FabGuys.com forum: Bad jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
6 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 18/07/25 22:09:03]

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By *issy crystalTV/TS
6 weeks ago

Hook

Might have been funny if you could type 😂

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By (user no longer on site) OP
6 weeks ago

I wish I had a pound for every stray dog I saw

Better.

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By *dstefiTV/TS
6 weeks ago

Solihull

"Might have been funny if you could type 😂"

Damn, what did I miss?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
6 weeks ago

"Might have been funny if you could type 😂

Damn, what did I miss?"

Not a lot. Apparently

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By *issy crystalTV/TS
6 weeks ago

Hook

Now it's funny 😂😂😂😂

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By (user no longer on site)
6 weeks ago

"Might have been funny if you could type 😂

Damn, what did I miss?"

Another pointless thread from OP, the forum will soon be filled with meaningless topics created by them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
6 weeks ago

Why bother typing that. It’s meant to be boring. We can’t all be as interesting as you

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By (user no longer on site)
5 weeks ago

Breaking News.

There has been a large fire at the Terry's Diaper factory.

It's a towelling inferno...

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By *ildwestheroMan
5 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

Wife left a voice message to say she was in casualty. Not my favourite programme but rush home to watch it on TV. No sign whatsoever of her on it. Plus she's still not home and I'm starving!

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By *awihMan
5 weeks ago

Aldershot

True story

I found myself in hospital for emergency surgery, so I phoned my straight flat mate to let him know where I was.

He said “how long are you going to be in there”

A few days at least, I replied, Why I asked

He said that the dishes needed washing!!!!

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By *ookingaroundMan
5 weeks ago

Bristol

What do you call a pigeon who goes to Aviemore for its holidays?

A skean dhu.

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By *speedoMan
5 weeks ago

eastbourne

"Breaking News.

There has been a large fire at the Terry's Diaper factory.

It's a towelling inferno..."

Diaper?

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By (user no longer on site)
5 weeks ago

How did captain hook die????

He had a wank with the wrong hand

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By *ookingaroundMan
5 weeks ago

Bristol

What did the conjoined twins from Dundee call their autobiography?

Oor Wullie

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By *reakazoidMan
5 weeks ago

Leeds

Ok then this is funny.

What did the fish say when it saw a wall.

Dam 🤪

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By *ountainMan
5 weeks ago

ipswich

An English man and an Irish man and a Scottish man walked into a pub. One of them said why the long face ?

I've never understood that joke.

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By *ookingaroundMan
5 weeks ago

Bristol

"An English man and an Irish man and a Scottish man walked into a pub. One of them said why the long face ?

I've never understood that joke.

It’s because the Englishman had a sore throat

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By (user no longer on site)
5 weeks ago

Came across lady having difficulty starting her car at Supermarket, informed her the battery was probably flat, she responded with 'What shape should it be?'

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By *ometimesAnnaTV/TS
5 weeks ago

Worcester

I identify as a deodorant...

Yes, I'm sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
5 weeks ago

Husband: “Scientists say men speak about 10,000 words a day, while women say around 20,000…”

Wife (from the kitchen): “That’s because we have to repeat everything.”

Husband: “What?”

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
5 weeks ago

Barrow-in-Furness

"Husband: “Scientists say men speak about 10,000 words a day, while women say around 20,000…”

Wife (from the kitchen): “That’s because we have to repeat everything.”

Husband: “What?” "

Aha

I love my new cooker so much that I put a couple buns in it's oven, 9 minutes later I welcomed Hobart and Grillina to the world.

I really need to write some better jokes, I know

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By (user no longer on site)
5 weeks ago

I like cooking with olive oil.

She's more fun than Popeye

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By *entleoneMan
5 weeks ago

near heathrow

Question! What did the man say, when he was an elephant walking down the road?

Answer. Oh look there's an elephant walking down the road!

Question 2! What did the man say when he saw the same elephant walking down the road the next day wearing a hat, sunglasses, beard and mustache?

Answer. nothing, he didn't recognise him!

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By *ildwestheroMan
5 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

Question:- How do you turn a settee into a bed?

Answer:- Dare to disagree with your wife.

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
5 weeks ago

Barrow-in-Furness

A polish friend of mine came to my house and asked my mother for a tasty snack so my mother winded up up her arm and slapped him, why did you do that I asked? Cos he asked for a legendarny smak

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By (user no longer on site)
5 weeks ago

My mate was out walking with the misses the other day ....... She started tutting and she took off her shoe .......

What's the matter with you he said ????

I got a stone in my fecking shoe she snarled ....

So he replied ..... you got 19 stone in the other one and you ain't fecking bothered about that.

