FabGuys.com forum: Protect Yourself!

By *erdyHolly OP TV/TS
3 days ago

In a galaxy far far away

A burglar has just broken in.

Excluding your mobile phone you have to use the nearest thing next to you to protect yourself.

What is it?

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By *eicJonMan
3 days ago

Leicester

a silicon cock ring

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By *wej1Man
3 days ago

Grantham

2 dogs and if theyre harmed bye bye burglar

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By *ertieBMan
3 days ago

Downton

Oh how I wish I could truthfully answer “a hefty 15-inch dildo”.

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By *edMan
3 days ago

south wales

5 iron…. FORE!!! ⛳️

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By *issy crystalTV/TS
3 days ago

Hook

Tiddles, see him off...

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By *arlos 0511Man
3 days ago

Manchester

I have a baseball bat under my bed. Just in case I want to play baseball 😉

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By *eepeter4Man
3 days ago

Bournemouth

A framed picture of Nigel Farage

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By *aldyreynoldsMan
3 days ago

Quinton.

My German Shepherd.

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By *hortmMan
3 days ago

worthing

My piss pot under the bed !

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By *alm_one4Man
3 days ago

Grays

After sun lotion

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
3 days ago

North East

My Border Collie good luck to whoever this person is he is going to need it 😁

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
3 days ago

Bedford

Wife goes straight for the jugular xx

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By *ruckedMan
3 days ago

Maidstone

I’ll probably be naked. That’s a sight that can trigger PTSD.

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By *uss75Man
3 days ago

North Petherton

A 9mm

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By *ade crossTV/TS
3 days ago

chiselhurst

My dildo

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By *eepeter4Man
3 days ago

Bournemouth

A lead pipe and a candlestick

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By *ishMan
3 days ago

illogan

uzzie 9mm

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
3 days ago

Bedford

Ive got a man eating gold _ish xx

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By *erdyHolly OP TV/TS
3 days ago

In a galaxy far far away

"A lead pipe and a candlestick "

Are you in the kitchen or the drawing room?

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
3 days ago

North East

[Removed by poster at 15/06/26 20:34:16]

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By *oxleyMan
3 days ago

Wetherby

"A 9mm"

H & K

Hollow points, full magazine and one primed.

Always double tap 🤭

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By *evanianMan
3 days ago

Gogledd Ddwyrain Cymru

"A burglar has just broken in.

Excluding your mobile phone you have to use the nearest thing next to you to protect yourself.

What is it?"

I think my two loyal rotties would have intervened before it reached that juncture!

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By *ary1066Man
3 days ago

Preston

Hit him over the head with my bedside light reading The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society,

It comatoses me in one page so getting hit by the whole book should do the trick.

Then carefully remove him to my ted Bundy attic.

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
3 days ago

North East

"A 9mm

H & K

Hollow points, full magazine and one primed.

Always double tap 🤭"

SAS style

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By *obeitthenMan
3 days ago

scunthorpe

Hand cream

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By *ajkumarkapoorMan
3 days ago

London

Condom.

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By *aveh1234Man
3 days ago

Christchurch

An 18” long wrought iron log roller

Should guarantee a headache

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By *orny101Man
3 days ago

anytown

Fire Extinguisher

Follow instructions..

Aim, squeeze trigger to spray target...then turn canister over and hit the intruder hard.

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By *0yguyMan
3 days ago

Cumbria

I’d feed him my bedside selection of prescription pills until he suffers from either blood pressure collapse or a fatal erection.

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By *im le2Man
2 days ago

aylestone leic

I've bot a baseball bat at the side of my bed. Will that do.

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By *obbiSlutTV/TS
2 days ago

Ferndown

Riding crop to my right, and condom to my left.

They ain't gonna take my cherry unwillingly!

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By *agedinknickersMan
2 days ago

Downham Market

Patio table to my left - rotary drier cover to my right...a tough choice!!

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By *cottfreeMan
2 days ago

Stevenage

12 bore shotgun

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By *aynie-MarieTV/TS
2 days ago

Reigate

Oh for fuck’s sake. I’ve just made a fresh black coffee 🤦🏻‍♀️

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
2 days ago

North East

"12 bore shotgun"

Yep or Pump Action

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By *hitesageMan
2 days ago

withywood

I would use my body to push him out, and he got violent my fist to knock him out. I guess my security training is useful.

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
2 days ago

North East

"I would use my body to push him out, and he got violent my fist to knock him out. I guess my security training is useful. "

Security Training is definitely useful keeps you on your toes 😉

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By *KBottom25Man
2 days ago

London Area

Wet tea towel

Yeah.might work... but that body push recommdation above is prob better idea.

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By *haneportsMan
2 days ago

portsmouth

Ties & some nasty implements...

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By *ndsotobedMan
2 days ago

Towcester

Was in the army 12 years and enjoyed close-quarter combat training.

Any burglar in my house is leaving in a body bag 🤭

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By *rivateshowMan
2 days ago

Milverton

I was in the army cadets for 13 years and once got someone in a headlock so watch out!

