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TO WHOM IT MAY SOMETIMES CONCERN (BUT NOT ALWAYS),
BY READING THIS MESSAGE, GLANCING AT MY PROFILE, THINKING ABOUT IT TOO HARD, OR ACCIDENTALLY LIKING A POST FROM 2013, YOU HEREBY AGREE TO THE FOLLOWING TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF COMPLETE AND UTTER NONSENSE:
YOU ARE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN FROM:
• COPYING, PASTING, SCREEN-SHOTTING, MEME-IFYING, EMOJI-REACTING, OR SPIRITUALLY ABSORBING ANY CONTENT FROM THIS PAGE.
• SUMMONING ME VIA OUIJA BOARD OR TAGGING ME IN PYRAMID SCHEME POSTS.
• JUDGING MY 2 A.M. SNACK DECISIONS, LOW-RES SELFIES, OR SUSPICIOUS NUMBER OF PIGEON PHOTOS.
FURTHERMORE, YOU MAY NOT USE THIS PROFILE IN A COURT OF LAW, FAMILY BBQ, GROUP CHAT, REALITY TV SHOW, OR DURING MERCURY RETROGRADE.
THIS PAGE CONTAINS CONFIDENTIAL, POTENTIALLY MAGICAL, AND POSSIBLY HAUNTED INFORMATION, AND TAMPERING WITH IT WILL RESULT IN ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING:
• AN ANGRY RACCOON DELIVERED TO YOUR PLACE OF WORK.
• BEING HAUNTED BY MY WEIRD SPOTIFY PLAYLISTS.
• GETTING TELEPATHICALLY YELLED AT BY MY NAN.
UNDER ARTICLE 51, SECTION 9000 OF THE UNITED FEDERATION OF INTERNET LAWS (UFIL), I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO ACT DRAMATICALLY AND SEND STRONGLY WORDED EMAILS IN COMIC SANS. VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF IMAGINARY LAW, AND POSSIBLY MILDLY SCOLDED IN PUBLIC.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
AND ALSO MILDLY ENTERTAINED. HOPEFULLY.
