FabGuys.com forum: Protect Yourself!

By *erdyHolly OP TV/TS
4 weeks ago

In a galaxy far far away

A burglar has just broken in.

Excluding your mobile phone you have to use the nearest thing next to you to protect yourself.

What is it?

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By *eicJonMan
4 weeks ago

Leicester

a silicon cock ring

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By *wej1Man
4 weeks ago

Grantham

2 dogs and if theyre harmed bye bye burglar

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By *ertieBMan
4 weeks ago

Downton

Oh how I wish I could truthfully answer “a hefty 15-inch dildo”.

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By *edMan
4 weeks ago

south wales

5 iron…. FORE!!! ⛳️

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By *issy crystalTV/TS
4 weeks ago

Hook

Tiddles, see him off...

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By *arlos 0511Man
4 weeks ago

Manchester

I have a baseball bat under my bed. Just in case I want to play baseball 😉

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By *eepeter4Man
4 weeks ago

Bournemouth

A framed picture of Nigel Farage

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By *aldyreynoldsMan
4 weeks ago

Quinton.

My German Shepherd.

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By *hortmMan
4 weeks ago

worthing

My piss pot under the bed !

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By *alm_one4Man
4 weeks ago

Grays

After sun lotion

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
4 weeks ago

North East

My Border Collie good luck to whoever this person is he is going to need it 😁

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
4 weeks ago

Bedford

Wife goes straight for the jugular xx

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By *ruckedMan
4 weeks ago

kings lynn

I’ll probably be naked. That’s a sight that can trigger PTSD.

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By *uss75Man
4 weeks ago

North Petherton

A 9mm

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By *ade crossTV/TS
4 weeks ago

chiselhurst

My dildo

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By *eepeter4Man
4 weeks ago

Bournemouth

A lead pipe and a candlestick

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By *ishMan
4 weeks ago

illogan

uzzie 9mm

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
4 weeks ago

Bedford

Ive got a man eating gold _ish xx

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By *erdyHolly OP TV/TS
4 weeks ago

In a galaxy far far away

"A lead pipe and a candlestick "

Are you in the kitchen or the drawing room?

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
4 weeks ago

North East

[Removed by poster at 15/06/26 20:34:16]

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By *oxleyMan
4 weeks ago

Wetherby

"A 9mm"

H & K

Hollow points, full magazine and one primed.

Always double tap 🤭

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By *evanianMan
4 weeks ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"A burglar has just broken in.

Excluding your mobile phone you have to use the nearest thing next to you to protect yourself.

What is it?"

I think my two loyal rotties would have intervened before it reached that juncture!

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By *ary1066Man
4 weeks ago

Preston

Hit him over the head with my bedside light reading The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society,

It comatoses me in one page so getting hit by the whole book should do the trick.

Then carefully remove him to my ted Bundy attic.

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
4 weeks ago

North East

"A 9mm

H & K

Hollow points, full magazine and one primed.

Always double tap 🤭"

SAS style

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

Hand cream

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

Condom.

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By *aveh1234Man
4 weeks ago

Christchurch

An 18” long wrought iron log roller

Should guarantee a headache

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By *orny101Man
4 weeks ago

anytown

Fire Extinguisher

Follow instructions..

Aim, squeeze trigger to spray target...then turn canister over and hit the intruder hard.

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By *0yguyMan
4 weeks ago

Cumbria

I’d feed him my bedside selection of prescription pills until he suffers from either blood pressure collapse or a fatal erection.

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By *im le2Man
4 weeks ago

aylestone leic

I've bot a baseball bat at the side of my bed. Will that do.

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By *obbiSlutTV/TS
4 weeks ago

Ferndown

Riding crop to my right, and condom to my left.

They ain't gonna take my cherry unwillingly!

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By *aged_kiraMan
4 weeks ago

Downham Market

Patio table to my left - rotary drier cover to my right...a tough choice!!

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By *cottfreeMan
4 weeks ago

Stevenage

12 bore shotgun

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By *aynie-MarieTV/TS
4 weeks ago

Reigate

Oh for fuck’s sake. I’ve just made a fresh black coffee 🤦🏻‍♀️

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
4 weeks ago

North East

"12 bore shotgun"

Yep or Pump Action

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By *hitesageMan
4 weeks ago

withywood

I would use my body to push him out, and he got violent my fist to knock him out. I guess my security training is useful.

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
4 weeks ago

North East

"I would use my body to push him out, and he got violent my fist to knock him out. I guess my security training is useful. "

Security Training is definitely useful keeps you on your toes 😉

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By *KBottom25Man
4 weeks ago

London

Wet tea towel

Yeah.might work... but that body push recommdation above is prob better idea.

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By *haneportsMan
4 weeks ago

portsmouth

Ties & some nasty implements...

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By *ndsotobedMan
4 weeks ago

Towcester

Was in the army 12 years and enjoyed close-quarter combat training.

Any burglar in my house is leaving in a body bag 🤭

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By *rivateshowMan
4 weeks ago

Milverton

I was in the army cadets for 13 years and once got someone in a headlock so watch out!

