FabGuys.com forum: Funny Quotes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Rylan Clark-Neal - looks like a freshly grouted bathroom . Jim Davidson

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By *arryh1972Man
over a year ago

walton

IM FREE mr humprys

Are u being served

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By *speedoMan
over a year ago

eastbourne

I’m not sure who said but someone remarked about a person with lots of face piercings as having more metalwork than a disabled toilet

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By *eekeeper1000Man
over a year ago

Richmond. North Yorkshire

"You'll like this - not alot".

Paul Daniels

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I never drink water. Fish fuck in it - WC Fields

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Girls! Drink! Fick!

- Father Jack

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By *rTongueTasticMan
over a year ago

Close_To_Chichester

Calories:

Tiny creatures that live in your wardrobe & sow your clothes a little bit tighter every night

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through" - Lt. Frank Drebin.

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By *965JamesMan
over a year ago

village

Best there is, best there was, best there ever will be!

Brett Hart

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By *amie2018cMan
over a year ago

North Cambs/W Norf

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

attributed to Dorothy Parker

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By *mbatmanMan
over a year ago

west end, southampton

“Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand”

Homer J Simpson

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By *arryh1972Man
over a year ago

walton

Mmmmmm Betty

Good old frank.

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By *arryh1972Man
over a year ago

walton

Sorry

Timothy lunmsten

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By *arryh1972Man
over a year ago

walton

I’m SPARTACUS

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Infamy infame they've all got it in for me

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By *arryh1972Man
over a year ago

walton

THERE SHE BLOWS

Guy who killed moby dick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know how to whistle don't you Steve?

You just put your lips together and blow

Lauren Bacall

I followed the instructions and made a farting noise

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By *ara JevoTV/TS
3 days ago

Bristol East

"Parkinson's aint so bad, not like dementia. I'd rather spill a bit of my beer than forget where I fucking put it"

- Michael J Fox

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By *onybluenailsMan
3 days ago

Crawley

10 FUNNY QUOTES THAT WILL BRING SOME HUMOR TO YOUR DAY

1. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” - Norman Wisdom

2. "People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."

- Joan Rivers

3. “I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later."- Mitch Hedberg

4. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”- Lt. Frank Drebin

5. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” - Ellen DeGeneres

6. "When life shuts a door ... open it again. It's a door. That's how they work."

7. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.” - Phyllis Diller

8. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” - Erma Bombeck

9. "Better days are coming. They are called: Saturday and Sunday."

10. "An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough."

Bonus #1

“Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”– Jeffree Star

Bonus #2

“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”– Cullen Hightower

Keep smiling and keep shining!

Have a super powerful day!

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By *ndsotobedMan
2 days ago

towcester

I hate housework. Change the bed, hoovering and dusting. Six months later, you have to do it all over again!

Ruby Wax

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
2 days ago

Bedford

Groveling little bastard

Spike Milligan about the then prince Charles xxx

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By *evanianMan
2 days ago

Sir y Fflint - Gogledd Cymru

German officer "Vot is your name?". . . . .

Captain Mainwaring "Don't tell him Pike!!" 😁

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By *aohiaochiaokengMan
2 days ago

London

Who said virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone ?

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
2 days ago

Bedford

I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx

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By *akedhunterMan
2 days ago

Edgbaston

"Yes, you did. You invaded Poland!"

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By *hiteroseMan
2 days ago

Neverwhere

"I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx "

I think you'll find that he said it to Andre Preview

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
2 days ago

Bedford

"I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx

I think you'll find that he said it to Andre Preview

"
lol indeed so xxx

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By *ever000Man
2 days ago

Beccles

Goodness look at those diamonds

Goodness had nothing to do with them - Mae West

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By *tl5519Man
2 days ago

Watford

God made him / her as ugly as possible and then smacked them in the face with a shovel!

