FabGuys.com forum: Jokes from 2026

By *illylover OP Man
23 weeks ago

EH54

Time we had a laugh again so I’ll start it off.

A chap met this wonderful and sexy lady and they decided to marry.

But he was unsure of her previous sexual experience as he didn’t want to marry an experience well used woman. So he asked his pal for guidance on how to tell?

His pal said on your wedding night if she, on viewing your wedding tackle for the first time says: ooh Tom what a beautiful penis you have as opposed to a Cock which is generally used to describe bigger cock, then you’ll know she’s not been about.

So on their wedding night he strips off and she duly says: ooh Tom what a wonderful penis you have!!

He said thank goodness for that! To which she said why Tom? Well I’m glad you never said Cock!

To which she said ahh but a cocks this size - parting her hands greatly 😁

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By *ullmytriggerMan
23 weeks ago

Crewe

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off! X

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By *rownriverMan
21 weeks ago

horley

I'm writing a script at the moment, about two detectives who solve crimes over the phone.

It’s called Star Key and Hash.

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By *ete1000100Man
21 weeks ago

Salford

The labour party

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By *eepeter4Man
21 weeks ago

Bournemouth

The reform party

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By *rownriverMan
21 weeks ago

horley

I phoned my local Pizza Hut and asked for a Thin and Crusty Supreme.

They sent me Diana Ross!

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By *hubbyGinger76Man
17 weeks ago

Halesowen

If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day it increases the chance of a stroke, if she drinks the whole bottle she might suck it too

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By *iPantiesMan
17 weeks ago

Louth

How many Surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A fish

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By *rownriverMan
12 weeks ago

horley

I went to the doctors and complained of not feeling very well. He examined me and said,

"Hmm, you need to give up smoking, drinking and sex!"

"WHAT?" I cried, "will I live any longer?"

"No!" He said, "but it will damn well feel like it!"

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By *opster77Man
12 weeks ago

Oxfordshire

This thread is a joke!

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By *rTongueTasticMan
12 weeks ago

Close_To_Chichester

"Time we had a laugh again so I’ll start it off.

A chap met this wonderful and sexy lady and they decided to marry.

But he was unsure of her previous sexual experience as he didn’t want to marry an experience well used woman. So he asked his pal for guidance on how to tell?

So on their wedding night he strips off and she duly says: ooh Tom what a wonderful penis you have!!

He said thank goodness for that! To which she said why Tom? Well I’m glad you never said Cock!

To which she said ahh but a cocks this size - parting her hands greatly 😁"

That made me chuckle..

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By *ildwestheroMan
12 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

Do you get weak at the knees, hot flushes, shaking hands and a severe feeling of nausea and unease at petrol filling stations? If you do then you are probably suffering from Carowner Virus.

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By *rownriverMan
12 weeks ago

horley

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.

You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...

Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your 'thingy' was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1,000 an inch."

The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many big you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a midi before, and you decide to go for a whopper, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a whopper before, and you decide only to invest in a midi this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

The man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spokenwith your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're having granite worktops"

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By *MB9Man
12 weeks ago

Northampton

If Sarah has two apples

Jane has 6 apples

Freddie has 4 apples

And Johnnie has a knife

Who has all the apples?

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By *rownriverMan
12 weeks ago

horley

The Wizard of Oz is 87 years old. If Dorothy met men with no heart, no brains, and no courage today, she wouldn’t be in Oz.

She’d be in Westminster.

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By *dstefiMan
12 weeks ago

Solihull

"Do you get weak at the knees, hot flushes, shaking hands and a severe feeling of nausea and unease at petrol filling stations? If you do then you are probably suffering from Carowner Virus."

Superb! Possibly Skoda Superb!

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By *oxleyMan
12 weeks ago

Wetherby

Version 2 - from Thailand….

A chap met this wonderful and sexy lady and they decided to marry.

But he was unsure of her previous sexual experience as he didn’t want to marry an experience well used woman. So he asked his pal for guidance on how to tell?

So on their wedding night he strips off and she duly says: ooh Tom what a wonderful penis you have!!

He said thank goodness for that! To which she said why Tom? Well I’m glad you never said Cock!

To which she said ahh but it reminds me of the cock I used to have…..

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By *uv2b4uMan
12 weeks ago

carlisle

Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin under his beard , just another fist.

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By *rownriverMan
12 weeks ago

horley

I’ve just read that the phrase ‘tying the knot’ originates from pagan weddings, I reckon when they divorce , they exchange forget me knots

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By *enri du lacMan
12 weeks ago

Coventry

An gay Australian and an Italian lesbian started an affair.

It soon fizzled out though, so she went back to Florence and he went back to Sydney.

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By *rownriverMan
12 weeks ago

horley

After working 6 years for a removal company they laid me off.

Instead off redundancy pay they sent me a roll of bubble wrap.

I cant believe they sent me packing like that.

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By *rownriverMan
12 weeks ago

horley

My mate said he used to be in a band called the Fortunes.

I asked him if they called it that because they thought they’d make a lot of money?

He said, “No, we only knew four tunes!”

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By *ophie_GTV/TS
11 weeks ago

Gainsborough

A local man was hospitalised after being hit by a power tool

He said "Everything was going fine and then Bosch!"

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By *ildwestheroMan
10 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

Reform are looking for candidates for the May elections. A guy goes to their office and offers himself as a candidate. The secretary hands him a form and he starts filling it in. Comes to a question:- 'Are you circumcised?'

He says to the secretary 'what the hell difference does being circumcised make?'

'Well' she replies 'if you have been circumcised you will be rejected'

'On what grounds?' he demands

'We only accept complete pricks as our candidates' she replies.

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By *allyStockingTopsTVTV/TS
10 weeks ago

Medway

The old jokes are still the best

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By *effnwbiguyMan
3 weeks ago

bolton

The Tory party

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By *andy XXXMan
3 weeks ago

Staveley

How do you make a girl orgasm?

Who cares

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By *etterbiggerMan
3 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

I'd like to thank our wonderful NHS for removing a mole from my arse

The RSPCA have threatened to prosecute me if I do it again

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By *oxleyMan
3 weeks ago

Wetherby

Armageddon !!!!

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By *entlad365Man
2 weeks ago

Dartford

A man walks into a bar sits on a stool and from one pocket he pulls a man only 1ft in height and from the other pocket he pulls out a small piano.

The barman says to the man "wow where did you get such a small man and a piano?"

The man replied "there's a genie down the road giving out wishes"

So the barman rushes out and comes back minutes later with a flick of ducks. He says to the man "That genie is pretty shit I wished for a million bucks"

The man replied "yeah I know do you really think I'd wish for a 12 inch pianist?"

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By *ello 1000Man
5 days ago

Lincolnshire

Johnny goes to his Dad to inform him he has fallen in love and intends to marry Julie who lives down the road ,, "oh sorry Johnny you can't do that" his Dad says "when I was younger even though I was married to your mother I played the field , I had a fling with Julie's mum and Julie is your half sister " although heartbroken Johnny stopped seeing Julie , , a few months passed and Johnny said to his Dad "I have met a girl who lives on the next street ,her name is Andrea we have fallen in love and intends to marry " oh sorry Johnny you can't do that " his Dad says ,," when I was younger I had an affair with Andreas Mum and Andrea is actually your half sister so you can't marry her " ,, again Jonny was heartbroken , his Mother saw how upset he was and asked what the problem was ,he explained he had fallen in love with Julie and then Andrea but couldn't marry them because of his Dads affairs , " oh don't go getting all upset about that Johnny " she says , it was along time ago " marry whoever you want , he's not your father "

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