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By *lphageminiMan
4 weeks ago

Folkestone

Explain to him that he has uncontrovertible civil rights and that he has a right to a specialist doctor and psychiatrist to assist him in fulfilling his life's ambitions. Tell him that his actions are the result of grossly unfair capitalist white domination. When he has finished expressing his reaction to post modern colonialist conjunctionalism, make sure that he has accommodation to go to that meets the minimum requirements required by the UNHCR. Don't call the Police if you are white and male unless you want to be charged with intruder hatred. It is important that you take a broad view of his actions and basic human needs and be reassuring that he has a legitimate place in human society...........

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By *tm_for_fuckingMan
4 weeks ago

stockport

"I have a baseball bat under my bed. Just in case I want to play baseball 😉"

Ice axe under the bed, potentially very messy!

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By *hilmeMan
4 weeks ago

Bournemouth

Dog and shotgun!!!

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By *eam Bi MatureMan
4 weeks ago

Leamington

Baseball bat next to the bedroom door and the dog.

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

My burglar alarm, CCTV and my old metal walking sticks kept after my back operation

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By *aucey04TV/TS
4 weeks ago

Bletchingley

Knock him out with My Black Mamba Dildo remove his trousers and underpants, then tie him up with some nylons and wait for him to come round.

Then assuming that my lingerie has stirred his cock I would lube him up add sit on his cock and work it until he shot his lot into my horny puss

after which I would lick/suck him clean in the hope that his cock would 'rise again' so I could have sloppy seconds

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
4 weeks ago

North East

Divers Knife

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By *erdyHolly OP TV/TS
4 weeks ago

In a galaxy far far away

Some of these answers scare me with the weapons and guns you have

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By *usicmanxxxMan
4 weeks ago

west lancs

I have a attitude adjuster

Many people call it a baseball bat

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By *lphageminiMan
4 weeks ago

Folkestone

"Knock him out with My Black Mamba Dildo remove his trousers and underpants, then tie him up with some nylons and wait for him to come round.

Then assuming that my lingerie has stirred his cock I would lube him up add sit on his cock and work it until he shot his lot into my horny puss

after which I would lick/suck him clean in the hope that his cock would 'rise again' so I could have sloppy seconds

Yes OK, but what about his civil rights? You sound like a sexual colonialist. I expect you voted for brexit, Reform, and lots of other extreme right wing stuff. Sitting on his hard cock like that is colonialist domination, especially if you are white ....

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By *aker 4u2Man
4 weeks ago

Bridgwater

I have a 7in knife 🗡️ under the bed

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
4 weeks ago

North East

"I have a 7in knife 🗡️ under the bed "

First rule of thumb never tell anyone where you keep weapons hidden around the house

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By *haftloverMan
4 weeks ago

Wiltshire Dorset Hampshire border

A very small hammer

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By *ildwestheroMan
4 weeks ago

Llandrindod Wells

Walking stick. I apprehended two thieves stealing from my shed with my bare hands but that was over 30 years ago.

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By *ndieguyMan
4 weeks ago

Near Gainsborough

Make him wish he didn't have balls

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By *ilthy tracy300Man
4 weeks ago

lancashire

"Explain to him that he has uncontrovertible civil rights and that he has a right to a specialist doctor and psychiatrist to assist him in fulfilling his life's ambitions. Tell him that his actions are the result of grossly unfair capitalist white domination. When he has finished expressing his reaction to post modern colonialist conjunctionalism, make sure that he has accommodation to go to that meets the minimum requirements required by the UNHCR. Don't call the Police if you are white and male unless you want to be charged with intruder hatred. It is important that you take a broad view of his actions and basic human needs and be reassuring that he has a legitimate place in human society..........."
. Absolutely brilliant

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By *lansubNWMan
4 weeks ago

warrington

4 huge knuckles on my right hand, followed by 4 more on the left

Id kill the bastard

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By *ip71Man
4 weeks ago

Darlington

A steel bb bat and a good right hook

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By *ryan2000Man
4 weeks ago

London colney

Knock em out with my thick cock lol

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By *luerooMan
4 weeks ago

bridgwater

me grandads chamberpot

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By *eepeter4Man
4 weeks ago

Bournemouth

The mother-in-law Rock cakes

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By *olarMan
4 weeks ago

woking

Spicy prawn pasta

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By *uvfeetluvcock2Man
4 weeks ago

Sunningdale

My partners truncheon 🍆

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
4 weeks ago

Bedford

Ive got a water pistol xx

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By *exualCumeleonMan
4 weeks ago

Birmingham

Remote control

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

"A burglar has just broken in.

Excluding your mobile phone you have to use the nearest thing next to you to protect yourself.

What is it?"
Fairy cake.😀

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By *oosterladMan
4 weeks ago

ipswich

Lhasa Apso with attitude sleeps by my door. He would wake me well before you got in.

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By *eepeter4Man
4 weeks ago

Bournemouth

"Ive got a water pistol xx "
someone on your allotment told me you have got a very big watering can .

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
4 weeks ago

Bedford

"Ive got a water pistol xx someone on your allotment told me you have got a very big watering can ."
and a hose pipe at least that's what they think

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By *aster islandMan
4 weeks ago

navan

"A burglar has just broken in.

Excluding your mobile phone you have to use the nearest thing next to you to protect yourself.

What is it?"
wife's cooking

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

My hand crafted Nephilim bespoke canes walking stick, or the spring steel viking sword in the front room, maybe the black jack and FS knife in the bedroom..............

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