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Ignorance and intolerance

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By *airyinhiviz OP   Man
2 weeks ago

Salford

Something to think about.

My job takes me all over and as a result I often stay away from home? I have gone out to several scene bars and venues over the years and have noticed how hostile and clique a lot of gays are towards either strangers or visitors. Hardly accepting.

Do we make a rod for our own backs by unless we have a six pack or hung like a donkey or do drugs then we should stay away from these venues. As a stranger walking into a venue alone when was the last time someone spoke to you, offered you a drink or took any interest?

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By *antsMeetsMan
2 weeks ago

uxbridge

You've only just noticed? 😱

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By *ustOneBearMan
2 weeks ago

Neath

On my own, probably 15 years ago.

However, If I was with someone that seemed to attract others. It’s almost if you might be a couple, it’s more entertaining to try and split you two apart.

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By *eedsbearmanMan
2 weeks ago

Leeds


"Something to think about.

My job takes me all over and as a result I often stay away from home? I have gone out to several scene bars and venues over the years and have noticed how hostile and clique a lot of gays are towards either strangers or visitors. Hardly accepting.

Do we make a rod for our own backs by unless we have a six pack or hung like a donkey or do drugs then we should stay away from these venues. As a stranger walking into a venue alone when was the last time someone spoke to you, offered you a drink or took any interest?"

Is this any different to straight people?

If people are out with their friends, it isn't a requirement to be looking to add others into that group.

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By *tar33Man
2 weeks ago

North London (outer)

I've never been to a gay bar so wouldn't know.

If you're working away from home though, your best bet would be to look for straight married guys in the same boat.

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By *antyLover66Man
2 weeks ago

Ilkeston

Thankfully Derby and Nottingham are pretty friendly

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By *atassia KinkskiTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Rochdale

Manchester very tolerant and obviously you've to be carefully but even those who seem conservative n straight like some diverse things

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By *eefandfurMan
2 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Most of the bigger cities used to have at least one gay bar that was more like a village pub, generally more mixed and inclusive. Sadly, many have gone. The venues for the vain, narcissistic, cliquey clients always existed but there was a choice.

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By *isexual57Man
2 weeks ago

Staffs

I’ve found this the case most of the time especially in London

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By *amarinMan
2 weeks ago

St Helens

Last time I went into a gay bar it was full of young straight kids who were clearly there to stay away from the "middle aged white guy" crowds of the mainstream places. Very disappointing when you're a middle aged white guy

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By *actilePigMan
2 weeks ago

LINCOLN

The London gay scene is fucking horrendous now. Back in the day when I worked on the scene in Soho it was much more inclusive and friendly. And cruiser. Many single men. Today it’s full of groups of men who look at you like you’ve murdered their hamster if you try and have a conversation. Awful. Even the so called ‘bear’ scene is now all about the ‘A’ list muscle bears who one must bow down to, doff caps etc etc. Cunts. The lot of ‘em. I wear Westwood, leopard skin and dangly earrings and laugh at them as I swish by. It’s the only way. If you ever see me in a pub fella, come say hello. I’m delightful, truly.

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By *excessMan
2 weeks ago

Sleaford


"Thankfully Derby and Nottingham are pretty friendly "

Funnily enough I met a guy from Notts who said he avoids the gay scene there as its toxic!

All about perception I guess

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By *oodpeckerMan
2 weeks ago

Falkirk


"Something to think about.

My job takes me all over and as a result I often stay away from home? I have gone out to several scene bars and venues over the years and have noticed how hostile and clique a lot of gays are towards either strangers or visitors. Hardly accepting.

Do we make a rod for our own backs by unless we have a six pack or hung like a donkey or do drugs then we should stay away from these venues. As a stranger walking into a venue alone when was the last time someone spoke to you, offered you a drink or took any interest?"

Yikes, you might just be choosing the wrong venues? 😉 My experience has been the opposite: it often surprises me just how welcoming and friendly staff and customers can be towards strangers/me 😅

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By *erscumdumpMan
2 weeks ago

Watford & Worth Matravers

I used to go out on the scene a lot, mainly London. Some places can very clicky, very judgey, very closed. I avoid any venue marketed to the gay crowd these days. Leave to the youngsters.