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By *licequeenbear891Man
5 weeks ago

Teddington

"I identify as a deodorant...

Yes, I'm sure. "

Haha. That made me chuckle 🤭😊

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By *arkinSuffolkMan
5 weeks ago

Lowestoft

Some bloke just hit me round the head with a power tool.

One minute there I was minding my own business and the next Bosch !

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By *arkinSuffolkMan
5 weeks ago

Lowestoft

How do you play silent tennis ?

The same as normal tennis but without the racquet !

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By (user no longer on site)
5 weeks ago

I think today, 24th July, should be a national holiday.

After all, nobody should work 24/7

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

The vet just informed us our pet goat won’t be able to have offspring.

No kidding.

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By *ildwestheroMan
3 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

I used to be a door-to-door salesman for a burglar alarm company. If no one was at home I'd just leave a brochure on their dining table

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

How is my wallet like an onion?

How is my wallet like an onion? Every time I open it, I cry

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By *onnEMan
1 week ago

smalley

That shallot to take in brother.

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By *ene2000Man
1 week ago

brum

Aston villa lol

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

My doctor told me to watch my drinking ........... so I'm off to find a pub with a mirror!

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
1 week ago

Barrow-in-Furness

Imagine you're on your knees surrounded by 5 guys, they're wanking and cumming all your face then..

*knock knock*

"Who's there?"

"Ya mam"

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
1 week ago

Barrow-in-Furness

Did you hear about the dentist who got fired from his job cos his farts stank so much? He was so ashamed he had to leave like one of his farts.. slipping quietly out of the rear exit

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By *onJustJonMan
1 week ago

York

I had a joke about going to my local council recycling center, but now I think about it, it's just rubbish.

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

What's the easiest building to lift?

A lighthouse.

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By *ike21TV/TS
1 week ago

Fareham

A Horse walks into a Bar

The Bartender say

Why the long face ?

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By *omadMan
1 week ago

havant

Knock knock,

Who's there?

Europe,

Europe who?

No your a poo!

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By *ewbie NickMan
1 week ago

Aberdeenshire

A Polar bar walks into a Bar. “I’ll have a gin………………………………………………………………………………and tonic please”

Bartender asks, “why the big pause?”

Polar bear replies, “I don’t know I’ve always had them”

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

I'm very pleased with my new fridge magnet

So far I've got eight fridges

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By *ano2000Man
1 week ago

Sheffield

Don't quite know why but whenever I'm in a garage forecourt these days, I get really emotional.

Just start filling up!!!

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By *aney_FoxxTV/TS
1 week ago

Feltham

How do you kill a Circus

Go for the juggler 🤣

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By *ospitallerMan
1 week ago

Manchester

Seriously lame, the I.Q. levels here are embarrassing.

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By *eorge LooneyMan
1 week ago

Wokingham

"Seriously lame, the I.Q. levels here are embarrassing."

I don’t get it

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By *issy crystalTV/TS
1 week ago

Hook

"Seriously lame, the I.Q. levels here are embarrassing."

I don't get it 🤔

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By *issy crystalTV/TS
1 week ago

Hook

Jinx

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By *eorge LooneyMan
1 week ago

Wokingham

"Jinx"

😆😆

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

I was going to tell a joke about a tie then I thought I’d better knot.

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By *ampshire 555Man
1 week ago

Basingstoke

What the best way to catch squirrels?

Have sex with lots of trees.

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

Okay, class! Today's word is "symmetry."

What is the definition?

Answer: A British graveyard

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By *entlydoesitMan
1 week ago

Berkshire

Q) What's a lesbian dinosaur called?

A) Lickalotapuss

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By *ammy39Man
1 week ago

Kirkcaldy

Or what about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

I just opened my fridge, and got a strong smell of basil.

I think it must be faulty.

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By *arcosa66Man
1 week ago

London

How much does a new chimney cost?

Nothing, it's on the house.

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By *arcosa66Man
1 week ago

London

Scientists have spliced the DNA of a crab with the DNA of a cheetah.

Things went sideways really fast.

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

My dad had hundreds of debts, but finally paid all his bills on his deathbed.

He believed in PAYG.

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By *ornyfiferMan
1 week ago

glenrothes

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

A virgin mobile.

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By *ildwestheroMan
1 week ago

Llandrindod Wells

A vegetarian restaurant has had to drop its new melon and cauliflower quiche from the menu after diners complained it made them feel sad. It was called a Melon-Cauli.

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

My uncle was a Circus lion tamer. He was made redundant, so he took all the lions with him.

He didn’t get much of a payout, but he still had his pride!

