FabGuys.com forum: Relationships with your Dad

By *lutsuperchub OP Man
5 days ago

Paignton

My dad's in the Midlands im in South Devon. He doesn't like me because I'm gay and we rarely talk. He's very ill in hospital and I'm dropping everything to drive up there even though I have money. I wonder if he would do that for me. Anyone else have this kind of relationship.

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
5 days ago

North East

Never spoke to my Dad in years he loved to control my life which is probably down to his Army and Police background

Cared far too much so I cut all ties with him as it was becoming far too much for me to handle

As my brothers keep telling me we are both far to alike especially it comes down to pride and not wanting to back down but I have no intention whatsoever of making up I’ve tried in the past and he’s thrown it back in my face every single time

Sad as one day he won’t be around and we won’t have made peace but unfortunately that’s life

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By *opster77Man
5 days ago

Wantage

With respect to, don’t try and think the way he does. If he passes, those thoughts will haunt you.

Good luck in this situation and just do what you feel is right.

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By *idingcockMan
5 days ago

Driffield

"With respect to, don’t try and think the way he does. If he passes, those thoughts will haunt you.

Good luck in this situation and just do what you feel is right."

Wise advice!

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By *upertedMan
5 days ago

Nelson

"My dad's in the Midlands im in South Devon. He doesn't like me because I'm gay and we rarely talk. He's very ill in hospital and I'm dropping everything to drive up there even though I have money. I wonder if he would do that for me. Anyone else have this kind of relationship. "

He's prob still a knob but it says a lot about your character that you're hitting the M5 south.

You just do you. You're a fine man.

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By *orcester GuyMan
5 days ago

Worcestershire North

Haven’t spoken in 30 years

Always wanted a positive father figure

Always feels like something missing

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By *PH1956Man
5 days ago

Colchester

Never saw or spoke to my father and mother for the last 25 years of their life!

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By *excessMan
5 days ago

Sleaford

"Never saw or spoke to my father and mother for the last 25 years of their life!"

My old fella was a cantankerous old bugger at times.

In my 20s we nearly came to blows one evening and we had a 10 yr period where things were strained.

I just had enough of his BS.

We both mellowed as we got older and became good mates and he got remarried to a lovely lady who were still in touch with.

My last memory of him was puking into a bowl in the hospice as Pancreatic cancer ate away at him.

Nobody should be allowed to suffer like that.

I miss you you old git🥲

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By *ttmcdguyTV/TS
5 days ago

I cut all ties with my father 12 years ago

He was my hero growing up

I idolised him even though he was never there whilst I was growing up

20 years ago he got cancer and I went to every appointment with him

I took home to every treatment etc..

he made promises (that he broke as soon as he was given the all clear)

But I still looked upto him

Until my step dad died suddenly! And he thought it was funny and the best day of his life !

He showed me his true hypocritical self that day ! And that was the day I lost 2 farthers

Only 1 I mourn to this day is my stepdad the one who picked me up every time I fell

RIP old timer always missed

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By *moother1Man
5 days ago

Port Talbot

Never knew my Mum, My Father sent me to boarding school at 7, he worked off shore and it often felt like I was an inconvenience to his lifestyle. Would spend most of my summer and Xmas holidays with my Uncle who pretty much became my guardian, I think it was a lot to do out of guilt at the way his Brother had acted. My Uncle was more of a mentor, he taught me my trade as I often would help him out in his studio space and taught me the basics of photography, lighting and post production as he also has a photo processing business which I helped him with. He helped me into art college and to get work. In subsequent years in adulthood did I realise what a good man he was towards me and when he really didn’t need to help me. I still miss him deeply since his death in 07 My Dad on the other hand barely showed any interest in my life, just a handful of meets over the years, mostly at those flash points like weddings and funerals, there was absolutely no love lost, particularly from my end. His was one funeral I never attended, just far too my damaged had been done.

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By *rient_topMan
5 days ago

Huntingdon

I love my dad and I’m sure he loves me, but I have always had that nagging feeling I was a disappointment to him.

I was (unlike him) rubbish at Maths and physics. Always was more arty and then I came out as gay

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By *iBobOxonMan
5 days ago

Thame/Aylesbury

I didn’t like my father, nothing I ever did was good enough, and throughout my childhood and teenage years he constantly berated me and blamed me for things that were quite clearly not my fault.

I don’t know what his problem was, but I was a good lad, bright at school and sporty with plenty of friends.

I felt nothing when he died, apart from looking forward to seeing our relatives at the funeral and wake.

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
5 days ago

North East

"I didn’t like my father, nothing I ever did was good enough, and throughout my childhood and teenage years he constantly berated me and blamed me for things that were quite clearly not my fault.

I don’t know what his problem was, but I was a good lad, bright at school and sporty with plenty of friends.

I felt nothing when he died, apart from looking forward to seeing our relatives at the funeral and wake. "

Christ this strikes a cord mind

It’s the same with my Dad I get the impression I’m a massive let down to him because I’ve got a shit job haven’t got married or had kids to keep the family name going and brought my own house

Not once have i ever heard him say he’s proud of me and that hits fucking hard especially as he was my hero when I was a kid despite him telling me I was a mistake

Safe to say I’ve got no intention of making peace with him

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By *rancd2TV/TS
5 days ago

Wolverhampton

I seem to have had a different childhood to most here.

My dad was my hero. In my eyes, the greatest man ever to walk on the face of the earth. Never said he loved me, but he didn’t need to, he proved it every day.

He would be the first to tell you if you had done something good, or that he was proud of what you had done.

But equally he would always tell you if you were in the wrong or if he disagreed with you, but not in an angry or disparaging way.

He showed me what being a dad should be and I’ve tried to live up to that every day with my own kids.

He died during, but not because of, Covid lockdown. Funeral was a tiny thing, just close family.

But a year later we had a memorial service which was attended by lots and lots of people.

I miss him every day and probably always will.

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By *MB9Man
5 days ago

Northampton

Mines been dead for 32 years. I've never shed one tear for him. Nasty, violent, controlling individual.

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By *ocktoplaywithMan
5 days ago

Derby

My Father died when I was 20, went off one day and didn’t come home, 46 years ago and I’ve missed him every day since

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By *ntoniaTV/TS
5 days ago

Kettering

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By *oxleyMan
5 days ago

Wetherby

Don’t watch Field Of Dreams……

Failed to properly connect with him.

Shame

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
5 days ago

North East

"Mines been dead for 32 years. I've never shed one tear for him. Nasty, violent, controlling individual."

Yep my was controlling and violent at times in fact I’ve lost count the amount of times he kicked the living daylights out of me just to make him feel better

I blame the Army and his job in the Police as I know he witnessed things that most people can’t possibly imagine some of which he told me about and to this day I still think about it

However it should never have give him the excuse to take it out on myself or my brothers and Mum and for that I can never forgive him

One it thing it do mind was toughen me up as now I’ll not back down to anyone so I suppose something good come from it

I do admire anyone who has a strong relationship with their father and would urge anyone to keep it that way as it’s a bond that should never be broken so with regards to the OP you take this opportunity to be with your Dad and let him know you love him

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By *eedsbearmanMan
5 days ago

Leeds

I feel so sad reading this.

My dad is awesome. Has embraced me and all my gayness and weirdness completely. He just loves me as I am and never asks me to be anything differnet. We get on great. He's very much a "man's man" type of guy, but he doesn't see me as lesser or different because of who I am.

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By *lipeminMan
5 days ago

luton

I was wondering the same thing

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By *otmyrealname1Man
5 days ago

South Yorks

Completely useless father. Abandoned at birth and met up later in life and he’s a complete odd ball. Acts like the big I am but is a complete waste of time. Better off without him in my life. Oddly glad I met him to find out I absolutely didn’t miss anything with him being an absent father growing up. One word I’ve worked out that sums him up. Coward !

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
5 days ago

Bedford

Didn't really know my parents they split up when I was 7years old and I went into a kids home. At school leaving age I had to leave the home. And went back to live with my dad a few months later in one of his sober moods I told him I cross dressed. At first he seemed okay just laughed at me. Couple of days later after a drink he called me every nasty name under the sun and beat the crap out of me and chucked me out. So there I was just before my 16th birthday winter approaching homeless scared and alone. Didn't see him again until just before he died xx

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By *atchmo_Jizz!Man
5 days ago

Wolverhampton

I miss my dad and that feeling will never leave me.

He was a solid, unassuming man, a man not given to displays of affection but I knew he loved me. All I ever wanted to do was make him proud and I hope I have.

He’s been gone for almost five years and I still shed the occasional tear and I am filling up now.

I love and miss you dad and I always will.

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By *ub4daddyukMan
5 days ago

Hindon wilts + Weymouth

I was wondering the same thing"

I thought it might have been a word accidentally omitted?

Would seem to make more sense if it said ..didn't have the money..

That's how I read it as should have been,?

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By *atchmo_Jizz!Man
5 days ago

Wolverhampton

"I seem to have had a different childhood to most here.

My dad was my hero. In my eyes, the greatest man ever to walk on the face of the earth. Never said he loved me, but he didn’t need to, he proved it every day.

He would be the first to tell you if you had done something good, or that he was proud of what you had done.

