrumBiMan
1 week ago

Birmingham

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The barman looks up and says 'what's this; some kind of joke?'

A man walks into a bar. Says ' ouch'

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By *ldmagic4uMan
1 week ago

Clevedon

I used to live in an inflatable house until it got a puncture!!

I live in a flat now. 🫣

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By *ridayguy OP Man
1 week ago

Cheshire

a christian, hindu guy and a rabbit walk into a bar, the rabbit said, am I a spelling mistake?

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By *rownriverMan
1 week ago

Crawley

There’s a woman at my work who only eats canned meat every day for lunch.

It’s Pam.

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By *enny54321Man
1 week ago

snaith

I’m starting a business selling glass coffins

Will it be a success ??

Remains to be seen

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By *ridayguy OP Man
1 week ago

Cheshire

"There’s a woman at my work who only eats canned meat every day for lunch.

It’s Pam."
I got an email advertising this the other week, didn't open it. Spam.

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By *ridayguy OP Man
1 week ago

Cheshire

S'Pam

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By *ridayguy OP Man
1 week ago

Cheshire

oh no, I explained the joke.

went to the doctor the other day to say one of my testicles was bigger then the other, he was amazed when I showed him, he called in medical research, social media and the local news, I'm not going to show him the big one..

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By *ridayguy OP Man
1 week ago

Cheshire

a brummie goes clothes shopping, "what you need is is a Kipper tie to finish this off" cheers, two sugars X

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By *ridayguy OP Man
1 week ago

Cheshire

"An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The barman looks up and says 'what's this; some kind of joke?'

A man walks into a bar. Says ' ouch'"
a brummie goes clothes shopping, "what you need is is a Kipper tie to finish this off" cheers, milk two sugars X

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By *icemarriedguy2025Man
1 week ago

Motherwell

I swapped my bed for a trampoline,My wife but the roof

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By *dstefiMan
1 week ago

Solihull

NSFW: What's green and hard and smells of pork? Kermit's middle finger.

SFW: what's green and hard? Kermit with a flick knife.

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By *ridayguy OP Man
1 week ago

Cheshire

what's brown and sticky? a stick

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By *evanianMan
1 week ago

Flintshire

What goes in pink and hard and comes out wet and sticky?

Ans- Bubblegum.

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

Young penguin walks in a pub says to the landlord, has my dad been in here, landlord says I don't know , what's he look like??

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By *hiteroseMan
1 week ago

Neverwhere

I was reading a book about helium the other day. I couldn't put it down.

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By *awihMan
1 week ago

Aldershot

"NSFW: What's green and hard and smells of pork? Kermit's middle finger.

SFW: what's green and hard? Kermit with a flick knife."

What’s red and green and travels at 100mph?

Kermit in a blender.

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By *evanianMan
1 week ago

Flintshire

What you you call a gay dinosaur? 🦕

A Megasaurarse!

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By *ojanglesMan
1 week ago

mk41

I bought my partner a brand new deluxe water bed for Christmas last year unfortunately for us we split up we drifted apart

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By *iono555Man
1 week ago

DERBY

Skeleton walks into a bar; ''Good day Landlord. Two pints and a mop please''.

''Waiter! What's this spider doing in my soup?'' ''You swallowed a fly at the bar Sir''.

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By *iono555Man
1 week ago

DERBY

I once shot an elephant in my bathing suit. How he got into my bathing suit I'll never know''.

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By *astcoastspankMan
1 week ago

Lowestoft

What's pink and hard in the mornings..

The Financial Times crossword!

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By *ellowladyTV/TS
1 week ago

Didcot

What do you call a singer with a laptop on her head.

A-DELL

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By *ickSeekerMan
1 week ago

Canterbury

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana 🍌

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By *urdy1Man
1 week ago

Nr Haverhill (Suffolk)

What's the definition of Shith Tzu ? (Dog Breed) a zoo with no animals.

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By *oey_VonMan
1 week ago

Cheam

How do you spot a blind person on a nude beach?

It’s not hard.

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By *ammiTVTV/TS
1 week ago

Inverness

Hear about the incontinent tortoise?

It pissed it’s shell 🐢 x

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By *awihMan
1 week ago

Aldershot

How do blind parachutists know when they are about to land - the lead goes limp.

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By *hesternostriMan
1 week ago

chester

Patient: Doctor..I think I'm a moth.

Doctor: Sorry , I can't help you, you need to see a psychiatrist.

Patient; I know but I was passing and saw your light on !

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By *hesternostriMan
1 week ago

chester

Patient: Doctor,I think I am a dog

Doctor : how long have you felt like this ?

Patient: since I was a puppy!

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By *teveb6969TV/TS
1 week ago

Worthing

I got hit in the head by a book watching the TV. I only have my shelf to blame!

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By *teveb6969TV/TS
1 week ago

Worthing

When I was much younger I hated facial hair, then it grew on me...