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By *pdudeMan
2 weeks ago

newtown

I was in Leeds abut a year or so ago and found sitting at a table in a gay club got me nowhere i was waiting for a meet from here but the peeps in there didn't know that. Not one person even said hello... let alone dropped his cock in my pint lol

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By *eedsbearmanMan
2 weeks ago

Leeds


"I was in Leeds abut a year or so ago and found sitting at a table in a gay club got me nowhere i was waiting for a meet from here but the peeps in there didn't know that. Not one person even said hello... let alone dropped his cock in my pint lol "

So you didn't go actively engage anyone in conversation ?

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By *oodpeckerMan
2 weeks ago

Falkirk


"I was in Leeds abut a year or so ago and found sitting at a table in a gay club got me nowhere i was waiting for a meet from here but the peeps in there didn't know that. Not one person even said hello... let alone dropped his cock in my pint lol

So you didn't go actively engage anyone in conversation ? "

Or, drop cock in someone's pint?

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By *xLedZepxx2Man
2 weeks ago

Didcot

Intolerance within the LGBTQ 'community' Who'd have thunked it?

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By *or one nught onlyMan
2 weeks ago

dundee


"The London gay scene is fucking horrendous now. Back in the day when I worked on the scene in Soho it was much more inclusive and friendly. And cruiser. Many single men. Today it’s full of groups of men who look at you like you’ve murdered their hamster if you try and have a conversation. Awful. Even the so called ‘bear’ scene is now all about the ‘A’ list muscle bears who one must bow down to, doff caps etc etc. Cunts. The lot of ‘em. I wear Westwood, leopard skin and dangly earrings and laugh at them as I swish by. It’s the only way. If you ever see me in a pub fella, come say hello. I’m delightful, truly. "

What you mention about the A list muscle bear thing is true.

I had a friend , who is now passed , who lived in LDN , said the same thing. It’s almost like these guys are pop stars in the mind of this vacuous lot.

Each week there’s a new pop star on the scene or flown in to town.

On saying that , I must admit ive been in one or two bars /clubs and have met very friendly guys and also given VIP entry to quite a famous club south of the river. . So it can swing either way

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By *ildwestheroMan
2 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

Happened to me a couple of times. Worse was a few years ago. Drove about 50 miles to a once a week gay evening in what was otherwise a daytime only restaurant/coffee bar. Terribly cliquey. Got the 'who the hell are you?' look from quite a few as I walked in. The guy behind the drinks counter [presumably the owner] was friendly and welcoming but too busy to talk. Just felt like an intruder. In other places, mainly holiday resorts with well known gay venues, I've felt far more welcome and usually copped off with someone.

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By *pdudeMan
2 weeks ago

newtown


"I was in Leeds abut a year or so ago and found sitting at a table in a gay club got me nowhere i was waiting for a meet from here but the peeps in there didn't know that. Not one person even said hello... let alone dropped his cock in my pint lol

So you didn't go actively engage anyone in conversation ?

Or, drop cock in someone's pint? "

I said hi to a few people walking past I was quite open

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By *upertedMan
2 weeks ago

Nelson

I don't disagree with you about cliques.

All I'd add tho is do you get out there and make convo yourself...?

I will talk to anyone. I flirt and always make eye contact; and not everything results in a shag out the back Alley

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By *lenheimMan
2 weeks ago

Woodstock

[Removed by poster at 13/02/26 18:33:35]

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By *aul349Man
2 weeks ago

North of the Tyne

Gay bars are probably the most unfriendly place to meet people...

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By *arly-C-STV/TS
2 weeks ago

Doncaster


"

I said hi to a few people walking past I was quite open "

That's your problem, like messages of introduction on here, people ignore a 'hi' and want war and peace

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By *bs4dMan
2 weeks ago

Liverpool

I don’t go to bars/clubs very often but I’ve always found it very mixed. I’ve been to places where the guys are nice, friendly, smile and chat. I’ve been to places where everyone is in their own groups and don’t really interact with one another. I’ve been to places where everyone is standoffish.

