FabGuys.com mobile

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Jokes from 2026

Jump to newest
 

By *illylover OP   Man
11 weeks ago

EH54

Time we had a laugh again so I’ll start it off.

A chap met this wonderful and sexy lady and they decided to marry.

But he was unsure of her previous sexual experience as he didn’t want to marry an experience well used woman. So he asked his pal for guidance on how to tell?

His pal said on your wedding night if she, on viewing your wedding tackle for the first time says: ooh Tom what a beautiful penis you have as opposed to a Cock which is generally used to describe bigger cock, then you’ll know she’s not been about.

So on their wedding night he strips off and she duly says: ooh Tom what a wonderful penis you have!!

He said thank goodness for that! To which she said why Tom? Well I’m glad you never said Cock!

To which she said ahh but a cocks this size - parting her hands greatly 😁

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ullmytriggerMan
11 weeks ago

Crewe

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off! X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rownriverMan
9 weeks ago

horley

I'm writing a script at the moment, about two detectives who solve crimes over the phone.

It’s called Star Key and Hash.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ete1000100Man
9 weeks ago

Salford

The labour party

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eepeter4Man
9 weeks ago

Bournemouth

The reform party

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rownriverMan
9 weeks ago

horley

I phoned my local Pizza Hut and asked for a Thin and Crusty Supreme.

They sent me Diana Ross!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hubbyGinger76Man
5 weeks ago

Halesowen

If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day it increases the chance of a stroke, if she drinks the whole bottle she might suck it too

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iPantiesMan
5 weeks ago

Louth

How many Surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A fish

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rownriverMan
5 days ago

horley

I went to the doctors and complained of not feeling very well. He examined me and said,

"Hmm, you need to give up smoking, drinking and sex!"

"WHAT?" I cried, "will I live any longer?"

"No!" He said, "but it will damn well feel like it!"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *opster77Man
5 days ago

Wantage

This thread is a joke!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rTongueTasticMan
5 days ago

Close_To_Chichester


"Time we had a laugh again so I’ll start it off.

A chap met this wonderful and sexy lady and they decided to marry.

But he was unsure of her previous sexual experience as he didn’t want to marry an experience well used woman. So he asked his pal for guidance on how to tell?

His pal said on your wedding night if she, on viewing your wedding tackle for the first time says: ooh Tom what a beautiful penis you have as opposed to a Cock which is generally used to describe bigger cock, then you’ll know she’s not been about.

So on their wedding night he strips off and she duly says: ooh Tom what a wonderful penis you have!!

He said thank goodness for that! To which she said why Tom? Well I’m glad you never said Cock!

To which she said ahh but a cocks this size - parting her hands greatly 😁"

That made me chuckle..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ildwestheroMan
5 days ago

Llandrindod Wells

Do you get weak at the knees, hot flushes, shaking hands and a severe feeling of nausea and unease at petrol filling stations? If you do then you are probably suffering from Carowner Virus.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rownriverMan
5 days ago

horley

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.

You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...

Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your 'thingy' was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1,000 an inch."

The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many big you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a midi before, and you decide to go for a whopper, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a whopper before, and you decide only to invest in a midi this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

The man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spokenwith your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're having granite worktops"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *MB9Man
5 days ago

Northampton

If Sarah has two apples

Jane has 6 apples

Freddie has 4 apples

And Johnnie has a knife

Who has all the apples?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rownriverMan
5 days ago

horley

The Wizard of Oz is 87 years old. If Dorothy met men with no heart, no brains, and no courage today, she wouldn’t be in Oz.

She’d be in Westminster.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *dstefiMan
5 days ago

Solihull


"Do you get weak at the knees, hot flushes, shaking hands and a severe feeling of nausea and unease at petrol filling stations? If you do then you are probably suffering from Carowner Virus."

Superb! Possibly Skoda Superb!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oxleyMan
5 days ago

Wetherby

Version 2 - from Thailand….

A chap met this wonderful and sexy lady and they decided to marry.

But he was unsure of her previous sexual experience as he didn’t want to marry an experience well used woman. So he asked his pal for guidance on how to tell?

His pal said on your wedding night if she, on viewing your wedding tackle for the first time says: ooh Tom what a beautiful penis you have as opposed to a Cock which is generally used to describe bigger cock, then you’ll know she’s not been about.

So on their wedding night he strips off and she duly says: ooh Tom what a wonderful penis you have!!

He said thank goodness for that! To which she said why Tom? Well I’m glad you never said Cock!

To which she said ahh but it reminds me of the cock I used to have…..

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uv2b4uMan
5 days ago

carlisle

Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin under his beard , just another fist.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rownriverMan
5 days ago

horley

I’ve just read that the phrase ‘tying the knot’ originates from pagan weddings, I reckon when they divorce , they exchange forget me knots

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *enri du lacMan
5 days ago

Coventry

An gay Australian and an Italian lesbian started an affair.

It soon fizzled out though, so she went back to Florence and he went back to Sydney.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rownriverMan
5 days ago

horley

After working 6 years for a removal company they laid me off.

Instead off redundancy pay they sent me a roll of bubble wrap.

I cant believe they sent me packing like that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *rownriverMan
4 days ago

horley

My mate said he used to be in a band called the Fortunes.

I asked him if they called it that because they thought they’d make a lot of money?

He said, “No, we only knew four tunes!”

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top