But equally he would always tell you if you were in the wrong or if he disagreed with you, but not in an angry or disparaging way.

He showed me what being a dad should be and I’ve tried to live up to that every day with my own kids.

He died during, but not because of, Covid lockdown. Funeral was a tiny thing, just close family.

But a year later we had a memorial service which was attended by lots and lots of people.

I miss him every day and probably always will."

Those words are lovely

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By *ub4daddyukMan
5 days ago

Hindon wilts + Weymouth

Loved my dad so much..passed away in 2000....most days I think of him, I'll see a car drive past that was like we had when I was growing up, or see a tractor like the one we had on the farm...I normally see a couple of reminders a week and think of him

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By *anDadBodMan
5 days ago

Speke

Never really got to know my dad, he died of cancer when I was 11 years old.

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By *arwick1Man
5 days ago

Leamington Spa

I was wondering the same thing"

I think the OP was being humorous with the ‘even tho I have money’ quip. He’s rushing to his father not because he has one eye on an inheritance ( he HAS money ) but because of an unbreakable father/son bond ( and/or a sense of duty to his father )?

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By *ub4daddyukMan
5 days ago

Hindon wilts + Weymouth

I was wondering the same thing

Good point...in some ways he doesn't need him..but he still goes to the trouble

I may have to stand corrected

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By *ub4daddyukMan
5 days ago

Hindon wilts + Weymouth

I was wondering the same thing

Good point...in some ways he doesn't need him..but he still goes to the trouble

I may have to stand corrected "

Very sensitive and insightful of you Warwick!!

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By *arwick1Man
5 days ago

Leamington Spa

Goodness me! All Life is here, isn’t it?

I’d like to thank the OP for starting this thread: I found many of the posts deeply moving.

Looking back at my own relationship with my father I feel nothing but love and admiration for the man. He was a simple soul with no malice in him. He worked hard his entire life and raised 4 balanced and well-loved kids: we never for a moment had reason to doubt that we were loved. My siblings and I still joke to this day that we ALL thought that we were our father’s secret favourite !

When my father died, I was working abroad and I never made it back in time to say goodbye.

30 years later, that fact haunts me still…

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By *wanseajack2014Man
5 days ago

Neath

[Removed by poster at 19/04/26 22:21:46]

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By *wanseajack2014Man
5 days ago

Neath

Lost my dad when I was a baby. I only have one picture of him

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By *ildwestheroMan
5 days ago

Llandrindod Wells

Lost my real father when I was 4 so hardly remember him. According to my half-siblings I would probably have got on with him as he was very laid back. I then had a very old-fashioned stepfather. We ignored each other most of the time. He died when I was 19.

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By *ountrygentsCouple (MM)
5 days ago

Llandudno

When my husband passed away 12 months ago, my father didn’t know that we were married. My father being a very old-fashioned farmer, it was best kept away from him to avoid any friction.

Obviously, I had to tell my father that we were married because it would’ve come out in the funeral.

I was dreading what my father was thinking, I actually had nothing to worry about at all.

The words that came out on my father‘s mouth were the words that I least expected to hear from him.

And those words were ‘you could not have found a better husband for yourself’.

Since hearing those words, the bond has been greater between me and my father.

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By *isitor71Man
5 days ago

Pewsey

Whenever I Listen or read about this topic I always end up feeling emotional and teary. Like some in this thread my recollections of my father are negative, when he died I felt no emotions and do not miss him. I've watched interviews on tv where celebrities talk of their fathers with love, effection, "He was my best friend, we laughed together and I miss him every day" always gets me going. I so wish I could miss my father like that, remember laughing and good times together....but I cant recall any..not for want of trying.

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By *evanianMan
5 days ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

I’m very sorry to hear that your dad is unwell. You can take pride in knowing you’re doing the right thing in trying circumstances. His attitude toward your sexuality is his alone, and you are wise to set it aside in favour of affording him the respect due to him as your father. That is all anyone can reasonably do.

In time, you will be able to reflect knowing you showed him respect, did everything you could, and need have no regrets. It is a difficult situation, and you are meeting it with great decency. All best wishes.

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By *andyhandymanMan
5 days ago

Barking

So many painful stories! And far too few happy childhoods. 😢

Mine gave me a lot to work through. My abiding memory is his frequent violent temper, made even harder to process by strange conflicting moments of thoughtfulness, although usually at a cost.

I hope all of you that were mistreated have genuine loving friends now, you deserved a better start. I won't call the happy childhoods "lucky" because being kind to your kids should be normal. It's good to know some of you did get that, at least we know it can be done.

OP, wish you well on your visit. From what you've said, it sounds best for you to make the trip. It would be lovely if your father shows some appreciation, but if not he isn't worthy of room in your thoughts. I'm sure many of us would like to know how it goes, if you feel up to it. You don't owe anybody anything though.

