FabGuys.com forum: When did Bottom = Sub

Glasgow

So many guys on here who are choosing to bottom also claim to be submissive. What happened to all the bottoms who know what they want and go out to get it? Being a bottom needn't mean being submissive all the time

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By *dstefiMan
2 weeks ago

Solihull

Agreed. While I might love sucking a cock or feeling it spread my arse (and I do) that doesn't come accompanied by any feeling of submission whatsoever. I like a real two-way flow of energy and enthusiasm for good hard sex. If I'm riding a cock it feels very much like topping to me: I'm in control of pace and penetration and that's exactly how I like it.

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By *upertedMan
2 weeks ago

Nelson

People are people and different strokes for different folks.

I'm like you - I think the 2 are very distinct. I'm not a sub, but I'm deffo a bottom.

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By *dstefiMan
2 weeks ago

Solihull

Should also add that anything resembling humiliation or feminisation doesn't enter into it for me. Name-calling or fem terms are a turnoff (even though I'm one of the despised-by-some lingerie wearers I have zero aspiration to feel like a woman; it's just the aesthetic of underwear designed to arouse men that does it for me)

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By *erscumdumpMan
2 weeks ago

Watford & Worth Matravers

Agreed the two things are not the same. I can go bttm, but am as far from sub as you could get. Ive met guys who call themselves sub who aren't. I know a top who is most definitely a sub. I think theres just confusion and conflation over the meaning of 'sub' and 'bottom'. Most guys who say they want a sub wouldn't know what to do with one 😆

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By *hisMeMan
2 weeks ago

Forfar, Angus

"...want a sub wouldn't know what to do with one 😆 "

Submerge it, sneak about and use the periscope?

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By *rMagicFingersMan
2 weeks ago

Bournemouth

"So many guys on here who are choosing to bottom also claim to be submissive. What happened to all the bottoms who know what they want and go out to get it? Being a bottom needn't mean being submissive all the time"

When I first joined FabGuys (as a top), my dream was to find a power bottom. Sadly I quickly realised that wasn't going to happen. I'm not what you'd call a dom top but neither am I sub - but the idea of having a partner who's active in bed is 👌.

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By *arti G xTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Chandlers Ford

I'm bottom but have had guys messaging asking are you sub, it does say on profile though most don't really seem to read them

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By *erscumdumpMan
2 weeks ago

Watford & Worth Matravers

They definitely exist! Rare as unicorns, but we're here

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By *hrisk75Man
2 weeks ago

gateshead

Im a fairly new the whole bottom experience, I wouldn’t say I’m a sub in the true sense of a submissive but when my friend is topping me I take a submissive position (lying flat face down) and he takes control which I’m submissive to but can (and do) ask him to slow down or stop at times . I think a true sub is someone who wants to relinquish control completely.

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By *erscumdumpMan
2 weeks ago

Watford & Worth Matravers

"Im a fairly new the whole bottom experience, I wouldn’t say I’m a sub in the true sense of a submissive but when my friend is topping me I take a submissive position (lying flat face down) and he takes control which I’m submissive to but can (and do) ask him to slow down or stop at times . I think a true sub is someone who wants to relinquish control completely."

You've got the arse he wants and needs. Still think he's in control? You just give him an illusion of control. Tops aren't necessarily wanting control. It takes two...

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By *uckBearMan
2 weeks ago

Didcot

I very much enjoy bottoms who know what they want and go out to get it. I want an arse as keen to be fucked as I am to fuck it!

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By *ottomslut30Man
2 weeks ago

prestatyn

I would agree there are some who just enjoy anal sex and others like me who are true subs and also enjoy humiliation and degradation

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By *istable arseMan
2 weeks ago

kings lynn

It's even more diverse if throw fisting into the mix as they definitely think bottoms are sub, even though in fist play it's the bottom in control lol. And had no end of tops stating they're are doms but they're not lol in practice,

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By *ocky30Man
2 weeks ago

Wellingborough

"You've got the arse he wants and needs. Still think he's in control? You just give him an illusion of control. Tops aren't necessarily wanting control. It takes two..."