I’ve only had one drink bought for me, but I did end up going home with him

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By *or one nught onlyMan
2 weeks ago

dundee


"I don’t go to bars/clubs very often but I’ve always found it very mixed. I’ve been to places where the guys are nice, friendly, smile and chat. I’ve been to places where everyone is in their own groups and don’t really interact with one another. I’ve been to places where everyone is standoffish.

I’ve only had one drink bought for me, but I did end up going home with him "

I had a drink bought for me by a n other in a club /bar somewhere in Spain ? Turned out the drink had an extra d+*g added …..

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By *damb00Man
2 weeks ago

Leicestershire

All the gay bars I’ve been to the people are usually friendly and make you feel welcomed. Have been to Lord Robert’s a few times alone and have had a good time, same with a few in London

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By *damb00Man
2 weeks ago

Leicestershire

And have always been offered a drink, I think if you go there and smile at people and make an effort, you’ll get interest

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By *limSaunaBareMan
2 weeks ago

Peterborough

In the last few years I’ve been to several gay pubs around the UK and no one has ever spoken to me. I had one late night flirt in Comptons, but he had a hipster beard so didn’t get far. It’s a different story in Benidorm and Playa del Ingles. Guys there often start up conversation with me. However, they tend not to be British.

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By *andomguy321Man
2 weeks ago

reading

You reap what you sow

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By *lackbootzMan
2 weeks ago

Hayes, Middx


"The London gay scene is fucking horrendous now. Back in the day when I worked on the scene in Soho it was much more inclusive and friendly. And cruiser. Many single men. Today it’s full of groups of men who look at you like you’ve murdered their hamster if you try and have a conversation. Awful. Even the so called ‘bear’ scene is now all about the ‘A’ list muscle bears who one must bow down to, doff caps etc etc. Cunts. The lot of ‘em. I wear Westwood, leopard skin and dangly earrings and laugh at them as I swish by. It’s the only way. If you ever see me in a pub fella, come say hello. I’m delightful, truly. "

I know you’re bitterly and almost self-harmingly jealous of my A List status but don’t you go on so. Just - move - on. X

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By *hisMeMan
2 weeks ago

Forfar, Angus


"I know you’re bitterly and almost self-harmingly jealous of my A List status but don’t you go on so. Just - move - on. X"

That made me laugh. Haha. And then you woke up!

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By *lackbootzMan
2 weeks ago

Hayes, Middx


"I know you’re bitterly and almost self-harmingly jealous of my A List status but don’t you go on so. Just - move - on. X

That made me laugh. Haha. And then you woke up!"

How very dare etc.

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By *hilledazzMan
2 weeks ago

Down

Am glad to hear peoples experiences in London bars are so identical to mine. Can be dispiriting at times. You spend so long there and the only interaction you have is with the barman.

It’s a true saying in the community you can come “out” but you can’t come in.

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By *actilePigMan
2 weeks ago

LINCOLN


"The London gay scene is fucking horrendous now. Back in the day when I worked on the scene in Soho it was much more inclusive and friendly. And cruiser. Many single men. Today it’s full of groups of men who look at you like you’ve murdered their hamster if you try and have a conversation. Awful. Even the so called ‘bear’ scene is now all about the ‘A’ list muscle bears who one must bow down to, doff caps etc etc. Cunts. The lot of ‘em. I wear Westwood, leopard skin and dangly earrings and laugh at them as I swish by. It’s the only way. If you ever see me in a pub fella, come say hello. I’m delightful, truly.

I know you’re bitterly and almost self-harmingly jealous of my A List status but don’t you go on so. Just - move - on. X"

As always, like an Oracle, your words are sharp but true. I shall repeat this mantra ad nauseam the next time I see you in The Welly mocking the sartorially challenged, as a reminder I shall never have your panache:

O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;

It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock

The meat it feeds on.

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By *oxymusicMan
2 weeks ago

Cowbridge


"Something to think about.

My job takes me all over and as a result I often stay away from home? I have gone out to several scene bars and venues over the years and have noticed how hostile and clique a lot of gays are towards either strangers or visitors. Hardly accepting.

Do we make a rod for our own backs by unless we have a six pack or hung like a donkey or do drugs then we should stay away from these venues. As a stranger walking into a venue alone when was the last time someone spoke to you, offered you a drink or took any interest?"

