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"I have been on both FABs since inception under different profiles as a single guy and in two couples in open relationships. It seems the first thing that happened was that when mobile phones became popular people didn't read profiles as they got moved down the screen on mobile devices. I never found it hard to strike up a conversation with people and get meets both as a single guy and as a couple. I have been to munches and been ignored while my partner got chatted up and people formed into clicky clumps and ignored us both. Then after lockdown, people's attitude changed. Of course there are many other sites and apps to choose from now. All the time I get people telling me they like my profile or pics, then when I check there profile it generally says "Will fill in later", pics are private or none existent. They say I haven't taken any yet, while holdng their mobile phone that has 2 cameras on it. I think people have got used to ordering fast food from Just Eats and think they can order a fuck from 'Just Fuck' like they can on (meat) Grinder(sic). Sex is far from the most important thing in my life. I can take it or leave it. But that doesn't mean I don't want it. I'm a lifestyle swinger, not an appliance to be used and left. I want to get to know someone, have regular fun. It doesn't have to be exclusive. Is that really to much to ask these days? "Agreed. | |||
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" I want to get to know someone, have regular fun. It doesn't have to be exclusive. Is that really to much to ask these days? "Pretty much this^ Far too many on here send a low word count "fuck now" type message and expect a meet off the back of it, many just don't take no for an answer and just keep sending inane messages about the levels of depravity they want to go to one in bed with you, even though you explain in plain English that you are vanilla and you have already said no thanks several messages back, yeah I know, just ignore and/or block but sometimes I stupidly get in to an exchange of messages. I need to have a good gut feeling about a guy to meet, I do not get that from guys who just want instant gratification, my life does not revolve around sex, I can afford to be picky and I can accommodate so I get to dictate the terms. | |||
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" I want to get to know someone, have regular fun. It doesn't have to be exclusive. Is that really to much to ask these days?
Pretty much this^ Far too many on here send a low word count "fuck now" type message and expect a meet off the back of it, many just don't take no for an answer and just keep sending inane messages about the levels of depravity they want to go to one in bed with you, even though you explain in plain English that you are vanilla and you have already said no thanks several messages back, yeah I know, just ignore and/or block but sometimes I stupidly get in to an exchange of messages.
I need to have a good gut feeling about a guy to meet, I do not get that from guys who just want instant gratification, my life does not revolve around sex, I can afford to be picky and I can accommodate so I get to dictate the terms."Spot on. Most messages I get are along those lines. And like you sometimes I forget to just block and end up wasting time talking to them. You're completely right to trust your gut. | |||
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"I have been on both FABs since inception under different profiles as a single guy and in two couples in open relationships. It seems the first thing that happened was that when mobile phones became popular people didn't read profiles as they got moved down the screen on mobile devices. I never found it hard to strike up a conversation with people and get meets both as a single guy and as a couple. I have been to munches and been ignored while my partner got chatted up and people formed into clicky clumps and ignored us both. Then after lockdown, people's attitude changed. Of course there are many other sites and apps to choose from now. All the time I get people telling me they like my profile or pics, then when I check there profile it generally says "Will fill in later", pics are private or none existent. They say I haven't taken any yet, while holdng their mobile phone that has 2 cameras on it. I think people have got used to ordering fast food from Just Eats and think they can order a fuck from 'Just Fuck' like they can on (meat) Grinder(sic). Sex is far from the most important thing in my life. I can take it or leave it. But that doesn't mean I don't want it. I'm a lifestyle swinger, not an appliance to be used and left. I want to get to know someone, have regular fun. It doesn't have to be exclusive. Is that really to much to ask these days? "Yes Apps have created an interface between users, this has dehumanised the experience, people have forgotten that they are dealing with a real person on the other side. It's made it mostly about self-gratification chatting with a real person but without having to physically deal with them and people seem to get off by wanking in that way. Meets were and still are possible, but it is very hard work and a lot of luck. Meets dropped off a cliff across all platforms after COVID. Some kind of science might explain this, but in a nutshell it expedited the already slow trend in text-sex. Another side of the coin is,COVID changed people, society definitely took a hit and people hace quickly become bloody awful and extremely selfish. I sometimes wonder if a war might be a good thing, something to tighten us in community spirit again, because we live in such a very vapid, shallow and self-aggrandizing society these days. | |||
