Just musing
Like a lot of men here I suspect, I’m a married guy who has either always been drawn to playing with other men in secret or who has become more aware of his own needs in that regard as he’s got older and as his marital sex life has diminished. In my case, those teenage fumbles with older men were fun, exciting and so satisfying but after they’d happened I’d find myself not thinking about them for a little while.
At university I became a bit more confident about seeking out opportunities to meet men, invariably in late night lonely public toilets or parks and that practice of going for occasional late night walks hoping to meet and please men became a little ritual that I thought about more and more. It bled over after marriage and although I did it less for probably the first 20 years of my marriage I was still aware that an occasional, often frustrated, craving for the excitement and even risk of seeking out men to please remained and needed to be satiated from time to time.
At some point in the last ten years I also began to acknowledge that I found dressing in panties and even tights or stockings really both turned me on but also made me want to perform more and more a submissive role when I met men, now increasingly through online sites rather than just by taking random late night walks hoping to end up in a glade or toilet on my knees. Once I began to accept this was such a source of arousal I started taking opportunities to go to supermarkets that I felt more confident in and, always late at night, buying panties, tights, stockings and even bras, often finding things that just didn’t work for me but still having the need to look, browse and buy.
I was fortunate to know a woman who’d been a dominant in a relationship with a man a few years previously and who still had hold of his extensive sissy styled wardrobe and, since they’d not be meeting again, she kindly let me try things on and even take a few items that fitted me. And so I carried on slipping more and more into a submissive, keen to please mindset.
Like a fair few men here I’ve had periods of anxiety, guilt and fear about online sexuality and I’ve cancelled a few profiles, sort of left, but not quite ,and come back with different names and details as I’ve got older and each time I’ve found myself being more open-minded, more experimental and very much more submissive. I’ve become more and more comfortable with demeaning or degrading titles and names, being called a slut, a bitch, a sissy, a pet and so on and I have found myself more and more seeking out opportunities to meet men who’ll host me and allow me to dress for them, serve them and please them. I’ve become, I suppose, hungry for cock and cum in a way my teen self never imagined, the sense of need to dress, kneel, be used and even degraded with the end purpose of being cum covered of filled is often overwhelming and addictive.
I still have occasions where my anxiety kicks in and I can’t go through with a meeting, and my current job role has a really nasty habit of stealing time from me when I’d be most likely to seek meetings but the gaps between meets are getting shorter, the confidence of myself to engage in those meetings as a submissive sissy, often with suitably subby names and behaviours and outfits is growing and I’m now talking to people who are helpful not just in regard to helping plan meets where I am theirs to play with and direct but also to those offering to help me become a better sissy in regard to dressing, wearing makeup, shoes and seeking to become more brazen and thats a really exciting place to be as a new year approaches.
I have a little circle of about 6 or 7 friends I talk to, some I meet regularly, some I’ve met on cam or the phone and other’s I’m aiming to meet soon, my role in each of these connections is as a subby slutty sissy and I thrive on that and want it very much more. Its been mostly oral worship so far,though I’m hoping to become more confident about being used in other ways next year and I’m excited and aroused about it.
The me who once upon a time rather hesitantly found excuses for late night walks to the local park and always happened to end up walking into unlit, unlocked public toilets there or at the local bus station is still there but the me who keeps a big set of bags of lingerie and sissy outfits in the boot of the car and accepts invitations to be a slut or a sub for a host and sometimes for their guests, is much more to the fore now.
As I say, there are still moments where the nerves kick in and I go quiet for a few days or even a week or so, but as I explore more I find I want more and what I want is to be someone who pleases men , especially older men, with my submission and skills and becomes as addicted to cock, cum and control as its possible to be. In 2025 I hope to be able to become even more brazen and a lot more experienced and to be able to accept and explore my growing submissive needs with men and other dressers, that I am happiest when I serve, worship and am used. Thanks for reading and, if your in the Northwest and you think maybe in the new year you might want to host a middle aged kinky subby sissy for who knows what degrading delights, feel free to message xx |
xx