This makes little sense.

Regardless of one’s sexuality, I dare say any middle aged bloke patronising any establishment on their own would experience the same.

Why should I feel obliged to purchase a drink for anybody I do not know or have ever even met before??

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By *lackbootzMan
2 weeks ago

Hayes, Middx


"The London gay scene is fucking horrendous now. Back in the day when I worked on the scene in Soho it was much more inclusive and friendly. And cruiser. Many single men. Today it’s full of groups of men who look at you like you’ve murdered their hamster if you try and have a conversation. Awful. Even the so called ‘bear’ scene is now all about the ‘A’ list muscle bears who one must bow down to, doff caps etc etc. Cunts. The lot of ‘em. I wear Westwood, leopard skin and dangly earrings and laugh at them as I swish by. It’s the only way. If you ever see me in a pub fella, come say hello. I’m delightful, truly.

I know you’re bitterly and almost self-harmingly jealous of my A List status but don’t you go on so. Just - move - on. X

As always, like an Oracle, your words are sharp but true. I shall repeat this mantra ad nauseam the next time I see you in The Welly mocking the sartorially challenged, as a reminder I shall never have your panache:

O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;

It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock

The meat it feeds on."

You weren’t wearing Panache. You were wearing T.

And of course *you weren’t judging anyone in the Welly*… 😏

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By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

Just reviewing the above responses, London appears to be the location most commonly cited as cliquey. Is this primarily a London/South East issue, or is it a more widespread phenomenon across the UK scene?

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By *arcus BezzantMan
2 weeks ago

North Ayrshire


"Something to think about.

My job takes me all over and as a result I often stay away from home? I have gone out to several scene bars and venues over the years and have noticed how hostile and clique a lot of gays are towards either strangers or visitors. Hardly accepting.

Do we make a rod for our own backs by unless we have a six pack or hung like a donkey or do drugs then we should stay away from these venues. As a stranger walking into a venue alone when was the last time someone spoke to you, offered you a drink or took any interest?"

This has been the case since I first started going up to gay bars in Glasgow in 1994, and finally stopped in 2012, thanks to this app and Grindr, I thought it was a purely Scottish phenomenon.

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By *lackbootzMan
2 weeks ago

Hayes, Middx


"Just reviewing the above responses, London appears to be the location most commonly cited as cliquey. Is this primarily a London/South East issue, or is it a more widespread phenomenon across the UK scene? "

It’s a common issue wherever when you have some established groups and then outsiders.

It’s not a peculiarly gay thing as others above have commented.

Most men in bars where other men might be looking at them are actually quite nervous, and hide behind stand-offishness, subconscious or not.

For too many - drink in hand - it goes Nervous Nervous Nervous Slightly-Less-Nervous Leery LEERY LEERY Need-To-Leave.

Because London has more gayers and more venues it has more established clientele in various bars.

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By *lackbootzMan
2 weeks ago

Hayes, Middx


"… You weren’t wearing Panache. You were wearing T.

And of course *you weren’t judging anyone in the Welly*… 😏"

That was supposed to say T-w-e-e-d. Of course this silly site blocks certain letter combinations 🙄

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By *antsMeetsMan
2 weeks ago

uxbridge


"I was in Leeds abut a year or so ago and found sitting at a table in a gay club got me nowhere i was waiting for a meet from here but the peeps in there didn't know that. Not one person even said hello... let alone dropped his cock in my pint lol "

I've always found Leeds really friendly.

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By *lackbootzMan
2 weeks ago

Hayes, Middx


"… Not one person even said hello... let alone dropped his cock in my pint… "

Oh, don’t take me back to the days of Private 69… The amount of times he ruined a pint of cider flapping his Baby-Oil-slathered wanger into it…

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By *xLedZepxx2Man
2 weeks ago

Didcot

It can be like that at saunas, there are often groups of people who only play and socialise amongst themselves and it's like "how dare you try and converse with us" I remember walking in to a steam room on my first ever visit and got the "what the fuck are you doing in here" looks, doesn't really bother me though as there's usually plenty of guys to play with and speak to.

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By *tar33Man
2 weeks ago

North London (outer)


"It can be like that at saunas, there are often groups of people who only play and socialise amongst themselves and it's like "how dare you try and converse with us" I remember walking in to a steam room on my first ever visit and got the "what the fuck are you doing in here" looks, doesn't really bother me though as there's usually plenty of guys to play with and speak to."

In those situations I reckon it's because they're regulars and actually know each other. I'm pretty talkative and don't find it difficult to join in.

When it comes to saunas, I prefer people who talk over those who struggle to exchange a couple of words and are frightened of their own shadow.

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By *xLedZepxx2Man
2 weeks ago

Didcot


"It can be like that at saunas, there are often groups of people who only play and socialise amongst themselves and it's like "how dare you try and converse with us" I remember walking in to a steam room on my first ever visit and got the "what the fuck are you doing in here" looks, doesn't really bother me though as there's usually plenty of guys to play with and speak to.

In those situations I reckon it's because they're regulars and actually know each other. I'm pretty talkative and don't find it difficult to join in.

When it comes to saunas, I prefer people who talk over those who struggle to exchange a couple of words and are frightened of their own shadow."

Just an observation, I don't struggle to find guys to play with or even talk to, but there are guys who form their own little clubs, maybe they use the place for a meet and are just not interested in talking to or playing with anyone else, which is all good but imagine on your first visit, walking in to a communal facility, a steam room in my case and being treated like a bad smell.

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By *punk loverMan
2 weeks ago

Dunstable

Been to a quite a few gay venues around the country over the years and to be fair I’ve never experienced any hostility….all been pretty friendly really

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By *idingcockMan
2 weeks ago

Driffield

Believe in yourself. If the crowd are hostile don’t cast your pearls before swine; drink up and go somewhere else. Some nights for no particular reason turn out to be a dead loss; shrug your shoulders and go back to your hotel for a good night’s sleep.

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By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru


"Just reviewing the above responses, London appears to be the location most commonly cited as cliquey. Is this primarily a London/South East issue, or is it a more widespread phenomenon across the UK scene?

It’s a common issue wherever when you have some established groups and then outsiders.

It’s not a peculiarly gay thing as others above have commented.

Most men in bars where other men might be looking at them are actually quite nervous, and hide behind stand-offishness, subconscious or not.

For too many - drink in hand - it goes Nervous Nervous Nervous Slightly-Less-Nervous Leery LEERY LEERY Need-To-Leave.

Because London has more gayers and more venues it has more established clientele in various bars. "

Thanks, that makes sense, particularly in the case of outsiders and new faces, although I would normally make a point of at least acknowledging a new face in an established group.

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By *wanseajack2014Man
2 weeks ago

Neath


"Something to think about.

My job takes me all over and as a result I often stay away from home? I have gone out to several scene bars and venues over the years and have noticed how hostile and clique a lot of gays are towards either strangers or visitors. Hardly accepting.

Do we make a rod for our own backs by unless we have a six pack or hung like a donkey or do drugs then we should stay away from these venues. As a stranger walking into a venue alone when was the last time someone spoke to you, offered you a drink or took any interest?"

It's the same in the swinging scene. Me and the Mrs have been to clubs and socials where you unless you know people you are treated like an outcast.

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By *andomguy321Man
2 weeks ago

reading

Being ignored in the circumstances described isn't really hostility; it's just disinterest and indifference to your presence.

Any objective negativity can be put down to us all being pretty much hardwired to be wary of strangers who enter a space we feel to have some type of existing claim over.

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By *espectdueMan
1 week ago

Stratford-Upon-Avon

I can honestly say that I have been in gays bars in many European capitals including London and have never had this.

A smile goes a long way to disarming strangers.

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By *damb00Man
1 week ago

Leicestershire

As long as your body language is open and welcoming, you’ll attract more people. Look around, make eye contact, smile

Or just be a pretty twink

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By *andomguy321Man
1 week ago

reading


"I can honestly say that I have been in gays bars in many European capitals including London and have never had this.

A smile goes a long way to disarming strangers. "

Yes, I can imagine you having an approachable aura about you .... Goes a long way

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