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"Thanks for the replies, keep them coming. Would love to hear any suggestions for ways to fine friends who fuck, rather than fuck and go peoples. "Honestly I think you can tell just by how people message and hold a conversation. Even if it's sexual you can notice a clear level of actual care or interest. A couple sentences and general conversation goes a long way. I can always tell when I get tome text-speak messages; a few words or sometimes even 1 word from blank profiles just makes me lose any interest. By all means have a blank profile if you wish, but full in those blanks when you talk; drop a picture etc. I've been on grindr for over 10 years and here for maybe 6 or 7.. I feel like I can tell by the first or second message if someone's worth talking to. Obviously that's my experience and opinion, I'm not here to argue it or anything. | |||
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" Meets dropped off a cliff across all platforms after COVID. Some kind of science might explain this, but in a nutshell it expedited the already slow trend in text-sex. Another side of the coin is,COVID changed people, society definitely took a hit and people hace quickly become bloody awful and extremely selfish. " Covid just compounded what was already happening on these sites. The lockdowns provide a bookmark, in my memory it's difficult to remember most things pre covid - well, I remember them but it could be one month, one year or a decade previous to covid, theres little to timestamp things with. However, I do distinctly remember that this site at least, had mainly become about browsing, and meets were hard to arrange for about a year prior to covid. I was planning my exit, then covid happened and I stayed, thinking everyone would be keen on meeting once lockdowns were over, but that didn't happen. Attitudes and online behaviour remained unchanged from what they had already become in 2019 | |||
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"Thanks for the replies, keep them coming. Would love to hear any suggestions for ways to fine friends who fuck, rather than fuck and go peoples. "Form a local WhatsApp group, it’s not perfect because you still get the time wasters, but eventually they get wheedled out and you end up with friends who want to meet as a group or single your preference | |||
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"… Honestly I think you can tell just by how people message and hold a conversation. Even if it's sexual you can notice a clear level of actual care or interest. A couple sentences and general conversation goes a long way. I can always tell when I get tome text-speak messages; a few words or sometimes even 1 word from blank profiles just makes me lose any interest. By all means have a blank profile if you wish, but full in those blanks when you talk; drop a picture etc. I've been on grindr for over 10 years and here for maybe 6 or 7.. I feel like I can tell by the first or second message if someone's worth talking to. Obviously that's my experience and opinion, I'm not here to argue it or anything... " You show experience and maturity beyond your relatively tender years. I’m been chatting to and meeting guys online in different ways for almost 30 years. My experience mirrors yours. It’s incredibly rare that someone who gave you a pretty feeble opening exchange then evolves into a bit of a winner. It’s happened just a few times. Most of the time you can form a pretty shrewd judgment on how the exchanges are going to go from the outset. It’s very clear when you are receiving lame lazy messages that someone has probably fired off to lots of profiles hoping to elicit some response and you are just an option… and when you are receiving a more thoughtful message because someone has made speaking to you a choice. | |||
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"I have been on both FABs since inception under different profiles as a single guy and in two couples in open relationships. It seems the first thing that happened was that when mobile phones became popular people didn't read profiles as they got moved down the screen on mobile devices. I never found it hard to strike up a conversation with people and get meets both as a single guy and as a couple. I have been to munches and been ignored while my partner got chatted up and people formed into clicky clumps and ignored us both. Then after lockdown, people's attitude changed. Of course there are many other sites and apps to choose from now. All the time I get people telling me they like my profile or pics, then when I check there profile it generally says "Will fill in later", pics are private or none existent. They say I haven't taken any yet, while holdng their mobile phone that has 2 cameras on it. I think people have got used to ordering fast food from Just Eats and think they can order a fuck from 'Just Fuck' like they can on (meat) Grinder(sic). Sex is far from the most important thing in my life. I can take it or leave it. But that doesn't mean I don't want it. I'm a lifestyle swinger, not an appliance to be used and left. I want to get to know someone, have regular fun. It doesn't have to be exclusive. Is that really to much to ask these days? "Oh I'm too impatient to read that novel length message. | |||
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