Just a little update, after a little look around a few minutes ago, I questioned myself and my sanity briefly when I might have stumbled upon a whaling website, showing the poor whales with warty bollocks! Fuck me, I am traumatised! I'm outta this crazy place for now, I wanna see if I can get myself locked in a convent today, see how many nuns I can fuck senseless to try ease my fuckin trauma after whale watching on here for a few minutes!
Anyway, this is the drivel I wrote a few days back, and I'll be back to replace/augment old drivel with new drivel sometime in the next decade after what I witnessed on Fab today and I am anti-whaling, never been a whalecatcher, and even though I have a face like a fuckin bag of spanners, I'm no whaler, not gonna go whaling anytime in the next century at least.
************************************** Anyway, here's the aforementioned drivel for ya;
Former Emperor, and commander of the 992nd Amoured brigade of Narnia here, defected, and now I am Käpitan Leutnant on a U Boat, which is now about to submerge for a while, because the Bank of Upyerchuf is not very healthy, and needs some work doing to fill it up agaon, I know you sympathise, but I had to sack that Rachel (chats bare shit) Reeves, because she knows nothing of administering a blow job, good at blowing your country, but not a cock.
I'm no oil painting, face like a spiral turd from Mr Softee's arse when he was an apprentice ice cream man, but I do have high intelligence, and a very generous helping of insanity here n there, mostly there! Lol
Before I go on,I must let you know one simple thing, all my fucks flew away years ago, so if you have a wife, your wife, your problem, they often cramp your style when your secret hobby involves cock-a-doodle-doo-any-cock-will-doo, no conscience - no problem, not mine anyway. So if you have a wife, make sure you eat plenty of pussy before you come on Fab, because by fuck, you'll need that nourishment for your little hobby on Fab. I too was that "secret hobby," kind of guy, thank fuck that was then, not now. Your life is your party, and now she's no lookin, get yer cock oot, but if she's up for a wee bit of double bubble, bring her, it could be educational, I could show you how pussy should be eaten! And if you have a cock that's easily confused with an Elephants trunk, or it looks like it could be used to invade Russia and depose Putin, bring it with you! Fuck yeah!
However, here's the things I don't like;
Hairy Bollocks
Hairy Arses
Whales
Hippos
Shit (or the smell of)
Piss (or the smell of)
People who say they've showered, when they smell like they've showered in a sewer with the teenage mutant ninja turtles. It's the dyslexic dwarf that one, it aint big and it aint clever, and it makes ma Scottish accent come back often very strongly and I may get temporary Scottish Tourettes and outbursts like "get tae fuck oot ma hoose ya bawbag," or possibly "yer cock widnae even qualify as a boaby in Scotland, it'd definitely meet the cheese factory standard though!" Who knows? It depends on where the wind blows and as long as it aint blowing the smell of shite in my direction, I'm all for it!
As a Brit, and a Scot I come fully equipped with a Phd in sarcasm if required.
Smelly people who don't know how to clean themselves out properly, and they don't smell nice, and if I smell or see shite is goodbye from me!
People who reply "got one," to questions like "what's your job? Not looking to grass you up, and I don't care what you're up to, as long as you're up to the nuts in it!
I have a really low tolerance of bullshit, and once it's detected by me, it's "see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!"
If you're one of those guys who wanna turn up in a mask, use your time constructively, you're not Zorro, go rob a bank. If you're a trucker you can also do one, because I'm one, and I can firmly assure you, truckers have filthy minds, this one defo does, but me no do trucker cock because the last thing I wanna see in the butty van queue, is your smiling face when you recognise me and make me think "fuuuckkk I know him!"
Shock horror, it happened once - never again!
If you have a non functional cock, please refer to RSPCA guidance on that matter, it's not something I'm qualified in.
Illegal stuff (the things that create or manipulate victims) this one is really no joke, take yourself far away if it's your bag, cos it defo aint mine.
You spit on cocks before u suck them? I fuckin hate that, there's no need, because your mouth produces saliva and if my cock is going in there, gobbing on it first is massively disrespectful, so don't be gobbing on my cock.
If you do a no show, and think it's ok to let me know as an afterthought 3 hours or 3 weeks afterwards, it's not ok, and you'll get blocked and I'll just have to make do with a wank. No problemo for a professional wanker like me. I've got a degree in it.
If you don't do conversation, or you're a cum n go type of guy, just go, in fact, don't come!
If you're a cum dump, and get barebacked by all and sundry, or the priest on Sunday, or get knobbed and jizzed in by the vicar at teatime, and the verger at suppertime. It may be Holy spunk, but it's still spunk, so spunk away, not in my direction thankyou very much, so take it away me ol spunk bucket!
If you have no sense of humour, then that's also a goodbye from me! My sense of humour is already proven by being on Fab.
I'm not a desperado, not lonely, I spend my working week in a truck, so I don't need company, and I have a first class honours degree in Masturbation, so there's always that!
People are fine, just couldn't consume one all to myself without loads of garlic!
Any or all of the above, here's your directions:
Take the road ahead to Take a long hike, at the first roundabout, take the second exit for the motorway, continue ahead for about 9 million miles, then the last exit to do one!
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Under whatever blah blah GDPR bullshit, fuck knows what bit, but I DO NOT give my permission for my profile, my written drivel or my dick pics, to be used for any other purpose, other than the sport of Cock hunting, because I'll fuckin sue you til you can be sued no more.
Actually fuck that, I could do with a wee financial boost! Go on, I dare ya, [hidden] is waiting to sue! Fuckin epic and poetic, I surprise myself sometimes!
