FabGuys.com forum: Loneliness and longing for connection

By *uriousAboutCock1996 OP Man
1 week ago

Wakefield

Who else spends most of their time feeling lonely and isolated? I've felt like this most of my adult life and not much seems to fill the void.

Idk, not trying to moan for too long but a lot of the time I feel like sites like this one actually make the problem worse. I've yet to do anything in-person with a guy and am genuinely eager but I'm finding it very hard.

I'm a little bit autistic, not enough to be that noticeable but it definitely effects my life. I'm also very anxious about being intimate with people, be they men or women. Add extreme paranoia about my health and safety on a potential meet and I often find it easier to just talk to people about things I'm too afraid to actually do. I can't even wank or watch porn anymore because it just makes me feel worse.

Can anyone relate to this? I can't imagine I'm the only one.

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By *astDevonGuyMan
1 week ago

Seaton

A very brave post. No you are not alone , there are lots of people who will be living life with similar fears and challenges.

You probably need to find a good counsellor or life coach and tackle your fears and challenges in small bite size steps . Good luck

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By *uriousAboutCock1996 OP Man
1 week ago

Wakefield

Thank you for the support. I went to therapy back in 2021 and it went pretty well. But it was an NHS therapist and within a year or so of the appointments being stopped I slipped back into bad habits. Seeing a new one would mean months or even years on the waiting list. I only saw the first for an acute issue stemming from a physical illness.

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By *omyorksMan
1 week ago

Nr York

Brave of you to post this. Fresh air and talking to people or joining a group can help. Small steps are good ones.

Recognising your issues is a good start.

Sorry if this sounds rather clumsy.

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By *bum4funMan
1 week ago

Washington

"Who else spends most of their time feeling lonely and isolated? I've felt like this most of my adult life and not much seems to fill the void.

Can anyone relate to this? I can't imagine I'm the only one."
lots of guys on here are single and use this site to get to meet other guys for a bit of human interaction and some fun is a bonus,, i get very lonely during certain times of the year,, christmas mainly and it can can lead to depression,,

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By *ips bearMan
1 week ago

Brighton

Do a search for 'wakefield charity counseling'. There are a variety of services going. The councils 'Turning Point' is def worth a look. Remember there is reduced fee counselling by local charity's all over the UK too. Mark

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By *uriousAboutCock1996 OP Man
1 week ago

Wakefield

Very relatable sadly

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By *uriousAboutCock1996 OP Man
1 week ago

Wakefield

Yeah I think I need to do more things outside of my usual routine. I often feel paralysed and need to push past that.

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By *uriousAboutCock1996 OP Man
1 week ago

Wakefield

Thanks I will take a look.

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By *ildwestheroMan
1 week ago

Llandrindod Wells

Another problem with loneliness is that it can become the norm and a bit addictive. Not really healthy as we a naturally sociable people. The last 2 or 3 years I seem to have spent more and more time alone and don't seem over bothered about it yet underneath I think I must do. I spend far too much time on the internet even if I don't transact with people face-to-face.

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By *ojanglesMan
1 week ago

mk41

I agree with many of the people on here you are very brave and speaking about your issues is the start of recovery knowing how you feel and how to go about putting it right i had a really hard time three years ago I lost three members of my family in the space of a 14 months and I couldn’t accept it i didn’t recognise the person i was becoming i was rude and aggressive and people didn’t want my company and I couldn’t get the answers i needed so I reached out for help I got 13 weeks of bereavement counselling and mental health support and I am so glad i came out the other side where many others didn’t you have strength and courage from what you are saying my advice is talk to friends family and professional assistance take one day at a time and cross everything that is bothering you off your list you have a long tough road ahead of you and it won’t be easy for you but dedicate yourself to what matters most i found alcohol wasn’t helping so I stopped and still stopped i stay away from negativity and people who are negative so I concentrate on what I needed to do i stayed away from places that I knew I shouldn’t be and now I can communicate with people better i can control myself better and I feel better keep your chin up and only control what you can do if you’re not in control then walk away i wish you every success and see you on the other side

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By *ustOneBearMan
1 week ago

Neath

I get it.

I have meets but I miss the connection.