I'm a top and definitely don't want control. Just because I am the fucker and the bottom is the fuckee doesn't mean that only one of us gets to enjoy it.

And any messages that start with Sir (or even worse, daddy!) get an eyeroll and the delete button.

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By *ustOneBearMan
2 weeks ago

Neath

Someone acting sub is a complete turn off for me as they were usually the most demanding. They came with a running order of what they wanted done to them. I gave up on the idea of wanting to meet any. I can’t get past those few experiences.

The occasional bottom is fun.

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By *rickie-dickieMan
2 weeks ago

South Durham

I'm bottom, I'm not a sub. It's my bottom and I get to say who does what with it.

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By *os001Man
2 weeks ago

Oxford

Same thing when some tops automatically assume all bottoms are submissive.

I'm happy for a top to lead, to a point. If I'm not into something, it's not happening.

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By *espectdueMan
2 weeks ago

Stratford-Upon-Avon

The two things are totally separate to me.

I don't look for bottoms, in both aspects, as I don't do anal.

I look for subs.

And I do believe that both parties should enjoy the meet, otherwise there is no point.

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By *einmeMan
2 weeks ago

Comber

As a bottom, in a meet I would usually prefer the top to control/decide/? what happens - is that submissive ? What else can you call it ?

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By *istable arseMan
2 weeks ago

kings lynn

Some interesting comments on here so far

So sub...gives over all choice to the dom. If dom says sit in corner then sub enjoys sitting in the corner because Dom says so. If sadistic, then Dom will do or instruct sub to comply to do things that they might not want too. That's just a couple of instances....it's a highly complex rekationship for all. And that's before matters such as subspace keeps in...

No mention of top and bottom in any of that, that's more role based.

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By *poolBiTopMan
2 weeks ago

Liverpool

As others have said bottom ≠ sub and likewise top ≠ dom. Nor does being bottom imply effeminate.

You're bringing something and enjoying each other equally.

On another note have noticed a lot of bottoms haven't rode on top. They think the top they meet wouldn't like it, I say give it a go you may find you both enjoy it lot more than you think.

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By *poolBiTopMan
2 weeks ago

Liverpool

"Some interesting comments on here so far

No mention of top and bottom in any of that, that's more role based."

That's a good description of the nuances. A sub/dom role may also be conducted over messaging and calls. There's subtle discreet instructions too such as what colour or type of boxers/briefs to wear or even wearing any.

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By *lackbootzMan
2 weeks ago

Hayes, Middx

"Agreed the two things are not the same. I can go bttm, but am as far from sub as you could get. Ive met guys who call themselves sub who aren't. I know a top who is most definitely a sub. I think theres just confusion and conflation over the meaning of 'sub' and 'bottom'. Most guys who say they want a sub wouldn't know what to do with one 😆 "

Somehow top vs bottom, active vs passive, and dominant vs submissive - which are all very different things - became totally mixed up a few years back and are now used interchangeably by people who don’t really understand them. On a site like Recon such terms are used very specifically and knowingly. I find on FabGuys that many bi or married men use “sub” when really all they are trying to tell you is they are a bottom. Gay men on here tend to be more specific and when they tell you they are a “sub” you are being told how they want the interaction and roles to work.

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By *espectdueMan
2 weeks ago

Stratford-Upon-Avon

I totally agree about recon. My preferred site.

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By *ive-aloneMan
2 weeks ago

rotherham

I would say me being bottom means I just let a guy use me

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By *eginer96Man
2 weeks ago

Kildare, Naas, Newbridge

As a bottom guy I prefer to be a sub and do what I'm told to do. Love to please my top guy and be good bottom for him

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By *ightbulb16Man
2 weeks ago

Glasgow

Agree. Annoys me when people assume bottom means submissive, or that top means dom

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By *luteus maxMan
2 weeks ago

Waterlooville at night

I'd love to find a sub top. Someone I can spank if he doesn't give me a good fucking.

