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"What the title says basically. I sometimes feel like I'm two separate people. One really wants to meet a guy and have fun, the other wants nothing to do with it. The second guy always wins in the end. I feel completely paralysed by anxiety and outright fear when a serious chance to meet someone comes up. Like my brain cannot handle the situation becoming real so it just shuts down on me. I hate it tbh." It's completely normal. Just take it one step at a time. You've probably spent most of your life not acknowledging that homosexuality is perfectly "normal", like 60% of the population. You're conditioned from birth to believe male and female not male/male. Relax and just take your time, it'll come when you're ready. | |||
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"What the title says basically. I sometimes feel like I'm two separate people. One really wants to meet a guy and have fun, the other wants nothing to do with it. The second guy always wins in the end. I feel completely paralysed by anxiety and outright fear when a serious chance to meet someone comes up. Like my brain cannot handle the situation becoming real so it just shuts down on me. I hate it tbh." I think what you need to do is for your first meet, find somebody who seems genuinely kind and understanding, is willing to do a fair bit of messaging before meeting to help ease your anxiety and won't throw a fit if they don't get what they want from it. It took me a long time to build up to my first real meet and thankfully it went as well as I'd always hoped: we chatted a bit on here first then met in a public place where the option to walk away was always there. We didn't, we got on really well and went back to his and were soon naked (bar lingerie) on his bed and enjoying each other's penis hugely. Have you thought about the root of your anxiety much? Do you think it's because you're afraid you won't like gay sex and don't want to let someone down, or does the prospect of it going horribly wrong for you at the whim of somebody unfeeling and violent trouble you? | |||
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"Succumb to the cock 👍" Suck cum from the cock | |||
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"Thanks for the replies everyone. I'll try and quickly answer as best I can. Some good suggestions here. Talking to someone for a while before I meet is something I'm already doing with a few on here, hoping it works out. What am I afraid of? Well I think it's a bit of both. I think there's a genuine possibility I won't actually like gay sex that much, and I'm paranoid about it going wrong somehow. For reasons I won't get into I'm not very trusting so when I get positive attention from people it's hard not to read it as manipulation. " At least you shouldn't need to worry about penis size and stiffness, you have a pretty good looking cock  | |||
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"How about a glory hole? Anonymous. " Saying that, I had a nightmare the night before that the guy had an axe. I did it anyway. Be brave. | |||
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"Be honest about having L plates on. There are plenty of guys around willing to take the time and patience to show a learner what to do. We've all been there to some degree. Good luck 👍 " Thank you. I was unfortunately led on by a guy I thought was doing that and then after a week of chatting he became abusive. Later found out from another user he does that a lot. It made me even more reluctant than I already was. | |||
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"Seems like avoiding random hookups and taking the time to plan something properly with a guy I actually like and trust is the way to go. I feel like my anxiety is somewhat rational albeit exaggerated out of proportion, and slowing down is the better option for me. " Yes find someone willing to be patient, on the other hand you could just bite the bullet and visit a gay sauna, they really aren't as scary as you may think. | |||
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"Seems like avoiding random hookups and taking the time to plan something properly with a guy I actually like and trust is the way to go. I feel like my anxiety is somewhat rational albeit exaggerated out of proportion, and slowing down is the better option for me. " Arrange a no commitment f2f meet in a public place for a chat as a first contact. Some don’t like it but it works for me. | |||
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"What the title says basically. I sometimes feel like I'm two separate people. One really wants to meet a guy and have fun, the other wants nothing to do with it. The second guy always wins in the end. I feel completely paralysed by anxiety and outright fear when a serious chance to meet someone comes up. Like my brain cannot handle the situation becoming real so it just shuts down on me. I hate it tbh." Aww I still get like this and I have met guys before! My anxiety kicks in and it’s game over lol even if I want to. I am autistic though lol, but meeting new people and trying something new can be scary for anyone. Fear of the unknown I guess | |||
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"Succumb to the cock 👍 Suck cum from the cock" Haha v clever😆 | |||
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"Be honest about having L plates on. There are plenty of guys around willing to take the time and patience to show a learner what to do. We've all been there to some degree. Good luck 👍 " I like this approach. Let them know that you're not prepared to dive straight in, talk first. Some will ask you if you want to lead proceedings, others suggest they lead the way. You must do whatever makes you comfortable. In the past, I've been too forward with guys and done what I thought they wanted without asking, assumptions can kill a meeting. Be honest. If they're genuine, they'll understand your fears. | |||
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"Less than 20% of the guys on here are serial killers. "Definitely a good news story! | |||
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"Less than 20% of the guys on here are serial killers.