The cuddles and someone else to share the load. I find jobs finishing the house difficult, they take longer.

I’m having grief counselling, I’m not sure it’s helping. I’ve moved 200 miles away from friends so it’s easy to feel isolated. Making friends when you’re older is harder too.

There’s been some good advice shared so far. The trouble with support is you have to go find it. It’s not always easy to navigate the process either.

I hope to find what you’re looking for.

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By *eefandfurMan
1 week ago

Edinburgh

You're not alone. Text only communication on here and social media can be difficult to navigate. Plus a lot of guys treat it like they are ordering a pizza and forget there is another human being involved.

I'd suggest finding non-sexual outdoor activities with other guys. Gay Outdoors Club or similar, or start organising simple group walks in your area.

If you are hooking-up, you'd be surprised how many guys are also happy to chill and chat and have a cuddle, it doesn't have to be all cum and go.

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By *ildwestheroMan
1 week ago

Llandrindod Wells

I hear what the guy above is saying. Little things like someone to steady a stepladder or help you lift something. Someone's advice or to share a problem with. Meets with sex are great but can be a bit meaningless if there is no connection other than physical for the duration. Sometimes nice to just lie and make small talk afterwards.

Also moving is not always the answer unless you can move to a totally new area and are good at making new friends. I moved back to a town where I had lived for quite a few years, after over 6 years away. Things had changed. Old friends had moved on. Once lively venues had either closed or changed out of recognition.

It's a difficult one and gets worse as you get older

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By *uriousAboutCock1996 OP Man
1 week ago

Wakefield

A lot of great advice here. Thank you everyone for the kind words and help.

I think being on here doesn't help sometimes to be honest. Like was said above guys treat this site like a meat market where they are both the buyer, the seller, and the product. I find it kinda offputting tbh but I must obviously like men because why the hell else would I be here lmao.

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By *awihMan
1 week ago

Aldershot

I would suggest perhaps you try a local Gay Pub (there appear to be a couple in Wakefield). Probably going to be difficult for you at first, I remember how difficult it could be especially if you were shy or socially awkward. BUT if you can get past that you could at least talk to real people in the real world. That might be a start for you.

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By *erscumdumpMan
1 week ago

Watford & Worth Matravers

You're a young man with life ahead of you. Though connection is possible on this site, it won't be deep and will probably be fleeting. Think about taking up hobbies where you could meet other people - local walking groups, often organised by councils, are ideal as most people can walk and what you see gives you something to talk about. The crushing despair of loneliness is an epidemic but change starts with you. Good luck fella.

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By *ajkumarkapoorMan
1 week ago

England

You are still young and many guys will like you. I am getting older in my 40s and I notice my Scottish partner prefers meeting younger men in their 20s and 30s. Yes I feel lonely sometimes because I feel not many guys like me anymore as I aged.

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By *lexieMan
1 week ago

Just north of Southampton

I sympathise with the OP... I appreciate that this is a hook up site, and may not be the place for making more meaningful relationships. I have tried, without success to find a FWB (friend with benefits) where sex is not top of the agenda as is a quick cum and go! Friends first, with perhaps a common interest and the mutual sex interest will follow and hopefully be more rewarding.

Good luck fella, some useful advice on here from the above members.

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By *hyna HutchMan
1 week ago

valleys

Social media and forums can be brutal.

I actually remember about 200 years ago, recieving my first insult on a forum. I was quite unsettled.

So young, so naive.

You've had some nice replies because there are a lot of really nice guys here. I've seen it in many threads.

I hope these replies help.

You're nervous about health? Just ask for something relatively safe. A play down below or just a meet and go from there. As for meeting strangers, well, it's always an unknown, but they probably feel the same.

You have nice photos there by the way.

(I would).

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By *uriousAboutCock1996 OP Man
1 week ago

Wakefield

Thanks again everyone. I agree, some great advice here.

I think as someone who has never been with a guy before but obviously wants to, even if only to try it, I'm finding it hard to reconcile my desires with how offputting some guys are. I've never had that experience with women so it's completely new to me and kinda unsettling.

