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By *ickd OP Man
3 days ago
Belf |
The Decline of Conversational Standards - a long read. All views my own except where otherwise credited.
What is it with the modern obsession of messaging and then almost instantly going offline?
I think it is a consequence of living in this technological age. Our concentration span appears to have reduced. Our capacity for attention is under assault by an over abundance of choice. Our overall/general sense of satisfaction with life is down, and that trend is deepening. Living in the era of *instant gratification (credit: vogelsong) we have been (mis-)sold the idea that we can have it all ‘right now’! But that is not without cost: i.e., the decline of conversational standards on sites such as this.
For me the killer is the ‘hit and run’ message. It’s the online version of knocking on doors and running away.
Only a decade ago (it’s currently April 2025 as I type this), we called people, we said “hello”, but more importantly we said “goodbye”, “cheerio”, “chat later”, etc. Now there is the ubiquitous “Hi” or “Hey” and not another word in the message. It’s nearly the equivalent of the spam email that we all hate so much. There’s also the speculative, “How’s you”. This one clearly drives many men on here up the walls, to the extent that they put it in their profile descriptions that messages should open with more than “Hi” and, they go on to state in their descriptions “I’m good, thanks, so don’t waste your or my time asking”. I understand that frustration, if I don’t entirely feel it’s justified.
That kind of blunt approach, “I’m just being straight”, can read like arrogance. Of course that’s the other major thing, messages are devoid of tone, texture or nuance. We receive the message where we are at, which may be a million miles (emotionally, vibrationally or aspirationally) away from where the sender was when they sent it.
And no, the irony is not lost on me that there is an arrogance in me taking the time to preach on this subject.
The “hi” on its own can be an indicator of low self-esteem, maybe even a temerity, which could, if read right, be endearing. *Or maybe people have been conditioned not to invest time and effort in a message of any real length; on the good chance it'll be ignored with no response or, worse again, not even opened (*credit derrydl). It could also be a misplaced or an elevated sense of self-esteem where someone thinks they’re so “hot” that they say it in their profile headlines. It can read like you should be grateful that they’ve deigned to message you. Although it’s probably more so that many of us feel we might be trying to punch above our weight. On a site like this where there is an abundance of choice, we don’t want to risk sounding too keen, we might actually be messaging half a dozen ‘hi’s’ in the hope of getting one reply, like it’s some mass market field-testing. Plus, we are under time pressures, for most of us this is a ‘side hustle’, real life is with the wife, children, husband, partner or parents and friends - being on here is our alter-ego or dirty little secret.
However, it is the signing off without a word of warning that bothers me most. Maybe it’s my age. I once called someone back on the phone 30 years ago when they simply hung up without bidding goodbye, and it had been a pleasant phone call up to then, I reminded them, “We are not living in an episode of Dallas or Dynasty. In real life we say ‘cheerio’ to indicate the call is coming to an end”.
So lads, if you’re chatting and you’re under a bit of time pressure, and you’re heading offline for an hour, afternoon or week, and you’ve just asked me, “would you be up for meeting sometime?”, please send a quick message to say you’re heading on. “Chat later” is a decent holding position. |