Definitely a good news story!"Even with the trannies, it's probably still less than 30%. | |||
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"Glad to see so many guys suggesting I take it slow and try to form a connection with a guy. It seems like 9/10 of the messages I get from local guys are very offputting for whatever reason. Or are obviously fake. " Mate, taking it any slower and you’ll be too old to get it up judging by your recent threads! You desire cock or else why are you here? Just get on with it and then report back if you’re a confirmed straight or homosexual. 👍 | |||
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"What the title says basically. I sometimes feel like I'm two separate people. One really wants to meet a guy and have fun, the other wants nothing to do with it. The second guy always wins in the end. I feel completely paralysed by anxiety and outright fear when a serious chance to meet someone comes up. Like my brain cannot handle the situation becoming real so it just shuts down on me. I hate it tbh." My first time I was a soldier in Germany, d*unk, and brave enough with the Dutch courage to go to a gay bar. I was only 21 and very fit, so it didn't take long... I don't drink anymore (long time sober), but the booze certainly helped me get started. | |||
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"What the title says basically. I sometimes feel like I'm two separate people. One really wants to meet a guy and have fun, the other wants nothing to do with it. The second guy always wins in the end. I feel completely paralysed by anxiety and outright fear when a serious chance to meet someone comes up. Like my brain cannot handle the situation becoming real so it just shuts down on me. I hate it tbh." You can only do things at your own pace and when it feels right to you. For some that’s early on and for other that’s much later. It’s just personal feelings and life journeys that matter. I hope lots of guys respond to this to give you some support from a community of guys who will all understand that feeling and have their own story to share. | |||
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"Glad to see so many guys suggesting I take it slow and try to form a connection with a guy. It seems like 9/10 of the messages I get from local guys are very offputting for whatever reason. Or are obviously fake. Mate, taking it any slower and you’ll be too old to get it up judging by your recent threads! You desire cock or else why are you here? Just get on with it and then report back if you’re a confirmed straight or homosexual. 👍" It's not as easy as all that. I don't want to, and won't, meet someone I don't trust first. That's basic common sense. I've yet to meet a guy I trust who has also been free at the same time as me. End of the day I'm not gay. I like women too. I'm not gonna turn to dust if I don't meet a guy within X amount of time. If it doesn't happen then it wasn't meant to be. | |||
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"What the title says basically. I sometimes feel like I'm two separate people. One really wants to meet a guy and have fun, the other wants nothing to do with it. The second guy always wins in the end. I feel completely paralysed by anxiety and outright fear when a serious chance to meet someone comes up. Like my brain cannot handle the situation becoming real so it just shuts down on me. I hate it tbh. You can only do things at your own pace and when it feels right to you. For some that’s early on and for other that’s much later. It’s just personal feelings and life journeys that matter. I hope lots of guys respond to this to give you some support from a community of guys who will all understand that feeling and have their own story to share. " Very supportive, which I appreciate. | |||
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" End of the day I'm not gay. " Oh right, so now we are getting to the crux of the issue aren’t we? You are on here so at the very least you find men alluring. That’s an element of gayness within you. Unless you recognise that then nobody can help you with your continual denials & procrastinations. | |||
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" End of the day I'm not gay. Oh right, so now we are getting to the crux of the issue aren’t we? You are on here so at the very least you find men alluring. That’s an element of gayness within you. Unless you recognise that then nobody can help you with your continual denials & procrastinations." You do realise bisexuality is a thing right? I could suck every dick from here to Timbuktu and I'd still be attracted to women as well as men. I call myself bicurious because I'm not comfortable calling myself bisexual when I've never done anything with a guy. | |||
