FabGuys.com forum: Funny Quotes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Rylan Clark-Neal - looks like a freshly grouted bathroom . Jim Davidson

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arryh1972Man
over a year ago

walton

IM FREE mr humprys

Are u being served

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *speedoMan
over a year ago

eastbourne

I’m not sure who said but someone remarked about a person with lots of face piercings as having more metalwork than a disabled toilet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eekeeper1000Man
over a year ago

Richmond. North Yorkshire

"You'll like this - not alot".

Paul Daniels

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I never drink water. Fish fuck in it - WC Fields

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Girls! Drink! Fick!

- Father Jack

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rTongueTasticMan
over a year ago

Close_To_Chichester

Calories:

Tiny creatures that live in your wardrobe & sow your clothes a little bit tighter every night

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through" - Lt. Frank Drebin.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *965JamesMan
over a year ago

Hotel

Best there is, best there was, best there ever will be!

Brett Hart

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amie2018cMan
over a year ago

north cambs

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

attributed to Dorothy Parker

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mbatmanMan
over a year ago

southampton

“Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand”

Homer J Simpson

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arryh1972Man
over a year ago

walton

Mmmmmm Betty

Good old frank.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arryh1972Man
over a year ago

walton

Sorry

Timothy lunmsten

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arryh1972Man
over a year ago

walton

I’m SPARTACUS

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Infamy infame they've all got it in for me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arryh1972Man
over a year ago

walton

THERE SHE BLOWS

Guy who killed moby dick

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know how to whistle don't you Steve?

You just put your lips together and blow

Lauren Bacall

I followed the instructions and made a farting noise

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Parkinson's aint so bad, not like dementia. I'd rather spill a bit of my beer than forget where I fucking put it"

- Michael J Fox

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

10 FUNNY QUOTES THAT WILL BRING SOME HUMOR TO YOUR DAY

1. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” - Norman Wisdom

2. "People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."

- Joan Rivers

3. “I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later."- Mitch Hedberg

4. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”- Lt. Frank Drebin

5. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” - Ellen DeGeneres

6. "When life shuts a door ... open it again. It's a door. That's how they work."

7. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.” - Phyllis Diller

8. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” - Erma Bombeck

9. "Better days are coming. They are called: Saturday and Sunday."

10. "An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough."

Bonus #1

“Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”– Jeffree Star

Bonus #2

“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”– Cullen Hightower

Keep smiling and keep shining!

Have a super powerful day!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ndsotobedMan
over a year ago

Towcester

I hate housework. Change the bed, hoovering and dusting. Six months later, you have to do it all over again!

Ruby Wax

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

Groveling little bastard

Spike Milligan about the then prince Charles xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
over a year ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

German officer "Vot is your name?". . . . .

Captain Mainwaring "Don't tell him Pike!!" 😁

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who said virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *akedhunterMan
over a year ago

Edgbaston

"Yes, you did. You invaded Poland!"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hiteroseMan
over a year ago

Neverwhere

"I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx "

I think you'll find that he said it to Andre Preview

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

"I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx

I think you'll find that he said it to Andre Preview

"
lol indeed so xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Goodness look at those diamonds

Goodness had nothing to do with them - Mae West

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

God made him / her as ugly as possible and then smacked them in the face with a shovel!

**delete him / her as appropriate.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *0yguyMan
over a year ago

Cumbria

"I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx

I think you'll find that he said it to Andre Preview

Previn

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hristine_JTV/TS
over a year ago

Anglesey

I'm not stupid, just unpleasant - Frances Sternhagen

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arrheadguyMan
over a year ago

barrhead

"I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx

I think you'll find that he said it to Andre Preview

Previn"
Eric called him preview in the show.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hiteroseMan
over a year ago

Neverwhere

"I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx

I think you'll find that he said it to Andre Preview

Previn"

You're missing the joke. Of course it was André Previn, but they called him Mr Preview to his face. At one point when it all got a bit manic they also called him Mr Privet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hades 11Man
over a year ago

ireland

"Who said virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone ?"

Richard Branson

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mbis888Man
over a year ago

Bournemouth

After 70, you should never walk past a toilet, never waste an erection, and never trust a fart.

Anon, or unknown.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She’s Had more work done than Sagrada Familia

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who said virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone ?

