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"Anyone done it?" Nah! At our age, keep your cards close to your chest, life is far too short for hassle especially self-inflicted, it would be far too stressful painful and likely to result in devastating and total misery, it's time to focus on enjoying whatever time we have left in this unfathomable existence, whether it's a long or short future, (hopefully the former!), in the easiest, most comfortable and pleasurable way possible! Good luck! | |||
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"Love wife but wouldn't come out as gay to her as would destroy our marriage so staying closet except few select close friends " Very sensible 💋 | |||
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"At your age they all know, what you have to realise is thatits none of their fucking business and they are probably deeply envious LIVE YOUR LIFE...as long as you pay your bills... FUCK 'EM" It is their business and I'm not sure why his family should go fuck themselves when they're done nothing wrong. You sound disgusting. | |||
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"Gay, str8, bi, bi-curious, doesn't matter. If you're cheating on your partner and don't tell them, you're a selfish coward - end of. Why should they live your lie?" So are you out? | |||
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"My husband was married to a woman go 38 years when we met. He decided to come out. Left her and eventually married me. He always said it was the best thing he ever did. He could be himself. He was so unhappy in his marriage. No sex, she spoke down to him constantly, even saying if he got sick to not expect her to care for him.She just couldn’t bare to see him happy. At his funeral she told everyone how she wished him dead and got her wish. I was glad he was cared for when he got sick. I suppose coming out is relevant to the relationship you have If you’re unhappy how it is, change it. If not, don’t. " Sorry to hear your husband has passed But can you blame his ex wife? He lied to her for 38 years. If he had come out way earlier the she wouldn’t have wasted nearly four decades on him. She isn’t the bad person in that situation | |||
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"Not surprised she was angry after finding out he'd lied to her for four decades. If he'd told her earlier she might have found happiness with someone else. If you're married and gay and have any respect for your partner, tell them. Anything else is just cowardly and selfish imo " Rubbish | |||
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"Gay, str8, bi, bi-curious, doesn't matter. If you're cheating on your partner and don't tell them, you're a selfish coward - end of. Why should they live your lie?" That’s a piss easy thing to say when you have nothing to lose. | |||
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"Gay, str8, bi, bi-curious, doesn't matter. If you're cheating on your partner and don't tell them, you're a selfish coward - end of. Why should they live your lie? That’s a piss easy thing to say when you have nothing to lose." selfish /{¬y4g=¬}s{¬yZs=¬}lf{¬yao=¬}{¬yoM=¬}/ adjective (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. | |||
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"I'm not in a relationship, can do whatever I want." Why can’t you accommodate? | |||
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"I'm not in a relationship, can do whatever I want. Why can’t you accommodate?" None of your business. | |||
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"selfish /{¬y4g=¬}s{¬yZs=¬}lf{¬yao=¬}{¬yoM=¬}/ adjective (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. " Pot…kettle…black 🤷🏼♂️ | |||
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"Wow, now getting public and private messages attacking me and trying to pry into my private life because I had the audacity to say that people who cheat on their partners are selfish cowards. Try owning your guilt." Saying that someone is selfish because they choose to live a life that they might not want to, just because it feels better than breaking the hearts of a spouse, kids and grandkids is just as attacking though. You don’t know their circumstances, just as others that have attacked you don’t know yours, so to think it’s as black and white as you portray is opening yourself up to being verbally attacked. | |||
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"Wow, now getting public and private messages attacking me and trying to pry into my private life because I had the audacity to say that people who cheat on their partners are selfish cowards. Try owning your guilt." Most guys cheating can’t accommodate you also can’t accommodate but don’t want to say why. | |||
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"Wow, now getting public and private messages attacking me and trying to pry into my private life because I had the audacity to say that people who cheat on their partners are selfish cowards. Try owning your guilt." You say you’re polite im not really see that. | |||
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"I’m a mature man with female wife, kids and grandkids. I’m not out. Met loads of guys on this site. Just sex mostly - but there are some close relationships too and a real lover. I’m wondering whether to come out now to my family - knowing it will be an inevitable shitshow and incredibly painful for the family. What to do?" If you finally grow a spine. And tell your wife what you been doing behind her back, I | |||
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"Wow, now getting public and private messages attacking me and trying to pry into my private life because I had the audacity to say that people who cheat on their partners are selfish cowards. Try owning your guilt. Most guys cheating can’t accommodate you also can’t accommodate but don’t want to say why. " There’s several reasons why someone might not want to accommodate, they could be house sharing, living with parents, living with family, or they simply do not want to host. Just because someone chooses or can’t accommodate doesn’t mean they’re cheating on their partner if they’ve got one, projecting? | |||