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By *lphageminiMan
2 days ago

Folkestone

Explain to him that he has uncontrovertible civil rights and that he has a right to a specialist doctor and psychiatrist to assist him in fulfilling his life's ambitions. Tell him that his actions are the result of grossly unfair capitalist white domination. When he has finished expressing his reaction to post modern colonialist conjunctionalism, make sure that he has accommodation to go to that meets the minimum requirements required by the UNHCR. Don't call the Police if you are white and male unless you want to be charged with intruder hatred. It is important that you take a broad view of his actions and basic human needs and be reassuring that he has a legitimate place in human society...........

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By *tm_for_fuckingMan
2 days ago

stockport

"I have a baseball bat under my bed. Just in case I want to play baseball 😉"

Ice axe under the bed, potentially very messy!

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By *hilmeMan
2 days ago

Bournemouth

Dog and shotgun!!!

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By *eam Bi MatureMan
2 days ago

Leamington

Baseball bat next to the bedroom door and the dog.

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By *astenotimeMan
2 days ago

here and there

My burglar alarm, CCTV and my old metal walking sticks kept after my back operation

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By *aucey04TV/TS
2 days ago

Bletchingley

Knock him out with My Black Mamba Dildo remove his trousers and underpants, then tie him up with some nylons and wait for him to come round.

Then assuming that my lingerie has stirred his cock I would lube him up add sit on his cock and work it until he shot his lot into my horny puss

after which I would lick/suck him clean in the hope that his cock would 'rise again' so I could have sloppy seconds

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
2 days ago

North East

Divers Knife

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By *erdyHolly OP TV/TS
2 days ago

In a galaxy far far away

Some of these answers scare me with the weapons and guns you have

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By *usicmanxxxMan
2 days ago

west lancs

I have a attitude adjuster

Many people call it a baseball bat

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By *lphageminiMan
2 days ago

Folkestone

"Knock him out with My Black Mamba Dildo remove his trousers and underpants, then tie him up with some nylons and wait for him to come round.

Then assuming that my lingerie has stirred his cock I would lube him up add sit on his cock and work it until he shot his lot into my horny puss

after which I would lick/suck him clean in the hope that his cock would 'rise again' so I could have sloppy seconds

Yes OK, but what about his civil rights? You sound like a sexual colonialist. I expect you voted for brexit, Reform, and lots of other extreme right wing stuff. Sitting on his hard cock like that is colonialist domination, especially if you are white ....

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By *aker 4u2Man
2 days ago

Bridgwater

I have a 7in knife 🗡️ under the bed

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By *ugged NorthernerMan
2 days ago

North East

"I have a 7in knife 🗡️ under the bed "

First rule of thumb never tell anyone where you keep weapons hidden around the house

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By *haftloverMan
2 days ago

Wiltshire Dorset Hampshire border

A very small hammer

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By *ildwestheroMan
2 days ago

Llandrindod Wells

Walking stick. I apprehended two thieves stealing from my shed with my bare hands but that was over 30 years ago.

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By *ndieguyMan
2 days ago

Marton, Gainsborough

Make him wish he didn't have balls

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By *ilthy tracy300Man
2 days ago

lancashire

"Explain to him that he has uncontrovertible civil rights and that he has a right to a specialist doctor and psychiatrist to assist him in fulfilling his life's ambitions. Tell him that his actions are the result of grossly unfair capitalist white domination. When he has finished expressing his reaction to post modern colonialist conjunctionalism, make sure that he has accommodation to go to that meets the minimum requirements required by the UNHCR. Don't call the Police if you are white and male unless you want to be charged with intruder hatred. It is important that you take a broad view of his actions and basic human needs and be reassuring that he has a legitimate place in human society..........."
. Absolutely brilliant

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By *lansubNWMan
2 days ago

warrington

4 huge knuckles on my right hand, followed by 4 more on the left

Id kill the bastard

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By *ip71Man
2 days ago

Darlington

A steel bb bat and a good right hook

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By *ryan2000Man
2 days ago

London colney

Knock em out with my thick cock lol

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By *luerooMan
7 hours ago

bridgwater

me grandads chamberpot

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By *eepeter4Man
7 hours ago

Bournemouth

The mother-in-law Rock cakes

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By *olarMan
7 hours ago

woking

Spicy prawn pasta

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By *uvfeetluvcock2Man
7 hours ago

Sunningdale

My partners truncheon 🍆

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
7 hours ago

Bedford

Ive got a water pistol xx

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By *exualCumeleonMan
7 hours ago

Birmingham

Remote control

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By *tickyspunkMan
7 hours ago

airdrie

"A burglar has just broken in.

Excluding your mobile phone you have to use the nearest thing next to you to protect yourself.

What is it?"
Fairy cake.😀

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By *oosterladMan
6 hours ago

ipswich

Lhasa Apso with attitude sleeps by my door. He would wake me well before you got in.

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By *eepeter4Man
6 hours ago

Bournemouth

"Ive got a water pistol xx "
someone on your allotment told me you have got a very big watering can .

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By *ammy aka SammyTV/TS
6 hours ago

Bedford

"Ive got a water pistol xx someone on your allotment told me you have got a very big watering can ."
and a hose pipe at least that's what they think

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By *aster islandMan
6 hours ago

navan

"A burglar has just broken in.

Excluding your mobile phone you have to use the nearest thing next to you to protect yourself.

What is it?"
wife's cooking

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By *ristan_HateMan
6 hours ago

Hanley

My hand crafted Nephilim bespoke canes walking stick, or the spring steel viking sword in the front room, maybe the black jack and FS knife in the bedroom..............

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