FabGuys.com forum: Bad Dad jokes

By *eal daddy OP Man
3 weeks ago

London

Got a family meal tomorrow,m (first one after Christmas)

Anyone one got any bad dad jokes they could share for me to embarrass my grown up kids with.

Thanks in advance

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

horley

I was driving down the road when I noticed the surface was covered with emeralds, rubies and diamonds?

I think it was a jewel carriageway.

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By *uton JohnMan
3 weeks ago

Luton

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering

wheel attached to his crotch.

The bartender asks, "Hey Cap'n, what's with

that steering wheel there?"

"Yarrrrri," the pirate says, "it's driving me

nuts!"

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

horley

My daughter came up to me the other day and started colouring the top of my arm...

I think that she was just looking for a shoulder to crayon.

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

horley

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

"Thank you, honey", she says.

"What would you like me to bring back for you?"

He laughs and says, "An Italian girl!"

When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good," she replies.

"And what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" she asks.

"The one I asked for- an Italian girl!"

"Oh, that," she says. "Well, I did what I could. Now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl."

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By *teveb6969TV/TS
3 weeks ago

Worthing

A book fell on my head this morning.

I only have my shelf to blame

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

horley

Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat...

He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, Here, try these on.''

She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.'

I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'

Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.

'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

So....On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..!

She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'

Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine!

Mike did and said, 'I can't get into your panties.'

Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'

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By *eal daddy OP Man
3 weeks ago

London

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By *iBobOxonMan
3 weeks ago

Thame/Aylesbury

To the person who fly tipped their mattress into my front garden last week, I don’t know how people like you sleep at night.

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By *rownriverMan
2 weeks ago

horley

I asked the missus if the washing machine had shrunk my trousers, "No" she said "It was the fridge"

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By *entlad365Man
2 weeks ago

Dartford

[Removed by poster at 12/03/26 12:24:40]

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By *entlad365Man
2 weeks ago

Dartford

What cheese do you use to hide a horse?

Mascaponé

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By *ibblefishMan
2 weeks ago

louthish

Did you know that the marriage guidance service in Norfolk is called related?

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By *ffiMan
2 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Just been on the holiday of a lifetime….

Never again!!

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By *iPantiesMan
2 weeks ago

Louth

What did the cheese say when it saw its reflection in the mirror?

Halloumi

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By *iPantiesMan
2 weeks ago

Louth

How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese?

Caerphilly

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By *eather_uktvTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Manchester

I've got a stepladder. I never knew my real ladder.

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By *rownriverMan
2 weeks ago

horley

T S Eliot

used the 'S'

Because otherwise his name written backwards is Toilet

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By *apt peteMan
2 weeks ago

Stamford

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll.

Ken came in another box.

How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach.

It's not hard!!

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By *hiteroseMan
2 weeks ago

Neverwhere

I've just read a book about helium. I couldn't put it down.

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By *ammerhant420Man
2 weeks ago

Bromley, Kent

I had a book like that about antigravity.

Q: What do you call a fly with no wings?

A: A walk.

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By *tewartfoster1Man
2 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

What's the difference between a wife and a knife ?

The knife has a point.

Not really a dad joke but hey ho

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By *rownriverMan
2 weeks ago

horley

I went to a camera shop the other day to buy a pair of binoculars.

The manager saw me coming.

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By *opster77Man
2 weeks ago

Wantage

Superb thread : )

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By *ranform71Man
2 weeks ago

Hinckley

Two elephants fell off a cliff.

Boom boom.

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By *rownriverMan
2 weeks ago

horley

I started reading a book called "Exit Only", but I can't get in to it.

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By *lough97Man
2 weeks ago

Slough

What’s ET short for?

Because he’s only got little legs.

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By *orthwichMan
2 weeks ago

You can't beat a good drum.

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By *rownriverMan
2 weeks ago

horley

Got home to find l had a puncture. Guess I ran over that fork in the road.

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By *um dump meMan
2 weeks ago

Torquay

I keep hearing ticking when I leave my house. Apparently its just the neighbourhood watch

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By *um dump meMan
2 weeks ago

Torquay

Just got a new job at a bike factory, and joined the union. Im the new spokesman

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By *hagmenowplsMan
1 week ago

Hereford

Love them

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By *rownriverMan
1 week ago

horley

I built my ikea wardrobe in the car park and it would not fit in my car. That assembly point idea is stupid…

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By *eather_uktvTV/TS
1 week ago

Manchester

According to a recent survey, women who carry a little more weight tend to live longer than men, who mention it.