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By *ohnnyangerMan
4 days ago

I mostly feel a blank neutrality toward my parents. Theres no hatred or need for that, but not much emotion. The invested a lot more energy into my siblings and me, and suprise suprise it was only the gay one they kicked out of the house at Christmas.

My relationship with my father is fine, I'm happy to be around him. I never really looked up to him at any point. There's always been stupid shit they just didn't bother to do with me - I've been obsessed with cycling since the late 90s when I was a kid (Marco Pantani was the first TdF). They never got me a bike or taught me how to ride lol

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By *iggreenockMan
4 days ago

Greenock

My late father was a truly incredible man. A friend, father, mentor, incredibly skilled at so many things. Generous to everyone always looking out for the less fortunate. He would do anything he could for anyone. He would stress over little things, hand him a crisis he sorted it in minutes. That always made me laugh. He never knew I was bi but I'm sure he would have accepted it, but not entirely approved. He passed 8 years ago. I miss him every single day. When times are tough I always automatically think "I'll go and speak to dad....." and then it hits me. I can't.

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By *ustOneBearMan
4 days ago

Neath

My father resented me openly

He would tell me I was the reason he had to marry my mum. He knew I was gay before I did. I had two sisters who he adored if they did anything wrong he would hit me instead of them. His favourite was to stand on my feet and hit me like a punch bag. If i collapsed, he’d start again. He would often say he wished he could kill me. He showed no kindness to me I can remember. I was also named after a friend of his and I was a disgrace to his name as well.

The last thing he said to me was “Haven’t you died of AIDS yet?” In the 80’s. I didn’t attend his funeral.

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By *ajkumarkapoorMan
4 days ago

London

I don't like my dad. He had several affairs. My mum divorced him and brought me back to Thailand from Hong Kong. Shortly after, she died and my grandmother brought me up.

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By *ajkumarkapoorMan
4 days ago

London

"I don't like my dad. He had several affairs. My mum divorced him and brought me back to Thailand from Hong Kong. Shortly after, she died and my grandmother brought me up."

I grew up gay and everyone teases and calls me sissy. I used to cry alot, feel ashamed of myself until a nice Australian guy helped me to come to terms with my traumatic past. He was like a father I never had. Unfortunately he died of cancer.

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By *arried68Man
4 days ago

ilford

Me too my maths tutor was more a dad than my strict dad

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By *ajkumarkapoorMan
4 days ago

London

"Me too my maths tutor was more a dad than my strict dad "

I see. As for me, I ended up in the gay scene looking for attention from men but often it was all sex. At one time I wanted to end it all but never have the courage to do so.

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By *ral-service1968Man
4 days ago

Sheffield

Im not gay love cock and pussy always had a very very close relationship with my mum being an only child and dad worked away a lot

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By *mizhereMan
4 days ago

Thame and surrounds

Never had a relationship with my father

He left my mum when I was young and she brought me up with a succession of boyfriends in tow

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By *hototed54Man
4 days ago

leeds

My dad was an older dad he was born in 1911 and he was fantastic we would spend hours chatting together about any subject I could ask him anything about anything I was very lucky by been older he died when I was in my 20s

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By *nicMan
4 days ago

Manchester

I was brought up by grandparents grandad was great fantastic guy Very understanding on all kinds of things

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By *ezzadMan
4 days ago

Nottingham

My dad died 15 years ago and never asked about my personal life though I did see him in his final years.

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By *usicmanxxxMan
4 days ago

WN8

My dad was very hard working man

Cared for me and siblings very well

I do miss my dad

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By *ral202345Man
4 days ago

Long Eaton

Mother had depression so had the ECT etc. Dad was on regular nights and would have to doze in the hospital car park. Only child "I was more like a brother" in his words. 14, family holiday which he had been looking forward to. Mother was a proper pain, so after meeting a younger woman who lived 20 miles away. He had an affair. Parents separated/divorced - I joined the Forces.

He divorced the 2nd wife. Adultery. Mother was in a new relationship and coming out out of her shell. Last time I saw my father, he seemed bitter and we had lost our link. He just felt different.

Number of years, it turned out my father struggled. Mum and her partner became his Emergency Contact. Would pick him up from hospital. I kept grudging contact with my mother. She had a sharp tongue and after leaving the Forces. I settled 75 miles away. Anyway 10 years later, I visited him as an empty shell. Dementia.

Would I have done things differently? No, I was in other people's scenario's and needed to be conscious of my wellbeing as well.

He was a good man. After hearing about the treatment my mum got after having a still birth, from the 60's era nursing. It made me realise you don't the full scenario as the child.

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