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By *arcusUK2Man
1 week ago

Winchester

A guy answers his doorbell, and standing there is a 6ft high cockroach, up on its hind legs. Before he can say a word, the cockroach punches him in the face and scuttles off down the road. He calls the police, "Oh yes", says plod, "we've heard there's a nasty bug going round".

I'll get my coat.

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By *issy crystalTV/TS
1 week ago

Hook

That Edam is a weird cheese innit? I think it's because it's made backwards.

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately. I wasn’t suited to be a tailor. The muffler factory was just exhausting. I couldn’t cut it as a barber. I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor. I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it. The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance was too draining. I got fired from the cannon factory. And I just couldn’t see any future as a historian.

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
1 week ago

Barrow-in-Furness

"I’m not having much luck with jobs lately. I wasn’t suited to be a tailor. The muffler factory was just exhausting. I couldn’t cut it as a barber. I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor. I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it. The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance was too draining. I got fired from the cannon factory. And I just couldn’t see any future as a historian. "

That is almost your best yet

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By *hiteroseMan
1 week ago

Neverwhere

... and you failed your DBS check so that screwed your teaching career!

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

A little boy got on a bus and sat next to a man who was reading a book.The boy noticed the man’s collar was on backward and asked, "Why do you wear your collar like that?"

The man, who was a priest, replied, "Because I am a Father."

The boy said, "Well, my dad is a father too, but he doesn’t wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and explained, "I am the Father of many."

The boy thought for a moment and said, "My dad has four sons, four daughters, and two grandchildren, but he doesn’t wear his collar like that either."

Growing a bit frustrated, the priest said, "I am the Father of hundreds," and went back to his reading.

The boy sat quietly for a moment, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom and turn your pants backward instead of your collar!!"

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By *etterbiggerMan
1 week ago

Scunthorpe

[Removed by poster at 20/08/25 00:56:21]

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

I met a woman who was standing in the middle of a tennis court.

Her name was Annette.

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

When I was young my mam used to give me fish finger boxes to make binoculars out of she told me I would have a bird's eye view

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By *etterbiggerMan
1 week ago

Scunthorpe

... and you failed your DBS check so that screwed your teaching career!"

After that I had a spell as a magician.

Packed in my job as a window fitter it was a pane

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

I went into my 12 year old sons bedroom yesterday and saw he had a 42 inch plasma TV... So when he got home from school I questioned him...

"Where did you get the TV, did you steal it?"

"No, I didn't steal it, I bought it."

"Where did you get the money, you dealing drugs?"

"Of corse not, I saved up my hiking money."

"Wtf is hiking money?"

"Well whenever your out, uncle Bob comes round, gives me a twenty and says take a hike kid!!"

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By *iBobOxonMan
1 week ago

Thame/Aylesbury

"I identify as a deodorant...

Yes, I'm sure. "

I’d keep Mum about that.

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
1 week ago

Barrow-in-Furness

"I went into my 12 year old sons bedroom yesterday and saw he had a 42 inch plasma TV... So when he got home from school I questioned him...

"Where did you get the TV, did you steal it?"

"No, I didn't steal it, I bought it."

"Where did you get the money, you dealing drugs?"

"Of corse not, I saved up my hiking money."

"Wtf is hiking money?"

"Well whenever your out, uncle Bob comes round, gives me a twenty and says take a hike kid!!" "

You're just a joke to me tony

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By (user no longer on site)
1 week ago

I just bought the autobiography of the man who invented sellotape...Trouble is, I can't find the beginning.

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By *limboy68Man
1 week ago

St Albans

What about the plastic surgeon who sat by the fire and melted ....

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By (user no longer on site)
7 days ago

What do you call 2 monkeys that share an Amazon account?

Prime mates.

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By (user no longer on site)
5 days ago

#shitjokealert

Be aware..today it is forbidden to take a certain breed of dog for a walk.

Its a ban collie day! (sorry..i'll get my coat!

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By *opster77Man
5 days ago

Wantage

"That Edam is a weird cheese innit? I think it's because it's made backwards."

Had to read that twice before the penny dropped.

This is a superb thread.

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By *ildwestheroMan
5 days ago

Llandrindod Wells

To the person who stole my glasses:-I'm coming to get you. I have my contacts.

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By *ogwhammerMan
5 days ago

Rainham KENT

"Breaking News.

There has been a large fire at the Terry's Diaper factory.

It's a towelling inferno..."

Diaper ? Are you a septic?

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By *acyjones2Man
2 days ago

Bamber Bridge

Bloke goes to the doctors with a 12 inch cock says doctor can you examine my cock .doctor examines his cock did a few tests and replied sorry I can't find anything wrong with it .bloke says I know it's a beauty isn't it .

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By *unjoMan
2 days ago

london

What’s brown and rhymes with snoop

Dr dre

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