That’s me now, sitting in a dark pub opposite Amsterdam Central. My flight leaves in a few hours, pint in hand, reflecting on the last 72+ hours of unapologetic debauchery.
First, a confession: my mind has been altered (quite a lot) by the famous Amsterdam product, mixed with endless pints and, of course, my faithful big bottle of p*****s never leaving my side. Together they gave me the perfect psychedelic haze to dive deep into physical action.
I should also admit I chickened out of Club Church. Not because of nerves about sex — more about the age vibe. At 40+, I wasn’t sure my sexy undies would quite blend with the younger crowd, even though part of me really wanted to give it a go. Instead, I stayed true to my soul: dark, sleazy, retro-80s cruising spots with a couple of sauna trips thrown in to relax and ride out the brownies.
So, here’s the rundown:
Le Salon (William Higgins)
Classic sex shop with cinema, glory holes, booths, and a swing. First visit: popped my “black cherry” and had plenty of action, though it left me a bit uncertain. Second visit: found myself with a European couple, her blindfolded in the swing — hot. On my final day, luck hit when a young British girl and her boyfriend joined in for pure glory hole bliss.
Verdict: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ — Sleazy, intense, not for first-timers. (⭐⭐⭐ for action.)
The Cuckoo's Nest
This became my regular pit stop between saunas and cinemas. Drinks are reasonably priced, but the real treasure is the basement: the best dark maze in Amsterdam, no contest. Not for newbies — this is old-school, masculine, rough-edged cruising.
Verdict: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ — 80s porn vibes done right.
The Bear
Mixed feelings. The bar area didn’t grab me, though it does have a bear-community vibe. Cruising space is small but decent.
Verdict: ⭐⭐⭐ — A good filler if you want nonstop action, but if time is short, head to Cuckoo’s Nest instead.
Dirty Dicks
My best late-night fun. Dark rooms (and I mean dark), with raised glory holes and low benches. Past 10pm this place is electric — men are there for one thing only. No chit-chat, just pure sex.
Verdict: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ — Ticks every box. Only downside: bring your own condoms, the bar is too slammed to keep up. 🫣
Sauna Nieuwezijds
Lives up to its reputation. The pool is underwhelming, but everything else makes up for it. The maze is clever and atmospheric, the cabins perfect for either anonymous fun or slow connections. Entry price is a bargain, first drink included. And yes… my first sling experience happened here. Never going back after that 😉😉.
Verdict: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ — A must.
Others worth a mention: Eagle (dead when I went, but potential), Spijker Bar (too queer/hipster for my taste, but others might love it).
So there it is — my 72 hours of pure bottoming bliss in Amsterdam. I hope anyone planning a trip dives in as hard as I did. 🍻 |