**delete him / her as appropriate.

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By *0yguyMan
2 days ago

Cumberland

"I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx

I think you'll find that he said it to Andre Preview

Previn

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By *hristine_JTV/TS
2 days ago

Anglesey

I'm not stupid, just unpleasant - Frances Sternhagen

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By *arrheadguyMan
2 days ago

barrhead

"I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx

I think you'll find that he said it to Andre Preview

Previn"
Eric called him preview in the show.

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By *hiteroseMan
2 days ago

Neverwhere

"I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx

I think you'll find that he said it to Andre Preview

Previn"

You're missing the joke. Of course it was André Previn, but they called him Mr Preview to his face. At one point when it all got a bit manic they also called him Mr Privet.

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By *hades 11Man
2 days ago

ireland

"Who said virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone ?"

Richard Branson

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By *mbis888Man
2 days ago

Bournemouth

After 70, you should never walk past a toilet, never waste an erection, and never trust a fart.

Anon, or unknown.

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By *ick 123Man
2 days ago

sheffield

She’s Had more work done than Sagrada Familia

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By *aohiaochiaokengMan
2 days ago

London

"Who said virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone ?

Richard Branson"

Wrong

It is Mae West.

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By *icksterMan
2 days ago

paisley

Dying an’t much of a living boy Clint Eastwood good the bad and the ugly

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By *elfordsubMan
2 days ago

Telford

"Dying an’t much of a living boy Clint Eastwood good the bad and the ugly "

That's from the outlaw josey wales I'm pretty sure

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By *icksterMan
1 day ago

paisley

Yeah ur probably right buddy good call

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
23 hours ago

Bedford

Not only is there no God,but try getting a plumber on weekends

Woody Allen xxx

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By *izzmagMan
22 hours ago

Perth

"He's so far back in the closet he's in f*****g Narnia"

Tom Farrell - gimme gimme gimme

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By *oose1Man
21 hours ago

doncaster

Brains of a custard tart

My grandad

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
18 hours ago

Bedford

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford .then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller xxx

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By *ever000Man
17 hours ago

Beccles

Spit on brains

No man has ever put his hand up a woman's skirt looking for a library ticket

Joan Rivers

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
16 hours ago

Bedford

I'm a good housekeeper, I get divorced I keep the house Zsa Zsa Gabor xxx

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By *arica4Man
13 hours ago

ABERDEEN

“My grandfather invented the cold air balloon but it never really took off.”

“About a month before my grandfather died, we covered his back with lard. After that he went downhill very quickly.”

“My other grandfather was a peeping tom. He used to drill holes in the floor and spy on the people in the flat below. He died recently, but I like thinking about him up there somewhere, looking down on us.”

Milton Jones 😂

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By *riffinMan
12 hours ago

Reading

Men never make passes at girls who wear glasses, men never have sex with girls who wear specs - Dorothy Parker (??)

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By *evanianMan
11 hours ago

Sir y Fflint - Gogledd Cymru

Bessie Braddock MP:- “Winston, you are d*unk, and what’s more you are disgustingly d*unk.”

Winston Churchill:- “Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly!”

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
11 hours ago

Bedford

Make America great again xxx

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By *he Artful TodgerMan
10 hours ago

London

Don't be a cunt all the time.

~Ghandi~

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By *ompioMan
6 hours ago

barrow

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me ? ......

Mae West.

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By *ootsockMan
6 hours ago

Earl's Court, London

Noel Coward saw a poster for a film that his friends Michael Redgrave and Dirk Bogarde were in. Seeing that the film was called 'The Sea Shall Not Have Them' he said,

"I don't see why not, everybody else has'

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By *hroatLadWellsMan
6 hours ago

camden

"After 70, you should never walk past a toilet, never waste an erection, and never trust a fart.

Anon, or unknown."

I think that might be Len Goodman the old guy who used to judge on Strictly..."I'll pickle my walnuts"

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By *0yguyMan
1 hour ago

Cumberland

"After 70, you should never walk past a toilet, never waste an erection, and never trust a fart.

Anon, or unknown.

I think that might be Len Goodman the old guy who used to judge on Strictly..."I'll pickle my walnuts""

No, I think it was Billy Connolly.

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