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"If you were a young guy, teen or twenties, I’d say find the next hot body you can, do it and move on to get it out of your system. Given you’re in your forties, I’d say find a guy 60 plus. Gay and out. They can always accommodate and are easy going. No pressure. Go over to theirs. Start kissing when it feels right and go from there. Your first time isn’t going to be a porno but that doesn’t mean it’s isn’t going to be enjoyable! I know I’ve made some big generalisations here but I think this could be a good option for you. It’s clearly something you want to do, the desire is there. An experienced older gay guy would be perfect for you" Very good advice above Find an older gay guy, with plenty of experience who can accommodate and who looks after his hygiene. Make sure you shower well and are very clean too. Maybe find someone with the same sexual interests as you if possible, but don't worry too much about it. If you are interested in anal play make sure you take your own anal toys, lube and condoms with you. Fast a good couple of hours before the meet or douche if you can. Experienced guys will know how to deal with a beginner. I would stay away from guys younger than you. | |||
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"I suppose mine was lack of intimacy with my partner (never any initiation on their behalf). No pj's no spontaneity. As much as the sex is great when u meet with lads, it's that raw emotional intimacy that cannot be matched. Had a great meeting this week and have been smiling ever since- just an immediate attraction and most of all fun! " It appears you had a most enjoyable experience. | |||
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"Mainly for not out bi married guys(but all welcome) . What helped you to decide to go for your first meet. I'm at that final step but can't get over my nerves" I can totally understand, the first time is nervous but even though you think everyone around knows what you're doing , they really don't. I met my first guy in the bar of the hotel he was staying in ,before going to his room , keep in mind that wherever you're meeting the guy , you've probably done the same thing a hundred times . People really don't notice us as much as we think . Hope it helps | |||
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"Mainly for not out bi married guys(but all welcome) . What helped you to decide to go for your first meet. I'm at that final step but can't get over my nerves" Thank you to all who replied a lot of great advice to take in. It's just on my mind every day but can't commit to a meet | |||
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"If you were a young guy, teen or twenties, I’d say find the next hot body you can, do it and move on to get it out of your system. Given you’re in your forties, I’d say find a guy 60 plus. Gay and out. They can always accommodate and are easy going. No pressure. Go over to theirs. Start kissing when it feels right and go from there. Your first time isn’t going to be a porno but that doesn’t mean it’s isn’t going to be enjoyable! I know I’ve made some big generalisations here but I think this could be a good option for you. It’s clearly something you want to do, the desire is there. An experienced older gay guy would be perfect for you" This is honestly, fantastic advise . I figured this out myself after some trial and error. But, back to the question ... What made me finally choose to explore. Well, I knew I was bi for many years. I was too afraid to explore it when I was younger and honestly didn't know what avenue to take. I considered even flying to Amsterdam for a weekend and seeing someone on the red light district. But, I the got into a new relationship with a woman and the urges died down a bit. When that long term relationship ended , I thought "now is my chance" and I really pushed myself out of my comfort zone and had my first experience. I knew almost right away , that it was for me although it wasn't easy for me personally, to process. I Bagan to gravitate towards older men, who were out or just didn't care about labels. They would give me the little bit of extra time I needed on meets , talk to me , share stories sometimes, have a cup of tea. I'm generalising but you get the point - an icebreaker, a small bit of trust/connection. We are only human ☺️. But, as an example, one of the first times I had anal sex I met a man at his house. We talked had, tea. He gave me a massage on the floor by an open fire (it was winter) and one thing led to another. It was a very positive experience. It was NSA. He moved to Spain a while later. It doesn't have to be wham bam, ass up or hammering away in a dark room. By all means, do that if you want. If you think that's what you want. But, my advise is to be kind to yourself and find a good fit for your needs. COMMUNICATE what you want in the information section on your profile and when talking to a guy online. Be direct. "I'm new to this, I would love to try kissing and mutual wanking with a man aged 40-65". "I'm looking for a massage and some mild sensual play like wanking etc." "can we meet for a coffee or walk first". " I'm very concerned about sexual health, can we talk a little about that". You will eventually find others that are happy to do these things. As for the guilt before and after- know that it's very common regardless of your relationship status. Some people find it difficult, some dont, we are all different. Nobody on here will judge you and believe it or not, if it came to it , most people in your personal life would understand too. There's an abundance of free and confidential services available to discuss this stuff. Pm me if anyone wants some advise on where to look. I do not regret for one second choosing to explore with guys. I just wish I had some more information and advise before I did and that I came across a thread like this 10+ years ago. Life is short ❤️. | |||
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