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Returning to normal after grieving

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By *astyBottom OP   Man
3 days ago

NOWHERE

Anyone with experience in this field have any advice?

I lost my eldest brother 2 weeks ago, got another week until his funeral. I am devastated, but how do I go about returning to my life? Why do I feel so guilty about trying to be normal?

Sorry for the depressing subject, but I don't do social media.

Appreciate any help

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By *evanianMan
3 days ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru


"Anyone with experience in this field have any advice?

I lost my eldest brother 2 weeks ago, got another week until his funeral. I am devastated, but how do I go about returning to my life? Why do I feel so guilty about trying to be normal?

Sorry for the depressing subject, but I don't do social media.

Appreciate any help"

I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing your eldest brother is totally heartbreaking, and two weeks is still early days. My sincere condolences to you and your family.

To answer your question — what you’re feeling makes complete sense. Grief brings up so many emotions, and that guilt about “trying to be normal” is really common. It doesn’t mean you’re forgetting him. It’s just your mind trying to work through all of this. Please be gentle with yourself.

What helped me think about it is this - try to focus on what your brother gave you in life, and the happy memories you shared with him. Carry those with you. That’s a way of keeping him close, even as you start moving forward, those memories will be with you forever.

Take it day by day. You don’t have to jump straight back into everything. Ease yourself back into your usual routines gradually, when it feels right. And know that the funeral next week, as hard as it will be, often brings a bit of closure and helps the grieving process in its own way.

Time really is the great healer, even though it doesn’t feel like it now. You’re not alone in this, and there’s no “right” way to grieve.

Sending you strength for the week ahead.

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By *idingcockMan
3 days ago

Driffield

It’s entirely normal to feel completely devastated at this point. Try to roll with it. If you’re responsible for organising the funeral then you find the strength to do so somehow. Go easy on the booze it only puts off the inevitable. I felt physically ill for six weeks or so and lost a stone in weight. Two years later it’s easier but I still well up at times. What you’re going through is normal but no less crap for all that. X

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By *wej1Man
2 days ago

Grantham

Just live one day at a time at your own pace.Theres no time limit on grief

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By *tockyGuy91Man
2 days ago

Corfe Mullen


"Just live one day at a time at your own pace.Theres no time limit on grief"

Exactly this ^

I'm really sorry for your loss also

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By *ittlefishMan
2 days ago

Im here


"Just live one day at a time at your own pace.Theres no time limit on grief"

This is the best advice so far. That and don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

So sorry for your loss.

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By *astyBottom OP   Man
2 days ago

NOWHERE

Thank you for all the wonderful messages of support.

I don't really drink, but have had a tipple or two in my brothers memory.

I'm not responsible for arranging the funeral, but have been aiding my parents in the process and taking control of some of the worse sides of things so they don't have to.

My brother was the sort of person that made people laugh, he would throw parties just because... I'm pretty much the opposite in that sense.

Doing anything relatively normal feels like pure guilt... I know he would want us to laugh at the memories of him, and we are trying, but it feels so wrong.

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By *DCambsMan
2 days ago

Cambridge

My eldest sister died 3 years ago, 1st of my siblings to go, even though she'd been ill for a while, it was still a shock. As others have said, one day at a time, at your own pace. Let the tears flow when they come, trying to dampen them down is not a good tactic. I'm also just starting a new cycle of grief, so I'll hold you in my thoughts and hug you from afar.

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