FabGuys.com: Andy (54) , Man in Eccles, North West, UK

Horny Manchester guy looking for sex and games. Easily aroused and very gen, clean and discreet. I am married, with children, so those 10pm ‘free now?’ request days are long gone.

Always well groomed, clean and discreet. I’m relaxed, friendly and very open minded.

Looking for NSA (and possibly regular with the right person). Very open-minded. Looking to broaden my horizons (as always). Love oral, rimming, nipple play, oiling, and anonymous sex (outdoor or flats is a huge turn on)

Drive, but don't accom. into all kinds of normal (normal?) stuff. And whilst I enjoy a bit of sex text, a full introduction will never be ignored (not so much for the 'hi', 'hello' or the God awful 'How you doing?' This is not an episode of Friends)

Also, that list of percentages thing that seems popular at the moment? It leaves 100% of people bored, 60% of the time, spreadsheet boy. At least show me a pie chart or a PowerPoint slideshow. Snapchat filter - no and ‘why bother?’. Attitude - ditto. The world doesn’t owe you a living.

Having ‘back again’ (always, always followed by, “Couldn’t stay away LOL” - yeah, hilarious) on your profile is about as interesting as listing your local bus times. Why put in there? No one cares. And that silly Facebook disclaimer at the end of your profile? It’s easier just to type ‘I am a gullible prat’ instead. This isn’t Facebook and Facebook is not a plc. Grow up. But if you want, I’ve a bridge I’m selling, if you’re interested…..?

Sydney University are not interested in your cock pix. Seriously. I tried selling them there and they told me to “do one”.

And no Bisto Kids (Current Status: “Mmmmmmmm”)

Or Calendar Men (Current Status : “Saturday”)

Or Dementia Patients (Current Status: “I’ve been here before” - yes, we all have)

Or Captain Obvious (Current Status: “If I’m online, I’m looking” - no shit, Sherlock. That really sets you apart from everyone else. Thanks. When I’m having toast, I’m eating. Genius.

Or people thinking they are spies (“Please put ‘The geese fly home to Moscow’ in your first mail to show that you’ve read my 5,000 word blog’. Fuck off, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Bore)

Or Judith Calmers (Current Status: “At the Guadalajara public library. Anyone free in the next 30 mins?”)

Or The Big “I Am” (“Been on here before so know what the deal is”. Ooooo, look out, playa!

Or Mr “Main Character Syndrome” (“I’m thinking of, possibly, there’s a chance, of maybe, though I’m not certain, of a small likeness of wearing my wife’s pants to Tesco’s” - hey, keep me updated on that exciting shopping trip; edge of my seat here)

Finally, “Ok” is not a great response; it signifies that the conversation has come to an end. Try it in a real conversation.

Just, please, be genuine and honest. It makes a world of difference, trust me x

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