FabGuys.com forum: Getting over performance anxiety

By *ockFunUpm OP Man
2 days ago

Upminster

I'm being quite open and vulnerable here so please be kind.

For a while now I've experienced performance anxiety, and there are a multitude of reasons as to why, which I'm happy to go into privately if needed.

On the last couple of hookups where I was in the top role I just couldn't get hard, nothing to do with ED as I can get rock hard other times, seens to be only in person when I'm under pressure to perform.

It's been something I've been struggling with over the last 18 months with both men and women, and the only way I see forward is to find a patient guy that I find attractive that wants to help me out and be patient with me.

But ever time I chat to a guy who's interested, they instantly lose interest once I tell them the issue, and how it affects me.

I found one guy but he messed me about a couple of times when it came to meeting and I got the impression he actually wasn't interested and was just chatting shite. I take it guys are only interested in a guy who can turn up and perform faultlessly, which I find weird as I've been fine with a guy if he couldn't get hard in the past.

These days I pretty much just suck dick and bottom now and then, but really I want to get back to being able to top without disappointing someone.

Anyone got any suggestions how I can get over this.

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By *ockFunUpm OP Man
2 days ago

Upminster

Just to clarify from a couple of messages I've had.

Yes I've tried Viagra, doesn't work for me, and doc has confirmed that it's not a fix for real performance anxiety. Viagra isn't a solution for psychosomatic disorders, they don't just give you a hard dick after taking them, you still need to get aroused psychologically.

Yes I have had counselling.

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By *aged_kiraMan
2 days ago

Downham Market

I know this is easier said than done but the key really is to stop worrying and try to relax - how you achieve that is another matter though.

I've had periods in my life where I've suffered similar (not so much about getting hard, though that has played a part, but about cumming too quick) and it's one of those self-fulfilling prophecies that the more you worry about it, the worse it seems to get.

In my case, finding understanding partners was part of the solution, people who would shrug their shoulders and enjoy finding other things to do while waiting for me to be ready and then once that has happened a couple of times, confidence grows and before you know it the problem has gone.

Know that makes it sound easy, and know the struggle with anxiety is huge - but finding those understanding partners really does help - in fact those that don't understand really aren't worth your time.

I'd certainly not be put off by someone struggling to get it up, or who came quickly or anything else really - and would be happy to take our time enjoying other things until things happened - and even then if they didn't it wouldn't be a big deal.

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By *harlie SheenMan
2 days ago

Stourbridge

I have the same problem, just so you know it's not unusual. It's not an age thing, either, I was the same 40 years ago

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By *ockFunUpm OP Man
2 days ago

Upminster

"I know this is easier said than done but the key really is to stop worrying and try to relax - how you achieve that is another matter though.

Yeah it does sound easy and I've done all the exercises that therapy has suggested, it just doesn't help. I need to out it into practice in live situations to build the confidence and you stated. The issue is I don't currently have an active sex partner, and when meeting guys they expect you to be able to perform, and when I can't just like that I get set back to square one and my head fucks with me all over again.

I really need to find a partner or someone casual where penetration it's the be all and end all, and is comfortable with my situation and understanding, but that seems currently to be the difficult part. I guess I know the answer, but if that isn't achievable, maybe I should accept that I'm now just a bottom and get used to that fact.

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By *ockFunUpm OP Man
2 days ago

Upminster

"I have the same problem, just so you know it's not unusual. It's not an age thing, either, I was the same 40 years ago"

Yeah this definitely isn't an age thing. Have absolutely no issues getting hard other times, but when under pressure to perform it's a no go.

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By *uteCub86Man
2 days ago

Swindon

Go to your local sexual health clinic, they have sexual health advisors that can talk you through the options available to you.

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By *ockFunUpm OP Man
2 days ago

Upminster

"Go to your local sexual health clinic, they have sexual health advisors that can talk you through the options available to you. "

Been through all that and had counselling as well, ideally I need to put it all into practice now.

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By *oldsguyMan
2 days ago

A1079 Corridor

A very honest post and feel many will relate , whilst this site is such a wonderful place to meet new people it does put pressure on some of us men that can’t create the Eiffel Tower of erections on demand !!

I class myself as a grower not a shower and like the company of understanding men that can’t create take their time .

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