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By *erscumdumpMan
2 weeks ago

Watford & Worth Matravers

"I'd love to find a sub top. Someone I can spank if he doesn't give me a good fucking."

I've got a sub top buddy. He loves me telling him what to do, how to fuck me, pace etc and he likes me to tell him how rubbish he is (hes not) and how tiny his cock is (its not). Its great for me cos he can fuck like a machine until i give him permission to cum.

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By *ature_Bottom_1965Man
2 weeks ago

Didcot

I’m a bottom and here for the fucking. I have zero interest in sub-Dom power plays.

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By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

A power bottom is just a man who can't hold still while you fuck him!

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By *JwithoutDuncanMan
2 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Bottom here but can play a few ways depending on my mood and the other person(s), can be assertive or used like a fuck doll

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By *iassloverMan
2 weeks ago

Rugby

I'm vers when it comes to sex, but have never identified as a sub. I do enjoy bottoming if I like the person's cock, or topping if their arse does it for me. It's different for everyone really.

There are Dominant bottoms out there, power bottoms, iirc.

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By *ttmcdguyTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Complete bottom here

I think as it’s already been said that the guys who don’t particularly understand what the dynamic of a sub dom relationship is have blurred the lines

I’m in no way submissive and I’m not interested in a dominant man

I am however passive and enjoy a man to lead

I’m also partial to some playful spanks here and there I’m also not adverse to being playfully restrained

But that doesn’t mean i identify as submissive

If i choose to stop something then im not going to mutter a safe word! I decide my boundaries! And if they’re breached then i will say so immediately

I’m here looking for fun and enjoyment

Don’t get me wrong some guys enjoy the sub dom stuff

But that’s something that need to be discussed prior to the meeting to determine what is expected and indulged

Any true dominant would/should screen in detail prior to meets anyway I would of thought and they are more than capable of discovering the compatibility of the prospective sub

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By *ale jMan
2 weeks ago

cardiff

I am either totally sub or i take total control while bottoming

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By *ella123Man
2 weeks ago

stockport

Is it wrong to feel female and like to be treated as a female when naked and being funked by a man I love the feel of a man between my legs funking me till he comes but expect no more

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By *ttmcdguyTV/TS
2 weeks ago

"Is it wrong to feel female and like to be treated as a female when naked and being funked by a man I love the feel of a man between my legs funking me till he comes but expect no more"

No it’s not wrong!

If that’s what you like then how can it be wrong?

Just because 1 person doesn’t agree it doesn’t make it wrong for you

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By *3versMan
2 weeks ago

glasgow

Stop the Subs!

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By *rMagicFingersMan
2 weeks ago

Bournemouth

A power bottom is just a man who can't hold still while you fuck him!

See, I don't mind that. If things get too raucous I can always pin him down and put a hand round his neck 😉😈🥵

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By *lackbootzMan
2 weeks ago

Hayes, Middx

"Stop the Subs!"

Free the Sausages!

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By *lue555Man
2 weeks ago

harrow

"Agreed. While I might love sucking a cock or feeling it spread my arse (and I do) that doesn't come accompanied by any feeling of submission whatsoever. I like a real two-way flow of energy and enthusiasm for good hard sex. If I'm riding a cock it feels very much like topping to me: I'm in control of pace and penetration and that's exactly how I like it."

Women are submissive you are wearing women’s underwear you work it out.

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By *lackbootzMan
2 weeks ago

Hayes, Middx

"…Women are submissive... "

Nothing like a good sweeping statement of utter dorkishness.

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By *dstefiMan
2 weeks ago

Solihull

"Women are submissive you are wearing women’s underwear you work it out. "

You must have very limited life experience

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By *mloveMan
2 weeks ago

gateshead

I’m a bottom and submissive but I also do know and say when you need to hurry up and fuck me hard

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By *erscumdumpMan
2 weeks ago

Watford & Worth Matravers

"I’m a bottom and submissive but I also do know and say when you need to hurry up and fuck me hard "

What you've described is not submissive and indicative of the misunderstanding of, and misuse of the word submissive. You're bttm.