Richard Branson"

Wrong

It is Mae West.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icksterMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Dying an’t much of a living boy Clint Eastwood good the bad and the ugly

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elfordsubMan
over a year ago

Telford

"Dying an’t much of a living boy Clint Eastwood good the bad and the ugly "

That's from the outlaw josey wales I'm pretty sure

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icksterMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Yeah ur probably right buddy good call

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

Not only is there no God,but try getting a plumber on weekends

Woody Allen xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *izzmagMan
over a year ago

Perth

"He's so far back in the closet he's in f*****g Narnia"

Tom Farrell - gimme gimme gimme

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oose1Man
over a year ago

doncaster

Brains of a custard tart

My grandad

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford .then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Spit on brains

No man has ever put his hand up a woman's skirt looking for a library ticket

Joan Rivers

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

I'm a good housekeeper, I get divorced I keep the house Zsa Zsa Gabor xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“My grandfather invented the cold air balloon but it never really took off.”

“About a month before my grandfather died, we covered his back with lard. After that he went downhill very quickly.”

“My other grandfather was a peeping tom. He used to drill holes in the floor and spy on the people in the flat below. He died recently, but I like thinking about him up there somewhere, looking down on us.”

Milton Jones 😂

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riffinMan
over a year ago

Reading

Men never make passes at girls who wear glasses, men never have sex with girls who wear specs - Dorothy Parker (??)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
over a year ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

Bessie Braddock MP:- “Winston, you are d*unk, and what’s more you are disgustingly d*unk.”

Winston Churchill:- “Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly!”

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
over a year ago

Bedford

Make America great again xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he Artful TodgerMan
over a year ago

London

Don't be a cunt all the time.

~Ghandi~

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ompioMan
over a year ago

barrow

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me ? ......

Mae West.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ootsockMan
over a year ago

Earl's Court, London

Noel Coward saw a poster for a film that his friends Michael Redgrave and Dirk Bogarde were in. Seeing that the film was called 'The Sea Shall Not Have Them' he said,

"I don't see why not, everybody else has'

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hroatLadWellsMan
over a year ago

Camden

"After 70, you should never walk past a toilet, never waste an erection, and never trust a fart.

Anon, or unknown."

I think that might be Len Goodman the old guy who used to judge on Strictly..."I'll pickle my walnuts"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *0yguyMan
over a year ago

Cumbria

"After 70, you should never walk past a toilet, never waste an erection, and never trust a fart.

Anon, or unknown.

I think that might be Len Goodman the old guy who used to judge on Strictly..."I'll pickle my walnuts""

No, I think it was Billy Connolly.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ichey6Man
over a year ago

aberdeen

We are a Grandmother

Maggie Thatcher

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not saying I was the best football manager....but I was in the top One.....

Brian Clough

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ibblefishMan
over a year ago

louthish

[Removed by poster at 02/02/25 17:14:48]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ibblefishMan
over a year ago

louthish

The team looked good on paper , unfortunately the match was played on grass.

Brian Clough (I think)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves...

Robin Williams

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ichey6Man
over a year ago

aberdeen

Reporter: Can we have a quick word please Gordon?

Gordon Strachan: Velocity

🍀

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ohn 66Man
3 weeks ago

South Birmingham

"German officer "Vot is your name?". . . . .

Captain Mainwaring "Don't tell him Pike!!" 😁"

Clive Myrie to Ian Lavendar: "What is your name?"

Rick Wakeman (off camera): "Don't tell him, Pike!!"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ewbie NickMan
3 weeks ago

Aberdeenshire

George Bernard Shaw’s response on receiving an “at home” invitation from someone he didn’t like….”Mrs So and So will be at home on 5th March”

His reply “So will George Bernard Shaw”

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hortmMan
3 weeks ago

worthing

Had a mouth like a burnt out fuse box

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iPantiesMan
3 weeks ago

Louth

I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *awihMan
3 weeks ago

Aldershot

I’d go for the Sky Sports headline “Keegan Fills Schmeichel's Gap with Seaman”

Yes, they really did have that on their website.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *V PENNYTV/TS
3 weeks ago

Bradford

Bad taste in my mouth, like Ghandi flipflop.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

The human torch was denied a bank loan !