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"Glad to see so many guys suggesting I take it slow and try to form a connection with a guy. It seems like 9/10 of the messages I get from local guys are very offputting for whatever reason. Or are obviously fake. " Have you thought about trying a social event locally. Looks like there is on in Wakefield - Coffee Morning, @ the Hub; held every Saturday from 11 AM to 2 PM at Wakefield Kirkgate Railway Station. Discuss Anything LGBT+: Whether you’re seeking advice, support, or just a friendly chat, our team is here for you. Don’t know if that is something that would be of interest or help to you but it might be worth a try. | |||
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"Glad to see so many guys suggesting I take it slow and try to form a connection with a guy. It seems like 9/10 of the messages I get from local guys are very offputting for whatever reason. Or are obviously fake. Have you thought about trying a social event locally. Looks like there is on in Wakefield - Coffee Morning, @ the Hub; held every Saturday from 11 AM to 2 PM at Wakefield Kirkgate Railway Station. Discuss Anything LGBT+: Whether you’re seeking advice, support, or just a friendly chat, our team is here for you. Don’t know if that is something that would be of interest or help to you but it might be worth a try. " Good idea. Thanks. | |||
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" You do realise bisexuality is a thing right? I could suck every dick from here to Timbuktu and I'd still be attracted to women as well as men. I call myself bicurious because I'm not comfortable calling myself bisexual when I've never done anything with a guy." No, I don’t realise bisexuality actually. It’s not that I’m averse to labels i just look at it in basic form, when I suck a cock I’m gay & when I fuck a female I’m hetro, simply because that is what it is. Label me what you want. Even if you are ‘bi curious’ you have gay feelings within. Accept it or stay stuck where you are. | |||
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" You do realise bisexuality is a thing right? I could suck every dick from here to Timbuktu and I'd still be attracted to women as well as men. I call myself bicurious because I'm not comfortable calling myself bisexual when I've never done anything with a guy. No, I don’t realise bisexuality actually. It’s not that I’m averse to labels i just look at it in basic form, when I suck a cock I’m gay & when I fuck a female I’m hetro, simply because that is what it is. Label me what you want. Even if you are ‘bi curious’ you have gay feelings within. Accept it or stay stuck where you are." Not really sure what your point is tbh. I obviously have accepted my feelings otherwise I wouldn't be here. Also not sure what relevance it has to my original post. | |||
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"Yes I’m the same get to meet someone who can accommodate I’m all for it then I lose it and talk myself out of it why?" We're not the only ones. Part of it is probably anxiety but let's face it, for every genuine decent guy on here, there are half a dozen or more timewasters and creeps. Easy to be put off by that. | |||
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"Glad to see so many guys suggesting I take it slow and try to form a connection with a guy. It seems like 9/10 of the messages I get from local guys are very offputting for whatever reason. Or are obviously fake. Have you thought about trying a social event locally. Looks like there is on in Wakefield - Coffee Morning, @ the Hub; held every Saturday from 11 AM to 2 PM at Wakefield Kirkgate Railway Station. Discuss Anything LGBT+: Whether you’re seeking advice, support, or just a friendly chat, our team is here for you. Don’t know if that is something that would be of interest or help to you but it might be worth a try. Good idea. Thanks." Well as they are LGBT+ they may be better placed to discuss both sides of the coin so to speak. A lot of it comes down to being comfortable with yourself. Something I came to terms with a long long time ago 😉. | |||
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"Yes I’m the same get to meet someone who can accommodate I’m all for it then I lose it and talk myself out of it why? We're not the only ones. Part of it is probably anxiety but let's face it, for every genuine decent guy on here, there are half a dozen or more timewasters and creeps. Easy to be put off by that." I would meet you for a coffee and a chat first.Maybe take a drive and talk after that and then return you too your car or home. If we meet up again then you are doing great. We talk we laugh we relax and when you feel right we move on to watching a short video of someone wanking or look at photos and see how you react.If it turns you on then touch my leg,if not then we turn it off. If it turns you on then we make a similar video of me wanking. You will be the cameraman and i the actor. If that turns you on then we are making very good progress. | |||