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By *DCambsMan
1 week ago

Cambridge

"An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The barman looks up and says 'what's this; some kind of joke?'

A man walks into a bar. Says ' ouch'a brummie goes clothes shopping, "what you need is is a Kipper tie to finish this off" cheers, milk two sugars X"

My Brummie mate said as we were walking along, "Ooh look, there's a whale in the canal!"

I said, " where, show me!!"

He says, pointing, "Look, over there.....a bicycle whale"....

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By *rownriverMan
1 week ago

Crawley

I saw someone crouching in a graveyard today.

"Morning" I said.

"Nah, playing hide and seek" they responded.

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By *ldergent321Man
1 week ago

Littlehampton

Blonde walking along the river bank spots her equally blonde friend on the other bank, she calls over "How do I get to the other side?" Second blonde looks up and down the river bank and calls back "You're already on the other side"

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By *rownriverMan
1 week ago

Crawley

In order for there to be charges for a murder of crows, there has to be probable caws

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By *andomguy321Man
1 week ago

reading

"difference between snow men and snow women, snowballs.. - bit christmassy but wouldn't X"

Not the best ice-breaker ...

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By *raggahboyMan
1 week ago

stoke

Nun knocking a nail in the wall hits her finger Oh blast! On Damn ive said blast! Oh bugger ive said Damn! Oh Bloody Ive said Bugger! Oh Fuck it I never wanted be a Nun anyway!

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By *raggahboyMan
1 week ago

stoke

Hqve you heard of the new Washing powder called Fug! If Persil wont clean it and Ariel wont clean it Then FuG It!

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By *rownriverMan
1 week ago

Crawley

I was at the airport going on holiday and was directed to a desk which appeared to be a fast food outlet.

I said: 'What's this?" and the person behind the desk said: "This is the Kentucky Fried Check-In".

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By *rownriverMan
1 week ago

Crawley

Sad to admit that the only things I can turn on and lay these days are a tap and a carpet.

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By *rownriverMan
1 week ago

Crawley

I didn't have any toast this morning, and I'm very angry about it.

I think I might be lack toast intolerant.

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By *rownriverMan
1 week ago

Crawley

I had a trolley crash in the middle aisle of Lidl, we swapped details at the scene but apparently the shopper was not insured and tested positive for over indulgence of the Christmas Sherry and Baileys liqueur.

The police were not interested as it’s private property and it’s now a civil matter.

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By *ike 1777Man
1 week ago

Sheffield

Noticed a dyslexic protester at a march in London, he had a load of kids following him , his placard Said

“Free Plasticine “

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By *ridayguy OP Man
1 week ago

Cheshire

hehe

I burnt my toast this morning but ate it anyway, was immediately sick. Think I might be black toast intolerant

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By *pot1Man
1 week ago

Bradford

I got mugged on my way home last night by six dwarfs. Not happy

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By *im le2Man
1 week ago

aylestone leic

Why does a dog lick his balls?

Because he can.

Why does a dog lick his balls?

Mmmm have you ever tasted dogs balls.

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By *im le2Man
1 week ago

aylestone leic

Why do sharks like pineapple?

Because it makes seamen taste better.

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By *im le2Man
1 week ago

aylestone leic

I got mugged by six guys last night I managed to knock one out. Probably not the best time to have a wank but it might have been my last.

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By *illyloverMan
1 week ago

EH48

What scumbags are going around at this time of the year!

I came back to the house earlier and found every bloody door open and everything inside gone - the whole lot!

Now I’m gonna have to buy another advent calendar

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By *rownriverMan
1 week ago

Crawley

Anybody know where I can get some wrapping paper 40ft long and 2in wide just bought the wife a new washing line for Xmas

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By *inimee1Man
1 week ago

near

Woman walks into a pet shop and asks “how much is that doggy in the window “ the shopkeeper replies sorry but hats a mirror not a window

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By *ridayguy OP Man
7 days ago

Cheshire

asks how much for the fly, "we don't sell flies", well there's one in the window..

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By *rownriverMan
7 days ago

Crawley

When a young boy, my parents were so poor they couldn't afford to buy me clothes. I could not go out to play.

Then one day they bought me a hat so I could look out of the window.

We couldn't afford a chimney. We had to carry the smoke out in buckets. Sometimes we went to the park so the ducks could throw bread to us. All my clothes were hand-me-downs. It was so embarrassing I was the only boy at school in a Girl Guide uniform.

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By *ridayguy OP Man
7 days ago

Cheshire

you were lucky, we couldn't afford a chimney or a bucket and had to carry the smoke from our fire in the front room outside with our hands

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By *ridayguy OP Man
7 days ago

Cheshire

sorry, meant to say, bare hands!!

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By *rownriverMan
5 days ago

Crawley

Didn’t sleep well last night.

I dreamt of chocolate bars and woke up Twirly

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By *ridayguy OP Man
5 days ago

Cheshire

made me chuckle

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