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By *eo PublicMan
2 weeks ago

Lincoln

I'm top only but not dom, so not really into subs. I'd much rather be equal with anyone I'm lucky enough to play with.

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By *icebuttslimMan
2 weeks ago

here or there

"As others have said bottom ≠ sub and likewise top ≠ dom. Nor does being bottom imply effeminate.

You're bringing something and enjoying each other equally.

On another note have noticed a lot of bottoms haven't rode on top. They think the top they meet wouldn't like it, I say give it a go you may find you both enjoy it lot more than you think."

I consider myself a bottom and generally prefer to start on top, it allows me complete control of that initial entry. After a bit of riding it's a case of changing positions and go from there, if I end up being taken from behind I will and have pushed back hard.

There is a separate side of me that is submissive, but that only comes out for certain people and not something that I want when meeting a guy.

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By *lackbootzMan
2 weeks ago

Hayes, Middx

"I’m a bottom and submissive but I also do know and say when you need to hurry up and fuck me hard

What you've described is not submissive and indicative of the misunderstanding of, and misuse of the word submissive. You're bttm."

It’s like trying to teach dogs calculus. Leave it.

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By *implesimonMan
2 weeks ago

Meath

I was aware of my desire to be a sub even before I "bttmd" for the first time. I enjoy pleasing, being told what to. Some humiliation and lors of dirty talk. Even, for me, the act of being fucked, brings me more psychological pleasure than physical pleasue.

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By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

My aim as a faggot is to give men the pleasure they desire, if it means being a submissive slut then that is what I will be,

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By *ubsamcdTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Norwich

I'm a bottom and as my name suggests, a sub. However, whilst I'm happy to submit to a partner, that only comes after good communication about boundaries. To me, being sub doesn't include verbal or physical degradation, quite the opposite in fact - praise and encouragement goes a long way. Just as bottom doesn't mean sub, sub doesn't necessarily mean relinquishing all control, well, not to me anyway.

All roles have their nuances and they are to be worked out and established before I dive in. Trust is very important.

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By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

I don't submit. I invite...

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By *airFetishMan
2 weeks ago

Maldon

Agreed.

On of the biggest turn offs is when the man says "I'm totally yours. You can do whatever you want with me". Then they expect that they can pretty much lay there while I give them a good time. Grim.

I realise that "sub" doesn't have to mean they are a bottom when getting fucked though that seems to generally be the case. The growth of this role seems to have been huge. In the earlier decades of my gay sex life a bottom was a bottom and I never encountered anyone who referred to themselves as a "sub". Like many on here, if I'm bottom I'm as much a part of what is happening as the top and it's what I hope for if I'm doing the fucking, sadly, the lazy approach seems all too common.

I don't set out to take control or submit to it - I just want sex with an equal participant (or two ...) but that seems as rare as hen's teeth these days ...

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By *rookeTVTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Linwood

I am total bottom but my submissiveness varies x

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By *lue555Man
2 weeks ago

harrow

"Women are submissive you are wearing women’s underwear you work it out.

You must have very limited life experience

My life experience does not involve me wearing women clothes no problem if that’s your thing.I didn’t decide men are dominant & women are submissive it’s human nature or maybe god.

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By *rishTedMan
2 weeks ago

Manchester

I love being sub. My ex showed me my true nature over time. That said dominant men are hard to find. I’m sick of meeting men who think being dom is an excuse to be a monster or just lie back while i do all of the work all of the time. The quest continues!

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By *dstefiMan
2 weeks ago

Solihull

"Women are submissive you are wearing women’s underwear you work it out.

You must have very limited life experience

My life experience does not involve me wearing women clothes no problem if that’s your thing.I didn’t decide men are dominant & women are submissive it’s human nature or maybe god. "

Maybe I'm just a good (or by your standards poor) judge, but I've never had a relationship with a submissive woman, and I've had a few. Not dominant either, just quite capable of being assertive and confident in and out of the bedroom. Maybe I attract them

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By *lue555Man
2 weeks ago

harrow

If you wear women’s clothes not surprisingly the women that were your wives or girlfriends wore the trousers that makes perfect sense.