The arsonist had oddly shaped feet !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ldergalwaybearMan
3 weeks ago

Galway

We don't want to throw the baby out with the dishwasher. [Reform councillor]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *owzerMan
3 weeks ago

Chester... Where the streets have no name

"We don't want to throw the baby out with the dishwasher. [Reform councillor]"

- Dirty Dancing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tan1252Man
3 weeks ago

Sudbury

“One must always remember that life is a sexually transmitted condition which is invariably terminal “.

The late professor Sir Stanley Peart; professor of medicine St Mary’s hospital London

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *astDevonGuyMan
3 weeks ago

Seaton

To each man is own fart smelleth sweetest , Sir Thomas Moore.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
3 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it." — Bill Gates

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iPantiesMan
3 weeks ago

Louth

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"- Hunter S Thompson

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *enri du lacMan
3 weeks ago

Coventry

"And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."

... said by commentator Ron Pickering at the 1976 Olympics, about Cuban athlete Alberto Juantorena.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iPantiesMan
3 weeks ago

Louth

""And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."

... said by commentator Ron Pickering at the 1976 Olympics, about Cuban athlete Alberto Juantorena."

Nicknamed "White Lightning" if memory serves

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
3 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

[Removed by poster at 05/03/26 16:01:03]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
3 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

[Removed by poster at 05/03/26 16:03:23]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *MB9Man
3 weeks ago

Northampton

They don't like it up em!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
3 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"And for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green."

Ted Lowe - 'The Voice of Snooker'.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *etterbiggerMan
3 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

I'm sweating like a blind lesbian in a fishmongers

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
3 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"I call again for an immediate ceasefire in Gaza, the return of the sausages."

Sir Kier Rodney Starmer - 2024.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ndsotobedMan
2 weeks ago

Towcester

Do call again when you have less time!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he Artful TodgerMan
2 weeks ago

London

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma for instance?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustAguy6996Man
2 weeks ago

Wigan

If reincarnation is real, knowing my luck I'll come back as me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elenaCDTV/TS
2 weeks ago

In the sticks Somerset

My IQ is one of the highest, and you know it!

Donald Trump.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *dstefiMan
2 weeks ago

Solihull

"You, Sir, are disgustingly d*unk".

"I shall be sober in the morning Madame, but you will still be ugly."

Winston

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustOneBearMan
2 weeks ago

Neath

You fell out of the gay tree, hitting every gay branch on the way down.

Then you landed on a gay man.

And you did him.

Karen Walker. Will and Grace.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *raggyjackMan
2 weeks ago

Dublin

"I think apologizing's a great thing, but you have to be wrong. I will absolutely apologize, sometime in the hopefully distant future, if I'm ever wrong."

The Tangerine Toddler.... aka Donald Trump

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *haneportsMan
2 weeks ago

portsmouth

Its a British thing but I once heard "I'm sorry but I'm not apologising!"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oxleyMan
2 weeks ago

Wetherby

I remember my Father’s last words…

Fuck me ! A bus…..

Chubby Brown

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ever5512Man
2 weeks ago

beecles

I've never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back

Zsa zsa gabor

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eefandfurMan
2 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Religion is like a blind man, looking in a black room, for a black cat, that isn't there, and finding it... - Oscar Wilde -

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orchlightMan
2 weeks ago

Chippenham

“Seen more Jap’s eyes than a Tokyo optician”

Anon

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *antiepaulaTV/TS
2 weeks ago

HELSTON

Marc Goldberg in reference to a Man Utd defenders pace...

As fast as a corpse that's just been shot with a tranquiliser...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ust cocksMan
2 weeks ago

Kidderminster

Brilliant!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *anleybeatonMan
2 weeks ago

london

"I believe in God but I think he's an under-achiever"

Woody Allen

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *anformeMan
2 weeks ago

notts

One should always speak good of the dead..

Joan Crawford is dead..

Good.

Bette Davis

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ythegodsMan
2 weeks ago

Bolton

Monty Python, Life of Brian....What have the Romans Ever Done for Us?

"All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, and a fresh water system, what have the ever done for us?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

A Scouser goes for a job interview...

Interviewer: "What would you say is your biggest weakness?"

Scouser: "I’m too honest."

Interviewer: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."