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"What the title says basically. I sometimes feel like I'm two separate people. One really wants to meet a guy and have fun, the other wants nothing to do with it. The second guy always wins in the end. I feel completely paralysed by anxiety and outright fear when a serious chance to meet someone comes up. Like my brain cannot handle the situation becoming real so it just shuts down on me. I hate it tbh." But have you tried to understand what the root cause is? If you identify it it will be easier to overcome, and once successful , it becomes easier every time It is not unusual, especially b for inexperienced guys, to feel similarly. But once you understand what is at the bottom of that (for jnstance; is it shame, is it guilt, is it physical discomfort, is it panic or fear of performing, etc, etc) | |||
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" Not really sure what your point is tbh. I obviously have accepted my feelings otherwise I wouldn't be here. Also not sure what relevance it has to my original post." You have started several threads regarding your confusion over your sexual orientation and within this thread, which I highlighted in my previous post, you said you are not gay. My point is, you have at least some gay tendencies as you desire cock and you are on here seeking an understanding man. You are contradicting yourself. Only you can help yourself at this point as you’re clearly in denial. I’ve been there, as have many others. | |||
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"What the title says basically. I sometimes feel like I'm two separate people. One really wants to meet a guy and have fun, the other wants nothing to do with it. The second guy always wins in the end. I feel completely paralysed by anxiety and outright fear when a serious chance to meet someone comes up. Like my brain cannot handle the situation becoming real so it just shuts down on me. I hate it tbh." Don’t beat yourself up about it. Confidence and experience are two sides of the same coin and one leads to the other so take the plunge otherwise you’ll never resolve your dilemma. If you don’t like it you don’t have to do it again. Good luck Kyliee x | |||
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" Not really sure what your point is tbh. I obviously have accepted my feelings otherwise I wouldn't be here. Also not sure what relevance it has to my original post. You have started several threads regarding your confusion over your sexual orientation and within this thread, which I highlighted in my previous post, you said you are not gay. My point is, you have at least some gay tendencies as you desire cock and you are on here seeking an understanding man. You are contradicting yourself. Only you can help yourself at this point as you’re clearly in denial. I’ve been there, as have many others. " Alright I understand what you mean. | |||
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"Yes I’m the same get to meet someone who can accommodate I’m all for it then I lose it and talk myself out of it why? We're not the only ones. Part of it is probably anxiety but let's face it, for every genuine decent guy on here, there are half a dozen or more timewasters and creeps. Easy to be put off by that." I don't think this type of site is suited to arranging a first sexual experience: a minnow in a shark-infested sea springs to mind! Hopefully, this is a bit of an exaggeration, but there are some potential pitfalls for experienced men in navigating this site safely, far less someone struggling with being attracted to men. How about a sauna, where you can judge your own responses whilst being amongst a variety of naked men, with zero obligation to indulge in anything sexual… a kind of litmus test? | |||
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"I think a sauna would stress me out even more. As to going for a walk in a public place, yeah I've had a few guys suggest that as an icebreaker." I would doubt you'd get much uptake on this suggestion, when there are many easier shags available for other guys | |||
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"I think a sauna would stress me out even more. As to going for a walk in a public place, yeah I've had a few guys suggest that as an icebreaker." Well, it is a relatively safe environment where you could simply observe  Newbies SHOULD be a little 'freaked out'/super careful on a site such as this but going to a sauna is relatively straightforward: the whole point of a sauna is to de-stress/relax. There is zero need to do anything sexual. Succumb to the pleasures of heat, steam, showers,etc. and 'forget' the rest, unless YOU'RE overcome by any sudden impulses! 😉 | |||
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"Succumb to the cock 👍" This, basically. I think you need to shit or get off the pot. This is going to bug you forever otherwise. You'll be posting threads and getting nowhere. Grasp the nettle. (cock). Sorry to be a bit basic. Good luck. 💋 | |||
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"I think a sauna would stress me out even more. As to going for a walk in a public place, yeah I've had a few guys suggest that as an icebreaker. I would doubt you'd get much uptake on this suggestion, when there are many easier shags available for other guys " What I meant was I've had guys who are interested in me suggest this lol. | |||
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"I think a sauna would stress me out even more. As to going for a walk in a public place, yeah I've had a few guys suggest that as an icebreaker." I think that’s a good idea, I like a walk and chat before a shag but and that’s a BIG BUT very few guys on Fabguys are up for that sort of meet up. Try some of the other gay apps. | |||
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"Yes I’m the same get to meet someone who can accommodate I’m all for it then I lose it and talk myself out of it why? We're not the only ones. Part of it is probably anxiety but let's face it, for every genuine decent guy on here, there are half a dozen or more timewasters and creeps. Easy to be put off by that. I would meet you for a coffee and a chat first.Maybe take a drive and talk after that and then return you too your car or home. If we meet up again then you are doing great. We talk we laugh we relax and when you feel right we move on to watching a short video of someone wanking or look at photos and see how you react.If it turns you on then touch my leg,if not then we turn it off. If it turns you on then we make a similar video of me wanking. You will be the cameraman and i the actor. If that turns you on then we are making very good progress. " I like this post | |||
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"So you're saying you are a time waster then when it comes meets? Lol" I've actually had my time wasted way more than any of the guys I talked to and decided against, but go off I guess. | |||
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"Give the Empire sex cinema a go. No need to get your kit off. No pressure to join in. Simply watch and see how bold your erection makes you during the afternoon. It’s a good place to sample the goods with no obligation to buy. " Thanks for sharing , will be checking that place out soon | |||
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"What the title says basically. I sometimes feel like I'm two separate people. One really wants to meet a guy and have fun, the other wants nothing to do with it. The second guy always wins in the end. I feel completely paralysed by anxiety and outright fear when a serious chance to meet someone comes up. Like my brain cannot handle the situation becoming real so it just shuts down on me. I hate it tbh." I’ve experienced very similar | |||
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"I was very the same for a very long time. I finally gave in and agreed to meet a guy at his place. All went well and once he told me to strip naked for him to look at i obliged. He was kind and gentle and made me feel everything i hoped for and more. But he then took his bathrobe off and ordered me to get on my knees and suck his cock, i had never done this, and started to kiss, lick and suck his cock, he was loving it, and to that point so was i, the power i felt i had over him with his cock in my mouth as he groaned with pleasure was immense. But then the bad part, he got so carried away that he held my head, pushed it down and fucked my mouth and throat. I was scared, struggling to breath, gagging and hurting. He held my head so tightly i couldnt get away. he pulled out at the last min and shot so much spunk over my face and laughed as he did so. I sat on the floor scared, hurt, and covered in spunk. I finally left and that put me off for life. I have now only just started to meet with men again, and will only meet with kind older gents, and i have to build up the courage to let them enjoy me all over again. I have not sucked a guys cock since that meeting, and still afraid to do so, but i have let a couple of dirty old men wank over me and over my face. If any nice guys in or around the Bristol - Glos area would like me to visit them then message me and i will deliver myself to you in order that you can have me completely naked, my tiny little thin, uncut shaven willy out on full view and available for you to enjoy. x x" So sorry this happened to you. This is the exact sort of thing I'm worried about happening to me. I already have a lot of sexual baggage and honestly would rather not add another scar. | |||
