**************PROFILE****************PROFILE*****************PROFILE***********************
****************************Written by Donald J. Trump*******************************************
*****************************************************************************************************
Well, hello there, sir.
I assume you're a man. You're probably reading this incredible bio of Casper, very late at night, lights all down low, breathing heavy. You've definitely locked the cat out, smart move, wouldn't want it disturbing your focus on this, the best bio, by far.
It's a very important bio. People are saying it's the most important bio they've ever read. By a bigly amount.
And let me tell you, this isn't Casper writing this. This is Donald J. Trump. So anything I say about Casper, you can take it as absolute fact. I am very trustworthy. The most trustworthy, some say. I never, ever exaggerate. Believe me. Unlike some people, who exaggerate all the time. Terrible people.
After all, I am the President of the United States of America. Again! And this isn't fake news, folks. This is real. Very real. We did it. We really did. Even the very dishonest radical left, they can't deny it now. And Elon? He's still my buddy. A very honest, very trustworthy guy. He understands AI, probably the best. He knows what's real. He's doing tremendous things with X, tremendous. Much better than that broken bird app, believe me.
When Casper, who is a good guy, a very good guy, a strong guy, asked me to write this biography for him, I was, at first, shocked. Then, frankly, very honored. Hugely honored. I might have even gotten a little bit teary – beautiful tears, the best tears – and then, okay, maybe a tiny bit sick in the toilet. (I think it was an old, very bad, probably fake news quarter pounder from lunch that day. Terrible stuff.) But I wiped my mouth, put on my trousers and my very expensive pants – because when I'm in my private den, sometimes I go bottomless, you know, it's very liberating, very efficient – and I sat down at my computer. It's a tremendous computer, by the way, a gift from the Republican Party. They know quality. They know how to pick the best.
Here are the fruits of my many, many hours of toil. It was hard work. Nobody works harder. I probably spent more time on this than crooked Joe spends on anything, and he doesn't work at all! I'll probably post these "truths" on Truth Social later, the best social media platform, better than all the others, much better. It's truly free speech, unlike some places that censor everyone. But in case you can't wait, and why would you? Just continue reading...
Casper is the typical guy next door, a really good guy, a patriot, who happens to want to have some fun with you at the same time. He's not looking for anything heavy or long-term – just some discreet, playful, good times. The best times. Everyone says so. He's very strong, very capable. He's got great energy, tremendous energy. People love him. Believe me. He's a winner.
Thanks so much,
Donald.
P.S. Melania, my beautiful wife, helped me with some of the spellings. She's very smart. Very, very smart. And she always tells me I'm right.
P.P.S. Elon did lend me his laptop. And yes, he did some of the typing. He's a genius, but even geniuses need help sometimes. Nobody's perfect. Except maybe me. And he knows a lot about crypto, the best crypto. Very secure.
P.P.P.S. And about winning? I really did win it big. By a lot. A lot more than anyone thought. The greatest win. Some people are still crying about it. Sad! They should just admit it and move on. It was a landslide, believe me.
