FabGuys.com forum: Are Guys On Dating Apps Just Too Pushy?

By *iono555 OP Man
5 weeks ago

DERBY

Thoughts?

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By *opster77Man
5 weeks ago

Wantage

"Thoughts? "

Why don’t you share your thoughts and experiences first?

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By *3versMan
5 weeks ago

glasgow

No, someone has to make a move and there's a lot of competition out there

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By *iono555 OP Man
5 weeks ago

DERBY

"Thoughts?

Why don’t you share your thoughts and experiences first?"
Well, I would have assumed my post was self-explanatory but if it helps... When you tell someone No... why are they stalky, inconsiderate or creepy?

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By *damb00Man
5 weeks ago

Leicestershire

Except the few guys who expect you to chat all day everyday, I’ve had good experiences and dates from dating sites

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By *upertedMan
5 weeks ago

Nelson

I day take it all with a pinch of salt. People are people.

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By *opster77Man
5 weeks ago

Wantage

"Thoughts?

I wouldn’t class that as pushy. I think that’s more sinister. Thank gawd there’s a block button.

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By *iono555 OP Man
5 weeks ago

DERBY

"Thoughts?

I wouldn’t class that as pushy. I think that’s more sinister. Thank gawd there’s a block button.

"
Point taken. OTOH I think there are still a lot of bi/closeted men or men who are also neuro divergent who sometimes lack the skills required to parse dating apps language/rules. Only 7% of human communication is verbal, 55% is eye contact. The medium itself makes it difficult to communicate/signal what you're intending. When it was eye contact across bar room floors at least it was easier.

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By *treyu500Man
5 weeks ago

wickow

I find them the opposite of pushy.

Too laid back. Take too long to identify what they're looking for. Most of them have no interest in a meaningful relationship and just treat dating apps like hookup apps making the whole experience of talking to them redundant.

That's my experience.

The last date I went on, he drank like a fish and 30 mins later , he asked me to top him at the sauna. Then he blamed me for asking him for a date in the gay street (suburb) as if I instigated the time wasting session. And no I didn't fuck him. I have 4 other apps for that and it takes far less effort than driving 20 mins and paying for dinner and beer.

Next.

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By *ockey stickMan
5 weeks ago

Hounslow

"Thoughts?

Why don’t you share your thoughts and experiences first? Well, I would have assumed my post was self-explanatory but if it helps... When you tell someone No... why are they stalky, inconsiderate or creepy? "
some people can't handle rejection. In those instances there's a little block button that comes in handy.

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By *lackbootzMan
5 weeks ago

Hayes, Middx

"… I think there are still a lot of bi/closeted men or men who are also neuro divergent who sometimes lack the skills required to parse dating apps language/rules.Only 7% of human communication is verbal, 55% is eye contact. The medium itself makes it difficult to communicate/signal what you're intending... "

55% is not just eye contact. Mehrabian's famous research broke down the tropes of communication (non-verbal and verbal) into 55% body language (including how you use your eyes, but also gesture and whole body language), 38% your tone of voice, and only 7% the actual spoken words themselves.

Translate this into an online environment and you immediately are aware of the immense limitations. This is why the brain wants you to see pictures of your interlocutor. Yes the pictures are static, but if you can see faces, inc eyes, it compensates for the lack of non-verbal communication. If one party has pictures but the other does not, the ‘imbalance’ is usually too much for the communication to be successful.

Therefore written skills in this environment become paramount: can a user bring emotion and tone and humour and interest into what they are writing? This now becomes the key communication driver: articulacy. Those who can only write minimalist drivel [“u horny, i am” - “wuu2?” etc] thus are easily rejected by the brain.

Understanding the tone of what you are reading or what was intended (often misunderstanding what was intended) is a common danger of written-only and non-spoken dialogue, and commonly happens in environments like here.

In summa - someone with very high quality written communication skills can do well on here even if they have few pictures or are very chary of showing themselves. Someone with very poor written communication skills has to rely on pictures to help to promote themselves. If you are a poor communicator and you have no pictures or are too fretful/ discreet/ closeted/ whatever to show yourself fully: you’re fucked. This is a medium in which you will struggle badly.

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By *nimaAnimusMan
5 weeks ago

I am NOT in

Culture has shifted to guys mostly being online when horny and ready to meet now or soon rather than later.

Amazon Prime for hook ups, an expectation to meet within 30 mins or they move on to the next person.

Majority of guys are only looking for a one off physical interaction. Photos and an understanding of roles is sufficient for them. The apps are plagued by timewasters so if an exchange goes beyond what they see is sufficient they move on. They are usually having more than one conversation anyway.

The user base of apps is overwhelmingly young guys in their hookup phase and bi/married/partnered 'discrete' or open relationship guys.

Gaydar began as an alternative to the one night stand pub/club culture, an opportunity to connect and date first, it also had a great community in the chat rooms, but it became headless photos and casual hookups, the nature of people is to blame, not the medium.

Everything since then uses the term dating or social networking, maybe aimed at a niche demography, but is essentially the same hook up culture.

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By *os001Man
5 weeks ago

Oxford

I find they are either way too eager to meet asap which gives off alarm bells to me or they just aren't great at communicating.

I often get a hi message and then either fuck? Or a cock pic with no words, am I supposed to react in a way that I'm so happy to have been sent a random cock pic and drop to my knees straight away?

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By (user no longer on site)
5 weeks ago

"Thoughts? "

Some are, some aren't. That's life.

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By *dstefiMan
5 weeks ago

Solihull

Guys in general just don't get dating apps at all (gay or straight).

The point of them is to draw a potential date in and make them interested in meeting you. I got a fair bit of success on straight apps when dating between marriages not by slinging compliments at women, telling them how gorgeous and sexy they looked. Because they hear that bullshit off literally every guy who contacts them. I'd ask about something off their interests, or even something as basic as "what's the story behind your username?" This last got me an in with a woman whose profile pics were gorgeous and what I'd usually consider batting way out of my league. She said "out of hundreds of guys who have messaged, you're the only one to ask that". My natural charm and brilliant sense of humour did the rest and we had a fantastic affair (didn't last all that long but was a total ride while it did).

Bottom line is, most men have completely shit communication skills and those of us who do have an inbuilt head start over thickoes with big dicks

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By *dstefiMan
5 weeks ago

Solihull

In other words, the app is just the application form. Use that well and you get the interview and don't get your application sent directly to bin.

How you perform at the interview is another matter entirely

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By *ishop666Man
5 weeks ago

ls19

Some analysts say it is expected ( but most are trying to much)

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By *licequeen891Man
5 weeks ago

Teddington

no but they never read profiles

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By *xLedZepxx2Man
5 weeks ago

Didcot

I'm on a dating site, clearly stating in my profile that I'm looking for a relationship or companion and that I'm not looking for hook ups, so far everyone who's contacted me just wants a quick hook up and a couple have been married, I'd expect that sort of thing on here but not a dating site.

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By *dstefiMan
5 weeks ago

Solihull

"I'm on a dating site, clearly stating in my profile that I'm looking for a relationship or companion and that I'm not looking for hook ups, so far everyone who's contacted me just wants a quick hook up and a couple have been married, I'd expect that sort of thing on here but not a dating site."

The irony being that a woman would suit you perfectly for that

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