My problem is this. I kinda don't want to go meet a guy the same way I would meet a woman (ie to have a relationship with them) because I don't know if that's even what I want and it would be unfair to the other person to use them as a Guinea Pig. But at the same time meeting a stranger to blow them may also not be conducive to discovering this side of myself. I hope I'm making sense.

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By *3versMan
1 week ago

glasgow

"Thanks again everyone. I agree, some great advice here.

Most men on here are not looking for a relationship, they're looking for a hookup - so there's no need to worry about that- otherwise go to a gay sauna and use a gloryhole

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By *ildwestheroMan
1 week ago

Llandrindod Wells

We all want different. Despite being gay most of my really good friends now seem to be female. None now local so rarely see them face-to-face but we keep in touch via phone calls and emails. I would be happy to have a relationship with a man but more an FWB than an actual boyfriend. Someone to have a good chat with, perhaps go for a meal or and outing with, as well as some bedroom fun.

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By *aulMichaelMan
1 week ago

Liverpool

I think you should get off this site and just accept who you are and what you are about, being lonely isn’t bad when you accept it for what it is, if you have tried all your life to make connections and haven’t been able to, then maybe you should just let all that self disappointment go, in other words stop trying to become accepted, what does it matter, some people are just different and can’t mix in normal social requirements, just stop wanting to be accepted, stop being hard on yourself, just fook it all off and be you for you, read up on stoicism, honestly read up about it, you will find yourself in there, like I did, you will feel a massive weight lifted off your shoulders when you liberate yourself from the need to be accepted by things that you really don’t want to be accepted for, loneliness is not a reason to look for affection from other men if your not gay, I suspect your not gay but you are lonely, don’t sell yourself out, have phone sex, cam sex , get it out your system, but whatever you do , just let everything about trying to fit in go !

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By *rowserMan
1 week ago

East Kent

OP, you set out who you might be looking for in articulate detail, which means you might just hear from someone similar.

That's quite unusual here, where too much messaging is often dismissed as 'ping-pong', because guys just want a cum and go.

Those of us who don't mind ping-pong are thought of as over-thinkers, too picky and choosy. And so we court isolation rather than risk a disappointing meet.

Might be best to keep looking while also keeping realistic expectations. You never know.

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By *cd69Man
1 week ago

ash vale

I agree with what a lot of people are saying on her you are so brave to share this. Mental health issues are hard I have been struggling a while and I find keeping busy helps.

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By *nimaAnimusMan
1 week ago

I am NOT in

Some of what you wrote sounds like internalised homophobia, especially the "health" comments if you consider same sex intimacy higher risk than heterosexual sex - plenty of online resources to work through that.

Whilst it is frustrating how difficult access to the NHS mental health resources is outside of prioritised services for self harm, you do not have to limit yourself to NHS counselling services referred via your GP.

Free self referral online counselling in the UK is available, online counselling resources also offer a level of anonymity if discussing highly personal subjects you may feel embarrassed to discuss. Also no travelling to and from appointments and access to specialist in subject not limited by your location.

NHS Talking Therapies: Accessible online via the nhs.uk website.

Qwell: Free, NHS-funded digital mental wellbeing support for adults, offering anonymous, accredited counselling and peer support.

7 Cups: Provides free, confidential, 24/7 online chat support for anxiety and depression.

The Spark: Offers free and subsidised counselling sessions.

Relate: Offers free, specific online counselling sessions, often supported by partnerships.

If those free options don't work, your personal health is the most important aspect of your life and prioritising finances on that should not be distracted by feeling cheated due to the failures in the NHS.

Online counselling is generally more competively priced than face to face counselling.

If you want to chat, Switchboard is the free LGBTQ+ telephone line 0800 0119 100

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By *uriousAboutCock1996 OP Man
1 week ago

Wakefield

Yet more good advice, I didn't expect to get so many replies.

With regards to internalised homophobia and health concerns, male/male sex is riskier that heterosexual sex. It's a statistical fact. I may be paranoid but the paranoia stems from a logical starting point. Anyone who doubts this can look up the numbers themselves.

To the guy who suspects I'm not gay, well I never said I was. I'm bicurious. I could easily try being with a man and not like it. I want to at least try.

Thanks again for all the kind words of support.

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