+ If you only read one thing on my profile, read this: I am married and can NEVER accommodate.
(Despite it clearly saying on my profile that I can't accommodate, I regularly get messages saying, "Can you accommodate?")
The answer is NO!!!!!
Or is it?
Yep - it's absolutely definitely NO.
Actually, that is not totally correct . . . I can accommodate on Rogation Sundays on alternate leap years provided there is a waning moon - but I insist that you arrive driving a pink Ford Capri.
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OKAY NOW SOME STUFF ABOUT ME.
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Easy going guy looking for fun.
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I am pansexual - sadly this is not an option on Fabguys' pull down menu.
Pansexual: One who can enjoy sexuality in many forms. Like bisexuality, but even more fluid, a pansexual person can enjoy not only the traditional male and female genders, but also transgendered, androgynous, and gender fluid people.
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IE I like women, men, TVs, CDs etc . . . I would probably even like YOU!
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Note: I also like pans - especially copper ones but have never had sex with one.
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Public Health Warning : I have a beard (more a stubble) but if you find this utterly repulsive then there's no point in contacting me.
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Happy to try out new things - don't be afraid to ask - I will not be shocked!!!!
Anything (safe) goes!!!!
Let me help you fullfil your fantasies. (Especially that sleazy, kinky one you have been too embarrassed to tell your psychiatrist about!!)
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I like . . .
* CDs and TVs
* Masters who will treat me as their sl-ave.
* Regular guys
* Tops
* Bottoms
* Versatile
* Any age over 40 (but particularly love guys over 70)
* Guys with small cocks and soft cocks.
* Guys with big cocks. (Yeah, don't be embarrassed if you have a massive, constantly pert cock - that is nothing to be ashamed of)
* YOU!!!!! YES YOU!!!!!!
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I like to . . .
* Get fucked
* Wank
* Suck
* Kiss (love guys he take control and kiss me passionately and forcefully)
* Give and receive blow jobs
* Wear sexy undies and sportswear
* Watersports
* Being nude
* Getting covered in piss and cum
* 3Somes and MoreSomes
* Pretty much anything safe!!!!
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I would like to . . .
Among the many things I'd like to do with you are the following:
* We both strip to our undies and wrestle each other. Winner is the first to get the other's undies off then force kiss him for at least one minute. Loser must then give the winner a BJ to completion.
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* We meet in park, I am wearing my running kit. You piss all over my shorts. I must then run until my shorts are dry.
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I would like to find a local CD to buy sexy clothes for and occasionally visit. He should be over 40, within 10 miles of Bearsden and be able to accommodate some weekday mornings.
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I do not like . . .
* Rimming bums - but happy to get rimmed
* Bareback - I will never do.
* Guys on drugs
* Time-wasters (of course you are an exception - I don't mind you wasting my time!!)
* Pointless short messages such as 'Hi' and 'hows u' --- Make some sort of effort please.
* Being abducted by aliens. (Go on - find someone else to do your bizarre sexual experiments on - don't keep picking on me.)
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I am often free on weekday mornings/afternoons and happy to travel for meets.
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I am married and can NEVER accommodate.
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I am happy to do outdoor meets. Often go to Dawsholm Park, Kilpatrick Hills and along the West Highland Way- if you are interested in outdoors we can arrange to meet at one of these places or a place of your choice.
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I am happy to meet tops / bottoms / versatile / can't decide / CDs / TVs / Who cares / Teddy Bears.
I can't understand bottoms who refuse to meet other bottoms. Do you really think two bottoms can't have a bit of fun together?
Basically if you are still breathing I am happy to meet you.
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I am a keen photographer - so if you want some decent photos (individual or group) I am happy to oblige.
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I never send face photos to randoms so please do not ask. After the terrible incident with the porcupine in 2003 I never show my face. I find that sending my face photos only serves to put guys off and on one occasion caused a major incident on an aeroplane to Rome.
Seriously though - if you're considering a proposal of marriage then by all means ask me for a face photo.
If you just want me to suck your cock does it really matter what my face looks like?!?!
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Profiles I find hilarious:
* Profiles with no photos and a one line description and then a 50 line declaration that no university can use the details!
FFS Do you really think Professor Randy at Harvard University is reading your minimalist details and downloading it all in order to achieve World Domination?
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* Profiles that have one, fuzzy photo of a lower torso in boxers and then states that they will not meet anyone who doesn't have face photos on their profile.
You will be surprised to discover that you can use your phone to take photos . . . give it a try.
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* Profiles that have been up for six years and the description still states, "Will fill in later".
Don't be so bloody lazy!
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* Profiles that say things such as:
horney gyu lukin fo r meats adn frendz
Lesson One - don't fill in your profile when you are pissed!
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* Profiles that have 89 Friends Only photos and no Public photos.
Blocked immediately - what, you want to look at all my photos but not have even one of yourself!
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* Profiles that say, "I'm a normal guy".
Normal is used to describe individual behaviour that conforms to the most common behaviour in society (known as conformity).
Who the fuck wants to be normal - try a bit of individuality!!
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* Profile descriptions that state, "I am straight" but 12 verifications suggest otherwise. Honey, you are more screwed up than me but let me tell you one thing, YOU ARE NOT STRAIGHT.
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+ Note: Any institutions wishing to use my profile details and / or photos --- Go ahead!!!! I don't give a shit!!!!
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What the fuck did you expect to find way down here?
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Come on guys, give us a break . . . I've said everything I have to say!!!!!
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Honestly, I have nothing more to say!!!!
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If you read this you may claim your free prize of £20.
Note: Terms and conditions apply. All winners must be over the age of eighty. Only one prize per household. The committee may indiscriminately ban anyone from claiming a prize. Claiming the prize makes you ineligible to receive the prize. No elephants were intentionaly harmed in the creation of this notification.
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Beware, I once got stuck down here for 3 days.
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You just don't give up do you!!!
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Good job I stopped storing all my secret passwords down here.
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It's getting difficult to breathe at this depth.
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Welcome to Australia.