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"Thanks for the recent replies. Didn't know I'd gotten more in the last couple days. I pretty much have accepted I have a gay side at this point. Wouldn't be here otherwise. I'm not entirely sure that's the issue. You guys can probably tell from my various replies, especially if you're one of the guys I'm talking to privately, that I'm extremely neurotic and it's hindering my ability to not just use this site but do a lot of things tbh. Believe it or not I get just almost as stressed out doing all sorts of things as I do using this site. I clearly have extreme anxiety issues that are way worse than I thought. I've been single a long time and I guess just assumed it wouldn't be this bad. Honestly I'm probably not in the right state of mind to meet people, men or women. But I also know if I leave I'll be back again sooner rather than later. There's clearly desire there, or at least a genuine curiosity, but maybe now is not the right time to act on it. Sorry for the ramble." FFS Just man up and do it Stop all the endless worrying over thinking just and go for it You’ll be surprised how easy it is when you do. | |||
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"Thanks for the recent replies. Didn't know I'd gotten more in the last couple days. I pretty much have accepted I have a gay side at this point. Wouldn't be here otherwise. I'm not entirely sure that's the issue. You guys can probably tell from my various replies, especially if you're one of the guys I'm talking to privately, that I'm extremely neurotic and it's hindering my ability to not just use this site but do a lot of things tbh. Believe it or not I get just almost as stressed out doing all sorts of things as I do using this site. I clearly have extreme anxiety issues that are way worse than I thought. I've been single a long time and I guess just assumed it wouldn't be this bad. Honestly I'm probably not in the right state of mind to meet people, men or women. But I also know if I leave I'll be back again sooner rather than later. There's clearly desire there, or at least a genuine curiosity, but maybe now is not the right time to act on it. Sorry for the ramble. FFS Just man up and do it Stop all the endless worrying over thinking just and go for it You’ll be surprised how easy it is when you do. " "Just stop worrying" WOW why didn't I think of that???  | |||
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"Thanks for the recent replies. Didn't know I'd gotten more in the last couple days. I pretty much have accepted I have a gay side at this point. Wouldn't be here otherwise. I'm not entirely sure that's the issue. You guys can probably tell from my various replies, especially if you're one of the guys I'm talking to privately, that I'm extremely neurotic and it's hindering my ability to not just use this site but do a lot of things tbh. Believe it or not I get just almost as stressed out doing all sorts of things as I do using this site. I clearly have extreme anxiety issues that are way worse than I thought. I've been single a long time and I guess just assumed it wouldn't be this bad. Honestly I'm probably not in the right state of mind to meet people, men or women. But I also know if I leave I'll be back again sooner rather than later. There's clearly desire there, or at least a genuine curiosity, but maybe now is not the right time to act on it. Sorry for the ramble. FFS Just man up and do it Stop all the endless worrying over thinking just and go for it You’ll be surprised how easy it is when you do. "Just stop worrying" WOW why didn't I think of that??? "It’s really the only way. Just pluck up courage and go to a sauna The saunas not going to come to you Can do as much if as little as you want in there. Totally discreet | |||
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"I have absolutely no interest in going to a sauna, that's not what this thread was about." If you planning a trip to London let me know. We could meet up for a drink and decided if we what to take it further. | |||
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"What the title says basically. I sometimes feel like I'm two separate people. One really wants to meet a guy and have fun, the other wants nothing to do with it. The second guy always wins in the end. I feel completely paralysed by anxiety and outright fear when a serious chance to meet someone comes up. Like my brain cannot handle the situation becoming real so it just shuts down on me. I hate it tbh." It’s the same for me, I’m only attracted to cock on fem gay guys who dress, not sure what that means, if a guy just looks like a guy, i’m not attracted at all , Im attracted to the fem element not the man element, go figure that out  | |||
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