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"Wow, now getting public and private messages attacking me and trying to pry into my private life because I had the audacity to say that people who cheat on their partners are selfish cowards. Try owning your guilt. Saying that someone is selfish because they choose to live a life that they might not want to, just because it feels better than breaking the hearts of a spouse, kids and grandkids is just as attacking though. You don’t know their circumstances, just as others that have attacked you don’t know yours, so to think it’s as black and white as you portray is opening yourself up to being verbally attacked. " The point is that OP or anyone in OPs situation shouldn’t come out and break their families hearts. If they knew they were gay before they married, then they shouldn’t have married that person and wasted both of their times. It’s selfish to come out now, after you’ve been married for several decades, have kids, grandkids. OP chose to do get married and have kids, don’t go ruining peoples lives now by coming out. | |||
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"Wow, now getting public and private messages attacking me and trying to pry into my private life because I had the audacity to say that people who cheat on their partners are selfish cowards. Try owning your guilt. Saying that someone is selfish because they choose to live a life that they might not want to, just because it feels better than breaking the hearts of a spouse, kids and grandkids is just as attacking though. You don’t know their circumstances, just as others that have attacked you don’t know yours, so to think it’s as black and white as you portray is opening yourself up to being verbally attacked. The point is that OP or anyone in OPs situation shouldn’t come out and break their families hearts. If they knew they were gay before they married, then they shouldn’t have married that person and wasted both of their times. It’s selfish to come out now, after you’ve been married for several decades, have kids, grandkids. OP chose to do get married and have kids, don’t go ruining peoples lives now by coming out. " The OP is in his 60s with kids and grandkids. He probably got married in the 80s, and the world was a different place back then. It wasn’t so easy to be gay or even in a mixed race relationship. So now he’s lived this relationship and has realised it’s possible not what he wanted, and it’s easier to be in a gay relationship now. It’s a real problem faced by many many people these days, because the world is more open now. It doesn’t make him selfish to be trying to decide what to do, whatever his decision might be. | |||
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"Wow, now getting public and private messages attacking me and trying to pry into my private life because I had the audacity to say that people who cheat on their partners are selfish cowards. Try owning your guilt. Saying that someone is selfish because they choose to live a life that they might not want to, just because it feels better than breaking the hearts of a spouse, kids and grandkids is just as attacking though. You don’t know their circumstances, just as others that have attacked you don’t know yours, so to think it’s as black and white as you portray is opening yourself up to being verbally attacked. The point is that OP or anyone in OPs situation shouldn’t come out and break their families hearts. If they knew they were gay before they married, then they shouldn’t have married that person and wasted both of their times. It’s selfish to come out now, after you’ve been married for several decades, have kids, grandkids. OP chose to do get married and have kids, don’t go ruining peoples lives now by coming out. The OP is in his 60s with kids and grandkids. He probably got married in the 80s, and the world was a different place back then. It wasn’t so easy to be gay or even in a mixed race relationship. So now he’s lived this relationship and has realised it’s possible not what he wanted, and it’s easier to be in a gay relationship now. It’s a real problem faced by many many people these days, because the world is more open now. It doesn’t make him selfish to be trying to decide what to do, whatever his decision might be." Many people came out as gay in the 80s, I understand it was difficult at the time but many people did it. It’s unfair and selfish to now consider coming out, knowing that it could break his families heart. He made the decision to live a straight life, he should now live with that decision. | |||
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"My wife, whom I love dearly, by accident discovered my doings here, declared our relationship destroyed and our marriage ended, threw me out of our home. I'm 71 years old. What now? " You need to get the most expensive divorce lawyer that you can afford and ensure that you get a good settlement. | |||
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"At your age they all know, what you have to realise is thatits none of their fucking business and they are probably deeply envious LIVE YOUR LIFE...as long as you pay your bills... FUCK 'EM It is their business and I'm not sure why his family should go fuck themselves when they're done nothing wrong. You sound disgusting."  | |||
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"… Gay or trans Sex is over and done with in minutes or hours… " Possibly the most selfish and dismissive thing said in a whole thread of often self-regarding threnody. “It’s not my fault I had to dick around behind my loved ones backs for 40 years… it’s evil society!” Some of you really are the most gumptionless, craven invertebrates. | |||
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"My post has led to a lot of comments. I should explain that for me I really only realised I was gay very late in life and after my wife had lost interest in sex. I think this is not that uncommon. Sexuality and self knowledge can be repressed - especially if you grew up the 70s! For most of my life I was therefore not living a lie The fact that I now find I am doing so is very uncomfortable to me. But I agree that this issue is certainly not black & white - there are other people’s wellbeing to take into consideration. I’ve found many of the comments really helpful - so thanks. " Tough situation, what do you think your families reaction would be? And what’s your end goal if you were to tell them? Divorce / separation? Potentially find a male partner? | |||
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