Scouser: "I couldn't give a fuck what you think pal!"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oxleyMan
2 weeks ago

Wetherby

The bowler’s Holding

The batsman’s Willey

😇

Test match commentary.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rancd2TV/TS
2 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

"The bowler’s Holding

The batsman’s Willey

😇

Test match commentary. "

That’s an urban myth, it was never actually said by anyone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oxleyMan
2 weeks ago

Wetherby

https://youtu.be/D0a-FOoM9ms?si=KQA8i7Kxp2sOUCb7

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oxleyMan
2 weeks ago

Wetherby

A giggle but apparently a myth

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"I’m not a morning person. I don’t even like people who are morning people. They’re too... enthusiastic. It’s unnatural to be that happy before 11:00 AM without a chemical intervention."

Paul O'Grady 🌿🕊️🐕

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *owzerMan
2 weeks ago

Chester... Where the streets have no name

"The bowler’s Holding

The batsman’s Willey

😇

Test match commentary.

That’s an urban myth, it was never actually said by anyone."

Why would the bowler be that close to the batsman?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hiteroseMan
2 weeks ago

Neverwhere

"Marc Goldberg in reference to a Man Utd defenders pace...

As fast as a corpse that's just been shot with a tranquiliser..."

A quote I once heard about an inept striker ... 'He couldn't hit a barn door, even if he was inside a barn made entirely out of barn doors'.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlefishMan
2 weeks ago

West Yorkshire

“Don’t fold your arms you’ll grow tits”

CSM Brecon Battle School

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *itledickMan
2 weeks ago

northampton

"I’m SPARTACUS "

no, I'M SpaRTACUS!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"The bowler’s Holding

The batsman’s Willey

😇

Test match commentary.

That’s an urban myth, it was never actually said by anyone.

Why would the bowler be that close to the batsman?"

Well, with the correct punctuation:-

"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" 😄

(classic cricket joke!)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

Either this wallpaper is going or me !

Oscar Wilde on his deathbed in Paris

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *DC2000Man
2 weeks ago

Coningsby

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

attributed to Dorothy Parker"

Also attributed to her, when she was at a large party with families attending and she saw children bobbing for apples. "What are they doing?"

"They're ducking for apples"

""If it wasn't for one misplaced consonant, that's the story of my life".

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orcsmatMan
2 weeks ago

Kidderminster

"I'm playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

Eric Morecambe to andre previn xxx

I think you'll find that he said it to Andre Preview

Previn"

You've missed the point. Preview is how they continually mispronounced his name.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orcsmatMan
2 weeks ago

Kidderminster

"“My grandfather invented the cold air balloon but it never really took off.”

“About a month before my grandfather died, we covered his back with lard. After that he went downhill very quickly.”

Milton Jones 😂"

Absolutely one of my favourite comedians

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amie1402Man
2 weeks ago

Liverpool

I don't fear death; I just don't want to be around when it happens.

Woody Allen

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orcsmatMan
2 weeks ago

Kidderminster

Snooker

For those with black and white sets, the red ball is behind the blue.

Ted Lowe

Actually not as nonsensical as it sounds as the blue was on its spot.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *anformeMan
2 weeks ago

notts

Excuse me my dear but could you sit a little further away. Body odour offends me.

Bette Davis

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opcock58Man
2 weeks ago

Helston

The war in Iran is almost done. The Donold.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"Snooker

For those with black and white sets, the red ball is behind the blue.

Ted Lowe

Actually not as nonsensical as it sounds as the blue was on its spot. "

The actual quote is:-

"And for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green."

Ted Lowe - 'The Voice of Snooker'.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they’re going to donate my body to Tupperware."

Joan Rivers.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iono555Man
2 weeks ago

DERBY

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nglosaxon69Man
2 weeks ago

Norwich

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

- Groucho Marx

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

-George Burns

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlefishMan
2 weeks ago

West Yorkshire

“He has the tensile strength of a wet Kit Kat”

WO2 Sandhurst

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andra777TV/TS
2 weeks ago

argyle

Winston Churchills maid ….. sir you are d*unk ! Yes and you are ugly , but in the morning I shall be sober !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opcock58Man
2 weeks ago

Helston

Dolly Parton. It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *teveb6969TV/TS
2 weeks ago

Worthing

Never trust anything you read on line - Winston Churchill

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orcsmatMan
2 weeks ago

Kidderminster

"Never trust anything you read on line - Winston Churchill "

On line??

No online back then. He may have said it about newspapers.