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By *ade crossTV/TS
2 weeks ago

chiselhurst

Bottom tv here but not sub I do know what I want lol

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By *lue555Man
2 weeks ago

harrow

How many women get hit by a man but don’t leave is that being submissive or dominant?

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By *andomguy321Man
2 weeks ago

reading

Power Bottoms can be quite insistent and demanding .... Sometimes, a rider is all but clinging on while the steed does all the running.

[Nostrils flared ... Powerful flanks sheened with sweat ..... "Tally Ho!"]

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By *dstefiMan
2 weeks ago

Solihull

"If you wear women’s clothes not surprisingly the women that were your wives or girlfriends wore the trousers that makes perfect sense. "

Antediluvian attitudes alive and well! Have you even read my profile?

For the last time, while some guys may find lingerie feminising and making them feel submissive, it's not all men. Women I've been with that have known have actually liked it, and that I'm open and have the balls to express my sexuality in a way most keep in a shameful little closet, wanking in the bathroom or stealing their wives' knickers for a furtive play. It's most definitely not them wearing the trousers or being the boss.

But that doesn't fit your old testament worldview so I won't waste any more words trying to explain.

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By *lue555Man
2 weeks ago

harrow

You know more about cross dressing than me because you do it I don’t. You having a different opinion than me doesn’t make you right or wrong.

8 billion people on this planet they don’t all think same as you.

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By *ttmcdguyTV/TS
2 weeks ago

"You know more about cross dressing than me because you do it I don’t. You having a different opinion than me doesn’t make you right or wrong.

8 billion people on this planet they don’t all think same as you. "

What makes you believe women are submissive?

Why would wearing women’s clothes automatically make the wearer submissive?

How many men get hit by women but don’t leave ?

The only correct thing I’ve read on this thread from you is the 8bn people on the planet and thank fuck they don’t think like you

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By *lue555Man
2 weeks ago

harrow

I have 3 sisters all married the husbands are in charge more than them.

Why are most positions of power held be men?The ultimate power position is American president how many women held it.

Most friends I’ve ever had there dad more unchange than there mum.

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By *erscumdumpMan
2 weeks ago

Watford & Worth Matravers

"I have 3 sisters all married the husbands are in charge more than them.

Why are most positions of power held be men?The ultimate power position is American president how many women held it.

Most friends I’ve ever had there dad more unchange than there mum. "

Thats 1000s of years of societal misogyny and nothing to do with the sub and dom roles being discussed here.

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By *dstefiMan
2 weeks ago

Solihull

"Most friends I’ve ever had there dad more unchange than there mum. "

Struggling to comprehend what that word salad even means. Pour you another?

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By *ocky30Man
2 weeks ago

Wellingborough

"Struggling to comprehend what that word salad even means. Pour you another?"

I think he’s had one too many as it is🍻

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By *lackbootzMan
2 weeks ago

Hayes, Middx

"I have 3 sisters all married the husbands are in charge more than them.

Why are most positions of power held be men?The ultimate power position is American president how many women held it.

Most friends I’ve ever had there dad more unchange than there mum. "

You seem to live in a particularly grim, insular and possibly chromosomally limited bubble.

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By *LASGOW 60s GUY OP Man
2 weeks ago

Glasgow

This thread has taken some very dark turns!

All I was asking is why does tgere seem to be an assumptiin on here, that bittom = submissive?

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By *erscumdumpMan
2 weeks ago

Watford & Worth Matravers

"This thread has taken some very dark turns!

All I was asking is why does tgere seem to be an assumptiin on here, that bittom = submissive?"

Posts on here usually take dark turns because there are a lot of weirdos here. Its like a day centre for weirdos some days.

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By *hubbyman10Man
2 weeks ago

Bloxwich

I'm a bottom but not sub, I know what I like and dislike

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