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By *rTongueTasticMan
1 week ago

Close_To_Chichester

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By *rownriverMan
1 week ago

horley

Went for dinner to an asparagus restaurant. I left the waiter a tip as I just couldn't finish the meal.

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By *iassloverMan
1 week ago

Rugby

What did one wall say to thr other wall?

I'll meet you at the corner

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk!

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By *lokenexdoor2025Man
7 days ago

Ludlow

"I built my ikea wardrobe in the car park and it would not fit in my car. That assembly point idea is stupid…"

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By *MB9Man
7 days ago

Northampton

Me and my girlfriend are trying for a baby.

Her mother's offered to help out.

Just until I get hard!

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By *eather_uktvTV/TS
7 days ago

Manchester

I asked what LGTBQ+ meant. But I couldn't get a straight answer.

I was sitting in my living room when suddenly a book fell on my head. Still, I've only got my shelf to blame.

If your kids are learning to drive, don't stand in their way.

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By *onDMan
7 days ago

Falkirk(ish)

Two cows standing in a field..

One says "Moooo"

The other says "Holy shit.. I was just gonna say the same thing"

Two sausages in a frying pan.

One says "Fuck me it's hot in here innit"

The other screams "Arrghh.. A talking sausage!!!"

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By *rownriverMan
3 days ago

horley

Charlotte Church is set to marry one of the Trumpton fire brigade.

They will be known as the Church-Pugh’s

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By *etterbiggerMan
3 days ago

Scunthorpe

I've had to pack in the tap dancing lessons

I kept falling in the sink

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By *rownriverMan
3 days ago

horley

I went to a ballet last night.

All those women dancing on their tip-toes.

Made me wonder why they didn't just find taller women.

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By *eefandfurMan
3 days ago

Edinburgh

Three men walk into a bar, they all ended up with a sore head the next day. ...It was an Iron bar.

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By *rownriverMan
3 days ago

horley

I've just got my Postgraduate Diploma in Plastic Surgery.

I'm now a Master of Disguise.

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By *ndsotobedMan
3 days ago

Towcester

I gave the rest of my pastry to two pigeons. Made me smile to think I filled two birds with one scone.

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By *rownriverMan
3 days ago

horley

I hear the F.A. are going to trial VAR 2 AI, which does away with a human referee. Well that's what a whistle blower told me....

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By *tone321Man
3 days ago

Newquay

Getting old sucks. Some woman goes to Dr and puts her on testosterone.

She calls me says hair is growing . He says it’s ok

She asks if it’s ok that it’s growing on her balls

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By *tone321Man
3 days ago

Newquay

You are spoiled for choice man! There are some right horrible tacky funny ones on here! Great post

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By *lokenexdoor2025Man
3 days ago

Ludlow

"I hear the F.A. are going to trial VAR 2 AI, which does away with a human referee. Well that's what a whistle blower told me...."

Subtle but funny

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By *addy7x6Man
3 days ago

High Wycombe

Guy walking through a park sees an old guy sitting on a bench sobbing.

He asks what the problem is. The old guy tells him he's just married his 19yo care nurse who lets him fuck her any time he likes.

"But that's really good isn't it?" the guy asks. "So why are you crying?"

“Ive forgotten where I live!"

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By *etterbiggerMan
3 days ago

Scunthorpe

A little girl is skipping through the forest with her basket of flowers. In a sunlit glade she sees a little old man with a long white beard and a pointy hat sitting on a toadstool with his head between his knees. Excuse me she says brightly, are you a goblin. No says the old man. I've got a headache, now fuck off

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By *k5707Man
3 days ago

Nottingham

Whats the difference with having a shit and having a shag,you don't have to cuddle a shit after you've laid it.

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By *k5707Man
3 days ago

Nottingham

2 Parrots sitting on a perch, one said to the other " can you smell fish"??

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By *rownriverMan
2 days ago

horley

- What did Sparticus say when the lion ate his wife?

- I don't know. What did he say?

- Nothing....he was Gladiator.

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By *ndsotobedMan
2 days ago

Towcester

In some countries women still can’t vote or drive. They tried to teach them . . .

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By *rownriverMan
2 days ago

horley

Legend says if you hold a petrol pump to your ears you can hear all the shareholders laughing at you!!..

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By *excessMan
2 days ago

Sleaford

Velcro

What a rip off!

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By *rownriverMan
2 days ago

horley

The Postman just knocked at the door, and asked me if i could sign for a parcel.

Poor lad must be deaf…

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