He stifled the British computer industry by making Alan Turing bury the computer he built to crack the new 7 wheel Enigma machine.

He did it because the Russians didn't know it had been cracked and they used it for a long period after the war.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tephanieSnowTVTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Rotherham

We are laying in the gutter but only some of us are looking up at the stars

Oscar Wilde

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tephanieSnowTVTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Rotherham

"I hate that duck"

Chuckles the monkey talking about Orville the duck

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tephanieSnowTVTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Rotherham

"Ello lickle ol' lady"

Chorlton from Chorlton and the wheelies

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"Never trust anything you read on line - Winston Churchill

On line??

No online back then. He may have said it about newspapers"

Duh!! Wakey! Wakey! 😂😂😂

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

[Removed by poster at 12/03/26 07:23:12]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"Oh, dear. How sad. Never mind!"...

BSM Burt Williams to Gunner 'Gloria' Beaumont - Royal Artillery Concert Party,

Deolali, India - 1945.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hyna HutchMan
2 weeks ago

valleys

"Never trust anything you read on line - Winston Churchill

On line??

No online back then. He may have said it about newspapers

Duh!! Wakey! Wakey! 😂😂😂 "

LOL. 'loads go over people's heads here'

... (Chyna Hutch). 💋

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"Never trust anything you read on line - Winston Churchill

On line??

No online back then. He may have said it about newspapers

Duh!! Wakey! Wakey! 😂😂😂

LOL. 'loads go over people's heads here'

... (Chyna Hutch). 💋"

Indeed, obviously on a different wavelength! 😅

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TservicesMan
2 weeks ago

Spalding

I always go to the toilet every morning, before I get out of bed.

Vyvyan, The young one's.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Bedford

I told you I was ill spike Milligan grave stone x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icksterMan
2 weeks ago

Glasgow

Going to cover you in fruit salad jelly custard and fresh cream. You will not i shall not be trifled with Stanley Baxter

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icksterMan
2 weeks ago

Glasgow

U can tell what god thinks about money when you look at the people who have it Anon

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icksterMan
2 weeks ago

Glasgow

Infamy infamy they have all got it infamy. Carry on film Can’t remember the lady’s name carry on up the kyber I think

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icksterMan
2 weeks ago

Glasgow

Hear you that’s ma bird Serves yeh right. Just a boys game. Frankie Miller

Aye wull see You’ll see fuck all without eyes Sense of freedom jimmy Boyle story

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
2 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"Criminals who threaten strikes are enemies of the state."

Labour PM "Grim" Jim Callaghan, BBC interview 1977.

Unintentionally implying that firemen, who were about to go on strike, were "criminals" and "enemies of the state"!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *itledickMan
1 week ago

northampton

"Never trust anything you read on line - Winston Churchill

On line??

No online back then. He may have said it about newspapers

Duh!! Wakey! Wakey! 😂😂😂 "

that's right, it was Abe Licoln who said it first!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hyna HutchMan
1 week ago

valleys

"Infamy infamy they have all got it infamy. Carry on film Can’t remember the lady’s name carry on up the kyber I think "

Carry on Clio ... Kenneth Williams as Ceaser and

Amanda Barrie Cleopatra.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amarinMan
1 week ago

St Helens

""Criminals who threaten strikes are enemies of the state."

Labour PM "Grim" Jim Callaghan, BBC interview 1977.

Unintentionally implying that firemen, who were about to go on strike, were "criminals" and "enemies of the state"! "

God you're a laugh a minute

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *0yguyMan
1 week ago

Cumbria

"Never trust anything you read on line - Winston Churchill

On line??

No online back then. He may have said it about newspapers

Duh!! Wakey! Wakey! 😂😂😂

that's right, it was Abe Licoln who said it first!"

No, it was Churchill but he was referring to reading on the Maginot line.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evanianMan
1 week ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"Never trust anything you read on line - Winston Churchill

On line??

No online back then. He may have said it about newspapers

Duh!! Wakey! Wakey! 😂😂😂

that's right, it was Abe Licoln who said it first!

No, it was Churchill but he was referring to reading on the Maginot line."

Certainly Churchill, he discovered the Maginot Line's wi-fi reception was superior after he'd finished using it to dry his wooly combinations, though some are still awaiting to receive the signal – literally!😉

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread