FabGuys.com forum: Bad jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
13 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 18/07/25 22:09:03]

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By *issy crystalTV/TS
13 weeks ago

Hook

Might have been funny if you could type 😂

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By (user no longer on site) OP
13 weeks ago

I wish I had a pound for every stray dog I saw

Better.

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By *dstefiMan
13 weeks ago

Solihull

"Might have been funny if you could type 😂"

Damn, what did I miss?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
13 weeks ago

"Might have been funny if you could type 😂

Damn, what did I miss?"

Not a lot. Apparently

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By *issy crystalTV/TS
13 weeks ago

Hook

Now it's funny 😂😂😂😂

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By (user no longer on site)
13 weeks ago

"Might have been funny if you could type 😂

Damn, what did I miss?"

Another pointless thread from OP, the forum will soon be filled with meaningless topics created by them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
13 weeks ago

Why bother typing that. It’s meant to be boring. We can’t all be as interesting as you

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

Breaking News.

There has been a large fire at the Terry's Diaper factory.

It's a towelling inferno...

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By *ildwestheroMan
12 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

Wife left a voice message to say she was in casualty. Not my favourite programme but rush home to watch it on TV. No sign whatsoever of her on it. Plus she's still not home and I'm starving!

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By *awihMan
12 weeks ago

Aldershot

True story

I found myself in hospital for emergency surgery, so I phoned my straight flat mate to let him know where I was.

He said “how long are you going to be in there”

A few days at least, I replied, Why I asked

He said that the dishes needed washing!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

What do you call a pigeon who goes to Aviemore for its holidays?

A skean dhu.

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By *speedoMan
12 weeks ago

eastbourne

"Breaking News.

There has been a large fire at the Terry's Diaper factory.

It's a towelling inferno..."

Diaper?

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

How did captain hook die????

He had a wank with the wrong hand

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

What did the conjoined twins from Dundee call their autobiography?

Oor Wullie

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By *reakazoidMan
12 weeks ago

Leeds

Ok then this is funny.

What did the fish say when it saw a wall.

Dam 🤪

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By *ountainMan
12 weeks ago

ipswich

An English man and an Irish man and a Scottish man walked into a pub. One of them said why the long face ?

I've never understood that joke.

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

"An English man and an Irish man and a Scottish man walked into a pub. One of them said why the long face ?

I've never understood that joke.

It’s because the Englishman had a sore throat

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

Came across lady having difficulty starting her car at Supermarket, informed her the battery was probably flat, she responded with 'What shape should it be?'

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By *ometimesAnnaTV/TS
12 weeks ago

Worcester

I identify as a deodorant...

Yes, I'm sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

Husband: “Scientists say men speak about 10,000 words a day, while women say around 20,000…”

Wife (from the kitchen): “That’s because we have to repeat everything.”

Husband: “What?”

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
12 weeks ago

Barrow-in-Furness

"Husband: “Scientists say men speak about 10,000 words a day, while women say around 20,000…”

Wife (from the kitchen): “That’s because we have to repeat everything.”

Husband: “What?” "

Aha

I love my new cooker so much that I put a couple buns in it's oven, 9 minutes later I welcomed Hobart and Grillina to the world.

I really need to write some better jokes, I know

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

I like cooking with olive oil.

She's more fun than Popeye

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By *entleoneMan
12 weeks ago

near heathrow

Question! What did the man say, when he was an elephant walking down the road?

Answer. Oh look there's an elephant walking down the road!

Question 2! What did the man say when he saw the same elephant walking down the road the next day wearing a hat, sunglasses, beard and mustache?

Answer. nothing, he didn't recognise him!

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By *ildwestheroMan
12 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

Question:- How do you turn a settee into a bed?

Answer:- Dare to disagree with your wife.

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
12 weeks ago

Barrow-in-Furness

A polish friend of mine came to my house and asked my mother for a tasty snack so my mother winded up up her arm and slapped him, why did you do that I asked? Cos he asked for a legendarny smak

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

My mate was out walking with the misses the other day ....... She started tutting and she took off her shoe .......

What's the matter with you he said ????

I got a stone in my fecking shoe she snarled ....

So he replied ..... you got 19 stone in the other one and you ain't fecking bothered about that.

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By *licequeenbear891Man
12 weeks ago

Teddington

"I identify as a deodorant...

Yes, I'm sure. "

Haha. That made me chuckle 🤭😊

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By *arkinSuffolkMan
12 weeks ago

Lowestoft

Some bloke just hit me round the head with a power tool.

One minute there I was minding my own business and the next Bosch !

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By *arkinSuffolkMan
12 weeks ago

Lowestoft

How do you play silent tennis ?

The same as normal tennis but without the racquet !

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

I think today, 24th July, should be a national holiday.

After all, nobody should work 24/7

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago

The vet just informed us our pet goat won’t be able to have offspring.

No kidding.

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By *ildwestheroMan
10 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

I used to be a door-to-door salesman for a burglar alarm company. If no one was at home I'd just leave a brochure on their dining table

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

How is my wallet like an onion?

How is my wallet like an onion? Every time I open it, I cry

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By *onnEMan
8 weeks ago

smalley

That shallot to take in brother.

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By *ene2000Man
8 weeks ago

brum

Aston villa lol

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

My doctor told me to watch my drinking ........... so I'm off to find a pub with a mirror!

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
8 weeks ago

Barrow-in-Furness

Imagine you're on your knees surrounded by 5 guys, they're wanking and cumming all your face then..

*knock knock*

"Who's there?"

"Ya mam"

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
8 weeks ago

Barrow-in-Furness

Did you hear about the dentist who got fired from his job cos his farts stank so much? He was so ashamed he had to leave like one of his farts.. slipping quietly out of the rear exit

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By *onJustJonMan
8 weeks ago

York

I had a joke about going to my local council recycling center, but now I think about it, it's just rubbish.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

What's the easiest building to lift?

A lighthouse.

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By *ike21TV/TS
8 weeks ago

Fareham

A Horse walks into a Bar

The Bartender say

Why the long face ?

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By *omadMan
8 weeks ago

havant

Knock knock,

Who's there?

Europe,

Europe who?

No your a poo!

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By *ewbie NickMan
8 weeks ago

Aberdeenshire

A Polar bar walks into a Bar. “I’ll have a gin………………………………………………………………………………and tonic please”

Bartender asks, “why the big pause?”

Polar bear replies, “I don’t know I’ve always had them”

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

I'm very pleased with my new fridge magnet

So far I've got eight fridges

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By *ano2000Man
8 weeks ago

Sheffield

Don't quite know why but whenever I'm in a garage forecourt these days, I get really emotional.

Just start filling up!!!

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By *aney_FoxxTV/TS
8 weeks ago

Feltham

How do you kill a Circus

Go for the juggler 🤣

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

Seriously lame, the I.Q. levels here are embarrassing.

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By *eorge LooneyMan
8 weeks ago

Wokingham

"Seriously lame, the I.Q. levels here are embarrassing."

I don’t get it

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By *issy crystalTV/TS
8 weeks ago

Hook

"Seriously lame, the I.Q. levels here are embarrassing."

I don't get it 🤔

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By *issy crystalTV/TS
8 weeks ago

Hook

Jinx

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By *eorge LooneyMan
8 weeks ago

Wokingham

"Jinx"

😆😆

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

I was going to tell a joke about a tie then I thought I’d better knot.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

What the best way to catch squirrels?

Have sex with lots of trees.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

Okay, class! Today's word is "symmetry."

What is the definition?

Answer: A British graveyard

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By *entlydoesitMan
8 weeks ago

Berkshire

Q) What's a lesbian dinosaur called?

A) Lickalotapuss

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By *ammy39Man
8 weeks ago

Kirkcaldy

Or what about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

I just opened my fridge, and got a strong smell of basil.

I think it must be faulty.

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By *arcosa66Man
8 weeks ago

London

How much does a new chimney cost?

Nothing, it's on the house.

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By *arcosa66Man
8 weeks ago

London

Scientists have spliced the DNA of a crab with the DNA of a cheetah.

Things went sideways really fast.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

My dad had hundreds of debts, but finally paid all his bills on his deathbed.

He believed in PAYG.

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By *ornyfiferMan
8 weeks ago

glenrothes

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

A virgin mobile.

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By *ildwestheroMan
8 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

A vegetarian restaurant has had to drop its new melon and cauliflower quiche from the menu after diners complained it made them feel sad. It was called a Melon-Cauli.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

My uncle was a Circus lion tamer. He was made redundant, so he took all the lions with him.

He didn’t get much of a payout, but he still had his pride!

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By *arcusUK2Man
8 weeks ago

Winchester

A guy answers his doorbell, and standing there is a 6ft high cockroach, up on its hind legs. Before he can say a word, the cockroach punches him in the face and scuttles off down the road. He calls the police, "Oh yes", says plod, "we've heard there's a nasty bug going round".

I'll get my coat.

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By *issy crystalTV/TS
8 weeks ago

Hook

That Edam is a weird cheese innit? I think it's because it's made backwards.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately. I wasn’t suited to be a tailor. The muffler factory was just exhausting. I couldn’t cut it as a barber. I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor. I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it. The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance was too draining. I got fired from the cannon factory. And I just couldn’t see any future as a historian.

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
8 weeks ago

Barrow-in-Furness

"I’m not having much luck with jobs lately. I wasn’t suited to be a tailor. The muffler factory was just exhausting. I couldn’t cut it as a barber. I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor. I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it. The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance was too draining. I got fired from the cannon factory. And I just couldn’t see any future as a historian. "

That is almost your best yet

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By *hiteroseMan
8 weeks ago

Neverwhere

... and you failed your DBS check so that screwed your teaching career!

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

A little boy got on a bus and sat next to a man who was reading a book.The boy noticed the man’s collar was on backward and asked, "Why do you wear your collar like that?"

The man, who was a priest, replied, "Because I am a Father."

The boy said, "Well, my dad is a father too, but he doesn’t wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and explained, "I am the Father of many."

The boy thought for a moment and said, "My dad has four sons, four daughters, and two grandchildren, but he doesn’t wear his collar like that either."

Growing a bit frustrated, the priest said, "I am the Father of hundreds," and went back to his reading.

The boy sat quietly for a moment, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom and turn your pants backward instead of your collar!!"

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By *etterbiggerMan
8 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

[Removed by poster at 20/08/25 00:56:21]

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

I met a woman who was standing in the middle of a tennis court.

Her name was Annette.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

When I was young my mam used to give me fish finger boxes to make binoculars out of she told me I would have a bird's eye view

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By *etterbiggerMan
8 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

... and you failed your DBS check so that screwed your teaching career!"

After that I had a spell as a magician.

Packed in my job as a window fitter it was a pane

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

I went into my 12 year old sons bedroom yesterday and saw he had a 42 inch plasma TV... So when he got home from school I questioned him...

"Where did you get the TV, did you steal it?"

"No, I didn't steal it, I bought it."

"Where did you get the money, you dealing drugs?"

"Of corse not, I saved up my hiking money."

"Wtf is hiking money?"

"Well whenever your out, uncle Bob comes round, gives me a twenty and says take a hike kid!!"

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By *iBobOxonMan
8 weeks ago

Thame/Aylesbury

"I identify as a deodorant...

Yes, I'm sure. "

I’d keep Mum about that.

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
8 weeks ago

Barrow-in-Furness

"I went into my 12 year old sons bedroom yesterday and saw he had a 42 inch plasma TV... So when he got home from school I questioned him...

"Where did you get the TV, did you steal it?"

"No, I didn't steal it, I bought it."

"Where did you get the money, you dealing drugs?"

"Of corse not, I saved up my hiking money."

"Wtf is hiking money?"

"Well whenever your out, uncle Bob comes round, gives me a twenty and says take a hike kid!!" "

You're just a joke to me tony

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

I just bought the autobiography of the man who invented sellotape...Trouble is, I can't find the beginning.

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By *limboy68Man
8 weeks ago

St Albans

What about the plastic surgeon who sat by the fire and melted ....

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

What do you call 2 monkeys that share an Amazon account?

Prime mates.

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

#shitjokealert

Be aware..today it is forbidden to take a certain breed of dog for a walk.

Its a ban collie day! (sorry..i'll get my coat!

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By *opster77Man
7 weeks ago

Wantage

"That Edam is a weird cheese innit? I think it's because it's made backwards."

Had to read that twice before the penny dropped.

This is a superb thread.

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By *ildwestheroMan
7 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

To the person who stole my glasses:-I'm coming to get you. I have my contacts.

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By *ogwhammerMan
7 weeks ago

Rainham KENT

"Breaking News.

There has been a large fire at the Terry's Diaper factory.

It's a towelling inferno..."

Diaper ? Are you a septic?

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By *acyjones2Man
7 weeks ago

Bamber Bridge

Bloke goes to the doctors with a 12 inch cock says doctor can you examine my cock .doctor examines his cock did a few tests and replied sorry I can't find anything wrong with it .bloke says I know it's a beauty isn't it .

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By *unjoMan
7 weeks ago

london

What’s brown and rhymes with snoop

Dr dre

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By *arcosa66Man
7 weeks ago

London

Did you know cowboys used to hang lanterns on their saddles at night so they could find the trail when they were far from home. It’s true, most people don’t realize cowboys invented saddle light navigation.

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By *ildwestheroMan
6 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

Two airmen are discussing parachute jumps.

1st airman: "How did yours go?"

2nd airman "Got to the plane door and just froze. The instructor, a big 6'6" black guy undid his trousers, pulled out his 14" cock and yelled 'If you don't jump I'm going to ram this up you arse' "

1st airman "so did you jump?"

2nd airman "well I did jump a bit when the first two inches went in, but when all fourteen were in and he started pumping away I found I was enjoying it"

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By *rueguyMan
6 weeks ago

notts

Sexy women goes to Tesco. See a gorgeous man which turned her on, him having sexy buttocks. So, she asked him to carry her shopping to the car. She got so excited behind him and said

"I've got an itchy foofoo"

He said

" You'll have to point it out Madam, these Japanese cars all look the same to me"

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By *usicmanxxxMan
6 weeks ago

skem

Walking down the road with my wife

And we seen 5 lads beating up her mum

She’s said “aren’t you going to help”

I said “don’t be daft 5 is plenty “

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By *eather_uktvTV/TS
6 weeks ago

Manchester

I'm learning to speak Irish.

Whale

Oil

Beef

Hooked

Now say it fast.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
6 weeks ago

Sussex coast

"Scientists have spliced the DNA of a crab with the DNA of a cheetah.

Things went sideways really fast."

Mexican gene scientists are celebrating successful human cloning with a special offer:

Buy Juan, get Juan free

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By *eather_uktvTV/TS
6 weeks ago

Manchester

When I was growing up we had characters we looked up to. Characters like Steve Jobbs, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope.

Now we've got no Jobs, no cash and no hope. Heaven forbid anything should happen to Kevin Bacon.

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By *eather_uktvTV/TS
6 weeks ago

Manchester

Every morning I do 10 sit ups before get up. There's only so many times you can press the snooze button.

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By *3243Man
6 weeks ago

EDINBURGH

What time does Andy Murray go to bed?

Tennish.

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By (user no longer on site)
6 weeks ago

I recently got booted out of weight watchers which I took with huge grace because they kicked her out too.

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By *eatseekerMan
6 weeks ago

Bucks

"I identify as a deodorant...

Yes, I'm sure. "

Mums the word!

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By *laireKTV/TS
6 weeks ago

Manchester

Watch out for a scam round the back of the local shopping centre peeps.

One street girl starts coming on to you, giving you a blow job, whilst her accomplice sneaks up from behind and lifts your wallet.

I got done 3 times last week.

Btw. Wallets are 2 for a fiver in the indoor market.

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By *ildwestheroMan
6 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

I'm a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac. I lay awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.

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By *icole FanningTV/TS
6 weeks ago

Navan

"I recently got booted out of weight watchers which I took with huge grace because they kicked her out too."

🤣🤣

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By *usicmanxxxMan
6 weeks ago

skem

Two priests where pulled over by the police

The police said we’ve pulled you over as where looking for two pedos

The priests said we’ll do it

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By *eepeter4Man
6 weeks ago

Bournemouth

What's 50 Foot along and smells of piss . Daily mail readers doing the conger around Parliament Square

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By (user no longer on site)
6 weeks ago

I bought a Christmas tree last year the guy in the shop asked me are you putting it up yourself I said no I was thinking the living room

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By *atterupMan
6 weeks ago

rlb

A wife strips down in front of her husband, then asked what he thought 30 years ago when he saw her the first time. His response was, I wanted to fuck your brains out And suck those tits dry.

She then asked: what is your thought now?

His reply: looks like I did a good job of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
5 weeks ago

This morning I made Belgian waffles and this afternoon I made a Frenchman talk complete bollocks

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By *lder bi guyMan
5 weeks ago

telford

i went into the army and navy stores yesterday and asked the young man behind the counter did he he have any camouflaged jackets for sale as i was going hunting he said yes the computer says we have 20 but i'm fucked if i can find one of them.

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
5 weeks ago

Barrow-in-Furness

NASA telling Trump that the Earth is slowly drifting from the Sun.

Trump: Hot water bottle'll solve it

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
5 weeks ago

Barrow-in-Furness

There is approximately between 1.5 and 200,000 terabytes of data in a cumload. That is a whole lot of information to swallow

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By *ay4300Man
5 weeks ago

Salisbury

I’ve got a new dick joke

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By *ay4300Man
5 weeks ago

Salisbury

It’s not very long 😁

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By *h60Man
5 weeks ago

Thurso

Cars these days, have too many gadgets. I tried going in reverse, and it played a video of somebody getting run over by a car.

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By *haneportsMan
5 weeks ago

portsmouth

I met a microbiologist the other day. They are a lot bigger than I imagined.

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By *ike21TV/TS
5 weeks ago

Fareham

My wife said to

Me yesterday

Stop impersonating a Flamingo

I had to Put my foot down !

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By *ickSeekerMan
5 weeks ago

Canterbury

- Does your wife scream when she orgasms?

- She sure does! I can hear her all the way to the pub.

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By *eather_uktvTV/TS
5 weeks ago

Manchester

A dentist married a manicurist. The marriage didn't last though, they fought tooth and nail.

I'll get my coat.

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By *ickSeekerMan
5 weeks ago

Canterbury

-Are you not worried about mad cow disease?

-Not at all

-How come?

-been married to one for 37 years

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By *se_my_assMan
5 weeks ago

Erdington

Last night i got fucked by a guy with a wooden leg. Next time he says he'll use his cock.

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By *tagman6930Man
5 weeks ago

SW London

My wife says I only have 2 faults.

She says I never listen to anything she tells me. I can't remember what the other fault was.

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By *eepeter4Man
5 weeks ago

Bournemouth

Husband says to his wife do you know the milkman as had sex with every woman on living on this street apart from one . His wife reply I bet it was that woman from number 42

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By *se_my_assMan
5 weeks ago

Erdington

"My wife says I only have 2 faults.

She says I never listen to anything she tells me. I can't remember what the other fault was."

That's funny cuz my bf threw me out because he said I was obsessed with Only Fools and Horses.

I said "look, stick a pony in me pocket and I'll fetch me suitcase from the van, but if you want the best one and you dont ask questions then brother your man."

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By *se_my_assMan
5 weeks ago

Erdington

Was at the video rental store and asked the guy behind the counter "can I rent Batman Forever?". He said no you've got to bring it back tomorrow.

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By *usicmanxxxMan
5 weeks ago

skem

My wife said she’d leave me if I didn’t stop gambling

I said bet you don’t

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By *rownriverMan
4 weeks ago

Crawley

Whats the largest city in the UK?

Obe-sity

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By *iBobOxonMan
4 weeks ago

Thame/Aylesbury

I went to a Rod Stewart themed coffee bar this morning, the first cup is the cheapest.

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By *rownriverMan
4 weeks ago

Crawley

I'm writing a follow up book to Watership Down, about how the rabbits have stopped fighting and are now good friends.

I'm calling it Warren Peace.

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By *oopedMan
4 weeks ago

Dunfermline

I walked into a bar the other day.

I said ouch, it was an iron bar.

Looked out of the window to see a guy stealing my gate, I didn't say anything in case he took a fence

Shall I see myself out?

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By *rownriverMan
4 weeks ago

Crawley

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables.

Turns out I was on the mothership.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
4 weeks ago

Sussex coast

What does every Geologist have at the bottom of their garden?

Agate

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By *rownriverMan
4 weeks ago

Crawley

Got a painting of Diana Ross and the Supremes.

I tried to hang it above my fireplace.

But there ain't no mounting high enough!

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By *opster77Man
3 weeks ago

Wantage

"Was at the video rental store and asked the guy behind the counter "can I rent Batman Forever?". He said no you've got to bring it back tomorrow."

What’s a video? What’s a video rental shop?

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By *licequeenbear891Man
3 weeks ago

Teddington

What did the boss say to the builders who built the water supplies in the middle ages?

Well done

....I'll see myself out 🙄😒😔

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By *llie-MentalTV/TS
3 weeks ago

Runcorn

The French cheese in my fridge exploded today

De’Bree everywhere…..🤷‍♀️

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

Crawley

I've just laid down a new floor in the kitchen made from a composite of mastic and crumbly white Welsh cheese.

It's probably not quite dry yet, so if you must go in there please tread Caerphilly.

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By *emotecontrolMan
3 weeks ago

gwent.

[Removed by poster at 22/09/25 14:51:09]

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

Crawley

So I said to the shop assistant; "Can I have a pair of tights for my friend?"

She said:"Sheer?"

I said: "No she's at home".

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By *eorge LooneyMan
3 weeks ago

Wokingham

Today I went back to look at my childhood home. I begged but the occupants wouldn’t let me in to look around.

I hate my parents.

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

Crawley

So I bought one of those 'Smart' light switches, but it was too clever for me.

So, I exchanged it for a 'Dimmer' switch.

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By *airyandbelliedbottomMan
3 weeks ago

Barrow-in-Furness

"So I bought one of those 'Smart' light switches, but it was too clever for me.

So, I exchanged it for a 'Dimmer' switch."

That is absolutely terrible but I can't cum up with a better joke rn cos I'm a d*unk bitch.. where's tony blue nails these days?

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By *eather_uktvTV/TS
3 weeks ago

Manchester

[Removed by poster at 22/09/25 18:34:17]

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By *eather_uktvTV/TS
3 weeks ago

Manchester

"So I said to the shop assistant; "Can I have a pair of tights for my friend?"

She said:"Sheer?"

I said: "No she's at home".

😊😊😊👏👏👏

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

Crawley

My old Grandad was always saying "The grass is always greener on the other side"

Top bloke, bloody awful at laying turf

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By *onmar01Couple (MM)
3 weeks ago

Blackpool

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognised it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier:

He said to the female whale. "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."

They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon, however, the whales realised the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.

The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, he realised the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

"Look." She said "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

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By *rownriverMan
3 weeks ago

Crawley

Where is this York Hall that companies talk about when you call them?

They all say ‘York Hall is important to us’.

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By *eather_uktvTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Manchester

A young boy asks his father " dad, why is my sister called Teresa".

His father answers, "well son, your mum loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter". The boy says "oh, right", "thanks dad".

Father replies, "your welcome Alan".

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By *rownriverMan
2 weeks ago

Crawley

Tried creating a meal using corned beef, potatoes and onions...but made a hash of it.

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